NFL Week 9 Schia-NOOOOOOOOO!

[Jace, Extat]

Not even close. Well, the game was much too close, but I'll take it. I have T.Y. Hilton in 2 fantasy leagues, now I have to see if he saved me.

I honestly do feel bad for Gary Kubiak, there's no good way to tell him about this loss.

[trickster]

YES!!!!!!! Winning on the road against a division opponent. Any question? :P

[trickster]

Not even close. Well, the game was much too close, but I'll take it. I have T.Y. Hilton in 2 fantasy leagues, now I have to see if he saved me.

I honestly do feel bad for Gary Kubiak, there's no good way to tell him about this loss.

He already knows. He has seen this before.

[Jaime L]

That was a sneaky great performance by Andrew Luck. Kinda along the lines of what of what Lennon said: "I'm an artist. You give me a tuba, I'll get you something out of it." He basically had a first trumpet and a triangle player and it was still enough to pull off his symphony.

ETA: As I think about it, how many NFL QBs pull out that win with what he had to work with? A shitty, porous O-line, no running game and one legitimate receiver. At most 4-5. Probably more like 1-2, if that.

[Commodore]

Can samwell tarly make the kick? Nope.

thank you Kal, I needed a good laugh

[fuseprime]

I just got home, and I missed the entire Colts game. I read the last three pages of this thread and found out how this game turned out via everyone's reactions. That's pretty awesome :laugh:

Speaking of awesome... J! E! T! S! JETS! JETS! JETS!

[BLU-RAY]

Yeah, deciphering things just by reading posts can be pretty entertaining sometimes!

Man, I didn't realize Matt Magloin got some run in that Eagles-Raiders disasterpiece today. Kal, I think one of the reasons this felt so completely dire is that there wasn't even any interesting college football to ameliorate it.

[Kalbear]

Yeah, blu. It was like preseason football time today.

[Jaime L]

Wait, what?

This was a wild fucking week of NFL football. Bengals-Dolphins, Vikings-Cowboys, Bucs-Seahawks, Chargers-Redskins and Colts-Texans all had wildly entertaining swings/endings. You had Nick Foles throwing 7 TDs, Even more shockingly you had Jeff Tuel throwing 1. You had some fantastic receiving performances. I was more entertained by the NFL action this week than I recall any week previously.

[Kalbear]

Really?

The only surprise was the jets game. Everywhere else we had the underdog almost win but not. That's kinda meh.

[sperry]

Epic piece of garbage Richie Incognito suspended indefinitely for his role in the Jonathan Martin deal. Now forgive me while I get up on my soapbox here, but Richie Incognito is the perfect example of what is by far the worst thing about professional sports, and why I vastly prefer college sports: If you are a talented player, no matter how horrible your conduct is (unless of course you've been smoking weed, than you're done for), teams will pay you millions of dollars to play so long as you stay out of prison. And, since you're a rich person and a celebrity, it is extremely difficult for you to actually go to prison. What normal people would do years for, you'll pay a fine and do some community service. If you do end up in prison, an NFL team will take you in and pay you millions of dollars if you can still play.

Here is a short list of things Richie Incognito has been accused of over his playing career:

Felony theft in college

Multiple criminal assault complaints, college and pro.

Multiple fights with teammates, including allegedly intentionally stomping on the ankle of a teammate in college during a scuffle and ending that players career.

Being kicked out of Nebraska, trying to transfer to Oregon who didn't want him.

Leading the league in cheap shot penalties for a multi year period, and actually being cut by the Rams not because he wasn't a good player, but because he received so many personal foul penalties that he outweighed his contributions to the team.

Threatening and harassing Jonathan Martin.

Now what is likely to happen to old Richard is that he will be released by the Dolphins to mitigate losses in a potential lawsuit by Martin. He'll be suspended 4 games by the NFL and check himself into "anger rehab", and by next season some team with a bad offensive line will pay him to go play there, because they don't really care so long as he can block.

This guy is absolute scum, a horrible person, and an embarrassment to the league. Yet they're perfectly content to keep him and people like him employed and paid millions of dollars. Just sickens me.

