lessthanluke Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 "No worries, see you on the flip side" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkhangel Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 Exactly what you said here - you understand, you wish her luck with everything and hope to hear from her when things settle down a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brook Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 Good luck Min! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 Min: yeah algorithms are... flawed. That said, good luck on the date! Sperry: glad to hear the date went well. It seems that this teacher lady just plays her cards close to her vest. I think it is just going to be one of this things you will have to live with. Archmaester Philip: That, and I will also add "I hope you won't mind if I keep in touch with you from time to time? If you think that'll be too much please let me know. I just don't want to miss out on the chance of getting to know you better because the inertia of not-communicating takes over." And then follow up with non-inane updates of your life and/or work once 4 to 5 days. Keep showing that you're interested in what's going on in her life and be non-pressuring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arbor Gold Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 An update every 4-5 days seems like the opposite of non-pressuring to me. Check in in a month to ask how the new job is going if you must, but leave her alone for now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 Well, just goes to show eveyone has a different tolerance threshold for what is considered "too much" ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkhangel Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 And then follow up with non-inane updates of your life and/or work once 4 to 5 days. Keep showing that you're interested in what's going on in her life and be non-pressuring. That would be a fantastic way for someone to make sure I never called them again, particularly if I'd told them I was really busy and that was the reason I couldn't date them right now. Arbrigo Goldes is right, that's the opposite of non-pressuring, don't do that. The ball's in her court now, so just wait to see what she does with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted November 9, 2014 Author Share Posted November 9, 2014 Asking for a friend: there are two girls and two guys, one being the friend. One of the girls is dating the guy who isn't my friend ( Adam). But Adam lives with the girl he isn't dating; Betsy. Guy Adam and Betsy have fucked before, but maintain it was awkward because they're better friends than lovers and thus, they ceased whatever sexual relationship they had.My friend, Burt, is interested in dating Betsy. However, he has no way of knowing the context of the fucking between Adam and Betsy. Adam and and Anna have been dating for 5 years, perhaps off and on. My friend has no idea if Adam and Betsy fucked while the former was still dating Anna. All he knows is they were fucking at some point but that they stopped, and are living together now. The friend wants to know how he goes about:1. Finding out if Adam cheated on his current girlfriend with Betsy.2. If he should even pursue Betsy. In case anyone is wondering, the two girls know each other and are friends. Guy A articulated to my buddy that his girl is uncomfortable with his living arrangement. But nobody knows if she knows he's fucked Girl B. I'd assume she knows, personally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edda van Heefmstra Ruston Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 Honestly, is it really his business? Unless they're still in a sexual relationship (assuming it's not agreed between all three), the repercussions of that history are mostly between Adam and Anna and a bit between Adam and Betsy. On the other hand, if he's already going into this not trusting Betsy, he probably shouldn't pursue, no. That just sounds like trouble waiting to happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kungtotte Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 I'm not even sure I can follow what's going on. Adam and Anna are dating.Adam and Betsy live together. They have had a sexual relationship in the past but do not currently have one.Burt wants to date Betsy. Am I correct so far? Personally I don't think it matters much whether or not Adam cheated, because that doesn't say much (if anything) about Betsy. If Betsy had cheated then I would see why Burt would want to know, as that could speak to her future actions. I also would not want to be in either Anna's or Burt's shoes at this point. I'm sure it's possible for people to have a sexual relationship and then go back to just being friends and nothing else, but I would never want to date a person who had a sexual relationship with one of their friends who is also their current roommate. That's the messed up part here. If Betsy was in the process of moving out and hadn't had time to do so already then that's one thing, but to keep living with someone they had sex with as if it doesn't matter at all? I would tell Burt to not bother. There has to be women out there living in less complicated circumstances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkhangel Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 I agree with Aoife. The past relationship between Adam and Betsy is none of Burt's business, but if he's already having issues with it before he's even dating her then no, it's not something he should pursue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gillio Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 Are we writing soap operas now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 Stop with this lettering bullshit. It's always impenetrable to everyone but the author. Give them fake fucking names if you must. