Dating 4.0 Everyone is crazy. I am Spock.

[felice]

This was a late night and unsolicited series of texts. We'd only had 3 dates in 3 months.

I don't think most people would consider 8pm to be especially late! If it's late for you, that's fine, but he's not going to know that without being told. And since you've apparently both really enjoyed those three dates, it doesn't seem entirely unreasonable for him to make an effort to try to increase the frequency of interaction beyond monthly...

[Lily Valley]

I don't think most people would consider 8pm to be especially late! If it's late for you, that's fine, but he's not going to know that without being told. And since you've apparently both really enjoyed those three dates, it doesn't seem entirely unreasonable for him to make an effort to try to increase the frequency of interaction beyond monthly...

Ah, the 8pm and 9pm I missed. It was the 10:30, 11:15 and midnight I found obnoxious. The last one came from the bar right by my house. I did talk to him. I don't think it'll happen again. I'm still on the fence about how much this bothers me.

[WillWork4NinjaPowers]

I think once a week is good until you are serious, or exclusive, 3-4 a week, with insistence, is a bit much...needy.

3-4 days to respond would mean I would not be responding on my end.

[felice]

Ah, the 8pm and 9pm I missed. It was the 10:30, 11:15 and midnight I found obnoxious.

Ok, that's definitely a problem, especially on a work night.

[Kelli Fury]

Here is a story, requiring no advice, for you to laugh at.

I was seeing this guy -briefly. He seemed nice, normal (and his building had a pool, honestly, I was swayed by the pool). He lives a couple blocks away from a coffee shop I spend a lot of time at. My best friend, Lars, and I were hanging his photography show there and this guy happened to be there. It wasn't a point where I would have been introducing him to my crew, but since we were there and i did out of courtesy. He got a little weird and invited me out to the pool afterward. I go to the pool and I'm chillaxing on a floaty and he swims over. He asks if he can talk to me. He tells me that he thinks he is falling in love with me (this is bad news) and that he has some things i should know (I'm already thinking of the best way to get off my floaty and leave). First among these is that he is bipolar (even worse news). The second bit of news is, as he put it, he's spent some time in jail for being involved in a stabbing (again, bad news). I ask, of course, what he means by involved in a stabbing. He tells me that he stabbed someone. I get off my floaty and drive home. It occurs to me that he's been (i thought) joking about robbing a bank. It also occurs to me that while he says he has a job, he is always available. He also told me a couple days later via text his mom was trying to have him committed because she found a stolen handgun he'd bought from a friend and other concerning items. So, I was stuck watching the news to make sure that bank isn't robbed because i don't want to be an accessory.

[Elder Sister]

Yet again, Kay wins the thread.

[Black Walder]

Yeah, that was choice. Sad thing is, I've got a buddy with almost the exact same problems who's trying to meet women right now and I still root for him. He claims that he spent his two years behind bars playing D&D. I thought of another OK Cupid-related anecdote that hopefully won't piss everybody off:

This one otherwise-normal girl that I dated (briefly) kept a very large rooster as a pet, in the house. That thing fucking hated me, and would try to peck and kick me in front of her, which she thought was hilarious and endearing. Sample dialogue: "Awww, he's just jealous because he knows you're trying to fuck me!" "Yeah, sure. Hey do you have any band-aids? I'm bleeding..."

[TheLoneliestMonk]

Beards are in right now.

[BLU-RAY]

Ma'am, please keep talking. The only long term relationships I have ever had degenerated into madness. I had no space for a private life in the end of all of them. It makes my heart happy to hear that there are men out there that have enough of a life to keep them from going through someone else's. I just think my dream lover is more independent than I am, so he doesn't even have a phone. I'll probably have to drive to his summer farm co-op so we can hang out for a month while harvesting blood oranges.

Jealous? Yes. Hopeful because of your posts? YES.

Fair assessment. From your previous post I know you understand that there are people out there that don't do phones that well. That's me. Mid-week when I check my phone, I might have 15-20 texts. I try to get to them first come, first serve. If people have texted me more than once, I only respond to the last. I know I'm a dinosaur. I can try to be more sensitive.

So, explain this. If you give that precise example (mid-week, when I check my phone, I might have 15-20 texts, and I try to get to them first-come, first-serve) nobody's going to hold that behavior against you. But it is so far outside the norm that nobody's going to think to assume that about you, either - and trying to train someone to not text you by not responding is going to send the message instead that he should stop texting you.

My main problem I'm running across trying to find people to date in Austin is that everyone in Austin is in a BAND. I absolutely, positively, cannot stand these people who are in their 30's and still want to go out and play in their COOL BAND on the weekends and talk about their music and on and on.... it seriously disgusts me. Half the people I know who send me facebook event invites for their stupid band gigs (and I get them weekly), do NOT have normal full time jobs. In their 30's these people don't have jobs. They're, apparently, waiting around expecting their band to make it big. Gahh.

Another thing I am confused about is the large number of guys in Austin who seem to be a weird new brand of hipster... or some other subculture thing. 3 out of 5 guys have crazy large beards. I don't mind it, but I'm seeing a freaking trend and I'm wondering what the F it means. I guess it's mother nature's way of letting me know they can't have super-professional jobs - none of the attorneys here have that going on.

Any ideas what that's all about?

ETA: Not that it matters, but I'm pretty sure this ought to be dating thread 5.0 :P

... you're in Austin. Austin has, y'know, a national profile for exactly this (ie an enormous indie music scene and a certain level of hipsterdom)... shouldn't you expect to come across a lot of it?

