Dating #18 - You might be a big fish in a little pond

[karaddin]

I'm confident she will but yeah this was more about me asking. She strikes me as a person who is very honest. I had assumed it was going to be no anyway. It's just a bonus.

Yeah pushing through those nerves to ask for what you want is hard, but really worthwhile even if the answer is no. It's a perpetual work in progress ;)

[Lily Valley]

I'm confident she will but yeah this was more about me asking. She strikes me as a person who is very honest. I had assumed it was going to be no anyway. It's just a bonus.

GOOD FUCKING JOB FOR ASKING.

Met someone tonight. I pulled a Cinderella. At least all the neurons are firing in the right direction. He was "very available" and seemed like a nice man.

[Lord Flashheart]

Cinderella? Did you turn into a pumpkin or go home before midnight?

[Arch-MaesterPhilip]

GOOD FUCKING JOB FOR ASKING.

Met someone tonight. I pulled a Cinderella. At least all the neurons are firing in the right direction. He was "very available" and seemed like a nice man.

Thank you. It wasn't as nerve-wracking as I imagined it to be. I didn't even do my usual Ralph Kramden impersonation.

Did you get a number or was he way too available?

[Maithanet]

Met someone tonight. I pulled a Cinderella.

I also find this phrase very intriguing. Does that mean you acted like a damsel in distress? Or did you give him one of your shoes? That would make an impression, to say the least.

[Arkhangel]

Pretty sure it means home before midnight?

[Lily Valley]

Haha y'all. I have been known to leave the odd article of clothes around. In this case it meant home before...morning. It was really nice to get that flirty with someone new. I forgot I had it in me. He seems really nice. Per Ini's advice I have made that a new requirement. He also understood my jokes. A plus.

Edit: yes I got contact info. And a very nice text this morning.

[Maithanet]

He also understood my jokes. A plus.

That's a requirement for me (or would be, if I were still dating). When people say "I want to find someone who is funny", a lot of times what they mean is "I want someone who finds me funny". And that is important, why would you want to spend time with someone who doesn't appreciate your wit?

[sperry]

So, the miss teacher situation has me extremely confused (what's new).

I haven't really been able to get a good feel on where she's at, and I'm interested in potential LTR, so I've been trying to move things in that direction and see where she stands. So I asked her a couple weeks ago on a date date, and she couldn't go because of a wedding, but invited me to the wedding. I went and it was fun, but it was her and all of her high school friends and it was very much un-date like.

So, on Sunday, I asked her again to go on a full evening, one on one date (dinner, event, followed by drinks). I texted her at about 1 PM Sunday, with a simple "would you like to do xyz with me on this day and time". She didn't get back to me until 9 (which was odd), and she apologized for the late response, we had a brief conversation, but she didn't actually acknowledge that I had asked her on a date. The next morning she texted me "So sorry, yes I would love to do xyz with you!"

Since then, she has basically stopped texting me, stopped snapchatting me, stopped "liking" every single social media post I made within 5 minutes of it going up (yes this sounds like a 12 year old's problem, but it's the kind of thing you notice if they're doing it and then stop). The only time I have talked to her since Monday morning when she said yes to the date, was me asking what her halloween plans were. She told me she was going to the marine corps ball with her best friend's husbands friend, who she's never met.

So, basically those are a lot of signs leading towards "not interested", except for the fact that she said yes to going on a date, when she had a very good opportunity to say "you're a nice guy, but lets' just be friends."

Point being, I remain totally confused about where things are going, and I'm mostly just babbling here so I don't babble to her.

[Ferrum Aeternum]

So, the miss teacher situation has me extremely confused (what's new).

I haven't really been able to get a good feel on where she's at, and I'm interested in potential LTR, so I've been trying to move things in that direction and see where she stands. So I asked her a couple weeks ago on a date date, and she couldn't go because of a wedding, but invited me to the wedding. I went and it was fun, but it was her and all of her high school friends and it was very much un-date like.

So, on Sunday, I asked her again to go on a full evening, one on one date (dinner, event, followed by drinks). I texted her at about 1 PM Sunday, with a simple "would you like to do xyz with me on this day and time". She didn't get back to me until 9 (which was odd), and she apologized for the late response, we had a brief conversation, but she didn't actually acknowledge that I had asked her on a date. The next morning she texted me "So sorry, yes I would love to do xyz with you!"

Since then, she has basically stopped texting me, stopped snapchatting me, stopped "liking" every single social media post I made within 5 minutes of it going up (yes this sounds like a 12 year old's problem, but it's the kind of thing you notice if they're doing it and then stop). The only time I have talked to her since Monday morning when she said yes to the date, was me asking what her halloween plans were. She told me she was going to the marine corps ball with her best friend's husbands friend, who she's never met.

So, basically those are a lot of signs leading towards "not interested", except for the fact that she said yes to going on a date, when she had a very good opportunity to say "you're a nice guy, but lets' just be friends."

Point being, I remain totally confused about where things are going, and I'm mostly just babbling here so I don't babble to her.

When is your date with her supposed to take place?

