Creepy

[litechick]

My garden variety maintenance men fall into a couple of categories. When my building was being remodelled those guys would come in every single day on some stupid pretext. They had planted me temporarily in a unit which had been remodelled and wanted to make sure I wasn't messing it up.

I got so sick of it I finally barricaded the door. The honest befuddlement in the guys voice the next morning when he tried to come in would have been hilarious if I hadn't been so mad. I finally told the foreman that the next guy to enter without permission was going to get treated as an intruder complete with 911 call and a smack upside the head with the chrome mic stand I keep for home defense.

Those guys weren't trying to be creepy, they just had zero respect for the fact that the unit was my home.

The others really were creepy, specifically trying to 'knock' without being heard and sneak up on me. They were smug and smarmy, figuring that since they did a bare little scratch on the door they were safe from retribution.

I haven't had an incident in a while now but some of the past incidents still fill me with rage.

[Iskaral Pust]

If you think that buses generate odd/creepy situations, imagine what the NYC subway is like.

[Eponine]

And, for the record, I can't think of a single nerdy or dorky guy I've ever met that was creepy. I can think of several Republican frat boys.

[snip]

Can I go father? I actually think "nerdy" and "creepy" are nearly opposites.

Ever been to a con? What about furries? Anime fans who ask you if you can replicate their favorite animated fantasy?

[Eponine]

Don't tell me that the third has actually happened?

I'd refer you to my posts in the yellow fever thread if it weren't so long, but let's just say that I've had my fair share of bad experiences with creepy anime guys and japanophiles. This is slightly perplexing to me, as I'm neither Japanese nor involved in cosplay or anything else anime related, but I guess as a generalized nerd, I'm more likely to meet nerds of all types. Some of the creepier encounters did happen at comic book shops. The absolute creepiest involved a stranger trying to show me an anime comic (yeah, I know it has a different name, but I forget) with tentacle rape. Yeah, tentacle rape.

[ljkeane]

The absolute creepiest involved a stranger trying to show me an anime comic (yeah, I know it has a different name, but I forget) with tentacle rape. Yeah, tentacle rape.

Those Japanese porn comics are called hentai I believe. The fact that I knew that probably makes me creepy :cry:

[mcbigski]

You know, the creepiest situation i ever encountered was shortly after high school. There was this girl who had a wild crush on me. ...

If she were a guy and i were a woman, that would have been creepy as hell. As it was though, I never felt threatened by her. I just felt bad for her. I viewed her as weird and desperate and I pitied her, I never viewed her as creepy.

Reminds me a girl who used to drive by my house every day after school. I spent a couple of months trying to figure out who she was friends with on my street, assuming she was dropping someone off, instead of stalking me. At least she was pretty and intelligent, but she tended to clam up around me out of nervousness so we never really hit it off. I did find the whole thing more amusing than scary.

Of course, when you get to the flat-out saying "No, go away" stage and they still don't leave, then their fucking creepy. But it's been my observation (and not just AT me btw) that most women will avoid actually outright saying this as much as they can. Often because saying it outright is mean. They'll beat around the bush, trying to avoid making a scene. But sometimes, the other person just isn't any good at the whole "hint" thing.

It's probably easier to see it when it's happening to another guy. But sometimes, ladies, what you think is obvious goes entirely unnoticed - for both signs of interest and disinterest, especially with younger fellows. My advice is to verbalize. I suspect that a nontrivial percentage of percieved cock blocking happens when someone who does pick up the cue comes to rescue a female from the attention of a male she's failed to clearly communicate disinterest in.

I agree that women rarely seem creepy, even when being desperate, clingy, stalkerish, etc. It's because there isn't a threatening undertone that women might feel from a creepy guy.

It's probably much more to do with the higher cost of reproduction for females than a threat of violence from a rejected male. Having an immediate revulsion for sex with someone who probably isn't genetically desirable is of much bigger benefit for a female than a male. We can afford to spray it all over the wall, and see what sticks from a reproductive fitness point of view, so to speak, but women need to be more choosy. The propensity towards feelings of immediate disgust (ie 'He's creepy!) are probably an evolutionary adaptation in females, and probably not limited to humans either.

