The Coming N00bpocalypse

[Harlot]

I seriously had not considered this. I predict the moderators will be very busy, at least at first. But I agree this place could always use some new blood.

I also agree that n00bs should be required to read Jaime L's Clegane theory before getting posting privileges. ;)

[Phantom]

Don't knock a good conspiracy theory! You probably don't think there was a shooter on the grassy knoll either! :tantrum:

:lol:

No, I dig conspiracy theories. It's just with Martin, I've given up. Makes waiting less painful.

I lie. It still huuuuurts.

[Arthmail]

Maybe all that bullshit i spewed about turning a new leaf and creating a better presence needs to be put in full reverse. I'll go back to using my smarmiest asshole self-pic and spew vile and hate at the noobs.

They'll turn to Ran or other mods and say, "hey, this guy is being a total smarmy asshole prick, but you never punish him."

Ran/Other Mods: "Yea, but hes a veteran bitches. Besides, he's been pissing us off for three years now, and in that time has failed to say anything of substance. He can't even pick a proper fight without getting bored and wandering away. So fuck you new guy."

Or, i'll start endless vanity threads and try and conscript the unwashed masses for my army. Then i can go about removing my enemies. Namely Limecat, Lord of Bones (and associates), and Jacen.

Oh, and Wal-Mart.

[Guest Raidne]

Go with "Awesomesauce McLawyerpants."

Thanks. That's very helpful.

[S John]

I think that there will definitely be an initial influx but that ultimately, say a year or two later, it will have calmed down and we'll have gained a few new & interesting regulars. I'm like a middle-aged man in board time, having been posting here for 5 years and some change. It seems to me that most people who create havoc burn out and leave (or get banned) fairly quickly. When the dust clears it'll be the same old place with a few new additions.

To be safe though, I'll add my support to a hazing process. Moderators, I recommend that the following policies be implemented starting January 1, 2011:

* Each new member must carry a pack of cigarettes. At all times. Failure to do so will result in push-ups. This means Marlboro's or Camels, by the way, don't try and bullshit me with cheap-o's.

* They must make themselves available to clean our houses or apartments when called upon. Again, failure or neglect will be met with punishment.

* When we have parties or other BwB meets, they are required to remain sober and work the door / drive us home at the end of the night. Keep in mind that they will also be bumming us cigs the entire time and returning in the morning to clean the place up.

I think thats a pretty good start. Given time and the freedom to be creative, I think I can discourage all but the most dedicated of posters from joining our community.

[jurble]

I had also figured out the Loras/Renly thing a bunch of others.

Loras/Renly isn't something that's figured out. It's as obvious as the sun.

[Ser Scot A Ellison]

S John,

Since I've been posting going on 8 years does that mean you owe me some house cleanings and DD nights and that I, likewise, owe truly ancient boarders the same services?

[Jaime L]

We should also make Jamie's conspiracy theory post about Sandor and Gregor being brothers mandatory reading for all newcomers.

I'd be more than happy to teach a mandatory Board 101 seminar for all N00bs if this meant they would have to refer to me as professor from now on. In this role I would certify which N00bs were able to graduate onto General Chatter and who would be left behind in Remedial "Who's the best fighter in Westeros?" Summer Coursework.

Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely and that's my solemn promise to you gentle citizens of the board!

As a fellow Michigander, I feel compelled to let you know up front that his sister is really him in a dress.

:lol:

[S John]

S John,

Since I've been posting going on 8 years does that mean you owe me some house cleanings and DD nights and that I, likewise, owe truly ancient boarders the same services?

Of course not! We are already established board members, sir. This only applies to n00bs aspiring to join our community once the HBO series drops. Under normal circumstances, when we're dealing with 2-4 vocal n00bs at any given time its really no problem to integrate or ignore them. Over time they establish themselves as contributors or move along.

But we are about to be ground zero of an atomic bomb of n00bage. We need a system for sorting them out. I think that system should be hazing backed up with corporal punishment. We should hold them to an impossible standard and then punish them for failure. Thats how it works! In time the weak will have fallen and only the strongest, most dedicated new members will remain. We'll be left with some of the most hardened posters on the entire internet. That is my vision for the future of this board. And my elaborate scheme for free cigs, a clean apartment, and DD services. Its a win/win, really.

[The Iceman of the North]

S John,

Since I've been posting going on 8 years does that mean you owe me some house cleanings and DD nights and that I, likewise, owe truly ancient boarders the same services?

