Rant and Rave without Repercussion [Book Spoilers]

[SerMixalot]

More like "You darned Camp Crystal Lake counselors, you killed Jason!"

[Trickrs]

Oh and Arya the sneaky assassin killed Trant in the noisiest and draggest fashion possible.

[Good Guy Garlan]

I just love how Brienne's plot for the last two seasons has been:

Episodes 1-9: do nothing

Episode 10: kill main character in a non-canonical manner

She's D&D's own Scourge of the Underworld, for you Marvel fans. Basically a character whose purpose is to kill other characters when they're too many

[kissdbyfire]

It broke my sides from laughing so hard...

I know! I was laughing so hard the whole time. Gawd. My husband, who is the most casual unsullied ever, didn't know what to make of it and kept asking why I was laughing. Lucky for me his name is Jon. ;)

[DarkRose_9]

Also, congratulations to HBO/D&D for making Ramsay Bolton likeable and a character people can cheer for. I mean, many were glad he killed Stannis... it's like if Peter Jackson had turned Sauron into a capable funny chap and people leaves the theatre saying "those damn Hobbits killed poor Sauron! Curse the Shire!!".

"Damn, Harry Potter! You killed Voldemort, bastard! He was just a poor chap who never met his momma!!!"

Exactly. If I didn't know Ramsay's true nature, I might be rooting for him too, since I am drawn to anti-heroes and that's pretty much how the show has portrayed him.

Like sure, he tortured Theon - but he deserved it!!! and killed that girl and raped sansa, but it's a medieval fantasy world!!! These things happen y'know ;)

/sarcasm.

[aliasocfan]

LOL. That's honestly all I can say about this episode.

I just... can't.

The highpoint was the Walk of Shame. Lena Headey killed it, but this isn't the thread for that talk.

For the Watch: Freaking Olly. A lame made up character killed both Ygritte and Jon. Both of them, because Sam (unintentionally) gave him motivation to do so. Wow. D&D. I'm overwhelmed by the brilliance. Oh Kit. You're so pretty and you can do action scenes. Actual acting is iffy.

Winterfell: lolz. Seriously. that sums it up. It's half of Stannis' army was made up of angry book readers. Sansa learned how to pick a lock. Awesome. Theon became Theon again for... reasons. Something about creatively making sense. Even in the book verse, I wanted Brienne to kill Stannis (if anybody). How did the writers make up underwhelming for me? Seriously? How?

The Sand Snakes want their cousin to die. Or maybe Ellaria wants him dead. Most be the same rational for Stannis murdering his own heir. ok. Whatever.

They honestly only had Jaime and Marcella bonding to be emotionally manipulative. Who wants to be a bastard born of twincest?

I'm sure I'll bitch about more things later.

[JonCon's Red Beard]

Pfffffffffffff....

Brienne's storyline has been definitely totally absolutely improved from the books, guys!

[A Ghost of Someone]

Brienne declaring Renly the rightful king of the Andals etc etc. loooong fking titles in front of Stannis before killing him tho.

I bet show watchers went "Justice!!!!"

smh.

The sad thing is that Stannis always had the rightful claim after Robert died, Ned's death on the show was for nothing when Stannis died without an heir. Do not get me wrong, Stannis in my opinion became a monster but Ned's honor cost him everything when Stannis died. It was just the last piece to go.

[R4W13Y]

I doubt these people have read the books.

At least not thoroughly.

Oh eyah, silly me. Varys turned up in Meereen just to kiss Tyrion's ass.

He just appeared too. Somehow got there without any issue, strolled in through the gates, went to the top of the pyramid and found St. Tyrion without issue.

"Bad pussy" and "cock merchant" are actually things.

:rofl:

At least we have "bad pussy" and "cock merchant".

He left with Sam and Gilly duh

Well he is Sam's direwolf. I don't get why people keep asking why he's not with Jon. Why would he be when he's not his direwolf? :dunno:

Wow. Just... wow. Just got home, will go catch up in a minute. I just wanted to say 'wow'.

So, 13 or 15 mins in and it's 'battle of ice (LOLOLOL) is over. A relief, no more Satannis. Ramsay really is something else, isn't he? wow.

