Myshkin Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 If it's okay with everyone I'd like to begin posting my new cryptozoologic erotica story here. This is a work in progress so be kind, but feel free to offer feedback. So here goes. Wet For Nessie By Vivian St. Black (that's me) Based on a concept by Mercenary St. Chef Chapter One The rain was coming down in sheets. When Kayleigh Jordan found out that she’d be coming to Scotland for her class trip she didn’t know what to expect, but it certainly wasn’t this. She’d imagined charming little villages and simple yet welcoming folks. But this dreary weather was ruining the whole trip. Ugh, she should have just gone to Cabo with her parents instead. The only thing keeping her sane was the presence of her two best friends, Olivia and Reagan. Well that and today’s planned trip to Loch Ness. Ever since she was a little girl Kayleigh had dreamed about Loch Ness and its enchanted inhabitant. She’d imagined how it would feel to ride on the legendary creature’s bare back, gripping with her thighs as they soared through the water en route to some secluded spot. How, free of her inhibitions, she might sun herself on Nessie’s broad body as he floated lazily on the surface. Just the thought of visiting the place of her childhood fantasies made this whole trip worthwhile. “Come on Kay-kay, let’s get down to breakfast,” came a voice from the next room. That would be Reagan, she was the only one who still called Kayleigh Kay-kay. Reagan was waiting in the hall as Kayleigh emerged from the room they shared with Olivia. The two girls had known each other for almost their whole lives, growing up just two doors away in their Naperville, IL neighborhood. They had shared everything with each other, from their first crush to their first kiss, and even attended all the same classes at St. Abigail’s. There was only one thing Kayleigh never shared with Reagan; Nessie. That she kept all for herself. “Olivia’s saving us seats in the dining room,” Reagan said, “Come on, let’s get down there before all the food is gone.” The two girls descended the narrow staircase down to the main floor and entered the dining room, where the quickly found Olivia. Olivia was stunning, with her dark, almost black hair, pale skin, and startling green eyes. She’d moved to Naperville from Manhattan with her parents the year before. Kayleigh and Reagan had been instantly captivated by her air of sophistication and her devil-may-care attitude, and the three quickly became inseparable. “What took you guys so long? Was Kayleigh daydreaming again?” asked Olivia. Kayleigh blushed shyly. Her tendency to lose herself in her fantasies was a source of gentle humor amongst the friends. “I was just thinking about the trip to Loch Ness, “ she protested. The three of them had a table to themselves in the back corner of the dining room, as far away from the popular girls as they could get. They’d never gotten along with that clique, and never really wanted to. They were all that each other needed; a few close friends was worth far more than a gaggle of shallow fakes. “What’s so great about Loch Ness,” asked Olivia, “It’s just a boring old lake.” Kayleigh blushed again. She didn’t blame Olivia for not understanding. After all how could she expect Olivia to understand her feelings about Loch Ness when she’d never shared her fantasies about that place with anyone? Still, the casual dismissal hurt. “It’s just someplace I want to see, alright,” she said, “Besides, maybe we’ll see Nessie.” Olivia and Reagan burst out laughing. “Come on Kay-kay,” Reagan said, “The Loch Ness Monster is just a myth. He doesn’t really exist.” Kayleigh didn’t say anything. She knew her friends would never believe. But that was alright, she believed and that’s all that mattered. Reagan brought a thick, curved slice of cantaloupe to her lips and took a bite. She closed her pale blue eyes as she rolled the moist piece of melon around on her tongue. Juice and saliva dripped slowly down her chin, and she gently wiped it away with the back of her hand before swallowing. Kayleigh was captivated by this delicate movement, and the grace with which her friend performed it. Reagan had always been the graceful one, even when they were little girls. And as they blossomed into young womanhood it was Reagan, with her slender body and supple limbs, who the boys looked to. Even Reagan’s long, strawberry-blonde hair was a source of longing for Kayleigh, whose own auburn locks were so common. Kayleigh knew that she’d been staring for too long, and turned away just as Reagan opened her eyes again. The two girls were like sisters, but recently Kayleigh’s feelings toward Reagan had begun to change. Little things about Reagan which Kayleigh had always taken for granted, the way she tilted her head when she laughed, or how she softly laid her hand on your arm when she spoke to you, had begun to take on a new significance. These changes in feeling frightened Kayleigh, but also excited her. And Reagan had begun to notice. “Who’s Mr. Hansworth talking to anyway?” Olivia was obviously trying to bridge the awkward silence, and Kayleigh loved her for that. Mr. Hansworth was their college prep math teacher, and he was acting as chaperone for this class trip. From her seat Kayleigh could see him standing just outside the dining room, talking to a man in a dripping wet overcoat. Mr. H didn’t look happy. He came back into the room, and catching Kayleigh’s eye gave her a rueful smile. Kayleigh had a bad feeling as Mr. H cleared his throat to address his charges. “Attention everyone, attention. Settle down girls, please. There will be a slight change to today’s itinerary. Unfortunately due to adverse weather conditions our outing on Loch Ness has been cancelled. Instead today will be a free day. Please don’t wander far from the hotel, and make sure to be back here by 7:00 pm for roll call.” Kayleigh was crushed. Back in their room Reagan and Olivia were discussing what they should do with their free day. Kayleigh wasn’t listening. After the initial shock of Mr. Hansworth’s announcement had worn off she began to focus on something else he had said. 7:00 pm. They didn’t have to be back here until 7:00 pm. Reagan and Olivia were getting dressed for the day. Kayleigh couldn’t help peeking as Olivia peeled off her shirt. She could never tell Olivia how jealous she was of her large breasts. Her own chest wasn’t flat by any means, but oh how she wished for just one more cup size. Olivia’s nipples sat high on her perky breasts, and were a light shade of pink. Somehow Kayleigh had imagined they would be darker, but she had to admit that the soft coloring suited the beautiful girl perfectly. Olivia caught her eye, and a slow smile spread across her stunning features. Blushing furiously Kayleigh quickly turned away. How humiliating to be caught staring like that! What would Olivia think? And what did that smile mean? Swallowing her embarrassment Kayleigh pushed the incident from her thoughts. She had bigger things on her mind. “Dress warmly girls, we’re going to Loch Ness.”