dragonsrule Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 Tyrion: Is that you Tysha?Tysha: Its you, I always knew we would be reunited, my one true love! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DornishKnight Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 The Border Between the Vale and the RiverlandsLady Stoneheart: Sreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeck!Bannerless Bro: She's saying, 'My baby!'Sansa: Are you sure this is her?Breinne: Yep.Lady Stoneheart: *makes terrible, blood curdling noises*Bannerless Bro: She says, "My little sweetling, I'll never let any harm come to you ever again my little sweet baby girl!"Later, deep within the Vale....Brienne: I thought seeing her daughter again would improve her condition, but her mental health is actually deteriorating at an alarming rate.Jamie: Really? She hasn't been trying to kill me lately.Brienne: Don't you ever think about anyone but yourself?.... Anyway, go talk to her about the war and you'll see what I mean....The Eyrie ThroneroomSansa: Mum, let go, your hurting me!Lady Stoneheart: *hideous snarling*Bannerless Bro: She says "I'll keep you safe forever my little baby."Knight: Will you not join the war?Lady Stoneheart: *awful guttural moaning*Bannerless Bro: She says "The Eyrie is impregnable!"Knight: Not this bullshit again....Lady Stoneheart: *Terrible throaty wail*Bannerless Bro: She says, 'make him fly!'Breinne: See? Besides, I don't trust that Littlefinger, and he's taken all the credit for finding Sansa too.Littlefinger: *knowing smile* Don't worry, my dear Cat, I'll help protect your baby.Brilliant! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lewis92 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 more dany in mereen.....please get a fecking move on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Knight of ... Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 As long as GRRM doesn´t write another Samwell sex scene i´m pretty much cool with whatever happens.He can have another sex scene, so long as he doesn't include descriptions of the raging boner Sam gets when Gilly talks about milk leaking from her teats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kantor Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 In Greywater Watch:Jon Snow: Lord Reed, please, tell me about my mother. My father said he would, but he never did.Howland Reed: Certainly. Your mother was Wylla.Jon Snow: ...seriously? He couldn't have just told me that?Howland Reed: Kidding, kidding. It was Cersei.North of the Wall:Bran: So when do I get to warg into a dragon?Bloodraven: You don't. Now stop talking and eat Joj- er, your paste.Later, North of the Wall:Tyrion: It feels good to be back in Westeros. Say, Bran, do you know where whores go?Bran: SothoryosDaenerys: LET'S GO THERE!Lord Commander Daario of the Queensguard: Yes, Khaleesi.*five page description of Daenerys' lust for Daario* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kantor Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Tyrion: Is that you Tysha?Tysha: Its you, I always knew we would be reunited, my one true love!Tyrion: Now how the hell do we get back north to Westeros from Sothoryos? Daenerys has already gone off south. I suppose we could walk and have conversations in each of the ten chapters until we arrive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Knight of ... Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Tyrion: Now how the hell do we get back north to Westeros from Sothoryos? Daenerys has already gone off south. I suppose we could walk and have conversations in each of the ten chapters until we arrive.Tyrion spends half a dozen chapters teaching Tysha cyvasse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkash Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Tyrion: Now how the hell do we get back north to Westeros from Sothoryos? Daenerys has already gone off south. I suppose we could walk and have conversations in each of the ten chapters until we arrive.To go south, you must go north.So, in order to get to Sothoryos, Dany and Tyrion will go straight to the North Pole, and from there down south straight till they reach Sothoryos! ^^That'd be funny !!!Imagine at the absolute North Pole a huge reunions of thousands Others discussing where to go next or what to do, and now one seems to agree, and since they are an absolute democratic people, they never agree on anything and never move at all ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boojam Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 GRRM:Epilog "A Dream of Spring will not be the last Song of Ice and Fire novel!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fredward Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 ^ That would be a pretty weird in an epilogue, the fourth wall and all, maybe in a foreword/afterword though! ^_^I WANNA TRY! I WANNA TRY!