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GOODKIND VII, The sword of truthiness

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I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. Inspired by the Yearded One and the appalling lack of moral clarity over at wotmania, I felt compelled to make this post to chastise them for their lack of moral clarity. Can I plead temporary insanity? ;)

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Actually, the references to Simmons seem quite apt. I wonder what Stego will make of this? He gave Simmons a real work-over over his statements, and this seems much worse.

PS Approaching the end of the topic. Suggested subtitles for VIII?

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Actually, the references to Simmons seem quite apt. I wonder what Stego will make of this? He gave Simmons a real work-over over his statements, and this seems much worse.

PS Approaching the end of the topic. Suggested subtitles for VIII?

We are? It's only been three days, I think. It must be the Phantom quotes?

Goodkind VIII: For those with moral clarity only: or

Goodkind VIII: It's not terrorism if we do it (uh, ignore this)

Goodkind VIII: Hide your children

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This is kind of pun-tastic, but what about:

Goodkind VIII My Children


Goodkind VIII, Testicle Consumption Junction

Goodkind VIII, Gorilla-that-is-not-a-Guerilla War

Goodkind VIII, Return of Violet's Jaw

Goodkind VIII, Oral Clarity

Goodkind VIII, How Terry Got His Groove Back

Goodkind VIII, The Art Of Yeard Maintenance

Goodkind VIII, Nicci's Feces

Goodkind VIII, Zedd's Dead, Baby, Zedd's Dead

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Goodkind VIII: Mentally fitting a square peg into a round hole.

Goodkind VIII: Off the deep end.

Goodkind VIII: Rape this!

Goodkind VIII: Philosophical masturbation.

Goodkind VIII: He is to fantasy what Crissy was to Three's Company.

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“It’s a dream come true to work with someone of such remarkable vision, talent and ability,†Goodkind said in a statement released today. “Given Sam’s sincere love for these stories and his determination to only make great films, this mini series will be a watershed event.â€

I really really hope Sam Raimi and Producer Guy are having him on and are only buying the movie rights so that no one else can make a movie out of it, or turn it into some sort of comedy.

And seeing as how Raimi is responsible for Evil Dead, I think there's a high chance of the latter.

Army of Darkness, without Ash?

Hmmmm.....But perhaps they can get Bruce Campbell to be the wizard and fire magical buckshot out of the sword of truth after chopping off the hilt and strapping it to his arm.

Good morning and welcome once again to the Terry Goodkind Quote of the Day. Today’s episode follows Nicci’s stirring description of the Imperial Order’s culinary habits, as Richard explains to the army that it has to be disbanded in order to fight in a different way. The Imperial Order’s army is way to big to defeat in ordinary battle, so naturally, Richard has a new plan. Terry (BBNC) is, as always, really subtle.

“We must fight the war our way. We must fight it for what it really is—not armies on a field of battle acting as surrogates for ideas, but a war for the future of mankind.

“As such, it is a war in which the Old World is totally committed, in which everyone on their side has dedicated themselves to the struggle. They are passionate about their cause. They believe in what they are doing. They think they have right on their side, that they are acting morally, that they are fulfilling the Creator’s wishes, and so they are justified in murdering whoever they wish in order to define how mankind will live. […] <oh yeah, I almost forgot that the Order are the bad guys, thanks for the reminder>

“All the people who believe in the ways of the Order, who contribute, who encourage, who support, who pray for their soldiers to crush us, are part of their war effort. Each of those people adds something to their cause. As such, they are just as much the enemy as the soldiers swinging the swords for them. They are the ones who feed their blades with a supply of young men and everything they need to come after us, from food to moral support and encouragement.â€

Richard pointed south. “In fact, those people who make this war possible are perhaps even more of an enemy because each one is a silent enabler who wishes us harm from afar, who hates by choice, who believes that there is no consequence for them forcing their will on us. <see where this is all going yet?>

[…] He drew his hands into fists. “We must bring this war home to the people who support and encourage it. It must not simply be the lives of our friends, our families, our loved ones who are thrown into the bloody cauldron these people of the Old World stoke. It must now be their lives as well.

“They see this as a struggle for the future of mankind. I intend to see that it is. I want them to fully understand that if they set out to murder and subjugate us-for whatever reason-then there will be consequences.