As a not-tall and attractive man it's quite disheartening to hear yourself referred to as creepy, and your tall-attractive friend greeted warmly for the same behavior. This bastardization of the word makes me prefer "ominous" as I feel it better captures what the user is trying to communicate. That said, I knew a girl in high school who would put dead rats in the locker of a boy she liked. Creepy, ominous, whatever, that's fucked up.

The dead rats thing is worse than creepy, it's counter productive. At least the creepy guy who's hitting on anyone who gives the slightest attention is maximizes his chances - it may be inappropriate socially, but at least on some level it makes sense. Ominous isn't really the right word though. I get the impression that 'creepy' guys don't strike women as some sort background portent of a future threat, but more like a physical revulsion like smelling vomit.

Also keep in mind that if a woman finds you creepy she risks offending you. If a woman does not read the creepy guy correctly she can end up much physically harmed.

You just have to remember that the creepy guys are competing with each other, instead of conspiring together in some sort of Brotherhood of Creep. So you should be able to find a couple of other potential creepy guys to play White Knight and protect you from Creep #1. Though most guys I've seen described as creepy are also pretty timid, and probably not much of a threat. I suppose if you're attractive enough to get nearly every guy's attention then you might also get your share of physically aggressive creepy instead of just the usual timid plantive creepy, but from what I've seen the latter is much more common.

[Max the Mostly Mediocre]

It's probably much more to do with the higher cost of reproduction for females than a threat of violence from a rejected male. Having an immediate revulsion for sex with someone who probably isn't genetically desirable is of much bigger benefit for a female than a male. We can afford to spray it all over the wall, and see what sticks from a reproductive fitness point of view, so to speak, but women need to be more choosy. The propensity towards feelings of immediate disgust (ie 'He's creepy!) are probably an evolutionary adaptation in females, and probably not limited to humans either.

And you're basing this on...

[Iskaral Pust]

And you're basing this on...

I thought it was a well reasoned insight. Evolutionary behaviors are difficult to prove conclusively.

[Thor85]

1. When someone you have just met reveals too much information. For example;

"Brady, this is my mate Ben."

"Hey Ben, how are you?"

"Not good, I got the runs and I've been shitting like crazy. Plus, I was really horny yesterday and I wanked a few too many times, and now my dick is sore."

And if you call them on it, they get all offended because they were 'just being honest'. I mean, I'm a pretty non judgmental, laid back guy. But don't tell me about your masturbation marathons in the midst of an introduction.

Too much honesty gives off an all-time creepy vibe. I wonder what compels people to reveal their gross personal health information to complete strangers. Do they think its a cool icebreaker? "No I wouldn't like to see your bladder stone that they took out last week". Unless you are my crazy uncle Vito there are simply no excuses for those kinds of conversations.

[turinturambar]

Reminds me a girl who used to drive by my house every day after school. I spent a couple of months trying to figure out who she was friends with on my street, assuming she was dropping someone off, instead of stalking me. At least she was pretty and intelligent, but she tended to clam up around me out of nervousness so we never really hit it off. I did find the whole thing more amusing than scary.

Did she ever park outside of your house and wait until you came out, only to duck under her steering wheel as soon as you stepped out your door thinking you didn't see her?

It's probably easier to see it when it's happening to another guy. But sometimes, ladies, what you think is obvious goes entirely unnoticed - for both signs of interest and disinterest, especially with younger fellows. My advice is to verbalize. I suspect that a nontrivial percentage of percieved cock blocking happens when someone who does pick up the cue comes to rescue a female from the attention of a male she's failed to clearly communicate disinterest in.

A lot of guys really don't pick up the cues. For a guy who's socially awkward, it's often a result of inexperience and he may not recognize the cues. for a guy who's really nervous, it's likely he doesn't catch them because he's so nervous and scared that he doesn't catch the cues. He's so worried about what he said and did and tearing himself apart inside that he's not really listening or paying attention to all the hints. Nervous guys inherit a bad case of ADD when they force themselves to ignite conversation with a woman they're interested in.