-ahem-Jaime Lannister makes his way through the ashes of King's Landing towards the Red Keep.Cersei is waiting for him."Oh Jaime! Please forgive me, I've been fucking Lancel and one-of-the-Kettleblacks-I-can't-distinguish-between and probably Moon Boy too for all I know! But you have to protect me! Tyrion was in the walls!" She gestured at the grey and ashy waste that was all that remained of King's Landing, no walls intact. "But I burned it all! He can't hide! But he's still here! I can feel it! The VALONQAR!""Cersei... I have come a long way to find you.""THE WALLS!" Cersei shrieked in response pointing at one of the larger ash piles. "THE WALLS!"She was still shrieking as Jaime's golden hand closed around her throat, it's rigid contours fitting perfectly around Cersei slim (yet slightly saggy) neck.When she stopped thrashing and inevitably crapped herself Arya pulled off Jaime's face (she hadn't MEANT to kill him but he was there and HEYWHYNOT?) and magically reverted back to her pre-adolescent self. Also, she was suddenly wearing a hooded cloak.As the sun rose over the ashes of King's Landing a slight wind picked up stirring the ashes and dying green embers."I am not no one." Arya announced to no one in particular. The obligatory raven quorked."I am Arry, I am Weasel, I am the Ghost of Harrenhal, I am Nymeria/Nan, I am Salty, I am Cat of the Canals, I am Beth the Beggar girl..."The wind picks up and her cloak flaps behind her.-extreme close up- "I am Arya Stark of House Winterfell." She whispered.Arya rummages in her pocket and pules out a list and ticked off Cersei's name."And Arya Stark has an obsessive need to kill some relatively unimportant characters," she scans the list, "Oh look Dunsen is next, he had like one line of dialogue in the whole story, wooopeeee!"-end scene- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redriver Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Lord Eddard Stark wakes up beside his wife Lady Catelyn.He turns to his wife and says,"I had this funny dream last night.Ser Waymar Royce was ranging beyond the Wall........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Drunkard Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Lord Eddard Stark wakes up beside his wife Lady Catelyn.He turns to his wife and says,"I had this funny dream last night.Ser Waymar Royce was ranging beyond the Wall........GRRM should so put this in as the epilogue of ADOS. He would go down in the annals as the biggest troll in the history of literature. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen Cersei I Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 Lem Lemoncloak approaches the assembled group of the Brotherhood without Banners, struggling captive in hand. The man is bound, gagged, and has a cloth sack covering his head.Lem: (To the two mysterious cloaked and hooded ladies leading the brotherhood.) My ladies, my ladies, look who I have brought for you!Rips off head covering of captive, revealingLem Lemoncloak: Lord Petyr Baeslish, Self styled Lord of the Eyrie.Random BwB dude: But they’s calls ‘em Littlefinger. ‘An by the looks of ‘em, it ain’t hard to see why!!!The BwB roars with laughter, Lord Petyr Baelish blushes in recognition.Lem: My ladies, come and see our new captive!Two cloaked hooded figures, one tall and slender, one short and stout, make their way over to the bound Littlfinger.They remove their cloaksLF: Gasps in shock.Is it… could it be….Two Ladies: Croak, croak, croak!LF: By the gods, it really is! It’s Catelyn Tully and her fat little sister, Lysa!One of the cloaked Ladies (UnLysa): Hissssssss!Other cloaked Lady (UnCat): Growl!!!!!!!LF: Erm, I mean, my beloved late wife Lysa, who’s early—and entirely accidental—death was a deep personal tragedy that I continue to mourn….Cough, cough.UnCat and UnLysa: fix LF with withering, scornful glare.LF: (dripping beads of nervous sweat.) Well, all right ladies, all right. So I may have… well, what do you say we just start over, let bygones be bygones!UnCat and UnLysa: Angry stare.LF: Or, say….(steps in a bit closer and leers, wiggling his eyebrows up and down.) Whad’ya say we all go into the cave and join club menage à trois, aye?! Kiss and make up, and do some other, special, adult things that will be sure to bring a smile to your old, rotting faces! Ya ever heard of the Lords kiss? Eh? Ladies?UnCat and UnLysa: Hisss! (Begins advancing menacingly on the increasingly panicked Littlefinger.)LF: Ladies, ladies, let’s talk about this!UnLysa: Hiss, growl, groan, grunt, croak croak croak crooooak!Lem: (Translating) She says, the “the time for talking is done, you pedophilic little creeper!UnCat: Growl growl hiss hiss hiss grunt grunt glowl growl growl moan shriek!!!!Lem: She says, “And I never gave you my maidenhead. It was Lysa who slept with you that time. And even if I had bedded you, you STILL wouldn’t have taken my maidenhead, since your “littlefinger” is very, very little indeed, and, chances are, would have slipped in unnoticed, if you catch my drift.UnLysa: Hiss hiss hiss grunt grunt GRUNT!!!!Lem: She says, “And I faked it.”LF: :shocked:Lem: Ladies, this man stands accused of hitting on an 11 year old, spreading salacious lies about an honorable lady, murdering his wife, perving on his barely 13 year old ward, fantasizing about both being the father of AND sleeping with the aforementioned ward (sometimes at once), killing a bunch of random people, and being an all around creepy pedo with a tiny little penis.What shall the judgment of this man be? What say you, ladies?UnCat and UnLysa: (Holding hands to throat to gasp out words) Hang him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catastrophe Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 The FINAL CRISIS ending:*After Bran wargs into everyone in Westeros (including the Giants, and the Others) and half the population of the ASoIaF world*"I am the new God. All is one in me. This mighty body is my church. When I command your surrender, I speak with three billion voices. When I make a fist to crush your resistance, it is with three billion