At least in college, coaches other than Urban Meyer tend to discipline their players and kick them off the team when they behave like this.

[White Walker Texas Ranger]

Going to go sift through all the obnoxious, patting-themselves-on-the-back Stanford Football tweets on my twitter feed now :P

And that's why you shouldn't follow your friends on twitter.

Also, there have got to be better unemployed kickers than Randy Bullock.

[fuseprime]

Epic piece of garbage Richie Incognito suspended indefinitely for his role in the Jonathan Martin deal. Now forgive me while I get up on my soapbox here, but Richie Incognito is the perfect example of what is by far the worst thing about professional sports, and why I vastly prefer college sports: If you are a talented player, no matter how horrible your conduct is (unless of course you've been smoking weed, than you're done for), teams will pay you millions of dollars to play so long as you stay out of prison. And, since you're a rich person and a celebrity, it is extremely difficult for you to actually go to prison. What normal people would do years for, you'll pay a fine and do some community service. If you do end up in prison, an NFL team will take you in and pay you millions of dollars if you can still play.

<snip>

I agree with this. It's a shame that that's the way the world works, and it's an even bigger shame that the NFL (being the utmost example of integrity :mellow: ) doesn't have some sort of "character" clause in its CBA.

[sperry]

I agree with this. It's a shame that that's the way the world works, and it's an even bigger shame that the NFL (being the utmost example of integrity :mellow: ) doesn't have some sort of "character" clause in its CBA.

It just seems at it's most prevalent in pro sports and Hollywood, two of the very few arenas where (at least for the top tier people) there really aren't boatloads of people who can step in and do your job.

As an attorney, I recognize that if the firm I worked for (or the company I now work for) fired me, there are thousands of law school grads who could do just as good a job as me. Hence if I was essentially terrorizing my colleagues or just the citizenry in general they would can my ass in two seconds.

[BLU-RAY]

Wait, what?

This was a wild fucking week of NFL football. Bengals-Dolphins, Vikings-Cowboys, Bucs-Seahawks, Chargers-Redskins and Colts-Texans all had wildly entertaining swings/endings. You had Nick Foles throwing 7 TDs, Even more shockingly you had Jeff Tuel throwing 1. You had some fantastic receiving performances. I was more entertained by the NFL action this week than I recall any week previously.

The games themselves were often interesting in the moment, yeah. None of them were interesting on paper, though (actually, on paper, Bengals-Dolphins was probably the best game). I did stuff during the Bills game with one eye on the Red Zone/Gamecast, and then went and ran errands/got food, etc. First Sunday this season I haven't really cared. I kept up on the Eagles' game on my phone, the Seahawks-Bucs on the car radio... in a week when the matchups felt meaningful, I'd have been locked onto a TV for those.

And I'm glad that I watched Colts-Texans, but on paper, it's a 5-2 team vs. a 2-5 team starting it's 3rd-string QB - I watched it b/c it was the Sunday night game and it was on. Once I'd started watching it, it was pretty great, for sure.

RIchie Incognito is apparently a ranging, huge douchebag, isn't he the guy who gets voted "dirtiest player" alongside Courtland Finnegan every year?

[Jace, Extat]

He already knows. He has seen this before.

You're absolutely right, and it's why I never really felt threatened during this game until I thought we were gonna blow it at the end (I lamented that the Colts' offense is in shambles, but that's about the season, not so much tonight). The Colts own the Texans, and I feel very good about my prediction that the Colts will sweep the South, the most awkward thing about this is: how do you fire a coach who had your team rallying to lead the division-leader before being rushed to a hospital?

That was a sneaky great performance by Andrew Luck. Kinda along the lines of what of what Lennon said: "I'm an artist. You give me a tuba, I'll get you something out of it." He basically had a first trumpet and a triangle player and it was still enough to pull off his symphony.

ETA: As I think about it, how many NFL QBs pull out that win with what he had to work with? A shitty, porous O-line, no running game and one legitimate receiver. At most 4-5. Probably more like 1-2, if that.

