Dating Thread: In Memoriam

[Spockydog]

Wut?

[A Horse Named Stranger]

Didn't I promise you to turn this thread weird?

Spoiler

but admittedly there was a never missing.

 

[Spockydog]

Did you find some fermented apples at the bottom of your field or something? 

[Spockydog]

So I was planning on deleting my Tinder profile. It seems a bit more hookupy than some of the other sites. 

Will delay for the immediate future, though. Maybe make the profile a bit more sexy/cheeky than the one I've got on Match, switch up my location to Barcelona and Up For It, and see what happens. 

 

 

Edited March 8 by Spockydog

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

On 3/8/2024 at 7:06 AM, The Sunland Lord said:

Wtf. I immediately picture you as Henry Hill in Goodfellas destroying all those cabs on the parking lot. 

That escalated quickly. J and I's night was a slow burn. Keeping it more germane to the thread, I learned a lesson that night. As HS boys, don't take your new cute dates to a college party that also has a lot of people in their mid to late 20's at it. We both lost them almost immediately. 

[Spockydog]

2 hours ago, Mr. Chatywin et al. said:

That escalated quickly. J and I's night was a slow burn. Keeping it more germane to the thread, I learned a lesson that night. As HS boys, don't take your new cute dates to a college party that also has a lot of people in their mid to late 20's at it. We both lost them almost immediately. 

Quite literally a schoolboy error. 

Edited March 9 by Spockydog

[BigFatCoward]

relationship advice rather than dating, is it ok to tell your partner that you find the topic of conversation boring and ask that you stop? 

My wife went to see a psychic yesterday, and i had to cut her off after about 5 mins as my eyes were glazing over.  She says its rude, i think its rude to talk about a topic someone clearly isn't interested in.  After 15 years she should know me well enough, i don't talk to her about the 2 hours i spent watching skinny men cycle up mountains yesterday, because i know she wouldn't be interested. 

Also it was hypocritical as we were in the pub with the kids and she had been on her phone for about 15 mins non stop when we arrived while i sorted everything out, in retrospect it might have been this that made me more blunt than perhaps i should have been. 

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

Idk if there's a correct answer because we all communicate differently. I guess for me I'd say upfront as the story began that I don't believe in psychics at all, but I'll listen to what you have to say, just keep it short. I'd probably have a hard time making it past 5 minutes myself. There's a real skillset in knowing how to pivot/bridge to a new topic so in that instance I'd probably try to pick up on something she said to change the topic without hurting her feelings if I too thought my eyes were glazing over. 

I'd also be more annoyed about the phone part TBH, so I get you there. 

[Toth]

Holy shit, I guess I'm tearing up right now.

As an idiot with far too much bile curiosity I had earlier stalked around Reddit and looking through a profile of someone who said something wise, I saw in their post history a BDSM subreddit. I'm don't think I have a kink or anything, but I thought for fun I could scroll through it... you know, the bile curiosity stuff... and... I guess I can be lucky nobody was talking dirty, which would have repelled me instantly, but instead everyone was very warmly and excitedly talking about all their communication of needs and wants and how they express their trust in their partners and I must admit just a couple of minutes of scrolling were enough for me to feel my heart cramp and ache and I just got hit with a wave of envy and despair that I haven't felt yet in this intensity. All going through my head right now is that I will never know what trust and intimacy like this feels like...

Edited March 17 by Toth

[Madame deVenoge]

Ok - @Toth - I’m not understanding “bile curiosity”? 

And I’m hoping my Cyberstalker has better things to think about.

To keep y’all updated, Mr MBA is….too young. I’m going to have to break it off.

We have two others in play, but long-game play, so I’m just kind of trying to not be depressed and also concentrating on still paying off my past mistakes (literally: the Options Whipsaw That Is Not Dead and the Tax Consequences Thereof still has $8k left to go on my Amex, which is better than the original $25k).

[Toth]

1 hour ago, Madame deVenoge said:

Ok - @Toth - I’m not understanding “bile curiosity”? 

Heh. I somehow knew you'd be raising your eyebrows at my comment, but didn't actually think you would take the risk and reply. I hope you are doing fine despite the setback!

I guess what I meant was a take on "bile fascination", but didn't think the word would be unusable in different contexts. In any case, I just wanted to express that I was driven by a curiosity to see what naughty things would get talked about, get a laugh and go on with my life. Not exactly what happened however. To the point that by now I feel rather annoyed by it. It... am I going crazy? I think that since then my hormones are out of whack for some reason. It is day three after I had this oddly severe reacting to reading about these peoples' experiences and it's like a switch has been turned on. Since then I have a constant tingling feeling in my chest and arms, have trouble sleeping, alternate between sweating and feeling cold and have lost a noticeable amount of weight. I'm not sick, it's a purely psychological/hormonal thing and it freaks me out. Basically my mind is constantly working over why I am so scared of communicating openly in real life when I'm so damned eager to do so (which... I guess explains my posts under the anonymity of the internet...). And also my inner Freud is mocking me why the explanations of the draw of power play caught my attention the way they did, given how a lack of control over my own life is the major root cause of my anxiety. Fuck this, I need therapy, not a kink...