“From this day forward, we will fight a real war, a total war, a war without mercy. We will not impose pointless rules on ourselves about what is ‘fair.’ Our only mandate is to win. That is the only way we, our loved ones, our freedom will survive. Our victory is all that is moral. I want any supporter of the Order to pay the price for their aggression. I want them to pay with their fortunes, their future, their very lives.

“The time has come to go after these people with nothing but cold black rage in our hearts.â€

Richard lifted a fist. “Crush their bones to blood and dust!â€

There was a moment of silence as everyone took a collective breath, and then a thunderous cheer erupted, as if they had all secretly known that they had no chance to succeed and that they were doomed to face only death and failure in the end, but now they had been shown that there was a way. There was, at last, a real chance to save their homes and loved ones, to save the future.

[…] “The army of the Order has the support of the people of their homeland. The soldiers of the Order each know that their families, friends, and neighbors support them. The men of the Order need to hear from those back in the Old World. What I want the men of the Order to hear are wails of agony. I want them to know that their homes are being gutted, their cities and towns leveled, their businesses and crops destroyed, and their loved ones left with nothing.

[…] We must deny them those supplies they need to survive here in such numbers. We must cut that vital link. If the Imperial Order’s soldiers starve to death they are just as dead. […]

“Also, the recruits coming up from the south will be much more vulnerable since they will not yet have joined up with experienced men, or be in massive numbers. They are poorly trained and little more than young thugs going off to rape and pillage. Slaughter them before they go north and have the chance….Seeing the bodies of these young heroes-to-be rotting on their doorsteps will help us crush the spirit of the people of the Old World.â€

[…] One of the men toward the back cleared his throat, then spoke up. “Lord Rahl, innocent people down there are going to die. These aren’t soldiers we will be attacking. A lot of children are going to die in this kind of thing.â€

“Yes, that is unfortunately true, but don’t let your mind be clouded or your determination turned aside by such a spurious and irrelevant charge. The Order is responsible for conducting a war of aggression against innocent people who have done them no harm-including women and children. We seek only to end the aggression as swiftly as possible.

“It’s true that innocent people-including children-will be hurt or killed. What is the alternative? Continuing to sacrifice good people out of fear of harming someone innocent? We are all innocent. Our children are all innocent. They are being harmed, now. The Order’s rule will eventually harm everyone, including all those children in the Old World. The Order will turn many of them into monsters. Many more people will die in the end if the Order wins.

“Moreover, the lives of the people in the Old World are not our responsibility, they are the Order’s responsibility. We did not start this war and attack them-they attacked us. Our only proper course of action is to end the war as swiftly as possible. This is the only way to do that. In the end, this is the most humane thing wed can do because in the end this will mean the least loss of life.

~Terry Goodkind, Phantom

Its times like this that I miss Cambodia.

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Possible titles for Goodkind VIII:

Terry: What's Yeard Got to Do With It?

The Omega Yeard

Citizen Goodkind


Brokeback Yeard

The Taming of the Yeard

The Scarlet Yeard

Death of a Yeardsman

Apocalypse Yeard

Singing in the Yeard

I Have No Yeard and I Must Scream

Nightmare on Yeard Street

Yeardday the 13th

I Know What You Yeareded Last Summer

I Still Know What You Yearded Last Summer

Bride of the Yeard

Evil Yeard

Army of Yeardness

Planet of the Yeards

Beneath the Planet of the Yeards

Escape from Planet of the Yeards

Logan's Yeard

The Yeard from Planet Arous

The Amazing Colossal Yeard

The Incredible Shirnking Yeard

The Howling: New Yeard Rising

For Us the Yearded

Night of the Living Yeard

Dawn of the Yeard

Day of the Yeard

Land of the Yeard

Return of the Living Yeard

Paint Your Yeard

A Fistful of Yeards

The Good, the Bad, and the Yeard

The Longest Yeard

War and Yeard

Field of Yeards

The Road Yeardior

Mad Terry

Mad Terry Beyond Thunderdome (Two Yeards Enter; One Yeard Leves!)