[Slurms McKenzie]

As a Brit, this thread also bamboozles me slightly.

Aye, thats precisely the same term I used :)

Carry on

[Theda Baratheon]

Hah ! I hope the date goes well then! :P

[Lily Valley]

Does it also mean I can't complain about it?? :P

Made a date for dinner with someone this week... through the discussion of where to go we generally told each other what part of town we live at... and then more detail since we seemed to live so close... Jesus christ on a pogo stick he lives at the same apartment complex I do. There goes anonymity if the date goes badly.

Good luck! I hope it's fun. I have had several OKCupid! dates that were neighbors of mine. It's some weird small-world stuff.

[fuseprime]

Another thing I am confused about is the large number of guys in Austin who seem to be a weird new brand of hipster... or some other subculture thing.

I watched Bar Rescue last night and that was one of the themes. I've never been to Austin (only Dallas) but, from watching that episode I thought I was in a Hipster bar in Brooklyn (Didn't realize that trend made it over to you guys). They ended up opening a Steam Punk Bar and everyone has that little "V for Vendetta" type facial hair (along with their goggles and such).

I'm a Millennial and I don't even get "us".

[White Walker Texas Ranger]

I watched Bar Rescue last night and that was one of the themes. I've never been to Austin (only Dallas) but, from watching that episode I thought I was in a Hipster bar in Brooklyn (Didn't realize that trend made it over to you guys). They ended up opening a Steam Punk Bar and everyone has that little "V for Vendetta" type facial hair (along with their goggles and such).

I'm a Millennial and I don't even get "us".

I think I passed by the Steampunk bar when I was in Austin last week. I was mildly intrigued, but not enough to check it out.

My impression of Austin is that there's some sort of melting pot of hipster, old school hippies, yuppies and frat boys, but I've only been a couple times.

[Black Walder]

I obviously would have a problem with anyone being deceitful towards me or anyone else in a dating scenario or otherwise. The tone I felt you used when discussing your story is what bothered me.

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Sorry.

Honestly, I won't lie, this issue strikes a chord with me because I, and other big girls I know, always worry that we aren't putting pictures up that will show very plainly what we look like. Short of actually posting full body shots of us in swimsuits, it can be hard. Most people choose pictures of themsevles that they think look good, and those pictures MAY NOT BE the pictures that BEST show what those people actually look like in person on a daily basis. I don't think we do it on PURPOSE, per se, but I think it happens because we want to put our best foot forward, always.

I honestly REALLY hate that I have to give a f*#$^&# disclaimer even after someone has seen pictures, even after they say they like what they have seen, that I am a big girl and no skinny model. To me it makes me sound like I'm apologizing for what I look like and less than confident, which I am not, but it's better than showing up to a date and having some guy act like I had deceived him, not making it CLEAR that i wasn't a skinny girl.

That's fair, but it doesn't mean that I was not deceived in my specific anecdote. It was meant as an example of the sort of completely outrageous, insulting lie that you may encounter in online dating, like a guy who says he is 6'2" actually being 5'4", or saying he loves kids while being incapable of interacting with your children without barking orders or snapping at them (real examples related to me by OK Cupid girls).

Also, please don't assume you know anything about my confidence level. I can promise you, I have more self esteem than any 3 of my skinny actual model friends combined. Why? Because I don't place my self worth on my looks.

I apologize for my comments relating to your confidence. I felt like you were blindly lashing out on the topic, and responded in kind.

So in the end, it's really okay if you aren't attraced to me. I'm not trying to live up to your standards of what I should look like.

I wouldn't expect you to.

[Black Walder]

Made a date for dinner with someone this week... through the discussion of where to go we generally told each other what part of town we live at... and then more detail since we seemed to live so close... Jesus christ on a pogo stick he lives at the same apartment complex I do. There goes anonymity if the date goes badly.

Yeah, when OK Cupid says "0 Miles Away" they really mean it. I haven't met anybody who lives in my building there yet, but I've met several women who lived within a few blocks. Honestly, I'd probably refuse the date; there will be others, and even a dog knows better than to shit where it eats. ;)

[Lord O' Bones]

You could try not shitting?

[deleted01]

Shitting on a first date is a risk. It would probably make me love the shitter, as I find that hilarious, but I'm weird. And possibly a little creepy.

[Black Walder]

You could try not shitting?

Have you? It gets more challenging, over time.

[Black Walder]

Thanks!! Out of the 3 or 4 guys who've asked me out and have passed my initial dealbreaker rundown, I just find it funny that he's the first one I'm actually going to meet. One other lives south near where I work and one is from California and I'm honestly still on the fence as to whether or not I want to meet him. If I have even the slightest feeling like he might be a douche I'm not going, you know?

Trust that instinct.

Walder, you wouldn't happen to be German, would you? :lol:

Nope, American.

(and thanks for the discussion - I am glad we talked about it)

Me Too.

If I were able to fall in love with women I would have already married my best friend, but I probably would have divorced her by now as well.

Me Too.

I'm excited for my date tonight. I'm CERTAIN I'll be back tomorrow to tell you guys all about it. I already told him, the whole reason I agreed to go on this date in the first place is because he has a picture posted of his kid with a horsehead mask on. HE OWNS A HORSEHEAD MASK. He said I could have it :lol: WIN!

I'm looking forward to hearing about this...