The "gay look"

[Ormond]

In terms of complete crossdressing, there would be an average difference between gay men and heterosexual men in the look they're going for. Most heterosexual crossdressers want to look like a well-dressed woman of their own age who could "pass" as a woman at a business meeting or upscale social occasion. Gay male "drag queens" usually want to look like a glamorous entertainer on stage and so usually aren't wearing clothes that most women themselves would wear at an "everyday" occasion.

(Of course with seven billion people in the world no such statement fits 100% of the time.)

I am sometimes put off by the "fashionable" gay male stereotype myself. I am a gay man who has almost no interest in fashion -- in deciding what to wear the only thing besides paying attention to the broad distinctions between "formal" vs. "informal" occasions that I pay attention to is a bit of color co-ordination. I have no interest at all in what is considered "fashionable" at the moment and often find those who are interested in "fashion" to be a bit shallow.

Way back when I was a graduate student around 1980 I had a straight male roommate who was dating a young woman about 19 years of age. He'd told her I was gay before she met me. When she did meet me she was shocked because, as she told him, she thought all gay men were "tall, thin, and dressed out of "Gentleman's Quarterly." Meeting me disabused her of that notion.

[Weeping Sore]

@LfITA: The best way to know if a man is gay is to walk around wearing a T-shirt upon which there is a realistic and large erect penis depicted. Then pay close attention to male onlookeers and see if their pupils dilate.

[Fragile Bird]

In terms of studies where people were asked to determine who was gay and who was straight from photographs alone, I remember reading a link about happily married, straight, ministers and teachers, police officers and athletes as being chosen as gay, and the participants choosing tough looking ministers and teachers. police officers and athletes as straight who were openly gay. The person who wrote the story said it was very similar to a study asking people to choose people who looked like criminals from photos alone, where folks picked out shifty eyed ministers, unsmiling teachers, grim police officers and scowling athletes as criminals.

[eyenon15]

I guess there could be a gay look. With "gay" referring to a culture thing instead of sexuality.

Like there's a hip hop look or punk rock look. Doesn't mean everyone dressed like that listens to rap or punk rock.

[Yagathai]

well, I would assume that the sharply sloping foreheads, clammy skin and overall batrachian features would be a cl- Oh, sorry, I'm thinking of the Innsmouth look. Never mind. Carry on.

[Kikajon]

well, I would assume that the sharply sloping foreheads, clammy skin and overall batrachian features would be a cl- Oh, sorry, I'm thinking of the Innsmouth look. Never mind. Carry on.

oh..you look like Walder Frey talking of the Crannogmen...so..do you think???

OMG!

[sologdin]

put off by the "fashionable" gay male stereotype

I hear you. I can think of nothing more triflingly inconsequential, recklessly wasteful, or mind-numbingly unintelligent than the mundane details of clothing, cosmetics, and other adornments. the effect of the stereotype is to ghettoize.

[TerraPrime]

I think there is a liberating effect for gay men, and some straight men, to actually care about physical appearance and to subvert the tropes of masculinity because caring about appearance has been consigned to the females wherein women are socialized into this for the benefit of straight men (the fact that plenty of women derive satisfaction from cosmetics and fashion does not negate the origin of these social norms). I think standing up and saying that it is not "effeminate" to put together an outfit using basic fashion sense is a good thing.

Not all gay men get into fashion, and not all men who get into fashion are gay. Some gay men just don't care about it and would instead focus their attention on other priorities. That's as it should because, hey, we're all different. Liking fashion, and interior designs, and flowers, and Broadway musicals, should not be used as markers for sexual orientation or for gender coding (feminine v masculine). In my own experience, one of the nice things about being LBG is you can straddle these expectations with more ease and be less susceptible to social pressure on violating gender coding because you've already violated one of the most fundamental ones concerning gender identity.

It's like, "oh yeah? You think I'm queer for liking musicals and dresssing nicely? Wait till you see what I do to a hairy ass!"

