sperry Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 The only thing I would add to this is make it clear that you're doing so. "I'm sorry you're not feeling well. You have my details; give me a shout if you still feel like getting together once you're feeling better." FIN. No more until she contacts you.It's up to her, she knows it's up to her, and you're also not saying "Oh. You're sick? So you want to meet later? You mean now? Now? How about now?" -- it gives her a (relatively) graceful out if she's changed her mind. Thanks. This is what I was looking for, a way to tactfully pass the ball along to her, without it looking like I was accusing her of faking an illness. That being said, I really hope it doesn't come to this. Guess it's just a waiting game til tomorrow morning at this point. Blah. Have I mentioned that I hate dating? :bang: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insomnium Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 2. Has anyone had any success using paid dating sites? I am considering it (Match, probably) just to see if it's any more effective than OkCupid or Tinder. I met my current girlfriend on Match.com. I would not say it was much better in terms of yielding dates. My small observation about Match -conversations are little slower to develop. It most likely will bring a new pool of people into consideration, without much overlap. What is your issue with OKCupid? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WrathOfTinyKittens Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 Well I don't have a specific issue with OkCupid, but I feel like I am not discovering new profiles (OKC slots you into certain search results based on relative attractiveness, so even though I live in a city with hundreds of thousands of eligible women, I see the same hundred or so profiles all the time). That plus I just haven't had any luck. Pretty typical problems for a man online dating, I get few responses, etc. I don't really expect this aspect to improve much on a different site, but maybe the cost will make a difference as a gate keeper Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insomnium Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 I don't live in such a populated area, but I eventually came to a similar point on OKCupid. Either went on a date or conversation didn't go anywhere with most of the 75%+ matches. That's when I signed up for Match. Maintained both, and things didn't seem so sparse. From personal point of view, obviously worth it. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guy Kilmore Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 I met my wife through online dating, yahoo personals. This was back before stuff like eHarmony, Match and all that stuff though. A friend of mine met his girlfriend through eHarmony and he is planning on proposing to her in December. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grand Moff Mithrandir Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 I met my wife through online dating, yahoo personals. This was back before stuff like eHarmony, Match and all that stuff though. A friend of mine met his girlfriend through eHarmony and he is planning on proposing to her in December.I never knew these things worked for people who are looking to settle down. Always assumed they were just for people looking to mess about. I've been educated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smegma Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 I never knew these things worked for people who are looking to settle down. Always assumed they were just for people looking to mess about.I've been educated. It depends on the site. eHarmony is definitely geared towards those looking for serious relationships. My brother met his third wife there - they are now divorced, but that's their fault, not the site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alguien Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 I had good luck in dating with OKC, but I think it's a very different experience if you are a woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smegma Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 I forgot to post what I originally came into the thread to say - for those that are interested, Groupon is running a deal on Match.com memberships. I don't know how good or rare of a deal it is, but maybe it'll be enough to help some folks sign up and find true love, or great sex, or both. http://www.groupon.com/deals/match-com-174-chicago?utm_campaign=UserReferral&utm_medium=email&utm_source=uu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Debated whether this should go here or to feminism, but here is probably better... Saw this link: http://www.takepart.com/article/2014/11/04/instagram-account-bye-felipe-online-harassment?cmpid=tp-ptnr-upworthy It's a couple screen grabs of what one woman got from online apps when she rejected advances from some men. The moral of the story is that while most of the people posting here aren't assholes like those, you all are swimming against a strong current of shit in the dating world. Your message will have to cut through all the bullshit noise, and you are likely not going to get a second chance for early mistakes because a lot of these women are just going to be so fucking sick of being treated like crap (I'm guessing here). Frankly, I've rejected my share of advances from men, and I've been rejected plenty of times. And, I can safely say that out of those dozens of interactions, only 1 turned remotely nasty. The shit that women have to deal with is amazing. It reminds me of Louis CK's routine where he declaimed that he doesn't know why women date men at all because men are the number 1 killer of women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sperry Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Debated whether this should go here or to feminism, but here is probably better...Saw this