It's probably much more to do with the higher cost of reproduction for females than a threat of violence from a rejected male. Having an immediate revulsion for sex with someone who probably isn't genetically desirable is of much bigger benefit for a female than a male. We can afford to spray it all over the wall, and see what sticks from a reproductive fitness point of view, so to speak, but women need to be more choosy. The propensity towards feelings of immediate disgust (ie 'He's creepy!) are probably an evolutionary adaptation in females, and probably not limited to humans either.

That's some interesting thinking. I've never really thought of it in an evolutionary aspect before.

On another note, this is to the guys, have you ever done something accidentally that made you think "Oh god, now she thinks I'm a creep". Like, suppose you look in a girl's direction, for no apparent reason, and a fraction of a second after you looked in her direction she just happens to look up and you eyes catch....but you were already looking at her so now she thinks you were staring at her even though you weren't. Or you haven't slept much for days so you find yourself staring off into space only to realize that you were unwittingly looking in the direction of some woman and now she thinks you were staring at her. Or you find something funny and make a random remark to somebody next to you only to suddenly find out it's an attractive young woman not the guy who was sitting next to you just a second ago while you were zoned out in the article you were reading.

I think the biggest contributor to creepiness is repitition. Unfortunately for some people it isn't so you find yourself judged unfairly based upon a fleeting moment out of your control.

[kiko]

How about the guy I met in my first week of uni (you know, Fresher's Week, where you make friends with absolutely everyone, most of whom you never see again), who decided he liked me, got hold of the phone number for my room in my halls of residence, then proceeded to call me every single night for a month to ask me out for a drink, somehow not getting the hint that I said the same thing every single time ("Sorry, I can't, I'm busy).

That wasn't the really creepy bit, though. The really creepy bit was the fact that his idea of making small talk on the phone was to read sections of his genetics textbooks to me.

:rolleyes:

I hope this is an exaggeration.

Of course, this guy is either creepy or was born without a clue. But if you tried a strategy of I have to wash my hair this evening for every night of a month, you were as much at fault as he was. You might have not realised it at this point, I'm not sure. But on the other hand, he had definitely not realised your lack of interest. You must have realised it. I guess you were both equally clueless.

*Waits for another boarder to come up a story about this heartless girl who had lead him on for over a month* :P

[mcbigski]

On another note, this is to the guys, have you ever done something accidentally that made you think "Oh god, now she thinks I'm a creep". Like, suppose you look in a girl's direction, for no apparent reason, and a fraction of a second after you looked in her direction she just happens to look up and you eyes catch....but you were already looking at her so now she thinks you were staring at her even though you weren't. Or you haven't slept much for days so you find yourself staring off into space only to realize that you were unwittingly looking in the direction of some woman and now she thinks you were staring at her. Or you find something funny and make a random remark to somebody next to you only to suddenly find out it's an attractive young woman not the guy who was sitting next to you just a second ago while you were zoned out in the article you were reading.

I don't think any of those are really markers for Creepy in and of themselves. I think you worry too much. Those are all pretty much accidental interactions.

[Frosty]

I have a lot to say in this thread but out of time.

I will be back.

:)

p.s. I will be back to post how many times I have been creeped out upon. lol

[Nichole]

If you want to hear something creepy, check this guy out. His best song is "Creepie" Michael Lee Rose

Don't worry, it is safe for work.

[Eponine]

A lot of guys really don't pick up the cues. For a guy who's socially awkward, it's often a result of inexperience and he may not recognize the cues. for a guy who's really nervous, it's likely he doesn't catch them because he's so nervous and scared that he doesn't catch the cues. He's so worried about what he said and did and tearing himself apart inside that he's not really listening or paying attention to all the hints. Nervous guys inherit a bad case of ADD when they force themselves to ignite conversation with a woman they're interested in.

What do you think is an appropriate thing to say that is not cruel yet unambiguously expresses disinterest?