I absolutely agree with that, he never wavered. He finally seemed to realize in the 2nd half that he could only throw to Hilton and Fleener, but once he figured that out, that's what happened. It actually reminded me of Stafford and Megatron when the Lions are having troubles (though not nearly as unbelievable as far as the WR), nothing else is working? Force it to your playmaker.

Wait, what?

This was a wild fucking week of NFL football. Bengals-Dolphins, Vikings-Cowboys, Bucs-Seahawks, Chargers-Redskins and Colts-Texans all had wildly entertaining swings/endings. You had Nick Foles throwing 7 TDs, Even more shockingly you had Jeff Tuel throwing 1. You had some fantastic receiving performances. I was more entertained by the NFL action this week than I recall any week previously.

I'm with you on this one. I could give two shits about Foles, but the Saints-Jets game was really good, Browns-Ravens was watchable, and the Colts-Texans game was a bit mellow but better than some of the other shit we've been forced to watch on 'primetime'.

[Slurktan]

At least in college, coaches other than Urban Meyer tend to discipline their players and kick them off the team when they behave like this.

What? Lawrence Phillips would like a word.

[Jaime L]

Really?

The only surprise was the jets game. Everywhere else we had the underdog almost win but not. That's kinda meh.

The underdogs might not have won often but even in the biggest mismatches, they got pushed to their very limit. The end result may have been predictable though the journey was anything but. I agree with Bluray that the games weren't appealing on paper, but if you still ended up watching 'em as I had the chance to today, they were surprising (often shocking) throughout and incredibly entertaining.

[BLU-RAY]

And that's why you shouldn't follow your friends on twitter. Also, there have got to be better unemployed kickers than Randy Bullock.

Actually, nobody I know from Stanford on Twitter is that obnoxious. The football team twitter account, which itself retweets every goddamn mention it gets from alumni, faculty, students, current players, and former players, however, is exhausting. Similarly, I follow the pro sports teams that I root for on twitter, and it can get a little out of hand sometimes.

[Jace, Extat]

My take on the standing of the league.

AFC-

East: Last time I did one of these, I said that this might be the most interesting division in football. It was a pretty bold claim, and while I don't know if I was right, exactly, I think I was in the ballpark. The Jets are ferocious behind the revitalized Rex Ryan defensive scheming, I love the way they play ball. Fast, and ferocious.

While I have a decade-long hatred for the Patriots, Tommy gives them a fighting chance. While I laugh at people saying he's the MVP of the league so far, he's the difference between 7-2 and 3-6. The WR issues are well documented, but it can't be denied that he's struggling on his own, but I still don't want any team I like to play the Pats, I see them as a guaranteed #3, and they'll fight for the #2.

Miami may have beaten a banged-up Bengals team on a short week (at Miami) to snap a 4 game skid, but I'm not sold. Tannehill was getting put on his ass all day, Mike Wallace is not worth whatever they're paying him, and the defensive is impressively average. If the Bengals QB and WR's don't take turns being schizo, they're 3-5.

The Bills are pulling out all of the Tuels, but the inconvenient truth is that they're all rusty. The Bills beat up on the Chiefs today, running for well over 200 yards, and playing good D, but the QB play doomed them. I felt like I was watching a Mark Sanchez-era Jets team.

I like the Pats to win the division, and the Jets will fight for a wildcard. 2009-2010 Jets were scrappy, and so are the 2013.

North: The AFC's answer to "is there a division as bad as the (NFC) East?" Short answer, no. The Bengals are awesome, most complete team in the leag-- they're on a losing sk-- they're running away with the div-- they lost to the Dolphins. In overtime. On a safety... Did you know that it's specifically mentioned in the new OT rules that a defensive score (I.E. a safety) ends the game, even if it's on the first possession. The reasoning for that would be that technically it cannot be on the first possession, as the defense that's scoring technically takes possession as the play ends on a safety. Thus, the first team would have failed to score at all, initiating true sudden death.