What came next? Whatever. What was that one of the actors that plays a Sand Snake said about their wow moment? Wut? The poisoned kiss. Jaime trys to tell Myrcella he is her dad, but she knew and was totes cool and happy about it all. wow.

And then she dies! In his arms! LOL So not only no letter from Carol, but now he not only fucked up his 'sensitive diplomatic mission' but got their daughter killed. That useless Larry, I can't imagine how hard life must be for Carol. wow.

Arya. wow. Couldn't we have had Trant pick one girl out of a group of three? No. No, we had to see him beating all three girls up. wow.

The face change reveal was so obvious it was silly. My head hurts. wow.

And the actual kill? LOLOLOL I guess it's 'The Braavos Shiv Massacre'.

And at the temple? There's no training, no nothing. You join, and after you've washed a few corpses they show you were the faces are kept. When you need one, you go there, pick the one you want and you're all set.

Still not sure about the meaning of the Jaqen and another Jaqen. They will bring Syrio back. wow

What else? Ah wall. Sam decides to move to Oldtown with Gilly and the BABY, and he'll become a maester but he'll never give yup women. wow

And Jon agrees, even though, 'oh I'm going to be all alone, but ok'. Whatever.

HS and Cersei was fine. The short hair wig is absolutely horrendous, an abomination. I didn't understand why the crowd was throwing Branston pickle at her but fine. Ser Robert Strong. Meh. Marg and Loras have gone to the Riverlands. Either that or they fled on a row boat. :uhoh:

Ah! Someone explain to me Chekhov's corkscrew, please? What was it used for? Wasn't it bloodied when Sansa dropped it to the floor?

Drogon out of commission and Dany Damsel in distress. wow.

For the Potatoes - called it one or two weeks ago - most underwhelming scene this year.

WOW

:agree:

Worst episode of GOT ever, bar the Walk Of Shame. That was a brilliant scene, but given Lena's fantastic acting, their access to an amazing city to shoot in, and an extremely powerful and detailed chapter from the books to draw from, even D&D would have struggled to screw it up. Also Arya's stuff was quite good as it actually felt true to the atmosphere of the show I used to love for the most part.

But other than that, the whole Brienne/Stannis thing is the worst, most clumsy and poorly constructed arc in TV history. WTF is Brienne even doing in this show anymore. Standing around literally all season - in which time we are meant to believe she is continually watching one window without toilet breaks - until it is time for her convenient season finale run-in with a major character who she kills. Wait, didn't this crap happen in the S4 finale? And hang on didn't Stannis just have four seasons worth of build-up to a grand tragic end, burning his own daughter alive in the process? No, because instead we get this. We get Stannis apparently having escaped the entire battle bar two foot soliders, we get a glum resigned set of final lines, both for Stannis and Brienne. No sense of an arc coming full-circle, of regret, of emotion, of anything at all really. Fucking tripe.

Dorne. What more can be said about what a waste of time this plot was? Not much. But my thoughts essentially add up to hating every moment of this. Hating how they've destroyed Jaime's character - how did he come from Season 3 dark, tormented, inspired Jaime to comical anti-hero Season 5 Jaime? Hating all the acting, hating the Sand Snakes on every possible level, hating how demented and irrational Ellaria is from the word go to that stupid dumbass plan to murder Myrcella while the boat is about 10 metres from the shore. Hating how Doran seems to have no 'master plan' and none of the characters have any dimension other than the one-note mode that D&D have written for them.

So the two most controversial and upsetting scenes this season turned out (surprise surprise) to have no greater narrative purpose. Shireen was burned and yet we saw no remorse from Stannis, no actual fallout, no fucking BATTLE in the snow at all. Hell, they even decided to cut Davos' reaction to her death in the moment before we might have had an interesting engagement between two characters. Are these writers allergic to any kind of depth within their storytelling anymore? And the other scene was of course Sansa's rape. No people, she is not empowered, she is not finding ways of steering her own fate against all the odds, she is not using any of the skills she gained over the last few seasons. Unless of course you count her skill with a corkscrew, which she did a wonderful job of. No, instead it's Theon who steers her fate - by murdering yet another person - hey isn't that against his character development? Na, she's evil, it's fine.