The Cabinet of Doctor Yeard

Gone with the Yeard

Snakes on a Yeard

Yeards on a Plane

Bram Stoker's Yeardula

Interview with the Yeard

Goodkind: The Yeard Stalker

The Yeard-Files

Yearduffy the Collectivist Slayer

The Yeardsman Always Rings Twice

The Maltese Yeard

It's A Mad Mad Mad Mad Yeard

Those Magnificent Yeards and their Yearding Machines

The Yearding

Yeard SemaTerry

Salem's Yeard

Maximum OverYeard

M. Night Shyamalan's the Yeard in the Water

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As strategies go, it is pretty terrible.

As a way to win a philosophical war, it is worse.

As a method of bringing the world to your side, it is just stupid.

Is he seriously having entire cites burned to the ground? This is like advocating carpet bombing, when you have no airplanes. Not to mention, how is an inferior force going to actually burn down a city, it takes a lot of effort to get a city burning and keep it burning.

If it was just ambushing new recruits, burning supplies, or even going after foundries, mines, etc. Then you can make an argument, but engaging in unlimited war, off of your home turf, without suffecient numbers. No way that is going to work.

But Terry is horribly consistent. To him, one is not defined by action, good and evil are not decernible by action, they are a matter of philosophy only. Which while horrible to us, is his guiding theme. The fact that it mascrades as an absence of faith, it is ultimatly a complete surrender to it.

The sheer lunacy and nonsense of his military strategy aside, that last paragraph captures the true irony of Goodkin'd philosophy.

Goodkind's philosophy reminds me of all the communist excesses by Mao, Stalin, and Pol Pot. In every one of them, the means were justified by the intent of a 'noble' ideology. People sacrificed on the alter of the murderous hypocrisy of rigid idelogy. How appriopriate that Goodkind mirrors that which he despises most, Totalitarian Communist regimes.

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I think we have a winner! ;)

Already!? But I have just thought up a whole new slew of names! Blast. Oh well, I may as well post them now so I don't forget by the time the 9th incarnation of this thread goes up.

Goodkind VIII:

Journey to the Center of Yeard

20,000 Yeards Under the Sea

War of the Yeards

The Yeard Machine

Lord of the Yeards

Teenage Mutant Ninja Yeards

Mighty Morphin' Objectivist Rangers

The Hideous Yeard Demon

What's Up, Hideous Yeard Demon

Live and Let Yeard

Yeards are Forever

From Yeard With Love

The Man With the Golden Yeard



Live and Let Yeard

Yeard is Not Enough


For Your Yeard Only


The Yeard Who Loved Me

On Her Majesty's Secret Yeard


A View to a Yeard

Licence to Yeard

Yeard Another Day

Gone with the Yeard

Zorba the Yeard

The African Yeard

All Quiet on the Western Yeard

All The President's Yeards


The Yeard before Christmas

They Saved Hitler's Yeard!

The Yeard on the River Kwai

"Manos," the Yeard of Fate

Charlie and the Yeard Factory

Cool Yeard Luke

The Day the Yeard Stood Still

Dial Y For Yeard

Dr. Goodkind and Mr. Yeard

Dr. Namblelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Yeard

Full Metal Yeard

The Yeardfather

How Green Was My Yeard

The Last Temptation of Terry

The Passion of the Yeard

The Yeardchurian Candidate

Mr. Goodkind Goes to Washington

One Flew Over the Yeard's Nest

O Yeard Whre Art Thou

Yeard Without a Cause

Bikini Yeard Party

Sex, Yeards and Videotape

Yeard Trek II: The Wrath of Terry

To Yeard a Mockingbird

Yeard of the Sierra Madre

2001: A Yeard Odyssey

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I was going back and reading through Zap's copious lists, and saw "Yeardpussy" (a la Octopussy, I hope). Now, having the active imagination that I do, that particular title fired off some very graphic images in my mind.

And now, I introduce to the world: The Pubic Yeard! All any guy or girl would have to do is give their pubic area kind of an Abraham Lincoln treatment, and use some of that hair to make a ponytail, which they would then glue to their ass...I know, I know it's kind of a hassle.

That's why I've invented the Yeardkin: it's a pubic wig in the style of a Yeard! All you have to do is put it on, and now your crotch and ass area is a twin to Terry Goodkind's head! What price could you put on that?

"Hey there, what's the word-kin,

It's time to buy a Yeardkin,

There's only one thing for certain,

All the cool kids have a Yeardkin!"

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