Edited March 19 by Toth

[Madame deVenoge]

On 3/19/2024 at 7:01 PM, Toth said:

Heh. I somehow knew you'd be raising your eyebrows at my comment, but didn't actually think you would take the risk and reply. I hope you are doing fine despite the setback!

I guess what I meant was a take on "bile fascination", but didn't think the word would be unusable in different contexts. In any case, I just wanted to express that I was driven by a curiosity to see what naughty things would get talked about, get a laugh and go on with my life. Not exactly what happened however. To the point that by now I feel rather annoyed by it. It... am I going crazy? I think that since then my hormones are out of whack for some reason. It is day three after I had this oddly severe reacting to reading about these peoples' experiences and it's like a switch has been turned on. Since then I have a constant tingling feeling in my chest and arms, have trouble sleeping, alternate between sweating and feeling cold and have lost a noticeable amount of weight. I'm not sick, it's a purely psychological/hormonal thing and it freaks me out. Basically my mind is constantly working over why I am so scared of communicating openly in real life when I'm so damned eager to do so (which... I guess explains my posts under the anonymity of the internet...). And also my inner Freud is mocking me why the explanations of the draw of power play caught my attention the way they did, given how a lack of control over my own life is the major root cause of my anxiety. Fuck this, I need therapy, not a kink...

As far as taking the risk and replying…

Well, I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t let a cyberstalker control my life. Because that’s what they’re about, right? Control.

Sooooo….Mr Valuation Guy is still texting. I’m going to need to obtain more information on his intentions, because I am a young lady of firm beliefs in these matters.

Mr VP Sales and I were going to have a drink tonight, but he pleaded headache. I have known him for at least 10+ years, so I am inclined to believe it - yes, he does have a headache, and also, despite how cultured, sophisticated, and amazing he might be, it could be that his health issues might be a barrier to anything more than friendship.

I am not, at the current time, willing to wade back into the morass of Online Dating. I may run off to Morocco with Mr Retired KPMG Partner from NYC (they make them retire at age 60) if I get truly bored. He is….closer in age to me than Mr MBA. If that gives any perspective on me vis-a-vis my dating pool.

Then again, I might be having jaw surgery #2 in a bit, here, because my TMJ is so bad that I can’t open my mouth more than 15 millimeters. I have an MRI tomorrow, that shall tell us more. Won’t be able to fly for a bit after surgery, certainly not long distance.

I still have not broken it off with Mr MBA, but I somewhat feel like I should give him the benefit of the doubt for a bit? Maybe? 

Edited March 21 by Madame deVenoge

[Madame deVenoge]

I can’t believe I killed the thread. Sorry.

[Tears of Lys]

Chats, you are the flesh and beating heart of this thread.  You could never kill it.    

[Toth]

3 hours ago, Madame deVenoge said:

I can’t believe I killed the thread. Sorry.

I might as well have instead, sharing far too much information for a public place like this just because it was new to me. In any case, I hope the issue with your jaw will be solved quickly and without much annoyance. Sounds pretty scary... To the rest, I am in no position to comment on anything. You know best what you are looking for and what you are valuing in people. We will be happy to hear whatever path you will take!

 

In the meantime on my end... well, I think I've managed to sort myself out and more or less returned to normal ("normal" levels of severe anxiety aside). I even posted my question on the aforementioned subreddit, unfolding all the thoughts and fantasies going through my head... and interestingly most of the kinky people there actually said that it sounds more like I was blindsided by the open discussions about wants and needs and my craving for intimacy got the better of me, instead of having a kink. Which checks out I guess. I even went through the fantasies I was having during these weird three days and amusingly enough realized that I was pretty much only fantasizing about the negotiations of needs and wants and whenever I tried to picture myself in anything explicit, I just... saw myself being unrelentingly sarcastic about the goofiness of it all, trying to make my imaginary intercourse partner laugh and thus ruining the mood. So no, I guess fantasy is still fantasy and actual cravings are quite probably only in the intimacy department. Still, three days of being "turned on" like a light switch... Fuck me. I guess I have to apologize to a couple of people where I may have been not empathetic enough about their emotions, thinking it should be possible to conquer them. But this intensity was completely new to me and if it had gone for any longer, I'd have considered myself gone raving mad.