Onwards: I can't begin to express how bad the Meereen stuff was. Tyrion will save the city with the help of Grey Worm, who apparently will be listened to - because yeah individual Unsullied warriors are renowned by the citizens and will definitely be respected to rule their entire city. Oh and Varys has just been hiding behind that bush in Meereen so don't worry - there will be plenty of familiar faces next season as we watch Tyrion's sarcastic yet capable command of Meereen unfold. Meanwhile, Daario and Jorah will go hunting a pack of Uruk-Hai, sorry, Dothraki. Man I'm so glad they decided to cut out all the depth from Dany's alone-time in the wilderness too. What would the audience have done if confronted with a hint at psychological depth to one of the lead characters and an actual resolution to the conflict of peace v war, Meereen vs Westeros, mother of dragons vs 'mhysa', which this ENTIRE SEASON WAS MEANT TO REPRESENT. No screw that, let's just bring in the Dothraki and she can throw down that ring because she has an inkling that Daario and Jorah will scour every blade of grass in the region until they find a sign of her having been there.

Lastly, the Wall. Well this was all telegraphed EVERY SINGLE EPISODE EVERY TIME WE SAW JON LOOK AT OLLY. But the way it was done felt rushed, unengaging and uncomplicated. Just like this entire season really. Kit's acting was poor really - there was no emotional punch to this scene and there definitely should have been. The 'traitor' thing was pathetic and also out of keeping with the fact the Nights Watch didn't really want to have to do this. Same goes for the 'Benjen prank'. It's really contrived and out of keeping with the way that this should have been more of a reactive, emotional, angry moment from the brothers of the Nights Watch against Jon, rather than a planned party trick. And this also seems to have taken place many days after Hardhome and in the meantime Jon's had his happy family chats with Sam while people have been standing around for days on end looking bored. Again, bad pacing, made no sense. Crap shot to end the season on.

More complaints: why didn't we get any resolution with Littlefinger and the Tyrells? Why does Brienne still exist? Why is Balon still alive? Where the fuck is the Blackfish? What are the Freys doing? Where did Roose Bolton go? Where the fuck is Gendry?

Only one thing is certain from here on out. Season 6 is going to be so, so, so bad.

I think I love you. Agree with all of this, especially what you've said about Meereen. St. Tyrion being held up on a pedestal as a paragon of all that is good and just in the world, and he will fix Meereen and everyone will trust and listen to him (just as they did for Dany -- oh wait!). And Greyworm? Last I checked he's not Meereenese either and there's kind of a SotH problem - or there should be.

Jorah and Daario going to search for Dany. Fucking. Lol. Because seriously, she needs them. She can't take care of herself. Instead of standing next to Drogon, firm and strong, as the Dothraki come, she's a scared little girl all alone at the Mercy of Jorah and Daario's search. So instead of commanding the Dothraki she is just going to be a prisoner now?

http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2015/06/14/game_of_thrones_season_five_finale_review_the_series_may_be_packed_with.html?wpsrc=fol_tw

"This season of Game of Thrones was packed with murder and rape. It was also so, so boring"

Yes, finally we are getting some truth from the critics.

[Good Guy Garlan]

DP

[Twenty of House Goodmen]

I'm very sure they believe they have "fixed" those books.

The funny thing is that many of the FFC/DWD haters hate them because the books ended in a very unsatisfactory way and left a lot of cliffhangers...

...just like this season. :P

I have never hated the two books, but I admit that I wasn't fond of them either. After this though...yeah, I'll be able to reread them without much complaints.

[JonCon's Red Beard]

Speaking of Jaime...

he has done NOTHING this season :dunno:

[Florina Laufeyson]

Her explosive diarrhea would've been an accurate visual representation of the quality of this season

Yeah.

Yeah, Linda never holds it back. It's gonna be better than the entirety of this season.

No it wont. Her mouth is dark and full of terrors. Dueagh.

I won't lie. I missed her diarrhea. :(

Same. What bugged me also is that she didnt realize the Dragon plants no trees. :////

Brienne declaring Renly the rightful king of the Andals etc etc. loooong fking titles in front of Stannis before killing him tho.

I bet show watchers went "Justice!!!!"

smh.