Anyways, don't get bent out of shape, Bengals. Your biggest challenge is the Browns. I know, Balefired-Ed, the Browns beat the Bengals already, but the Jets also just beat the Saints, and the Vikings almost looked like they were gonna win a game against a team today. Shit happens. Losing Atkins is fucking huge, that guy's a delight to watch at the DT position, and he let the Bengals do a lot of fun stuff on the line. I'm glad he got paid this year, he'll be back next year with a vengeance. Dalton's bouts of inconsistency on Thursday were exceeded by his WR's bouts of inconsistency, once again, shit happens. The Bengals will be fine.

The Browns are a passer away, and they fleeced my Colts and replaced him with someone moderately equally effective. I like the Browns, they're dirty, unclean, and I suspect they have a stench about them. I mean that in the best possible way, as when they Weedon out the poor players, they're capable of good football.

The Ravens are the funniest thing I've watched in quite some time. I hate Joe Flacco and his eyebrow.

The only thing I'm enjoying watching more than the Steelers flounder is watching Joe Flacco's ineptitude. I think a lot of people who either hate this team, or are able of rational, objective analysis saw this coming. Pittsburgh has not fielded a healthy O-line in a decade, the RB is hot or not, the WR's are ok, and Ben is aging. He impressed me a couple of times when I was on the Pats-Steelers game today, but one has to wonder how long he can keep it up.

The Bengals will take this division, and I like them at the #4 seed. The only question is how long it takes the Flacco bandwagoners (the media peoples, I'm talking about) to give up on the idea of a Ravens rally. I will give the Browns a token very, very, outside chance at sneaking the division if the Bengals bungle, and a slightly longer outside shot at a #6 seed if the Jets fall apart.

West: John Fox's heart says that it's a dick. I think the Broncos will be ok, Del Rio is a capable coach, and all he really has to do is keep coordinating his defense and do whatever Peyton says during the game. I expect Fox to return to this team with it in position for the #1 seed, which might be their undoing. Do you realize Peyton Manning is on pace for 58 TDs, 12 INTs, and 5,838 yards passing? Those numbers will dip, obviously, I've said before that Peyton is streaky. The thing is, though, November is his favorite month, and I expect him to devour his divisional opponents. What do you honestly think he did on his bye week?

The Chiefs are ok, I guess, and I do like Alex Smith a lot (he's with Jason Campbell on my list of guys who got screwed), but I really am not impressed with this Chiefs team. I like statistics, and you can tell me all day about the #1 scoring defense in the league, but let me tell you a secret "I don't give a fuck." At the end of the day, I need the eyeball test, and the Chiefs are getting a "C". I don't buy into the "they're showing so much heart in their gritty wins" that's code for "why can't they beat the teams they're supposed to beat like they're supposed to beat them?" The Broncos will put together a hideous 1st half, but then forcefully deflower a team in the 2nd, by the 4th quarter only 2 teams have had a chance to beat the Broncos, while the Chiefs are letting shitty opponents hang around. Peyton Manning doesn't gift-wrap a 101-yard TD Kurt Warner style to turn a game around, and neither does Phillip Rivers, Tom Brady, Andrew Luck, or Andy Dalton.

The Chargers are kind of a dark horse this year. I still hate them due to all the pain they've caused me as a Colts fan, but I can't help but be impressed with Rivers. He's actually playing the QB position like someone who's good at it instead of just throwing jump-balls to his freakish receiving options. The defense has bent a lot, but I've seen them have stretches of absolute dominance as well. This team is dangerous, and I'm dreading watching them play Peyton... I just hope they don't pull out those powder-blue uni's, those things are the bane of Manning's existence, and they make me melt.

Raiders are a team, I guess. I have an interest in Pryor, which is interesting because he's literally the only thing on that team that's interesting. I don't know if I'm sold on his throwing abilities (he reminds me a lot of Kaepernick with that lack of touch), but he's Al Davis fast.

The Broncos will win this one in the end, the Chiefs are the easy favorite for the #5 seed, but I have a feeling about these Chargers. Side note, if the Chiefs actually do manage to upset the division, that's a good thing for Peyton Manning.

