Tellus Explorer Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 Oh snap, sorry about that.Well, now that I've stuck my foot in it.... I had a bad run like that too, with additive types that were a real downer. Got past it by leaving the whole social circle behind and starting a new one from scratch.Not trying to be preachy, but it worked for me.Lol it's fine, I know what you mean Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 Anti-men shtick eh? Just relax and judge everyone, man and woman, on an individual basis. Give guy A a chance and if guy A screws you over, he is SOL for the future and it has no bearing on how you approach guy B. There are wonderful people in this world if you're willing to open your mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tellus Explorer Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 Anti-men shtick eh? Just relax and judge everyone, man and woman, on an individual basis. Give guy A a chance and if guy A screws you over, he is SOL for the future and it has no bearing on how you approach guy B. There are wonderful people in this world if you're willing to open your mind.Dear me, have I become so narrow minded. Where the appearance of a man, any man has created utter dismay?X) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 It's ok to be angry. It's ok to rant. It's also ok to be frustrated by bad dating luck. Just don't like the anger and the rant become the norm. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tellus Explorer Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 It's ok to be angry. It's ok to rant. It's also ok to be frustrated by bad dating luck. Just don't like the anger and the rant become the norm. ;)Nice quote, I was joking with LIFA on the last post, though. I really am pissed about what happened, that isn't what I like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prince Alexander Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 No. Got to show it, but it is also important to tell. He/she needs to hear it. no commitment = no future btw I'm glad you told me that, now I definitely know that I have to future and can go safely kill myself. Hopefully troll and not serious. If you or your partner need to hear a certain combination of words in order to stay in love or committed, you/he/she have serious (very serious) insecurity and confidence issues. I am instituting a new rule for myself on OKCupid. If we have traded two messages and you still have not managed to write anything that isn't a reply to a question I asked you, I am going to stop replying. A counterpoint - woman who is not engaging online may actually be expecting you to make the move of offering to meet in real life. IMO - minimize online interaction to weed out those who are there only to troll for weirdos and laugh about them with their friends. When I dated online I tried to get them to commit to a date after 2-3 messages top. I dislike online chatting with dating prospects because it sets a false vision of the other person. I'm nothing like what I seem online, most people aren't. This is especially important for men looking for serious dating online. Women have hundreds of prospects (other serious men, sex deviants and trolls) messaging them daily. Until she met you in real life you are just one of the hundred. Put some good pics to hook her interest, have a witty yet short profile, exchange witty yet short first few messages with something more to hook her interest ("e.g. yeah I'm pretty busy these days too, I have a few live snake swallowing gigs coming up and also I still have to do my taxes") in a nonchalant way, then offer to meet up... any kind of long talks are detrimental. And do you really really want to date women who are more into online chatting instead of real life dating? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 PA: I generally invite people for coffee or whatever after 3 messages or so, 2 if it seems like things are going particularly well. I see little point in using a dating site if you don't want to meet people.She might well be expecting me to do that, but if she can't show enough interest to do more than answer a question then I'm done. I'm tired of putting in the effort with people who won't do me the same courtesy. My experience has been that those people aren't usually especially interested anyway and if they are they turn out to be boring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prince Alexander Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 PA: I generally invite people for coffee or whatever after 3 messages or so, 2 if it seems like things are going particularly well. I see little point in using a dating site if you don't want to meet people.She might well be expecting me to do that, but if she can't show enough interest to do more than answer a question then I'm done. I'm tired of putting in the effort with people who won't do me the same courtesy. My experience has been that those people aren't usually especially interested anyway and if they are they turn out to be boring. I totally agree, but the online playing field is extremely uneven for men and women. The women who do put in effort are probably either saints or types you likely won't find attractive. The reason I stopped online dating was because I found the best looking women on okc for the lack of a better word spoiled. That being said, I did get lucky in finding one who tried it out for fun and only lasted there for a few days. Online attention is very different from real life attention. Someone spoiled online is not necessarily spoiled in real life. This is why, IMO, best way to meet best women is offline :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I am instituting a new rule for myself on OKCupid. If we have traded two messages and you still have not managed to write anything that isn't a reply to a question I asked you, I am going to stop replying This sounds like a good weeder for you. Out of curiosity, has the boring / not interested camp fallen into this pattern 100% of the time? If so, this is a GREAT weeder for you. We might get a