Goodkind XVI: Edgy Dork in Tor

[Mme Erzulie]

This is really all too much.

I don't even know where to begin. Dylan, very funny.

I've only started to skim the Q&A, but already, this gem sticks out:

The plot is the battle for individual liberty in a altruistic-driven collectivist society. (about Faith of the Fallen)

It's just so... it encompasses... I think this quote captures the essence of Goodkind. Extremely sig-worthy.

And in proper Dubya-style, he preemptively strikes those who would possibly raise any objections:

The concretes of Richard’s struggle make the abstract concept understandable and clear. (And because it is so clear it enrages those who want to cloud the issue so as to champion altruism; the naked hate they exhibit and vicious methods they use only go to prove the book’s point that altruism breeds force and brutality and produces only suffering.)

And it just won't stop:

It would have been impossible to write FAITH OF THE FALLEN had I not understood completely what it was I was trying to accomplish... Had I not understood my philosophy completely I could not have written such a coherent book.

Imagine the impossibility of getting to the end of a book like that and then have to go back and do a “complete rewriting of themes.â€

I can understand why that seems impossible when it comes to your work, Terry.

An artist’s style expresses the totality of his inner view of life.

Maybe we should try applying this to some artists? Jimi Hendrix? Andy Warhol? Picasso? Dostojevsky? What are the totalities of their inner views of life? I can hardly wait to find out.

It can be the clarity of reality, or the murk of mysticism, a glimpse of the uplifting ideals of existence, or the confused and depressing embrace of debauchery, disease, and death.

Here we have title suggestions en masse. Murk of mysticism and a glimpse of the uplifting ideals of existence are my favourites.

Style reveals an author’s soul.

Don't underestimate STYLE, people. I guess the ponytail expresses the clarity of the uplifting ideals of the existence of free men or something.

I would like to note that there are good authors who don’t always think their work through as thoroughly as I might.

How generous of you, Terry. I also like the ambiguity that the "might" lends the sentence. "I might think my work through thoroughly... or I mightn't. What are you gonna do about it, punk?"

If you have a disorganized mind composed of invalid concepts, then you subconscious mind will feed you garbage.

He's like a mitrailleuse, this man. A barrage of truth and wisdom, battering down any resistance.

If characters are running around with no clear purpose, acting in a irrational, haphazard, pointless fashion, what does that say about the characters? What does it say about the author?

Reading this is something akin to watching involuntary self-flagellation.

And after all this pompous posturing and chest-thumping, he delivers this:

That is not to say that along the way I don’t have to stop and think some of the details through. My books are, after all, extremely complex. But thinking during the writing is an orderly process, with clear issues to be addressed and resolved. It is not a confused, desperate attempt to leap over wet paint.

Such humility.

He is like a man who inherits a fortune, but instead goes out and works to earn his own fortune. - about Richard Rahl

Succinctly put there, Terry.

Then comes the beautiful gang rape = democracy in action thesis, already covered by Wolf Maid.

A good novel shows how life can and ought to be lived. It not only entertains but energizes and uplifts readers.

The wonders of didactic prose.

In our world, if not stopped, Islamic extremists will use nuclear weapons to destroy the West and end freedom, to plunge the world into a new dark age. Jagang has vowed as much.

It's not always easy to discern between Tairyworld and the "real" world. They're so similar.

I’ve never liked the way some authors ascribe a level intellectual awareness to characters who are too young to realistically have such abilities.

Too... many... jokes... head... explodes...

And then one fan asks if there are any plans to make the SoT novels into videogames. I guess we can't accuse Terry of milking the cow, at least:

To create a game based on such a work would be the equivalent of reproducing a piece of fine art on toilet paper.

Or, perhaps, trying to shove feces into a computer. Either way, not a good idea.

Terry goes on to lecture us about pacing:

First of all, I believe that a series, like a novel, needs to have a sense of pacing. You can’t have just one long continuous chase, for example.

Oh crap. There goes my almost-finished series, Mace of Mysticism. It was rather murky, anyway. No point in re-writing it either, as we now know.

I also wanted to do something that is extremely difficult: create a dual plot, in which those who have never read the series would have a completely different experience, with different worries and hopes, than readers who were familiar with the series.

I have nothing to say to this. It stands so well on its own.

Keep in mind that when I write I’m telling myself a story.