Unfortunately I am still quite a long way off of where I can try to seek such intimacy. I'm right now in a tumultuous spot. Finally, after a year of waiting since my application, I am in the process of getting public servant status, with my medical exam being after the Easter holidays. This means if I get it, my pension plan is clear, I can switch to a new insurance and then will finally be able to seek a therapy place without fear of creating monetary road blocks for myself. At the same time, I have started house hunting with my mother, with the idea that once I have a house with a separate annex for her, I can close my door and finally be more or less independent, only doing groceries for her from then on out. Unfortunately so far only one half-decent candidate was visited, but it was barely within my budget and the guest house was far too tiny for my mother. So... I guess this will still take some time and I must admit, it is quite taking a toll on me to endure her presence when there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Anything else I haven't bothered mentioning because I'm never dating anyway? Ah yes maybe you'd find this one amusing... Because I did react to one of her photos today, I feel kind of reminded of a scene a few weeks ago where I guess I finally blew it thanks to my self-centeredness and lack of ability to communicate clearly. On that cosplay discord I have joined a few years ago to network better with fellow nerds before going to conventions, there is this comparably new user my age who is... decidedly out of my league and lives far away, so we aren't attending the same conventions anyway. But she seems bored enough to chat more than most people on there (the discord is quite dead these days...). And I've found myself oddly more... combative than usual with her and have actually tried friendly banter. Not sure whether this is giving me any points or the opposite, but it somehow led to a chat on Valentine's Day, when I was respectfully trying to cheer her up when she was complaining about her single status. Cue a few weeks later when she mentioned in passing having to go out to buy the pill and me thinking to myself "Well, that didn't long!". Then two weeks ago or so she was complaining about the quality of a ready-made cosplay she bought and having to replace quite a few parts with normal clothes. I, again with the banter for some reason, posted a photo of a really garish version that seemed to be made purely out of plastic that I found on the internet and asked her with a blinking smiley whether she got herself one looking like this. I then stupidly thought I'd add my own experience with a ready-made costume I bought last year because self-centered anecdotes still are somehow my go-to-conversation style instead of true active listening and then I said I also prefer a more realistic look and had to switch out the garish stuff with normal clothes. She then snapped back "It is not for you to like it ;)" and I quickly had to walk back and apologize that it was not my intention to make it sound like it's about my preferences and wished her much fun styling it up. She replied "no worries", but I still haven't dared engaging with her since then. I guess I still really have much to learn about how conversation works... Also it was maybe indeed not wise to now put a thumbs-up on a picture of hers, now that I'm considering this... Crap... No way this isn't making me look like a creep...

Edited March 23 by Toth

[Madame deVenoge]

@Toth - look at you coming such a long way! You’re starting to flirt!!

I spent a good bit of the day yesterday crying in bed because it was the first anniversary of when we (The Doctor) first met, along with the second year of a wine festival that we went to. This was not just any wine festival - tickets start at $4k.

But you know what? After this tax thing is finally paid, along with one more other debt, that will free up a lot of cash, and I’ll be able to do that again, if I want to.

 

[Toth]

3 hours ago, Madame deVenoge said:

@Toth - look at you coming such a long way! You’re starting to flirt!!

Eh, more like treating another person as a social experiment and fearing that it is being perceived as an attempt at flirting and coming off as creepy, given the context of that just being a network to safely share in the hobby without the thirsty creeps on instagram. Her snapping at me like this kind of proves my worries about that. Not to mention that... well, really, I have to emphasize I don't want anything out these chats aside some practice of the social interaction. At most it would be neat to get a new acquaintance out of that, but even for that I think we are too mutually guarded about our interests/simply have too little in common anyway.. Also... my mind makes a distinction between attractive women that come off as cute or as intimidating and she is very, very much on the intimidating side of things... which is why I assumed why it was so easy for her to get a boyfriend so soon after complaining about being single. XD

Also I really need to point out how awkward and robotic I am in real life. A few months ago I was attending a further education course with other teachers. On the way back home I sat in the train with two other teachers from it, with the guy eventually leaving, so I was left alone in a chat with a younger woman teacher. I had read up about active listening some time before and thought to myself "Fuck it, let's try this!" and obviously hilariously overdid it and ended up interrogating her about a coding club she was offering at her school to the point that she noted "Have I now explained it thoroughly enough?" with a rather sharp displeasure in her tone when I had to get off the train and said my goodbye...

And sorry to hear about yesterday. Also damn, I hope the wine was at least good...

Edited March 24 by Toth

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

One month until New Mexico. Please don't let me fuck this up.

We joked about getting tattoos that are a silly inside joke. Hopefully we get there. 

[Madame deVenoge]

14 hours ago, Mr. Chatywin et al. said:

One month until New Mexico. Please don't let me fuck this up.

We joked about getting tattoos that are a silly inside joke. Hopefully we get there. 

DO NOT F——— THIS ONE UP!!!

There, lol.

I put my foot in the door of Match again. There are a lot of guys out there who think pretty highly of themselves. I’ll say that.

I’m talking to two guys….one has not answered back / might have flaked out and the other one is having difficulty keeping a conversation going. But, we shall see.

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

56 minutes ago, Madame deVenoge said:

DO NOT F——— THIS ONE UP!!!

There, lol.

Well earlier she asked me to call her for a few minutes and an hour and a half later.... 

Quote

I put my foot in the door of Match again. There are a lot of guys out there who think pretty highly of themselves. I’ll say that.

I haven't used dating apps in ages, but Bumble always sounds like the best one.