[Littlefingers In The Air]

Every since I made this thread, I've wanted to ask what kind of pressure is there when trying to mingle as a gay guy/lesbian? When you're heterosexual and you see someone you'd like to introduce yourself to, you can just go for it and generally people will not look at you funny for assuming that someone is also a heterosexual.

Homosexual friends of mine have expressed that this isn't something that's true for them. They've told me of countless anecdotes where they've tried to mingle and were met with slurs and disgust. I specifically remember a friend saying "if I'm not meeting another gay guy at a gay bar, it's a crapshoot trying to meet someone like me."

Is this how it generally is?

[TerraPrime]

The experience will vary greatly depending on (1) the age of the person, (2) how out they are, and (3) their own personality.

When I was actively dating in real life, it was late 90s and I did not hit on anyone whom I didn't know for sure were gay. Even though I was out to the campus already it was still highly intimidating to try to hit on guys in casual social settings where it's acceptable for heterosexual flirting. While there were no report violence against LBGT on my campus, I did receive death threats and many of the students who came from around the area cautioned that there are still gay bahsing going on at the time in their respective home towns. So that means that I only flirted with guys who are out to me, or who were at gay bars (unless it's obvious that they're part of a fratboy queer-ogling safari), or who came to functions that are LBGT-oriented. This does mean that the activities turned into a bit of dating service, but c'est la vie.

Also, I figured that there is enough rejection to go around amongst dating out people that I didn't really need extra rejection from straight guys. :P

Nowadays, I only look online. And when I do, I don't check on people with listed orientation as "straight," even though I got tons of private messages from guys like that. I just don't actively approach them to save myself time and hassle. If they're not out enough for online profile then I am not going to waste my time.

I think if I were 20 years old now, I might be more comfortable hitting on guys at parties and stuff. Probably. Not sure. I think it also comes with experience gleaned over the years where I've met and got to know men who like other men in all forms, from rural farmers to metrosexual straight-looking dudes, from football players to drama majors, from devout Christians to radical leftists. So maybe if I were 20 year old and not have that life experience I would still be timid enough to not want to approach non-stereotypically gay-appearing guys.

[brook]

I've always had enough trouble hitting on women I know are queer let alone possibly straight ones. Aside from high school hook-ups (frequently influenced by alcohol) the internet has been my main way of meeting women.

I don't know that's much different than with guys though, I can't remember ever picking up a guy in a pub, usually it's been people I know first either through friends or online.

[karaddin]

If I were trying to hit on someone in a bar it would be made easier by the fact that I live in, and work in, the "lesbian suburb" of Sydney. None of the bars are actually lesbian bars and on any night there will still be more straight girls, but there is a good percentage of lesbians and any straight girls out in this suburb should at least be comfortable enough to not get pissed off.

I also trust my gaydar pretty heavily :p and I'd be looking for some indication of interest before trying anything (at least fooling myself into seeing interest in their eyes if our eyes meet, that sort of thing).

Of course I'm shy as fuck so I probably would just make eyes and hope they approach me :p

[Weeping Sore]

I also trust my gaydar pretty heavily :P and I'd be looking for some indication of interest before trying anything (at least fooling myself into seeing interest in their eyes if our eyes meet, that sort of thing).

The question is would the bidar needle move at all if directed at you? Perhaps if the technician were an ostensibly male gender non-conformist? Did I read some daylight for male admirers into that last epic post? ;)

ETA: @brook - I'm afraid I've lost plausible deniability of flirting with this post.

[karaddin]

:rofl: it's hard to say for sure, these things are variable and still changing :p the gender non conformist certainly improves the odds though!

[Ser Scot A Ellison]

I thought the "gay look" was "human"?

[TrackerNeil]

I thought the "gay look" was "human"?

Evidently you need to date more gay men.

[TerraPrime]

Evidently you need to date more gay men.

Don't we all?

[Littlefingers In The Air]

Yes.

[brook]

Well I've tried but they just aren't interested...

[Cold Crashing Waves]

Of course there's a 'gay look.' All stereotypes are true to some degree, just be sure not to judge people based on them.

Don't know why some people are trying so hard to be so overly politically correct these days. It doesn't help anyone.