Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Alyn Oakenfist

1st of April crackpot theories

Recommended Posts

So seeing as today is the first of April (here anyway) I was thinking about something a little different. Instead of thinking about legitimate theories and debating their merits, we should instead try and find or create the most crackpot theory imaginable. I'll start with a theory on Septa Lemore:

Septa Lemore is clearly Joanna Lannister. When she married Tywin she made a deal with Aerys that she will be his after her 3rd child with Tywin. After Tyrion was born she faked her death and became the Mad Kings mistress. After the sack of Kings Landing she no longer had anything to do in Westeros so she went to teach Young Griff. She was able to change her appearance because she was actually Shaera Seastar. This ca be seen as Tyrion also has mismatched eyes (it's not like it's a very common genetic occurrence). So not only is Tyrion a Targ, but on the Shy Maiden he was lusting after his mother, further showing how he was a Targ. She will also be the one to complete the Valonqar prophecy as she will also take the place of Daenerys seeing as Shaera Seastar was actually Visenya after becoming a faceless man, and as such she can take on any appearance she wants.

So what meme theories do you have?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 minutes ago, The hairy bear said:

I'm afraid that most theories in this thread won't look much different that many theories post on this forums any other day...:P

You took the words right out of my mouth! :lmao:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ramsay is actually a disguised Ned Stark. Jaqen is a Faceless Man and he was in King’s Landing to save Ned. He swapped him out and took him to the House of Black and White and gave him the face we know as Ramsay’s. ‘Ramsay’ went to Roose Bolton midway through ACOK, and Roose is a FM also, and masqueraded as Bolton’s bastard. The real Ramsay died rather then escape by swapping with Reek. This is all so Ned can get Winterfell back. Now that he is Lord of Winterfell he will regain control of the North and eventually topple the Lannisters.

Also, Walder Frey is Azor Ahai.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, McGuv19 said:

Ramsay is actually a disguised Ned Stark. Jaqen is a Faceless Man and he was in King’s Landing to save Ned. He swapped him out and took him to the House of Black and White and gave him the face we know as Ramsay’s. ‘Ramsay’ went to Roose Bolton midway through ACOK, and Roose is a FM also, and masqueraded as Bolton’s bastard. The real Ramsay died rather then escape by swapping with Reek. This is all so Ned can get Winterfell back. Now that he is Lord of Winterfell he will regain control of the North and eventually topple the Lannisters.

Also, Walder Frey is Azor Ahai.

So is Ned also the Kindly Man?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Elia's Aegon and fAegon were conceived on 1st of April 281. fAegon's parents, Barristan Selmy and septa Lemore/Lady Jeyne Swann, are parallels to Florian the Fool and Lady Jonquil. Florian was the greatest knight, and the greatest fool, because, as he said in The Hedge Knight - "all men are fools, and all men are knights, where women are concerned". Barristan is the greatest knight of 7K, but he is also the greatest fool, because Lady Jeyne tricked him, seduced him with an aid of love potion, and made a baby with him. It is known that the Tournament at Harrenhall was held in late October and early November (it lasted 10 days, less than 2 months later the False Spring ended, it is known that the winter began in the beginning of 282. Thus the Tournament's day is easy to calculate. Lyana, possing as the Knight of the Laughing Tree, happened on Halloween, October 31). Counting backwards, based on Jaime's traveling in that year, it seems likely that between his arrival to Harrenhall and his encounter with the Kingswood Brotherhood passed approximately 7 months. So if the Tournament happened in late October, and my estimations about Jaime's traveling are correct, then Barristan's encounter with Jeyne happened approximately on April 1st. It is possible that this is not a crackpot. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, Megorova said:

fAegon's parents, Barristan Selmy and septa Lemore/Lady Jeyne Swann, are parallels to Florian the Fool and Lady Jonquil.

There's also the fact of Barristan's white hair, which explains why FAegon's hair is also white.

6 minutes ago, Megorova said:

greatest fool, because Lady Jeyne tricked him, seduced him with an aid of love potion, and made a baby with him.

At last we have proof that ASOIAF is in the Harry Potter universe.

7 minutes ago, Megorova said:

It is possible that this is not a crackpot. 

Not at all. I've always suspected that Barristan is FAegon's father. It makes sense to me because I wanted it to happen.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
30 minutes ago, Alyn Oakenfist said:

At last we have proof that ASOIAF is in the Harry Potter universe.

:rolleyes: GRRM mentioned love potions back in AFFC and The Sworn Sword. Egg's sister Rhae gave it to him. I think that it was prepared by their great-aunt Shiera.

Also, when Barristan saved Jeyne from KB, there was a septa with her, but that septa's name was not recorded in the book, same as the name of Barristan's mother. Could be that that septa was Shiera Seastar in shadow-glamour (otherwise Barristan would have recognized her).

Could be that Barristan Selmy/Jeyne Swann/fSepta Shiera Seastar is a parallel to similar situation in ASOIAF -  Robb Stark/Jeyne Westerling/Sybell Spicer. Could be that Jeyne seduced Robb, by giving him a love potion, prepared for her by Sybell. Sybell is granddaughter of Maggy the Frog, and Maggy was a fortune teller who dealt in cures and love potions (AFFC, chapter 36).

39 minutes ago, Alyn Oakenfist said:

There's also the fact of Barristan's white hair, which explains why FAegon's hair is also white.