Not really. My dad hates Stannis a lot and i saw him be like |:/ about the whole thing because of how sloppily it was written. There was plenty justice in Stannis failing after BBQing his own daughter. Brienne possibly killing him about Renly felt cheap.

[Lord Bronn Stokeworth]

My thoughts. I will try to keep them roughly together:

Did I hear correctly, and Cersei claimed she was sleeping with Lancel while still married to Robert? It's not that obscure of a factor to forget about. I could accept a show watcher forgetting, but it's your fucking show.

Also, did D&D just screw up the prophecy from S05E01? I mean, is their attention span that fucking short? Of course, it is. Trystane is getting executed right? Oh wait. We'll find out this is Doran's master plan to get Tristan free to marry Dany. He put Ellaria up to it. It will make no sense. Clearly, it shows Doran is brillant (a character will say this, because the way to tell a story is tell, don't show).

I am pleased Stannis is dead. Otherwise, what else would they do to them? I seriously, half expected him to take Winterfell and rape Sansa. Imagine the shocking scenes! It'll teach their fans to like people that oppose their favorites Renly and Tyrion (and of course, Ramsey Sue). This doesn't seem like a rant, but seriously. How fucking bad has the character assassination been if one of his fans is glad you killed him off so you can't fuck up his character anymore.

So, Shireen was sacrificed to bring back a horse after all the others left? I mean, WTF? It's the SAME FUCKING EPISODE!!!! You can't keep your scenes straight from the last scene?

Of course, Stannis has to get killed in the name of Renly, "the rightful king." He is the only claimant to not be able to claim "the Rightful King." I would have been fine with true king or good king. The "Rightful King" seems like one more insult to the injury.

Jon.... It was so boring. I mean.... did they seriously think they "improved" the boring books?

I dislike that Throne was in it. Made it seem too personal. If it was Olly. Plus, he killed Ygritte, so he's aces in my book. Sure. They built up it was personal. Throne is now just a traitor because he hates Jon.

Can we just admit that D&D hate Sansa? She couldn't use the corkscrew to stab Myranda or something. He big empowering moment was.... risk her life to be ask to be saved? Accept death? Please, D&D, just kill her. You did it for Stannis. Just stop ruining her character. I've accepted that my favorite characters are better dead than in your hands. Of course, I assume she will ask why didn't she love Tyrion more.

Meryn Trant. Just fuck life. OK. Just fuck it. So, now, when we rewatch his beating of Sansa, he's getting off on it. THEY FUCKING RETCON SANSA GETTING SEXUALLY ABUSED!!!

That's all I have. Now, to go read other people's rants.

[Connartist92]

Holy shit!

Olly! Yeah, ditto.

But, wow. They REALLY hated Stannis. Really, really, really hated him. Are people crazy that they think he's coming back??? To do what? He has no army, no family and Mel deserted him. He's fucking dead.

And red dress, whose dressed changed colors literally in the same scene, is completely incompetent. Like utterly. She burned Shireen and got zero out of it. Snake eyes. Does this mean king's blood IS worthless or is this more show nonsense, since I'm sure she comes back next year powerful and why the fuck did't Davos kill her ? He was already going to kill her over nothing as bad as what she just did?

I was underwhelmed by most of the walk of shame until the about the last minute. And did we need the bell ringing and "shame' repeated??

I did like Arya's segement minus the beating of the girls, which was SO FUCKING SILLY. And why did she put whatever that was in his mouth? I didn't get that?

Davos doesn't know how Shireen died, and I doubt Melisandre will tell him. He will probably find out eventually though.

[A Ghost of Someone]

Just think people, they have promissed that Season 6 is REALLY going to divert from the Books.

[MordredDayne]

I laughed a lot. It's so absurd at this point. The only good thing was cersei, and it was super sad because it was a glimpse of what the show could have been. But everything was so predictable! I like stuff to be surprising and D&D's idea of "surprising" is very fucked up.

As I saw someone on tumblr put it, this isn't an adaption, it's crack!fic. It's not even good television.

That's the funny thing about the WoS. I thought it was great. They did an awesome job of almost completely capturing the chapter in the books. The thing is, it makes it all the more frustrating knowing they are capable of that when the rest of the episode is filled with their bullshit nonsense. The WoS scene will rightly be lauded by critics. The Dorne shit will be forever be the weak link of the season. The former was incredibly true to the books. The latter is a fanfic wankfest.

