deleted01 Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 Lily, all joking aside, I wish you all the luck in the world :grouphug:This, 100%. :)I found it so hard to say "I love you" for the first time. Due to various reasons, I genuinely wondered if I could love anyone, so I waited a while to 1) see if it actually was love, and 2) see if he felt the same. He ended up saying it first, and I said it back, because I meant it. I think that's the main point, for me.I'm not the kind of person that says it all the time, nor do I need to hear it very often. I definitely agree that being treated, and so feeling, like you're loved is very important. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disturber of Peace Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 So, what bundle of emotions does love correspond to for you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 It's Friday night. I bought a pedal wrench at REI and cleaned out my fridge. My life is such a roller coaster. it's a wonder women aren't beating down my door. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 The right time to say I love you? Probably when she's noticed you looking at her mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kungtotte Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Are you trying to bring over the threeway discussion from the previous thread, LITA? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 :rofl: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Do I need to make more of an effort? :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Is it judgmental if a person doesn't want to date anyone who has a habit they don't particularly care for? Such as people who don't date cigarette smokers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angalin Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 It's Friday night. I bought a pedal wrench at REI and cleaned out my fridge. My life is such a roller coaster. it's a wonder women aren't beating down my door. You should've come to my party... long commute home, though. Is it judgmental if a person doesn't want to date anyone who has a habit they don't particularly care for? Such as people who don't date cigarette smokers. As a former smoker, I don't want to snog someone who tastes like tobacco any more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalbear Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Sure, it's judgmental. So? It's not like you're turning down their application for renting an apartment. Being picky in dating seems like a totally reasonable place to be picky. I've always been the one to first say I love you. The first time it really sucked. The second was amusing - I prefaced it by saying "this might be bad, but..." Which made her think I was either going to break up with her or declare I had vd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phaing Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 The right time to say I love you? - When you mean it. - Often - Before you loose them https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3xSpUt6KLg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli Fury Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 I Han Solo a couple people a year on I love yous. I just cannot handle that situation comfortably so I blurt out the I know. Depending on how nerdy they are it isn't always a total disaster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
broken one Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 100% this. Love is so subjective, it means so many things to different people, yet most people expect it to have universal meaning or custom attached to it (especially commitment, monogamy). Don't talk about love. Express it. (show, not tell!) No. Got to show it, but it is also important to tell. He/she needs to hear it. no commitment = no future btw Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Summah Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Any tips on staying friends with a guy I'm not interested in but I think is interested in me? We were introduced by a mutual friend (not a set up), and I'd like to be friends with him because we have a lot in common and he's interesting. But I'm pretty sure he's interested in me and I'm not attracted to him at all. I've not had good luck with this problem in the past, none of my friendships with guy friends who were interested and asked me out or tried something survived the rejection (I tried to be as nice as possible, but it was still rejection). And several that I'm almost certain were interested in me but never tried anything or asked me out, our friendships could last (probably because there was no rejection), one of them I'm still friends with (I'm pretty sure he got over me several years ago). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sci-2 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Don't hang out too much, and try to invite him largely to group functions. I don't think people hang out with [new] friends, especially people they just met, too much. Quickest thing to do is mention some other guy you might be interested in. Give him too much attention and he'll keep thinking there's a spark. But that's just one asshole's opinion, as Rocksniffer would say. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disturber of Peace Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Disclaimer: I am an amatuerChatsI agree with Sci's first point of avoiding solo hangouts at least in the near future. Quickly mentioning you are into someone else could also be good, but I would argue that even a bit extended conversation about outside love interests of any of you would only make him view you in a more amorous context. Not enough adequate science is done on the matter.People develop these kind of physchological states when they prematurely daydream about a person they have not asked out yet.These feelings linger on after daydreaming or after the end of a relationship because the person is addicted to pleasurable NTs and hormones that, due to brain plasicity, they are used to getting by thinking about said person. It is difficult to think of a test to determine wether he feels that way that would not have a chance to end up being the very cause of such behaviour. I will let you know if I think of something. An easier thing would be determining wether he has a tendency to get attatched that way nin general and aproach to treat it broadly, not just in the "case of you". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 O_o Sci Sci style at work ; thanks but no thanks is all you need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Summah Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 I haven't hung out with him that much, but he contacts me just about every day and it's way too much, especially for someone I only met recently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sperry Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 I haven't hung out with him that much, but he contacts me just about every day and it's way too much, especially for someone I only met recently. Contacts you how? Texting or FB chat or something doesn't seem odd, and he may just be trying to make a favorable impression/ flirt and test the waters. Best way to address this is just not flirt back. Short replies to questions, and don't initiate contact. If he doesn't get the hint, just ignore him completely. Obviously if he asks you out you'll just have to turn him down if you aren't into him. But honestly, you're just going to have to hope he can correclty read signals. If you aren't actively engaging him back when he's texting/ messaging you, he should realize that you aren't interested and move his attention elsewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 You don't get to control whether or not this guy will want to still be friends with you after you reject his advances. However, if you do reject him and he abandons the "friendship", then you know he wouldn't have been an actual friend in the first place, so no great loss. The best you can do is make your (lack of) intentions as clear as you can: refuse to engage in flirting, keep your interactions as platonic as possible, etc, and if he does ever make his interest overt then make sure you shoot him down nicely but firmly, don't do anything like "I'm not ready for a relationship just yet" or similar ambiguous crap that leaves him an open window to keep trying. Apart from anything else, it's not polite to flirt with someone for the lulz when you know (or suspect) they like you but you don't actually feel the same, so keep it neutral and friendly.eta: this Captain Awkward post is not 100% relevant but has some good advice on what to do when someone is contacting you more often than you're comfortable with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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