Barristan's hair is white, because he is old. Though in many cases with other old characters, GRRM did wrote what was their hair color, when they were younger, or thru other characters from the same House revealed what is this person's family features typical for his House. But in Barristan's case it wasn't mentioned. And there's nearly zero information about other members of House Selmy. So it isn't known what was Barri's hair color when he was young. Though, based on his current hair color, which is white, it seems likely, that his original hair color was "blond", Targaryen silver-gold. Because people with originally dark coloring, when they age, their hair becomes grey, and in case with people that were originally light-haired, their hair becomes white, platinum or silver.

In the books we have only two entries from the White Book - Jaime's and Barristan's. In Jaime's entry it is written that his parents are Tywin Lannister and Johanna Lannister. But in Barristan's entry his mother's name is not given. Why? -> Because his mother is a Blackfyre, Aenys Blackfyre's daughter (or something like that).

So both Barristan and his son fAegon are dragonseeds, bloodrelated to Targaryens, that's why Barristan's eyes are blue and fAegon's are dark-blue.

56 minutes ago, Alyn Oakenfist said:

Not at all. I've always suspected that Barristan is FAegon's father. It makes sense to me because I wanted it to happen.

I'm serious. I'm absolutely sure that Barristan is a Blackfyre and fAegon's father, and that septa Lemore is Jeyne Swann.

If in TWOW Barristan will meet Lemore and he will recognize her, will you agree with me then, that I was right about this?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 minutes ago, Megorova said:

Could be that that septa was Shiera Seastar in shadow-glamour (otherwise Barristan would have recognized her).

I sure hope you’re keeping track of all the characters who are Shiera... 

The ones I remember are:

1. Shiera

2. Quaithe

3. The 3EC

4. Nameless septa

I'm sure I’m forgetting a few... :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, kissdbyfire said:

I sure hope you’re keeping track of all the characters who are Shiera... 

The ones I remember are:

1. Shiera

2. Quaithe

3. The 3EC

4. Nameless septa

I'm sure I’m forgetting a few... :lol:

No, that's all of them. She was posing as a septa (like Bloodraven in The Mystery Knight was posing as Maynard Plumm), and now is using aliase Quaithe, while Shiera is her real name, and the Three-Eyed Crow is just a way she looks in a spiritual realm, so it's not an additional identity or a guise.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 minutes ago, kissdbyfire said:

I sure hope you’re keeping track of all the characters who are Shiera... 

The ones I remember are:

1. Shiera

2. Quaithe

3. The 3EC

4. Nameless septa

I'm sure I’m forgetting a few... :lol:

I think you missed a few. She's also:

- Ashara Dayne

- Dany's real mother

- Joanna Lannister (no I'm not making this shit up)

- Val (yes again, this is real)

- The Green Grace

- Arianne's mother

- Visenya

Like every other theory has someone actually being Shiera Seastar.

15 minutes ago, kissdbyfire said:

3. The 3EC

Nah that's 3 small children standing one atop the other, one eye each, long story...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
26 minutes ago, Megorova said:

:rolleyes: GRRM mentioned love potions back in AFFC and The Sworn Sword. Egg's sister Rhae gave it to him. I think that it was prepared by their great-aunt Shiera.

They also exist in real life. I just bought one to charm my Ukrainian bride.

27 minutes ago, Megorova said:

Could be that Barristan Selmy/Jeyne Swann/fSepta Shiera Seastar

Please could you tell me how you managed to extract so much knowledge from a character that is mentioned only once in passing?

29 minutes ago, Megorova said:

Barristan's hair is white, because he is old.

No shit Sherlock.

29 minutes ago, Megorova said:

Though in many cases with other old characters, GRRM did wrote what was their hair color, when they were younger, or thru other characters from the same House revealed what is this person's family features typical for his House. But in Barristan's case it wasn't mentioned. And there's nearly zero information about other members of House Selmy. So it isn't known what was Barri's hair color when he was young. Though, based on his current hair color, which is white, it seems likely, that his original hair color was "blond", Targaryen silver-gold. Because people with originally dark coloring, when they age, their hair becomes grey, and in case with people that were originally light-haired, their hair becomes white, platinum or silver.

Exactly were did you come up with this theory? Also if his hair was Targ white I think people would have noticed and done something about it. It's not like it's a common hair color.

31 minutes ago, Megorova said:

Why? -> Because his mother is a Blackfyre, Aenys Blackfyre's daughter (or something like that).

Where exactly does this come from? The fountain of thought?

33 minutes ago, Megorova said:

that's why Barristan's eyes are blue

Actually if you think about it means that Wyman Manderly is also a dragonseed. As for the Dayne's we all know that they're all actually Shiera Seastar.

33 minutes ago, Megorova said:

I'm serious. I'm absolutely sure that Barristan is a Blackfyre and fAegon's father, and that septa Lemore is Jeyne Swann.

I don't know. If he did pork Jeyne Swann (a character that is mentioned bloody once in the whole story, and even then as a footnote) I don't think he would be constantly thinking about Ashara and no other woman.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 minutes ago, Alyn Oakenfist said:

Please could you tell me how you managed to extract so much knowledge from a character that is mentioned only once in passing?

Who? You mean Shiera or Jeyne Swann?

16 minutes ago, Alyn Oakenfist said:

Where exactly does this come from? The fountain of thought?

It's all a part of a bigger picture. I'm a bit busy now, though later I'll add quotes from The World Book on which is based my theory.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 minutes ago, Megorova said:

Jeyne Swann

Jeyne. Her only confirmed action in the books is that she was kidnapped by the brotherhood and saved by the KG.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...