real social science out of this thread after all. Don't feel bad about your Friday, I have hot plans this weekend with my sewer line. Ok are we talking about asking these questions on a dating site though? Or with people you've asked out in your day to day life? Because in the former I can see some reasons where it wouldn't necessarily be a bad question (although I really can't stress enough you have to be ready to deal with whatever answer that comes) but when you're talking someone who you simply took it upon yourself to ask out however and they said no I don't think they should be under any obligation to explain why they did not choose to change the nature of your relationship and I do think asking is nearly always entirely unreasonable. I'm with you on this one brook. I've only had one person ever ask me why I didn't want to (continue to) date them. My answer was used as proof positive to the person who asked me that I'm a terrible person. This question creates a no-win situation for everybody involved. Chats, congrats on the nice date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I'm not sure if I understand the question, but I've never had a person reply with only messages like that and had it go anywhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maithanet Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I'm with you on this one brook. I've only had one person ever ask me why I didn't want to (continue to) date them. My answer was used as proof positive to the person who asked me that I'm a terrible person. This question creates a no-win situation for everybody involved. Once I asked a girlfriend who was breaking up with me why she was doing that. We'd only been together a couple of months, but I was nonetheless pretty blindsided by the breakup. Anyways, I was totally unprepared for her list of reasons. I wasn't taking notes or anything, but she said about ten things, afterwards, I could only remember one, which was "I don't like who I am when I am with you". I think that my mind sort of blocked out the other things that she said which may have been bad for my self image. In retrospect, that may have been for the best. I realize "why don't you want to date me?" and "why don't you want to stay together?" are actually very different questions, but I still thought it was pertinent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deleted01 Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Agree with Maithanet. When I thought that my boyfriend and I were over, I expected to know the reasons why, which I don't think is unreasonable. However, telling someone why you don't want to go out on a date with them is different. I'd probably want some kind of reason - if it is something about me, can I change it? Should I change it? And if it's not, then I can just chalk it up to him being a dick. :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I think it's funny, but my sense of humor was also formed by the likes of the Addams Family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maithanet Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 It's obviously a joke, but I imagine your sponsor wants to establish the whole "this is no laughing matter" thing. Good luck Mandy. It sounds like at least you have good perspective on all this, and that is the most important thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disturber of Peace Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 A room full of people talking how much they overjoyed sex and keeping to vow to control it. I can not see how that can go any way other than the intended. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phaing Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Yeah... I was looking at a self-diagnosis checklist and I'm really not sure I fit the bill.... but it's worth looking at if I'm even wondering. Just keep one thign in mind; what are the people who put that list together trying to sell you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 A room full of people talking how much they overjoyed sex and keeping to vow to control it. I can not see how that can go any way other than the intended. Is your sarcasm justified by anything substantial, like your own experience or a friend's experience in these help groups? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disturber of Peace Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Is your sarcasm justified by anything substantial, like your own experience or a friend's experience in these help groups?It is not.Just a thought of mine.I guess it is foolish of me to try to influence a fellow border against it so we do not hear about it. Unless there is some sort of oath not to post about it and our fellow stays true to it.Edit: one sentence here reads terrible. Explanation is a couple posts below. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I guess it is foolish of me to try to influence a fellow border against it so we do not hear about it. What a fucked-up reason to offer advice or suggestion to someone. You can always block Mandy's posts if you just don't want to ready about it. Or you can also stop reading this thread. Trying to dissuade someone from getting help just so you don't have to read about their posts of their progress is FUCK. ED. UP. It seems mightily irresponsible to try to influence Mandy from attenidng the meeting based solely on your gut reaction to the purpose and efficacy of these groups. She's obviously struggling with some of these issues and she's reaching out to different sources for help. The least I'd expect from users on this board is to stay quiet if they have nothing constructive or helpful to offer. And yes, I do think that poo-pooing her effort without much to back up that opinion and not offering an alternative solution is very unhelpful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brook Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Mandy - I laughed at the joke. Wishing you the best of luck though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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