So did Balon win the war of the five kings

Yes! All hail Balon Greyjoy! Winner by default of the War of the Five Kings!

I thought it started well - Jon talking to Sam about gurls 'n stuff, but Sam WANTING to be a maester really conflicts with the immense cruelty his Randyll inflicted on him when he expressed the same wish as a boy ... the show really does conflict hugely with the books unpleasantly.

My suspension of disbelief completely underwhelmed by Doran standing by while Ellaria kisses Myrcella. Is everyone an idiot? Even Jaime and Bronn grinning, standing by, watching. Everyone absolutely aware of poison in Dorne? Obviously no-one has read Lonely Planet: Dorne.

Loved Brienne's flicker of respect before apparently offing Stannis. She might pull a Jon/Ygrette "no I didn't" non-decapitation. Very much liked how Stannis was finding it very hard to rule, parallel to Danerys (but without her learning curve) and was beginning to understand he was not king material. I loved Mel's loss of faith. Like Thoros, that might be something she really needs to go through, to lose all the stupid glamour and burning swords, to find out what's important.

But I was so disappointed by Jon's end, his last words and the lack of Ghost. What a waste of cliffhanger material. That whole direwolf warg storyline appears to be dropped. For Arya to suddenly start having wolf dreams now she's blind - I'll punch the TV if that happens next season :D

I'm 100% more excited about Winds of Winter and Dream of Spring coming out and seeing what Martin does with his substantial, nuanced, enjoyable storylines and well-rounded rational characters than hanging out for season six of squandered opportunities. And yet, after "Hardhome", I totally thought the writers/producers had it right.

This makes it even worse than I thought. Not do they make it not Jon's idea for no good reason, but they gut Sam's character by removing all of the fear he had about it and all the anger he has toward Jon during the voyage for forcing him on it. They remove the baby swap and Aemon dying on the way, so there is absolutely nothing interesting that will happen on the journey to develop his character. Sam and Gilly will just show up there at the beginning of last season. And instead of struggling with how he broke his vows, Sam is positively beaming over the fact that he has had sex.

Finally. The more I think about the Benjen fakeout, the more hilariously dumb it is, because from the show's standpoint it is completely unnecessary. Olly could have come in and said, "Alliser Thorne needs to see you, it's urgent." There was absolutely no need for some big ruse to get Jon out of his chambers. It's so dumb. I wonder who painted up that Traitor sign. They do quality work.

[BitsOfBrains]

"Bad pussy" and "cock merchant" are actually things.

In all fairness when Adebisi said, "cock merchant" I cracked up.

"Bad pussy" was just bad writing. All that was (combined with those awesome dresses they were wearing) was, "hey remember that time she got naked? That was great right? Tune in next time!"

[JonCon's Red Beard]

SO I SUPPOSE YOU ALL LIKE FEAST NOW, RIGHT?

THAT'S THE PLOT TWIST! THE SHOCKING PLOT TWIST!!!

D&D WERE SECRETLY TRYING TO MAKE YOU ALL LOVE THE BOOKS!!!!

[LionAndMockingbirdFan1895]

I wish that David and Dan had kept to the books for Sansa's storyline or at least kept her in the Vale. If there were worries about adding lots of characters from the Vale, then I would just have Harry the Heir as the main addition. Sansa would go around the Vale manipulating all of the different lords with Littlefinger. It would be like an expansion of her A Feast for Crows storyline where she mostly stays in the Eyrie. They could have had included her material from her Winds of Winter chapter and the end of Season 5 would conclude with the Knights of the Vale being led by Harry the Heir on the road to Winterfell after Stannis or Roose has won. Sansa was using her sexuality near the end of Season 4. She could use it again in manipulating Harry the Heir and Littlefinger. Perhaps, also she could manipulate either Littlefinger, Harry the Heir, or Maester Colemon to kill Robin Arrryn. As Littlefinger says "The past is the past. The future is all that's worth discussing." I wonder what will happen with Theon and Sansa. Will they go to the Wall, Eyrie, or one of the Northern lords that have not been a part of the storyline thus far.