South: The most importantist division in football. I hate the Colts. I hate the conservative/aggressive coaching from Pagano. I hate the defense's schizophrenia. I ACTUALLY hate Pep Hamilton's playcalling. And I LOATHE Trent Richardson. That said, my boys are showing so much heart in their gritty wins (see what I did there?). Lucky is a diamond, and Hilton is a pearl. Too bad the rest of the offense is a steaming load of coal. Toby Gearhart is to be a FA at the end of this year. I don't make all that much, but I'll pitch in on a potential 4th feature back in the span of 2 years.

The Titans are also a team, and I guess Jake Locker is not a bust. That's good, I guess. I honestly can't say much objectively about an AFC South team, as I take sports rivalry very serious -MAY YOU BURN IN HELL, RUSSELL WILSON!- I wonder if CJ1.2K is done, I understand that the Titans' line is actually supposed to be decent at giving him holes, he just can't squeeze in. There's a theoretical threat to the division from them at 4-4 with 2 games remaining against the Colts, but I don't buy it. I also don't see a wildcard in this team's future with competition from NY and SD for the #6 seed.

I feel really sad for Kubiak, and I don't remember which one it was, but one of the announcers alluded to the possibility of Kubiak maybe having succumbed to the brutal lifestyle of an NFL head coach. I hope that he's ok, he's a decent coach, even if he's reached his peak, and while I love this team's collapse, I hated seeing his.

The Jackson family needs to stop beating a dead horse. Michael's been dead for like 3 years, but every time I go to the store all I see is tabloids about some new drama.

The Colts are going to lock up this division whether they stumble down the stretch or not. I have hopes for a #2 seed, but it's possible they fall all the way to #4. Don't see the Titans threatening for a wildcard.

NFC-

East: I hate this division, and every team in it. Why, you ask? Because they all suck, and they congest my viewing time. Finite number of nfl games per week, and yet these shitfests always end up being in 'primetime'. The Cowboys win the division in spite of themselves. They've been suffering from the same disease for years. No depth, bad head coaching. Tony Romo's really good, but he's not god. Stop asking him to be. Also, no, Dez, you're not as good as Calvin. Fuck, you're not as good as A.J., healthy-Julio, or Demaryious. You're still pretty good, buddy, but they're better.

I've never been less impressed with a 7-touchdown performance. I'm not ragging on Chip Kelly, his 'system', or even Nick Foles. I just really don't care to be honest. Matt Flyn had a similar performance, and look where he is, and it was against the Raiders. Ho-hum, win a couple of more games and we'll talk.

The Redskins are similar to the Anterior Cruciate Ligament. It's a very sturdy ligament, but there is a lot of pressure on it. To keep the entire leg stable is a lot to ask. Hopefully it is up to the task, and will not disappoint, but sometimes it does. Sometimes the ligament is incapable of meeting expectations and tears, causing the leg it supports to buckle and collapse. Some older surgical repair techniques involve using tissue from the Patellar Tendon (acquired from a cadaver) to replace the original tissue. In theory, the replacement tissue heals at up to 110% the strength of the original tissue. But sometimes it is never the same. Which is sad.

Is anyone calling for Tom Caughlin's job yet? The Giants suck on damn-near every level. Poor O-line, bad TE play, questionable receiving, and inconsistent QB. The defense is a will they show? game, with the defensive line showing it's aptitude one week and being abysmal the next, the linebackers can't tackle or cover, and the secondary outdoes them by doing neither of those things half as well.

The Cowboys win the East, and once you make the dance, they can't kick you out. Until you get kicked out by the first person you dance with. Which will happen to the Cowboys.

North: I really hate the Packers, but they're soooooo good. Aaron Rodgers discount-doublechecks all over defenses whenever he feels like winning, the running game has made an appearance at #3 in the league, and the defense isn't awful. They're going to throttle the Bears tonight, and I'm going to cry when they edge the Lions to win the division.

How come the Lions, Panthers, and Bengals are the only NFL teams with predatory cats as their mascot? I'm kinda jumping back on the Lions' bandwagon this year. I don't think they'll make too much noise in the playoffs, and I really just want them to keep the Packers from the division title, but I love Megatron, and I like that they're scrappy. They'll be in a dogfight (that I expect them to lose) for the division, and hopefully they limp to a wildcard.