hands. When I stare into your eyes, and shatter your dreams, and break your heart, it is with six billion eyes. Nothing like me has ever come among you; nothing will again. I will take you to a hell without exit or end. And there I will murder your souls! And make you crawl and beg! And die! Die! DIE FOR BRAN STARK!"From there on out the whole story descends into surreal post-modernist nonsense filled with bizarre metaphysics issues and abstract philosophical musings on the true nature of reality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen Cersei I Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 The FINAL CRISIS ending:*After Bran wargs into everyone in Westeros (including the Giants, and the Others) and half the population of the ASoIaF world*"I am the new God. All is one in me. This mighty body is my church. When I command your surrender, I speak with three billion voices. When I make a fist to crush your resistance, it is with three billion hands. When I stare into your eyes, and shatter your dreams, and break your heart, it is with six billion eyes. Nothing like me has ever come among you; nothing will again. I will take you to a hell without exit or end. And there I will murder your souls! And make you crawl and beg! And die! Die! DIE FOR BRAN STARK!"From there on out the whole story descends into surreal post-modernist nonsense filled with bizarre metaphysics issues and abstract philosophical musings on the true nature of reality.Ever read anything by Ayn Rand? Because if you expand the above speech to about 80 pages of verbiage, you pretty much get her "gripping" and "pivotal" chapter of Atlas Shrugged, "This is John Galt Speaking." Blah... :closedeyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramsay Gimp Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 And now, a trip to the childhood of Aeron Damphair Greyjoy.....(sound of bed squeaking, Aeron crying, and Euron laughing) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catastrophe Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 Ever read anything by Ayn Rand? Because if you expand the above speech to about 80 pages of verbiage, you pretty much get her "gripping" and "pivotal" chapter of Atlas Shrugged, "This is John Galt Speaking." Blah... :closedeyes:Unfortunately yes. I'm more of a Libertarian type myself, but I can't stand Rand, she has this insane and fanatical insistence on taking everything to the most illogical extreme possible... It's like, she starts out with some halfway decent ideas and then just runs them straight through the wall and off the nearest cliff and over the Earth's horizon straight into outer space.But I was actually just making fun of a very poorly-done DC comics crossover event. :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
voodooqueen126 Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 Unfortunately yes. I'm more of a Libertarian type myself, but I can't stand Rand, she has this insane and fanatical insistence on taking everything to the most illogical extreme possible... It's like, she starts out with some halfway decent ideas and then just runs them straight through the wall and off the nearest cliff and over the Earth's horizon straight into outer space.But I was actually just making fun of a very poorly-done DC comics crossover event. :Phave you read the article comparing the comic on which the movie 300 was based on comparing Frank Millers piece to fascism, the author notes that it might be the first piece in the history of literature that uses the first person, plural, omniscient narrator.Interesting eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seekrit Targaryen Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 EPILOGUENARRATOR: And so the succession war kicked off by King Robert I's death was resolved. The new king ascended to the Iron Throne, pardoning all remaining claimants who would bend the knee. The war had left Westeros devastated and destitute with massive debts to pay even as winter hit with full force, but by working together those who remained could -- just barely -- make it through. Not everybody was satisfied with the outcome of the war and the identity of their new king, of course, but with no further conflict over the throne Westeros's war-weary people would live to see the next spring. That was all that mattered, in the end.DAENERYS: Hai guyz.NARRATOR: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DornishKnight Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 EPILOGUENARRATOR: And so the succession war kicked off by King Robert I's death was resolved. The new king ascended to the Iron Throne, pardoning all remaining claimants who would bend the knee. The war had left Westeros devastated and destitute with massive debts to pay even as winter hit with full force, but by working together those who remained could -- just barely -- make it through. Not everybody was satisfied with the outcome of the war and the identity of their new king, of course, but with no further conflict over the throne Westeros's war-weary people would live to see the next spring. That was all that mattered, in the end.DAENERYS: Hai guyz.NARRATOR: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-- :lol:http://asoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/topic/61790-possible-adwd-spoilers-where-i-think-grrm-is-going-with-dany/page__fromsearch__1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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