Datepalm

Dating: to play the part of the one who doesn't wait

219 posts in this topic

“Am I in love? --yes, since I am waiting. The other one never waits. Sometimes I want to play the part of the one who doesn't wait; I try to busy myself elsewhere, to arrive late; but I always lose at this game. Whatever I do, I find myself there, with nothing to do, punctual, even ahead of time. The lover's fatal identity is precisely this: I am the one who waits.”
― Roland Barthes, A Lover's Discourse: Fragments

_____________________________

Let us carry on, and raise a toast to Three-House-Away-Girl. At least she was clear about things and its not a dragged out nightmare, I suppose? Are you ok with down-shifting into being friends though?

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11 hours ago, Datepalm said:

Let us carry on, and raise a toast to Three-House-Away-Girl. At least she was clear about things and its not a dragged out nightmare, I suppose? Are you ok with down-shifting into being friends though?

Yeah, I'm fine with it. Part of me always knew that the structural foundations (long distance, not that much in common) were problematic. I think I was investing more and more emotion in the relationship even as she was going the other way.

(The girl made it clear that she felt terrible, and that she didn't want to hurt me. So it was amicable. I still needed a good cry afterwards though).

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On 12/21/2016 at 11:37 AM, Datepalm said:

“Am I in love? --yes, since I am waiting. The other one never waits. Sometimes I want to play the part of the one who doesn't wait; I try to busy myself elsewhere, to arrive late; but I always lose at this game. Whatever I do, I find myself there, with nothing to do, punctual, even ahead of time. The lover's fatal identity is precisely this: I am the one who waits.”
― Roland Barthes, A Lover's Discourse: Fragments

Like the quote. Waiting is what I've been doing a lot of, and will continue to do.

The man I like a lot - too much - doesn't seem to like me all that much - except as a convenient source of regular blow jobs.  

So I am sad, and muttering Auden's "If equal affection cannot be..." poem to myself, and now at least I have another quotation to gnaw on.

/drunk and maudlin. 

I'll snap out of it tomorrow. (I've been saying that every night for a week). 

Sorry things didn't work out with your girl, RBPL. 

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No one like a mid-century French structuralist for drunk moping!

I just want to report that I ran into OK-I-Guess-Guy and the gym and we failed to execute a passable high five. Three time. It was sad, seriously. I think that was what definitively did in any lets try for that beer after all sentiment.

My negative-dating non-insights are a myriad.

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I think I've asked this question before but fuck it, I'm asking again?

Where do you actually meet people? I'm not a hermit. I'm not a shut-in. I have friends and social hobbies and regularly leave the flat to go outside. But I never seem to meet single people I might want to date. Everyone's taken or outside my age range. The very few single, age-appropriate people I do meet are almost invariably not people I'm interested in. I've already ranted enough in the old thread about my distaste for online dating.

So yeah, what venues do you guys have the most luck meeting people?

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Posted (edited)

.Last decade of where I met ex gfs:

 at the dog park

Cousin of a co-worker/friend

OKCupid

Trivia night at the local pub (a Welsh themed pub in upstate New York)

Just set up a tinder dates for tomorrow night /Monday day but I've found about 2/3rds of tinder dates cancel on me

Eta:. At this point tinder is just a videogame that might get you laid

 

 

 

Edited by larrytheimp

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None of these have gone anywhere, but leaving out the online ones, places I've met guys who hit on me/I tried to hit on in the past few years has been...

- outside a cafe

- inside a cafe

- on a train

- on a bus

- crashing a Medecins Sans Frontiers compound for evening GoT marathon after getting arrested for being suspected of being Boko Haram. I think someone told me later that one had a girlfriend in Canada though.

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18 minutes ago, Datepalm said:

- crashing a Medecins Sans Frontiers compound for evening GoT marathon after getting arrested for being suspected of being Boko Haram. I think someone told me later that one had a girlfriend in Canada though.

Small world.

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He was cute, outdoorsy and could cook. And, you know, working to eradicate malaria in Africa and stuff. :-(

Outside cafe guy, inside cafe guy, bus guy and train guy, on the other hand, were all, and probably remain, an excitingly varied spectrum of human catastrophe, and, more to the point, either not interesting or interested in the dating sense. But I did meet them!

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My last decade of meeting single, age-appropriate women:

....

But I am kind of a shut-in, so :dunno:

 

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3 hours ago, larrytheimp said:

.Last decade of where I met ex gfs:

 at the dog park

Cousin of a co-worker/friend

OKCupid

Trivia night at the local pub (a Welsh themed pub in upstate New York)

Just set up a tinder dates for tomorrow night /Monday day but I've found about 2/3rds of tinder dates cancel on me

Eta:. At this point tinder is just a videogame that might get you laid

 

 

 

I'm sorry hold up - there's a WELSH THEMED pub in New York !?!?!

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I don't know how to meet people either lmao - and I've only become more extrovert and comfortable around people - just need to move to a city again - I'm tired of living in the country already lmao, feel like I'm wasting my time here

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4 minutes ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

Yeah, it's got the lamp-post and wardrobe and everything.

LMAO 

I was hoping for Dragons and Bardic poetry 

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I was hoping for post-industrial labour economics and linguistic revival policies. 

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3 hours ago, Theda Baratheon said:

I'm sorry hold up - there's a WELSH THEMED pub in New York !?!?!

Was.  Someone douchebag bought it and turned it into a place with overpriced watered down cocktails and shit beer selection.  There used to be a smoky pool room upstairs with fake wood panelling on the walls and people smoked cigarettes there...Inside in NY!  It was out of good fellas or something.  Called Peint o grwrw I think

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Ways I have met dudes I dated in the past ten years- 

straightedge message board

okcupid

friend of a friend

friend of message board ex

guy who stalked me on Facebook #1

friend of a friend

guy who stalked me on Facebook #2

a colleague I didn't work with

friend of guy who stalked me on Facebook #1 ex

Friend of previous ex and Facebook stalk ex

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You're snowball sampling?

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20 hours ago, Liffguard said:

I think I've asked this question before but fuck it, I'm asking again?

Where do you actually meet people? I'm not a hermit. I'm not a shut-in. I have friends and social hobbies and regularly leave the flat to go outside. But I never seem to meet single people I might want to date. Everyone's taken or outside my age range. The very few single, age-appropriate people I do meet are almost invariably not people I'm interested in. I've already ranted enough in the old thread about my distaste for online dating.

So yeah, what venues do you guys have the most luck meeting people?

Let me know when you find out.

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