link: http://www.takepart.com/article/2014/11/04/instagram-account-bye-felipe-online-harassment?cmpid=tp-ptnr-upworthyIt's a couple screen grabs of what one woman got from online apps when she rejected advances from some men.The moral of the story is that while most of the people posting here aren't assholes like those, you all are swimming against a strong current of shit in the dating world. Your message will have to cut through all the bullshit noise, and you are likely not going to get a second chance for early mistakes because a lot of these women are just going to be so fucking sick of being treated like crap (I'm guessing here).Frankly, I've rejected my share of advances from men, and I've been rejected plenty of times. And, I can safely say that out of those dozens of interactions, only 1 turned remotely nasty. The shit that women have to deal with is amazing. It reminds me of Louis CK's routine where he declaimed that he doesn't know why women date men at all because men are the number 1 killer of women. Dating's pretty horrible for everyone. I am now bemoaning the fact that I was happy bouncing aroudn one night stands in college instead of getting serious when dating would have been super easy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NestorMakhnosLovechild Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Dating's pretty horrible for everyone. I am now bemoaning the fact that I was happy bouncing aroudn one night stands in college instead of getting serious when dating would have been super easy. Yeaaaaaaaah.... there's a pretty big difference between "dating sucks!" in general, and receiving death threats and harassment for saying "no thanks" to people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sperry Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Yeaaaaaaaah.... there's a pretty big difference between "dating sucks!" in general, and receiving death threats and harassment for saying "no thanks" to people. I'm interested in where I suggested otherwise? Harassment is obviously not a remotely acceptable response to rejection. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sperry Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Well, after all of this, we are going. Never been through such a longwinded, bizarre, "I have no idea what the hell is going on" ordeal to go on one date, but there ya have it. Wish me luck. (Although maybe I shouldn't count my chickens until we're through the front door?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 You should have seen the run around radio DJ girl gave me before I finally had to say fuck it, sperry. Suffice to say, I totally feel you. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sperry Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 Ended up having a really good time. We both just went home at the end of the night, and I honestly have no idea if she felt any romantic connection, but it was a solid date regardless. Still just as confused as before about where she stands feeling wise, but she was interested enough to come on a date when she was sick (and she was legitimately sick), so I feel like that's gotta be a plus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xray the Enforcer Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 I'm interested in where I suggested otherwise? When you said "dating is horrible for everyone." Dating not actually horrible for most people, just disappointing or tedious. Death threats and verbal abuse? Those are legit horrible. You did not help your case by then segueing directly into a bit of self-pity about your younger self. You probably did not mean to equate either of these with the horribleness of assault or threat thereof, but that's the way your post reads, and Nestor wasn't the only one who was put off by your reply. All that said, I am very glad that your date went well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 Dating is bad news for me. I don't know why I do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 I post this merely as a cautionary tale about the unreliability of the OKC match % score - how the shit did this dude get a 99% match with me?!Books: I can be pretty sneery here. Not sure I believe books can change the world anymore (if I ever did) but I still have distaste for contemporary(ish) fiction that doesn't even aspire to do that....Films: not so sneery. ... Can't be arsed with all these interminable HBO things.Music: not being 15 I don't give a shit about other people's taste in music, ...Food: boring & utilitarian. I eat healthily & ethically-mindedly (when I remember), and am pathologically averse to any dining that involving paying a servant to carry things to and from your table.Thanks, algorithm. :-/(in other news, it seems like every time I find a profile that looks awesome, and then spend some time browsing the questions and find nothing to dislike, I head back to the self-summary to compose a message and THEN spot a sentence I'd missed that says "oh BTW I already have a primary partner and she's great" :bang: - this has happened at least 3 times now. Maybe I should give polyamory a go after all...)eta: wheeeee! That One Guy Who Actually Replied To My Message has again broken radio silence after a week of nuthin, and I think I have an actual date planned for Wednesday. !!! This will be my first date in - lol - exactly ten years, would be funny as fuck if this turned into a relationship with exactly the same anniversary date as my last one :lmao: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 So Ms. Former Co-worker replied to my email. She is starting a new gig and has a lot on her plate which I totally understand. She said she'd be in touch when things slow down. Seeing as I'm not the most articulate person out there how should I reply?I hope things work out for you Min. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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