The question is, what is this story you're telling yourself? That you're a talented author? Or does it actually have something to do with what you're writing?

In modern literature heroic figures who are actually worth looking up to are extremely rare, so rare, in fact, that when I took the spotlight away from Richard and Kahlan some readers went into full panic mode.

Nice reasoning, there.

I know that I’m always amazed to hear what some people believe about me that could not be farther from the truth, so I really enjoyed writing about characters who started out believing all the wrong things.

This probably made sense inside Terry's head. Well, probably might be stretching it. Possibly, then.

I doubt that the children who read my books will be able to intellectually comprehend how important such a book is to the adult mind; they simply want more of their heros. I am very proud that my young readers feel that way because it affirms the importance of what I do, affirms the need for heros in our lives.

I, what, wait, children?! So when Terry was referring to people who were probably too young to read his books, he was talking about... infants?

I know many adults who regard PILLARS OF CREATION as their favorite book.

Mystar and... I'm blank.

Now, MM already quoted Terry's DEFINITIVE STATEMENT ON MAGIC, so I'm just going to post choice excerpts:

I am now going to tell you something that probably no other fantasy writer would ever tell you: I’m making it up.

The magic in my books is treated as an existent — a thing that exists. Things that exist have their own identity and therefore behave according to the laws of that identity. That’s the way I make magic in my books behave — by the laws of its own identity.

So different from all those hacks writing about non-existent magic. Cop-outs!

Because of this, because magic is handled as an existent, the magic in my books has a very realistic feel to it. That realism pulls readers in, makes them feel that it is real.

Things that feel real often feel real due to their realistic feel. It's all so clear now.

However, because magic is not real, it can’t really exist. There is no way for it to exist in reality. If you begin to deconstruct it, to analyze it down to a subatomic level, as this reader has done, then at some point it will always fall apart. Always.

(The reader really only asked why magic works completely fucking inconsistently in Goodkind's books. Oh, and please note: If something isn't real, it can't really exist. Clear? Also, since Terry writes "always" twice, he must really mean it. It's like proof, but then you go out and make your own proof.)

A baby cries when spaghetti pushed off its highchair won’t bounce the way a ball would. He cries because he wants the spaghetti to bounce. He cries because he wants his mother to fix it, to make the spaghetti bounce.

Now, someone needs to sig this. Holy mother of Truth.

Whereas magic makes a journey book work and also makes a dragon fly, an e-mail can’t fly you and your family to the Bahamas.

But doesn't A follow from B when all F's are G's? I don't understand this .

In part this is a monster of my own making because I’ve gone to such lengths to make the magic seem real, by making it an existent, that it tempts some people to become distracted by it. In a way it’s a testament to how realistic the characters are and the magic they use seems to be, so in that sense I sympathize with readers who want to understand it more completely.

Wow.

An author who makes magic a function of Primacy of Consciousness has only to shrug it off as “the wizard wished it and it worked because he’s a wizard.†That actually makes far less sense than what I do, but people have been lulled into blindly accepting such consciously controlled events. These authors are, in the minds of many, exempt from having to make sense.

Stones and glass houses.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying that I don’t occasionally make mistakes, because like anyone else I do, but I take very seriously my responsibility as a novelist to get the details as right as possible so that there are no contradictions within the story, so that it flows smoothly, and that it makes sense. The magic in the stories is very complex because of my desire to make it seem as real as possible. I am convinced that with a careful reading of the books it will make sense, that questions will be answered, and that the magic will contain no contradictions within the context of the story.

The magic in the story only seems internally inconsistent because Terry has made it so complex in order for it to be as realistic as possible. If you only reread the story carefully, he's sure the magic will contain no contradictions within the context of the story.

No amount of double-talk will make it real.

Although God knows, you've tried.

Any author who explains away the magic he writes about with an incomprehensible labyrinth of impenetrable concepts and pompous rationalizations that make you feel as if he is so gosh darn smart that you could never understand his lofty genius, is really doing nothing more than trying to lay down a smoke screen. He’s trying to intimidate you into believing that you are too stupid to understand him so that he can deceive you into thinking he really can do the impossible and make magic work.

Wow. I guess some bully author actually took the trouble had the audacity to explain how his or her magic works. And Terry didn't understand it. And he resorted to this.

