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HelenaExMachina

Mental Wellbeing Thread

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Awwwwww, Toth. I don't think we have talked before, but know that every time I read one of your posts, I just want to spend time with you one-on-one and do something fun and give you a big hug. I don't think it would help much, but just keep in mind that there are surely people who want to spend time with you - they are even asking you to all the time; if they didn't ask you to, they would not invite you - so please don't lose all hope about not being lonely at some point. :grouphug:

I know that teaching work is hard and demands a lot of time, but also make sure you take enough time for yourself! Your health is a priority for you, and no work is worth all your time. Good luck. I am impressed that you like this job!

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About eight years ago I encountered the phrase, then presented as exemplifying an "eastern" attitude to teachers, but actually stemming from Europe afaik, "a good teacher is like a candle, consuming itself to light the way for others". 

With added age and jadedness, I realize that this is a terrible idea. Teaching should be symbiosis, not based on some kind of lethal parasitism that kills the host organism. Good teachers tend to be happy teachers, and happy teachers tend to be people with hybrid identities. People who aren't just teachers, but also opera singers, artists, gardeners, film makers, sailors, potters, calligraphers, runners, dancers etc.  Of course, achieving this balance doesn't seem feasible in many modern education systems. Certainly not for many teachers working within the UK education system, from what I've read. 

 

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10 hours ago, Buckwheat said:

Awwwwww, Toth. I don't think we have talked before, but know that every time I read one of your posts, I just want to spend time with you one-on-one and do something fun and give you a big hug.

Oh great, because getting pitied feels so great... -.-

(please don't take this reply as too harsh, but while I use this thread to vent and scream out my frustrations with myself, it's not like I do this to gain anyone's sympathy. In fact, ever since I realized that my father's go-to method for picking up women had always been endless whining, mostly about his marriage, I am quite afraid that this is a family thing and I should just stop venting at all for the sake of not inheriting the same fucked up mindset)

10 hours ago, Buckwheat said:

I don't think it would help much, but just keep in mind that there are surely people who want to spend time with you - they are even asking you to all the time; if they didn't ask you to, they would not invite you

I am... not quite sure I understand. Because I thought from my previous ramblings I thought I made it clear that no one invites me to anything and it's mostly just me attaching myself to some kind of group and then fleeing when that group has some meet-up and I get overwhelmed with a sense of not belonging there. The fact that no one personally invites me and I'm instead just forcing myself upon them heavily plays into why it's so easy for my mind to win the argument that I shouldn't be there in the first place.

10 hours ago, Buckwheat said:

I am impressed that you like this job!

And once again, something I have heard constantly by one of my examiners during teacher training which in turn caused my anxiety to increase a hundredfold. "I am amazed that someone like you wants to be teacher!". That's a way of praise that interlinks heavily with my parents' passive-aggressive "But surely you don't actually want to do this, do you?"

I know I've chosen an uphill battle thanks to my fucked-up-ness, but my fucked-up-ness is also a major driving force for why I find my work so important and why I don't want to screw this up. So yeah, me whining about my social anxiety actually is fairly unrelated to me whining about the conditions of my work.

8 hours ago, dog-days said:

About eight years ago I encountered the phrase, then presented as exemplifying an "eastern" attitude to teachers, but actually stemming from Europe afaik, "a good teacher is like a candle, consuming itself to light the way for others". 

With added age and jadedness, I realize that this is a terrible idea. Teaching should be symbiosis, not based on some kind of lethal parasitism that kills the host organism. Good teachers tend to be happy teachers, and happy teachers tend to be people with hybrid identities. People who aren't just teachers, but also opera singers, artists, gardeners, film makers, sailors, potters, calligraphers, runners, dancers etc.  Of course, achieving this balance doesn't seem feasible in many modern education systems. Certainly not for many teachers working within the UK education system, from what I've read.

That is something I can agree with. I have learned fairly fast that almost all problems in modern education stems from how little politicians want to take money into their hands to improve the work quality of the teachers. It's laughable here in Germany that they'd rather give all teachers a raise in working hours instead of hiring more teachers to actually reliably fill the timetables. It's laughable that when the unions rally for better conditions, the polititians flat out say that hiring is out of the question. It's insane. So many of my collegues have reduced their hours to a part-time level, preferring massive salary losses instead of the stress I'm making myself and it's so goddamn unnecessary.

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10 hours ago, Toth said:

Oh great, because getting pitied feels so great... -.-

(please don't take this reply as too harsh, but while I use this thread to vent and scream out my frustrations with myself, it's not like I do this to gain anyone's sympathy. In fact, ever since I realized that my father's go-to method for picking up women had always been endless whining, mostly about his marriage, I am quite afraid that this is a family thing and I should just stop venting at all for the sake of not inheriting the same fucked up mindset)

I didn't want to pity you, I actually wanted to say something comforting, but whatever. I am sorry I expressed myself wrongly.

10 hours ago, Toth said:

I am... not quite sure I understand. Because I thought from my previous ramblings I thought I made it clear that no one invites me to anything and it's mostly just me attaching myself to some kind of group and then fleeing when that group has some meet-up and I get overwhelmed with a sense of not belonging there. The fact that no one personally invites me and I'm instead just forcing myself upon them heavily plays into why it's so easy for my mind to win the argument that I shouldn't be there in the first place.

If you know of the meet up being organised and it is about your study/your work, then you are being invited. ;) You should be there, you are obviously a successful student if you finished studying and have some job experience already, at least you can talk about this, right?

Maybe you would function better not in group meetings, but one-on-one? So you are not overwhelmed by all the people around you? I don't know, just guessing.

10 hours ago, Toth said:

And once again, something I have heard constantly by one of my examiners during teacher training which in turn caused my anxiety to increase a hundredfold. "I am amazed that someone like you wants to be teacher!". That's a way of praise that interlinks heavily with my parents' passive-aggressive "But surely you don't actually want to do this, do you?"

I know I've chosen an uphill battle thanks to my fucked-up-ness, but my fucked-up-ness is also a major driving force for why I find my work so important and why I don't want to screw this up. So yeah, me whining about my social anxiety actually is fairly unrelated to me whining about the conditions of my work.

Sorry, expressed myself wrongly again. I was struggling with my own thoughts about teaching as a career. I am in a field where most of my study colleagues end up teaching. For me personally, I just don't want to do it - mostly because being personally responsible for a bunch of kids every day and also being responsible for their learning seems like a nightmare to me (I am fine with teaching adults though). So I kind of admire everybody who actually wants to do it. But yes, also on top of your social anxiety - it is all the more curious that you choose to do such a job that requires to be in contact with a large group of people at all times.  I am sure it is very rewarding, but also exhausting.

*bows out*

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This past Saturday was a first for me. I went to my first college basketball game with my cousin and her family. We're friends with the head coach of the visiting team and was able to get us tickets. His team, Loyola Maryland beat Chicago State 98-85.

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On 11/15/2019 at 1:32 AM, KingintheNorth4 said:

This past Saturday was a first for me. I went to my first college basketball game with my cousin and her family. We're friends with the head coach of the visiting team and was able to get us tickets. His team, Loyola Maryland beat Chicago State 98-85.

Sounds fun ! :D 

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