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xray the Enforcer Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 It is none of Burt's goddamned business what the arrangement is with them right now. He is not dating Betsy, and therefore she is entitled to her privacy. And until Betsy and Burt have the exclusivity talk, the only disclosure Betsy is required to give is "I am dating other people." In fact, Betsy is NEVER required to disclose the identities of her other (current or former) lovers to Burt. She is only required to stop fucking other people if she and Burt decide to be exclusive/monogamous. I think Burt needs to do two things:1) Learn some boundaries and realize what is and isn't his business2) Not pursue Betsy, because he doesn't sound like he's emotionally up to that level of complication. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpaceChampion Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 It seems Burt's goal is to find out if Betsy is trustworthy. He doesn't need to know the details of her sexual history, just the composition of her character. The question on his mind is whether Betsy broke her friend Anna's trust by sleeping with Adam. So he could ask Betsy, while getting to know her on a date, if she's ever broke a friend's trust and what regrets she might have about it. Then he can judge her sincerity and level of trustworthiness, and then decide whether to continue dating her. That seems to be entirely within what Burt's goddamned business is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted November 9, 2014 Author Share Posted November 9, 2014 Really good insight here. Allow me to give a little more context. Betsy and Burt first exchanged numbers about a month or so ago, according to the latter. Burt asked Betsy if he could take her out and she said sure, but that she was in the process of looking for an apartment and that she wanted her living situation to be secure before Burt could take her out.Burt offered to help her move from one apartment to the other, once she found one. She, probably graciously, accepted Burt's offer to help. In the lead up to the day of the move, they're getting to know each other and everything is fine. Then the day of the move happens, and red alerts go off immediately when Burt drives over to help:1. Adam is there, making ramen noodles.2. Men's shoes are all over the place.3. Fitted caps and snap backs are upstairs, in the one bedroom apartment that Betsy is on the lease for. Since Burt knows Adam and is friendly with him, he makes a quick note of what he sees and embraces Adam, probably to not seem like he's suspicious. They end up doing the moving and later on that day, at the new apartment, Burt is having a casual conversation with Adam. Adam says that his girlfriend isn't comfortable with his current living arrangement but that she shouldn't even be worried because it "isn't like that." He says he's thought of it, because Betsy is very attractive (she is) but that that's natural, and that it would feel too weird doing anything like that with her.So Burt has, at this point, been told by Adam that they never messed around. Later on, Burt takes note of Betsy saying her back itches and that she asks Adam to itch it for her, and he notices her tell Adam to itch a little under her bra.Later on, Betsy and Burt are chilling alone and the former brings up the subject of dating: according to Burt, she mentions her opinion that some guys worry about something they shouldn't worry about when there is no title and no rules set. He says she also brings up that while single, people fuck who they want to fuck. They mutually say they'd like to continue getting to know each other and they agree you can fuck who you want to fuck when you're single. She then says that she and Adam used to fuck but that it was short lived and that they stopped because it made things awkward.So Adam lied or at least wasn't completely truthful. But in Burt's mind, he's wondering when they had this sexual relationship because Adam has been with Anna since 2009, off and on presumably. Burt was able to gather that Adam wasn't living with Anna because, while at one point they had done so, her lease had since expired and she moved back in with her parents. He was offered the chance to move in, but says he didn't want his stuff all over her parents house and decides he should stay with Betsy instead. These are all the facts as I understand them, shared by Burt.So that's the context Burt shared with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lessthanluke Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 THE FORMER BRINGS WHAT?! DON'T PLAY WITH MY EMOTIONS LIKE THIS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slurms McKenzie Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 Haha yeah this ^ :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 *doof - doof - doof* (Eastenders theme music) *roll end credits* TO BE CONTINUED Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted November 9, 2014 Author Share Posted November 9, 2014 XD I love y'all. I edited the rest in. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.