Ok, so far, so good. The Terry we all know and "love". But then, Stephanie asks a question. It goes something like this:

Does your wife read your books? I’m getting married in June (my first marriage for the rest of my life) and (name of future husband goes here) doesn’t like to read my stories. He likes Louis L’Amour. I don’t like Louis, no offense to anyone, he just goes on about how helpless women are and how manly men are. I was just wondering about it one day and thought I’d ask. Sorry to take up so much time. I just ramble a lot. God bless you all.

Terry's answer is the obvious: His wife loves to read his stories. Who wouldn't? But then he goes on to hand out one of the nastiest insults I've ever seen:

I never could understand why some writers treat women as helpless. Every woman I know is strong in her own unique way. Well, maybe not you, Stephanie. You seem a little helpless.

Is this for real? I'm beginning to think MyStar is yanking our trallalas here. If so, he's been brilliant. Or maybe it's Goodkind who's actually been leading us on a wild goose (wild goat?) chase all along. This can't be serious. He didn't just write that in all honesty. No way.

I rarely have time to read any more. I’m a slow reader so it takes me a long time to read a book. I’m also a slow writer so I have to devote nearly every waking hour to working or I would never finish writing a book.

I wonder how long it took him to answer all this. Doesn't really surprise me that he's a slow reader, though. In fact, slow is a pretty useful word when describing Terry.

Since I so rarely read any fiction I have to write it completely my own way, without benefit of how others write.

It shows, bro.

I’ve done this in response to specific questions — in order to explain why I do what I do and to give readers some insight into what is behind my work. However, I am not a philosopher and I am not trying to teach philosophy with my books.

Could have fooled me.

Oh, and when you go to to www.terrygoodkind.net, in the top right corner, there's a message saying "click here for a special message from Terry Goodkind." I clicked, but when I saw that it was a file I had to download, I suddenly doubted if I had the moral celery necessary for truly appreciating such a message. Anyone else want to give it a go? (What kind of files have the .ra extension anyway?)

[The Wolf Maid]

Now you see why I couldn't bear to quote all of it. The gang rape = democracy in action just broke my brain for a moment.

Dylan, I think your inbox is going to be very flooded this week.

Skilled woodsman, tracker, hunter, etc.

- Master swordsman.

- Great orator.

- Brilliant philosopher.

- Genius tactician.

- Master stone-carver.

- Instinctive master of every form of magic known to man, and several that aren't.

- And, as of the last book, he's also an expert symbologist. Someone call Robert Langdon, his shtick is being ripped off!

You forgot:

1. Child discipline expert (nothing disciplines a child like a kick in the jaw!)

[Marcelo Rebelo Firqoralas]

I never could understand why some writers treat women as helpless. Every woman I know is strong in her own unique way. Well, maybe not you, Stephanie. You seem a little helpless.

This is just... wow. There's something seriously wrong with this guy.

Oh, and when you go to to www.terrygoodkind.net, in the top right corner, there's a message saying "click here for a special message from Terry Goodkind." I clicked, but when I saw that it was a file I had to download, I suddenly doubted if I had the moral celery necessary for truly appreciating such a message. Anyone else want to give it a go? (What kind of files have the .ra extension anyway?)

Real Audio. This is your chance to finally hear the crystal clear notes of Tairy's sweet, sweet voice. Why are you hesitating?

[MinDonner]

That bastard! He must have been waiting until AFTER we started the new thread before he did that Q&A. So many gems! Quick, let's get to post 400 so we can use some of them!

[Myshkin]

Oh, and when you go to to www.terrygoodkind.net, in the top right corner, there's a message saying "click here for a special message from Terry Goodkind." I clicked, but when I saw that it was a file I had to download, I suddenly doubted if I had the moral celery necessary for truly appreciating such a message. Anyone else want to give it a go? (What kind of files have the .ra extension anyway?)

I've been wondering about this for quite some time, but not enough to actually download it. I think we should elect someone to download it and report back to us. And as an FYI, if you really want to hear Tairy's dulcet tones I think there's a place on the site where he reads the cover blurbs from some of his novels.

[Snowbeat]

Hullo fellow Goodkindians!

I have returned from rehab!

Using the 12-step MMM (Mad Moose Maddened) program, I am on the road to recovery!