What do you mean? He's cleaned my home on several occasions.

[Lord O' Bones]

Then i can go about removing my enemies. Namely Limecat, Lord of Bones (and associates), and Jacen.

Oh, and Wal-Mart.

The egregious f was bad enough. The association with Wal-Mart, no matter how oblique, is an act of war.

Don't sleep next March. We'll be visiting you then. (Or maybe February or April.*) At any rate, you'll have time to think about it. That's how we roll.

I'd be more than happy to teach a mandatory Board 101 seminar for all N00bs if this meant they would have to refer to me as professor from now on. In this role I would certify which N00bs were able to graduate onto General Chatter and who would be left behind in Remedial "Who's the best fighter in Westeros?" Summer Coursework.

:lol:

* or December 9th? Muahahaha!

[Nichole]

I'm thinking about changing my Board name to something less dorky.

Me too. Or something less obvious.

I will be playing the role of Captain Save a Noob.

"Hey you Boarder of Long Time Standing, be nice to this Noob! How was SHE to know that 'R+L=J' isn't a new theory!!

So...Female Noob, what's your sign??" :leer:

So, who will champion for the male n00bs? Hint: not me.

Really, I think it will be entertaining. I also really like the fake epic spoilers in signature lines.

[Darkostar]

I also really like the fake epic spoilers in signature lines.

After the moment had died, they lay twined in each others arms under the waning, pale light of the moon. Her heart ached as she whispered in his ear. Her breath tickled his neck as she finally admitted, "Tyrion, though my love for you is boundless for freeing me from my abusive husband, I am to be wed to your brother in a fortnight." Catelyn's heart ached as she saw his face melt into an expression of pure anguish.

[Arthmail]

The egregious f was bad enough. The association with Wal-Mart, no matter how oblique, is an act of war.

Don't sleep next March. We'll be visiting you then. (Or maybe February or April.*) At any rate, you'll have time to think about it. That's how we roll.

:lol:

* or December 9th? Muahahaha!

You're already in my scopes. I'd close the blinds at your work, because i'm looking at you right now.

[Kelli Fury]

lucky for this board, all those zombie preparations are also effective on n00bs

[Harlot]

lucky for this board, all those zombie preparations are also effective on n00bs

Does this mean I'm going to have to start wearing a pot on my head again?

[Trebla]

I wonder when we'll see the first "What's wrong with the board" threads? My guess will be the 2nd week of April. :D

[Mya Stone]

My very first thought was that you've only been around since AFFC came out? You haven't been my arch-nemesis for very long at all have you? Then I remembered that AFFC came out 5 years ago...damn you, Jaime. From the depths hell's cold heart, I stab at thee! :P

Jaxom, if it makes you feel any better, I've been around since 2004. Technically, that makes me your original nemesis. And then I formed a cult...which has 2 members. Well, maybe 3 after seeing RC join in. Maybe this potential unavoidable influx of n00bs is a good thing...I could always use more people to bash you. (Although really, I just like doing it myself. I'm like the opposite of the Kingslayer. I like getting my hands dirty. :P)

Also, Trisky, your Hear Me Roar post made me :lol:. I remember the good old days.

Jaim, I've already starting stockpiling gold and canned goods in my basement. And I robbed a Twinkie truck. We will not go hungry, dammit. (Or go broke.)

[LugaJetboyGirl]

However, I think the new guy from MI can stay. Not only do I share a kindred spirit due to my Detroit upbringing, he seems kind of funny. That, and we can point to him as being the beginning of the end, as it were.

The First Floob, if you will.

I'm okay with the new blood idea, but I honestly think other forums are going to pop up that are focused on the show, not the books. That should disperse the traffic a bit. Winter-is-coming already gets a lot of traffic but the overlap in posters between them and us is understandable because WiC is like our little brother blog; we're related by blood. But a bunch of new show forums will probably have no connection to us whatsover, there won't be much poster cross-over and those show forums may even come up on Google searches before us if they're more 'Game of Thrones' focused..

[Mya Stone]

I wonder when we'll see the first "What's wrong with the board" threads? My guess will be the 2nd week of April. :D

I'm tempted to start one right now, seeing how many n00bs have come out and posted in this thread. :P Or maybe message Relic and have him start it. He does grumpy old man so well.

(I do like the feistiness of the fl00b guy, though. He can stay.)