Especially at a bar or party, if you come right out and say "Please stop trying to talk to me because I'm not interested in you", you'll be labeled pretty quickly as a frigid bitch with an inflated opinion of herself. (Something similar may be an appropriate thing to say if someone is coming on to you at work, but that's obviously different). Yet if you don't say something equally as clear, you'll be blamed for making your cues too subtle or not being definite enough about your lack of interest. IMO, escaping to the bathroom then going to the other side of the room and talking to different people after returning or saying, well nice talking to you but I'm going to go mingle now are good clues, but if the guy doesn't pick up on it, what do you recommend should next be said?

Oh well, it's not as if expressing disinterest either subtly or directly isn't going to have some guys whining later about what a bitch you are for brushing them off.

[Frosty]

Eponine R. some guys know the hint - they are just being jerks or pushy.

Some of them I wish you could just use a mental ban button like in personal messaging.

If your overly cute - you will get it more and the stares.

Do like I do and try to brush it off and feel complimented if ya can - I know it is hard but it is how I deal with creepy/stalkers.

[needle]

You just need to perfect the look. The fuck-off-don't-even-think-about-talking-to-me one.

I don't know. I have no problems basically losing my manners and being mean to creepy people. But yes, sometimes in life you miss out some interesting conversations that way, I guess, by being just too mean-looking for people to talk to. there have been times I've regretted my overtly obvious instant distrust of over friendly strangers and times I've been glad of it.

Honeslty, don't think it's that hard to get the go-away hint over though. And if they don't get it? time to be unsubtle and tell them - sorry, not at all interested in talking to you right now.

[turinturambar]

I don't think any of those are really markers for Creepy in and of themselves. I think you worry too much. Those are all pretty much accidental interactions.

Most of my friends are women and I've seen most of them peg a guy as a creep from one experience. It tends to make a guy paranoid.

[S John]

IMO, escaping to the bathroom then going to the other side of the room and talking to different people after returning or saying, well nice talking to you but I'm going to go mingle now are good clues, but if the guy doesn't pick up on it, what do you recommend should next be said?

I think these are clear enough. If a girl I was chatting up did this then I wouldnt talk to her anymore unless she came back on her own. Because, even if she was interested, I'm not about to let her think that she's the only one I've got a shot at by following her around. Doesnt matter if its true or not. She comes back, then she comes back. If not I talk to someone else or simply go home by myeslf... but with digntity. :)

[turinturambar]

What do you think is an appropriate thing to say that is not cruel yet unambiguously expresses disinterest?

It's a difficult situation. You should say, as nice as possible, that you're just here to hang out with your friends, not to meet new people(this if he doesn't get the hint and follows you up).

Especially at a bar or party, if you come right out and say "Please stop trying to talk to me because I'm not interested in you", you'll be labeled pretty quickly as a frigid bitch with an inflated opinion of herself. (Something similar may be an appropriate thing to say if someone is coming on to you at work, but that's obviously different). Yet if you don't say something equally as clear, you'll be blamed for making your cues too subtle or not being definite enough about your lack of interest. IMO, escaping to the bathroom then going to the other side of the room and talking to different people after returning or saying, well nice talking to you but I'm going to go mingle now are good clues, but if the guy doesn't pick up on it, what do you recommend should next be said?

Most people will pick up on those cues, but there are people that will honestly think that you're honestly just want to go mingle, perhaps you have friends over on the other side of the bar. Hell, there have been times when I was single when I took such a thing as a cue only to have the same woman approach me later wondering why I disappeared...so sometimes they aren't cues and when women are trying to be nice sometimes it's difficult for some people to tell the difference. I'd suggest you use a bit of tone to your voice, maybe a slight rolling of the eyes, and if he still doesn't get the picture tell him you're not interested in meeting any new people tonight. Or perhaps you should tell him you want to have his babies....and scare him off ;)

Oh well, it's not as if expressing disinterest either subtly or directly isn't going to have some guys whining later about what a bitch you are for brushing them off.

Unfortunately this is true. One person is always made out to look like the bad guy/girl.