Micro aggression and African American names

[White Walker Texas Ranger]

I had a colleague who I'd met several times socially and it took at least 5 emails and a phone call before I connected "Nieve", the Irish woman I'd spoken to at the pub, with the "Niamh" who emailed me querying some report definitions. 

God hates Gaelic spelling. It's Adam and Eve. Not Adam and Niamh.

[Magnar of Skagos]

To Gaelic/Welsh/Cornish speakers.  Why the, to English speakers, unusual spellings?

Even we don't know, to be honest.

Might have something to do with Gaelic, Welsh, Cornish, Breton, Manx, being part of the Celtic language family, which is completely different than the Germanic group. I wonder if the spelling in Gaelic runes might make more sense than reading it in Latin characters.

[baxus]

I basically have two names- the proper Polish one for Polish people and an Anglicised version for everyone else. That's not an aggression thing, though. Most non-Slavs simply can't say several Polish consonants, 'sz' included.

The English version does also occasionally get changed to Lucas, mind, which for some reason I put up with for one year at uni but will otherwise correct.

Slavic names usually do require some background in Slavic languages and cultures.

In Serbian, we don't have 'sz' but we have 'ć', 'č' and stuff like that. If you add cyrillic alphabet to the mix you would increase the confusion exponentially. 

To Gaelic/Welsh/Cornish speakers.  Why the, to English speakers, unusual spellings?

Possibly because Gaelic, Welsh and Cornish are different languages than English?  

[Rorshach]

Can't really comment on the American experience, but my name, which starts with an Ø, is quite clearly unpronounceable for everyone not from a Nordic country.

I have 37 years of experience in this.

[Ser Scot A Ellison]

Baxus,

Oh, my Mother's married name is an 11 letter Polish name.  It took me some time to learn to spell it correctly.

[Maltaran]

To Gaelic/Welsh/Cornish speakers.  Why the, to English speakers, unusual spellings?

Welsh uses certain letters or pairs of letters for different phonemes than English does. However, my understanding is that the correspondence of letters to phonemes in Welsh is very strict, so you won't get any homophones like hair/hare or there/their/they're - if two Welsh words have different spellings then they have different pronunciations.

[sologdin]

Slavic names usually do require some background in Slavic languages and cultures.

In Serbian, we don't have 'sz' but we have 'ć', 'č' and stuff like that. If you add cyrillic alphabet to the mix you would increase the confusion exponentially. 

for native english speaker, the distinctions between dz & dj and ć & č are unintelligible.  and lj at beginning of a word ain't gonna happen.  the rest of the alphabet makes a lot of sense to the english ear, though.

[S John]

I had a colleague who I'd met several times socially and it took at least 5 emails and a phone call before I connected "Nieve", the Irish woman I'd spoken to at the pub, with the "Niamh" who emailed me querying some report definitions. 

a similar thing happened to me, there was a girl in my grad school course (in Scotland) named Eilidh.  Seeing it written out I was thinking... eyelid?  Who the fuck is eyelid?  What the hell kind of name is that?  It wasn't until I heard other people call her what I would pronounce as 'Ay-lee' that I figured it out.

[NestorMakhnosLovechild]

I think continuing at the end once he came to apologise was a step too far and not at all helpful. But before that, I think you'd have to be quite naive to think her going up the chain with it would have been a better solution than what she did. Chances are good that he'd learn nothing, and she'd have her card marked as a snitch and ass-licker.

I make absolutely no assumptions about the reception that her complaint would receive with whomever it is that handles human resources issues within the company. Honestly, it's irrelevant. Her behavior was bullying and inexcusable regardless of what the response might have been. I also think it's quite remarkable that nobody has commented on the woman's use of racialized language - ie: "white devil" - to refer to this guy.

[Bonesy]

I have learned that with these things white people don't have a leg to stand on as far as the existence of reverse discrimination (I believe is true) and therefore any appellation applied to a white person by a non-white to be beyond reproach (I believe is bullshit.)