The Bears used to be a team that I rooted for in the NFC since I got them all the time when I lived in Indy. Then they were in the SuperBowl with my Colts and they're a hit or miss team with me. If they're good, I like them because I hate the Packers, if they're bad I hate them because they give free wins to the Packers. That defense is horrible.

I already mentioned giving free wins to the Packers. Peterson is wasted in this wasteland. How much do you think Gearhart will cost next year?

Packs win the division, Lions are in the wildcard hunt, Bears might stick around if McCown can keep the ship afloat.

West: Fuck Seattle, I'm so goddamn tired of watching teams I hate get giftwrapped wins. But seeing as I hate a lot of teams, and someone's always giving away games in the NFL, that's probably not going to change. This defense is for realz, but has flaws. Running the ball can wound them, and the play-action can kill them. Russell Wilson is a pretty damn good QB, but he got way too much credit for his teams' success last year. He put up nice #'s, but he hasn't put the team on his back (and he hasn't had too) and dragged them to wins yet. I grudgingly like him, I just hope he never wins a game again. This O-line sucks, and the WR's are literally falling to pieces. Now's your chance to impress me, young one.

Blaahhhh! Colin Kaepernick is a fucking punk, and he's so overrated. The guy can run (is it just me, or does he run kinda weird?), but his throwing leaves a lot to be desired if you take that away from him. He's like the evolved form of Tim Tebow. That defense has regressed two straight years. It's still good, but what's going on? The personnel are mostly the same, but are injures/age taking a toll in key areas?

I said before the season that the NFC West was better than the North because the Seahawks/9'ers were better than the Packers/Bears, and the Cards were better than the Vikings while the Lions/Rams were irrelevant. I was partially right, but if you switch the Vikings/Lions, I think the Cards still come out on top. Oh, wait, they do. I love Bruce Arians after last year, and while I'm sadfaced to see Carson and Larry Fitz fall to age, the future is bright for the Cards if they manage to shore up that O-line and find a QB. No small task, but it can be done. The defense is fearsome.

The Rams seamlessly made the transition of 'borderline irrelevant' to 'who?' when Bradford went down. Just not enough talent for a Kellen Clemons team to make noise.

the Seahawks and 49'ers in a street brawl for the division that should be very entertaining. It might all come down to a matchup at the 'stick, and if the Seahawks win there, they deserve the division and #1 seed that comes with it.

South: I HATE THE SAINTS. Guess why, you're right, 2009 and the Katrina-sympathy bowl. Bitter much? Yes. Drew Brees is really good, but the injury bug is hitting the offense pretty hard, I'm interested in seeing if he can keep up the great numbers. I've always had a soft spot for the blowhard Ryans, and Rob is making me proud. Turning an injured, talent-short defense into a quality unit is awesome to see.

If it were possible for me to ignore the Panthers, I would.

Atlanta has the dubious honor of making me consider placing them below the Schiano's. At least they don't exude bland like Mike Smith's team. I've hated the Falcons ever since they proved incapable of keeping the Saints in check, and Smith has a big part in that. The funniest thing, after they fire him, it's not going to get better. Thomas Dimitroff gets so much credit for building the successor to the mid-2000's Colts, do they realize that's not a good thing? And while Matt Ryan is an above-average QB, he's no Peyton Manning.

Saved the Schiano-est for last. The way the Schiano's shit the bed today was indicative of their whole season. A lot of noise about something, but in the end we're all wondering what it was really about. I hope that Josh Freeman has a great career in Minnesota (yes, I'm abusing prescription pain meds again, leave me alone!) to spite this shitty, shitty man.

The Saints take the division and have an outside shot at the #1 seed if the 49'ers, Seahawks, or Packers falter. The Panthers will be in the playoff hunt if someone keeps Cam from being his douchebag self.

Well, that's Jace's 'state of the nfl'. I'm feeling quite good about the second half of the season. And yes, I have way too much sleepless time on my hands.