-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Okay, so I know it hasn't gotten all steamy yet but that's a comin'. It's called setting the table! Jeez, be patient. Anyway, like I said I'd love some feedback, and in particular I'd like anyone who's familiar with erotica to give me some pointers on language. Specifically how crude I should be when the sexing starts. ETA: Red section added. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myshkin Posted January 5, 2014 Author Share Posted January 5, 2014 The first review is in! "Heart pounding, breathtaking, and leg moistening. 'Wet for Nessie' is everything you've ever wanted from your favorite Lake creature, and more than you could ever dare to expect. I was often unsure who was fingering who's pages, and I could feel Nessie's tentacles about my throat, preventing me from taking my eyes off the page. It's with the highest praise that I call 'Wet with Nessie' a... soaker." - Jace, Cleveland Plain Dealer* *may not actually be affiliated with the Cleveland Plain Dealer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hutch Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Lol. Good start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry of the Lawn Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Okay, so I know it hasn't gotten all steamy yet but that's a comin'. It's called setting the table! Jeez, be patient. Anyway, like I said I'd love some feedback, and in particular I'd like anyone who's familiar with erotica to give me some pointers on language. Specifically how crude I should be when the sexing starts. Wonderful. Personally, I think you should be as crude as possible as long as it's original. And don't overlook the breakfast you described as an opportunity to start injecting some sex into the text. It must be possible to describe the food in such a way as to be titillating and evoke the splendor a giant plesiosaur leftover from prehistoric times. Whose hobbies include eating raw salmon and lusting after highschool girls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagilki Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Move over Stannek there is a new master of the written word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kairparavel Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 So good, Shia LaBeouf will steal it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagilki Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 So good, Shia LaBeouf will steal it. So, Myshkin should start writing the apology too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jace, Extat Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 I thought the review was pretty good, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hutch Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 I thought the review was pretty good, too.Classic, and classy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercenaryChef Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 I love it. And I only require 1% of the royalties! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sologdin Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 does monsterotica typically feature more than one chapter?maybe you could have a slick epigraph from nietzsche or garcia marquez, or something? good start! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sothoryan Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Great chapter. Can't wait for the next one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex. Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 hahahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sologdin Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 so, is there a snappy verb for churning monsterotica out of classics? was thinking of "birnam wood comes to dunsinane" is a cryptic ent porn reference, say. can only assume that monsterotica has been written, already, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deleted01 Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 That was strangely intriguing, I actually want to read more. You have a gift! :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Ent Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 so, is there a snappy verb for churning monsterotica out of classics? was thinking of "birnam wood comes to dunsinane" is a cryptic ent porn reference, say. can only assume that monsterotica has been written, already, though. Close. “Birnam wood” is the euphemism used to describe the nature of the male erection when reading Ent porn. As in “I had Birnam wood after that last update to the Tauriel and the Methods of Penetration fanfic.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mashiara Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Great start. Just promise us you won't give up on it now, we're all waiting for the juicy parts! :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkhangel Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 I feel like there was a missed opportunity for sexual tension with Mr. Hansworth. Perhaps he can come to rescue them from Nessie and instead become entangled, as it were. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghjhero Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Haha I love it! You should be as crude as possible IMO. Just as long as it doesn't sound incredibly stupid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Needs a copy editor. I am available at very reasonable rates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.