Goodkind XXIV: Entertaining the Illiterate with Sweeping Epic Themes

[word]

I think you, Myshkin, WLU, and word can do it. Although Vigo can help you.

So each one of you writes 100 pages.

we compile them.

And send it.

And deserve victory.

The thing is, we need a catchy first sentence.

The Namble groaned as its barbed innards were pierced by the Sword of Truth

Oh I'm sure we could do it. The question is do we want to? Writing a Sword of Truth-like book would have serious consequences to both my mental and physical health. I'm really not sure how well I would be able to handle writing rape, almost-rape, and nambles for 100 pages. It would also be pretty hard to write poorly enough to look like the Yeard's writing, I would have to get myself into the mindset of like a sixth grader.

I think next time the Yeard has a booksigning the Lemmings should organize an assault. Of course it could be dangerous, since if Tairy heard of it he would order the police to use any means unnecesssary. I can see him tackling a cop, grabbing his 9, and just firing bullets randomly into a crowd.

[whelp]

I think next time the Yeard has a booksigning the Lemmings should organize an assault. Of course it could be dangerous, since if Tairy heard of it he would order the police to use any means unnecesssary. I can see him tackling a cop, grabbing his 9, and just firing bullets randomly into a crowd.

Imho we should follow the advice of Lt. Ellen Ripley - take off, and nuke the site from orbit. Only way to be sure.

[word]

Or we could all walk into the book signing wearing the yeard. Of course we would also have to wear black shirts, with or without yellow sports jackets. I wonder what he would think if we all walked in looking like that...maybe he would stop writing his books since he would now just be part of the collectivist centipede of yeard-wearing Lemmings of Discord.

ETA: I have a feeling I'm going to get crushed in post count in the TG thread this time around, since not only did I wake up this morning to find 3 new pages of posts, but I also will be gone until Tuesday starting in like 6 hours. Be prepared for 6 hours of spam.

[The Pita]

I don't have a Yeard, though...

What we should do to get into the mindset of the Yeard, is to kick an 8 year old in the jaw, kill protesters, and have a huge gang-rape.

[Muttering Bill]

It really is impossibly to keep up on this thread. I seem to on the wrong half of the day.

As old as this part of the topic has become...

No! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! How is it we've spent thousands of posts on this, yet still somehow people keep making the same mistake? Humans really are incapable of learning.

Well, what do you expect really? How else could we be able to accurately mock his work without having read them? The Lemming Dictionary only offers the most superficial help.

And aren't you reading them yourself?

[word]

Most of us who have read the books read them before our participation in the Goodkind thread, and rereads are then explicity used for quotes such as when Mad Moose used to give everbody the QotD. That being said, I do plan on reading Confessor when it comes out so that I can make fun of it in these threads without being uninformed- looking back at past QotD's, people would say comments that were actually incorrect because they hadn't read the books so didn't know the circumstances surrounding it. This would then result in Moose having to actually defend the Yeard by saying "well actually it said this a couple paragraphs earlier". I don't know about MM, but I would be sick to my stomach if I had to defend the Yeard. Is the feeding the Yeard rule still in effect when Confessor comes out, and if so how am I supposed to get a copy of it? Although I suppose I can just find an ebook with a filesharing program or something.

[MinDonner]

In the true Confessor spirit, I have my own confession - I hadn't read a single word of Tairy's before coming to these threads, and felt I needed to read at least one of his in order to truly appreciate the mockery. It wasn't a good idea.

[word]

In the true Confessor spirit, I have my own confession - I hadn't read a single word of Tairy's before coming to these threads, and felt I needed to read at least one of his in order to truly appreciate the mockery. It wasn't a good idea.

It can be quite painful, that is for damn sure. I think some people suggested using good books as wingmen. It's much easier to take the Yeard in small doses than all at once.

Which book specifically did you read?

[Muttering Bill]

I understand really. I read them myself before ever coming here, though only up through book 6. But those were so long ago that I'd forgotten most of the parts that are in common dicussion. So, if I, even after having read them, forgot all about the kick, the spine, the nipple magic and many other things... after having read them can barely keep up the mockery, then what hope is there the fortunate individuals who've never had to experience it? I'd say that they are all but obligated to read them, just so that they can better engage in all the Tairy bashing revelry.

Or are the Lemmings such a bunch of elitist snobs, that you refuse to share the fun?

I also have to wonder about the No Feeding The Yeard rule when Confessor comes out. No, I haven't read all of the books, but having bought them all (as I truly had no idea how bad it was, and bought them with the intent to some day catch up - I blame the ignorance of youth), I feel that I have to get the last as well. Just for the sake of completion - no-matter how awful they are.

*edited for spelling

[WLU]

I don't know why but there's a certain suspense that keeps me turning pages to his books despite the weird philosophy

also the characters are not that bad

but don't come here if you're interested in tg

We have a place for people like you - the Freewinds.

BrainfireBob raises an interesting question - at what point is the series considered to have jumped the shark?

Either the chicken or the namble.

Clearly, Richard has STD. No wonder he's fucking deranged.

Bringer of Death Syphilis

[word]

Well for the stuff you forgot about you can go into Mindonner's blog in her sig, and it has a page with links to every past quote of the day. They pretty much sum up everything ridiculous that has happened.

[Muttering Bill]

True, for a quick reminder Min's blog works well.

But still, I say, you need to experience at least one of his books firsthand. QOTD offered a good peek, but it's a lot work to go and search those out. And it's an incomplete experience at that.

As for myself, I bought these things, so I'm damned well going to read them! Eventually.

[oneeye]

We have a place for people like you - the Freewinds.