[NestorMakhnosLovechild]

I have learned that with these things white people don't have a leg to stand on as far as the existence of reverse discrimination (I believe is true) and therefore any appellation applied to a white person by a non-white to be beyond reproach (I believe is bullshit.)

"Reverse discrimination" is "affirmative action" by another name. It's a systematic attempt to redress historical grievances by creating a preference for (certain) minority groups. 

When a black person displays race-based animus against a white person - that's not "reverse discrimination" - that's just straight up racial prejudice.  

[Magnar of Skagos]

I think continuing at the end once he came to apologise was a step too far and not at all helpful. But before that, I think you'd have to be quite naive to think her going up the chain with it would have been a better solution than what she did. Chances are good that he'd learn nothing, and she'd have her card marked as a snitch and ass-licker.

Could you show me how to properly pronounce the name Zdzisław Beksiński? A favourite painter of mine. It'd be nice to know how to say his name, particularly his given name.

[Bonesy]

Zidshlov Bekshlinshki?

[Malik Ambar]

white people mispronouncing other names isn't the problem. I've worked or encountered people names Leigh, Ariadne and Saoirse. Mispronounced every single one of them, many times. They didn't mind and understood my difficulty. They mispronounced my name many times; them and many others (my favorite mispronunciation of my name remains Maura ). It's understandable. People will have difficulties pronouncing syllables they have never heard before. You can always tell those having genuine difficulty (which are like 99% of the cases) from those being dicks anyway. 

 

The problem is when white people act as if the sky is falling when their names are mispronounced. Or anything is mispronounced by non-white people. They'll behave as if it's Kingdom Come. "Why can't these people bother learning our language properly !" they cry. Dude, if Laxman Bhadsawle understands that pronouncing Indian names can be tough, so should you. Cut us some slack too.

[Bonesy]

Who are these "they?"

I get that white people are leading the way in derp, but fuck.

As a white person I'm fucking aggravated to hear these blanket statements.

Don't be surprised when idiots with my skin color take these statements as an attack.

[Malik Ambar]

Attack ? Relax man. I should add 'Not All White People'.

[Bonesy]

Malik, I didn't take it as an attack. I'm saying idiots will.

I'm merely aggravated.

[Shryke]

On this issue I think people need to learn to deal with mispronunciation of their names if they fall outside of common linguistic roots or names in general use. This goes for white people (like those with celtic names) as much as anyone else. Sometimes shit is hard to pronounce. As long as people are doing their best, we should all just learn to deal.

Generally, in my experience, this is how most people behave anyway. People with unusual names learn to deal with it and don't get angry.

Deliberately mispronouncing other people's names is just being an asshole though. But that's not really something I've seen.

 

Though obviously this doesn't apply to Jonathan Toews who is just kidding himself about how to really pronounce his last name.

[Fragile Bird]

Which part is supposed to be the micron aggression? The mispronouncing of names itself, or deliberately mispronouncing names, or your argument with your friend?

I'm white with what I feel is a fairly straightforward 2 syllable last name. Part of it is "ake" but it regularly gets misspelled and mispronounced as "ack". I'm wondering if simple laziness is being misinterpreted as aggression.

Microaggression is not a term I had ever heard of, but that's probably because it was coined in 1970 by a Colombia professor and it probably took a while to catch on and spread and I was finished with university and law school by 1978.  The definition that pops up on the internet:

 

The term “microaggression” was used by Columbia professor Derald Sue to refer to “brief and commonplace daily verbal, behavioral, or environmental indignities, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative racial slights and insults toward people of color.”

I think it's a very good term.  I think it conveys the idea of minor hostility that can grind away at a person.  And I see it seems to be one word, not two.

ETA:  The fact that someone always deliberately mispronounces your name would definitely be wearing after a time.

ETA2:  And it was coined specifically, I see, to deal with actions directed at people of colour. 

[Bonesy]

ToEHvs. Sounds legit.