[Myshkin]

I bring to you the Voice of Tairy

[Mme Erzulie]

So much more material!

The rule of all rules! The rule unwritten! The rule unspoken!

Could it be - "psyche!" ? Any chance at all?

[The Wolf Maid]

I bring to you the Voice of Tairy

Oh God. I just want to buy that book, if only to know how things end.

And yeah, I actually have an audio file of an interview of Terry Goodkind someone linked in an earlier TG thread.

Good for you, Snowbeat.

When next the sun rises, the world will be forever changed.

Someone didn't proofread...

[Moosicus]

I bring to you the Voice of Tairy

I just can't do it. I have neither the strength nor the celery to deal with Tairy's voice right now. Maybe tomorrow. Or if somebody could give me the gist of it that would be fine. Reading the Q&A has left me a bit drained.

[The Wolf Maid]

I just can't do it. I have neither the strength nor the celery to deal with Tairy's voice right now. Maybe tomorrow. Or if somebody could give me the gist of it that would be fine. Reading the Q&A has left me a bit drained.

Hm. Can't see the audio file, just the blurb on Confessor.

[Jhogo's Evil Twin]

A somewhat random question but I don't have the will to look up the answer for myself.

What the hell is lardo?

To refresh memories, it was the stuff that the smith was making in tubs when Richard was carving the statues in Faith of the Fallen.

Is lardo based on something real or just totally made up?

Sounds disgusting either way

[Jaxom 1974]

But I’ve come to dislike having maps in my books for a variety of reasons. Among other things, they’re a crutch, distracting from the story itself while readers try to reconcile the story to a map. Worse, they are a fantasy cliche that turns away the very kind of people who are my typical readers. They see a map and mistakenly think it is the type of book they aren’t interested in. You don’t see maps in a John Grisham book showing where the coffee shop is, where the courthouse is located, marking the apartment building where the protagonist lives. Why? Because it just isn’t important. It’s not important to my stories, either. If I say a character went north, it is no more important than if I would have instead said that they went west; the compelling reason to go somewhere is what matters. The direction itself is not what the story is about. It’s not a role-playing game.

It's also a way to avoid having people realize that his characters can move at the speed of light to actually get aroud.

Gods, I'm still on the first question and that drove me nuts!

I would like to add that I think a person who has lived some life is in a better position to become a published writer. I don’t believe that young minds can yet begin to grasp all the complexities involved in writing good stories. Young writers regurgitate, they don’t originate or innovate. Quantity and quality are not the same thing. It often takes many years of practice before a person matures enough to write anything worthwhile. A writer needs to learn about life before he can hope to accurately recreate it in fiction.

Translation: No one asked me whether or not I thought Eragon was something that needed to be published.

Gang rape, after all, is democracy in action.

GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY!

[The Wolf Maid]

Gang rape, after all, is democracy in action.

GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY!

I think I'm going to use this quote as my new sig.

[Joanna vander Poele]

I personally find it amazing these Goodkind threads are still in Literature and aren't just Forum Games. Ran and the mods are such pinko commies.

[theMountainGoat]

I know you have it as your sig Wolf Maid, but holy shit if that isn't the most sickening TG quote I have ever read. That whole Q&A was :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick:, gah there are not enough emoticons to really cover it.

I guess we know now why gang rape is such a recurring plot device in the series.

[MinDonner]

What are you saying? That Terry's works aren't... literature? I'm not sure we can allow that sort of view in here. You're obviously too young to understand the true greatness of the Sword of Truth, you need to have lived some more life (?) to appreciate Terry's moving tales of nobility and human spirit.

I still haven't dared read the entire Q&A. These quotes are more than I can stomach at the moment...

[Angus Niven]

You forgot:

1. Child discipline expert (nothing disciplines a child like a kick in the jaw!)

So I did. I also missed out:

- Unerring archer.

- Expert carpenter.

- Master surgeon/healer.

And probably many others that I still don't recall. Shocking I shall read random threads from Goodkind fansites in penance.

[Moosicus]

I believe you also forgot pharmacist/alchemist. I think he's also an expert mathematician. While discussing those "representational designs involving lethality" he makes some references to algebra IIRC. A shorter list might be one of the shit that Richard is no good at.

[Agulla]

And we shouldn't forget the most important thing that Richard is:

- The author writing himself in the story.