BrainfireBob raises an interesting question - at what point is the series considered to have jumped the shark?

Either the chicken or the namble.

Bringer of Death Syphilis

Well at least I believe in evolution.

[Jaxom 1974]

Busy little lemmings last night.

Ya'll know that worrying so much about your post count within the thread is tantamount to choosing death, right?

As for a first line in the new book, it really should be: "It was a dark and stormy night in the Midlands."

[Muttering Bill]

BrainfireBob raises an interesting question - at what point is the series considered to have jumped the shark?

Either the chicken or the namble.

Definately the chicken. I don't remember the namble, but the chicken is where I finally became disgusted with the series.

[WLU]

You guys are putting way too much effort into sullying this board, and this thread. In one simple picture, I have done more than you ever, ever could.

http://home.exetel.com.au/jerec/bookshelfoftruth.JPG

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

It is safe for work. Maybe not safe for anything else, though.

They're - they're everywhere... it's... horrible.

We've found a Yeardite! May we burn him?

I say we roast him on a pyre of his own books. Oh delicious irony, much better than goldy.

Oh I'm sure we could do it. The question is do we want to? Writing a Sword of Truth-like book would have serious consequences to both my mental and physical health. I'm really not sure how well I would be able to handle writing rape, almost-rape, and nambles for 100 pages. It would also be pretty hard to write poorly enough to look like the Yeard's writing, I would have to get myself into the mindset of like a sixth grader.

Try shoving a crayon up your nose until it stops hurting then touch yourself while watching old interviews with Ayn Rand. Anyone else noticed just how hideous that woman was?

I think next time the Yeard has a booksigning the Lemmings should organize an assault. Of course it could be dangerous, since if Tairy heard of it he would order the police to use any means unnecesssary. I can see him tackling a cop, grabbing his 9, and just firing bullets randomly into a crowd.

Naw, he'd do things by hand. His fingers are creepily long. He might just be able to rip your heart out, they'd be excellent levers.

Now, for our assault, we should definitely go in armed, because if we all know the consequences of just being armed with a hatred for moral clarity.

It really is impossibly to keep up on this thread. I seem to on the wrong half of the day.

As old as this part of the topic has become...

That's why my posts are so long, I only check the board twice a day or so. I got up in the middle of the night last night in an effort to keep up, and I'm still three pages behind.

Well, what do you expect really? How else could we be able to accurately mock his work without having read them? The Lemming Dictionary only offers the most superficial help.

Superficial is all you need; despite his pretentions he ain't writing literature...

And aren't you reading them yourself?

Unwillingly, it's my duty as the keeper of Pestiferous Bandages. And sooooo slowly - since starting Stone of Tears, I've managed to read Reaper's Gale, half of Phantom Menace, Rogue Planet, half of Ghosts of Yesterday, and upped my wikipedia edit count by about a thousand. I'm on a bus for eight hours next week, I'm only bringing Stone of Tears and hopefully will finish it then. I can read policy for hours, but I find these books BORING.

Is the feeding the Yeard rule still in effect when Confessor comes out, and if so how am I supposed to get a copy of it?

Feeding the Yeard is only permissible with special dispensation from the Church of Discord. Naturally, it's a vote.

In the true Confessor spirit, I have my own confession - I hadn't read a single word of Tairy's before coming to these threads, and felt I needed to read at least one of his in order to truly appreciate the mockery. It wasn't a good idea.

The book you reviewed on your blog is the very one that's kicking my ass right now.

[word]

Unwillingly, it's my duty as the keeper of Pestiferous Bandages. And sooooo slowly - since starting Stone of Tears, I've managed to read Reaper's Gale, half of Phantom Menace, Rogue Planet, half of Ghosts of Yesterday, and upped my wikipedia edit count by about a thousand. I'm on a bus for eight hours next week, I'm only bringing Stone of Tears and hopefully will finish it then. I can read policy for hours, but I find these books BORING.

I'm still on Midnight Tides, and Bonehunters/Reaper's Gale arent published in the United States. I talked to a friend of mine who lives in Canada and he said he would buy them from a bookstore and then ship them to me, but is this a bad idea? Are there any major discrepencies? I heard that one character supposedly had a gender switch or something between the U.S. version and the Canada/UK versions. So I guess my main question is are there any significant differences that will make it a bad idea to read the canadian version of bonehunters and reaper's gale after reading the first 5 in the U.S. version? Good luck on finishing stone of tears...its a mouthful.

That's why my posts are so long, I only check the board twice a day or so. I got up in the middle of the night last night in an effort to keep up, and I'm still three pages behind.

Five posts in the last 24 hours shows you to be a liar. It's okay, lying is very becoming of uncelerious centipedes of collectivism such as ourselves.

[Caligula_K]

I'm still on Midnight Tides, and Bonehunters/Reaper's Gale arent published in the United States. I talked to a friend of mine who lives in Canada and he said he would buy them from a bookstore and then ship them to me, but is this a bad idea? Are there any major discrepencies? I heard that one character supposedly had a gender switch or something between the U.S. version and the Canada/UK versions. So I guess my main question is are there any significant differences that will make it a bad idea to read the canadian version of bonehunters and reaper's gale after reading the first 5 in the U.S. version? Good luck on finishing stone of tears...its a mouthful.

The gender change refers to a very, very, very minor character in Gardens of the Moon. The Canadian versions, besides a few other small changes in Gardens of the Moon, are identical to the American ones. And we have better cover art.

[Jaxom 1974]

BrainfireBob raises an interesting question - at what point is the series considered to have jumped the shark?

I think we can narrow that down to a single sentence:

"It was an odd-looking vine."

[word]

Awesome. Who is the gender change character?