At this point I would send her a text, something to the effect of "looking forward to event xyz" and see how she responds. She may be serial dating (which isn't my thing either, but obviously is a valid choice on her part), or she may only be doing this Marine Corps ball thing as a favor to her friend. I think that prompting her to comment on your planned date is a good way to tell if she's still interested or not.

[Arch-MaesterPhilip]

So former coworker sent me her contact information in the form of her email address.

I've had that problem Sperry. I usually lose interest at that point.

[TerraPrime]

Re: sperry

Seems like she's communicating quite clearly to you that she's also seeing other people. So, I'd say you need to figure out if you're happy with being one in the queue and to wait for her to decide which to pick.

[sperry]

When is your date with her supposed to take place?

At this point I would send her a text, something to the effect of "looking forward to event xyz" and see how she responds. She may be serial dating (which isn't my thing either, but obviously is a valid choice on her part), or she may only be doing this Marine Corps ball thing as a favor to her friend. I think that prompting her to comment on your planned date is a good way to tell if she's still interested or not.

I don't think she's serial dating. We've kept each other informed of our plans since we started texting a couple months ago, so if she's been going on a bunch of dates she's been affirmatively lying to me about them (which wouldn't make sense since she told me about this one, which is out of state, and she could easily have made anything up).

The marine corps ball thing could be anything. Could be a favor, could just be getting dressed up and having fun, could be her friend trying to set her up with this guy, could just be an excuse to go hook up with a marine. No clue, and no way of finding out. Don't know if this has been planned for 3 months, or if she decided to go after I asked her out which would obviously change the calculus

That will play itself out, though, so not too worried about it. We haven't even gone on a first real date yet, so we're obviously not exclusive, so she can of course do what she wants. Don't even know if the guy is from around here, but I would imagine if she's going to date him she'll let me know about it and she and I will be done.

I'm just concerned about the sudden basically ignoring me, which I don't know how to respond to. I don't wnat to get clingy and start bugging her, but it's also going to be very awkward to just not talk for a week and a half and then go on a date. I'll text her early next week (date's on Friday) if I don't hear from her this weekend. Obviously she could back out of our date between now and then, which would at least let me know where we stand, albeit not where I want.

Re: sperry

Seems like she's communicating quite clearly to you that she's also seeing other people. So, I'd say you need to figure out if you're happy with being one in the queue and to wait for her to decide which to pick.

Yeah, I'm not worried about that, it will sort itself out. I think if there is any sort of competition, she'll pick quickly adn just ditch one or the other. I also intend to ask her on more dates and give her the opportunity to let me know if she's not looking for anything serious currently. I know she's never met her date to the marine corps ball before, and don't even know if he lives in the state. That could be literally antyhing.

[SpaceChampion]

I'm just concerned about the sudden basically ignoring me, which I don't know how to respond to.

That may be as simple as that she now is certain she has your attention, so she doesn't need to click like on your posts to get it.

[Maithanet]

That may be as simple as that she now is certain she has your attention, so she doesn't need to click like on your posts to get it.

Or she just got really busy the past week. Lots of people's social media activity fluctuates pretty wildly.

[sperry]

Oh I don't remotely care about the social media stuff, it just coincides with the other stuff.

And a lot of this, is I just hate dating. I like going on dates, I hate all the nonsense that goes in between and trying to read signals, not "overplay my hand", acting interested but not too interested. Drives me nuts.

I lack confidence in that kind of thing, but I also realize that confidence is extremely important. So I'm on the fake it til you make it plan. And I can appear outwardly confident, while being a nervous wreck. Posting on this thread helps me not mess it up by appearing desperate or clingy (obviously to her; I'm sure I do appear desperate and clingy on this thread, but that's the point)

Whatever happens will play itself out over the next few weeks. I'll just be extremely nervous until then, especially since I am having a very hard time reading this one.

I'm actually not remotely clingy or controlling once I'm in an actual relationship, it's just navigating the waters of getting to that point that leaves me overthinking everything.

[Lily Valley]

Sperry, it's exhausting for everyone. I'm terrified to share even the smallest of personal problems with people I'm dating out of terror of looking like a "hot mess".

Been texting the fellow from last night all day. This has gotten "interesting" pretty quickly.

Maith, I have revamped my priorities recently. Sense of humor and intelligence didn't make the cut of musts. They are Lagniappe.

Edit: And I have been talked into making plans for the evening. Good times.

[brook]

I can't work out if that's a good interesting or a not-so-good interesting. Hoping for the former!

My sense of humour is apparently niche enough that there would be no point even trying to date anyone who didn't find me funny. I'm hilarious but I usually just end up irritating people who don't agree with that assessment :P

[MinDonner]

Well, so far not a single one of my many OKC message-ees has responded, though I'm still getting the usual bombardment of "hi sexy how r u" from 10% match guys in my approximate vicinity. Ummm no fuck off. Might just resume being a hermit again. *fires up Minecraft*

[SpaceChampion]

I lack confidence in that kind of thing, but I also realize that confidence is extremely important. So I'm on the fake it til you make it plan. And I can appear outwardly confident, while being a nervous wreck. Posting on this thread helps me not mess it up by appearing desperate or clingy (obviously to her; I'm sure I do appear desperate and clingy on this thread, but that's the point)

The concept of confidence is kind of ambiguous to me, except in the statistical sense. No, I'll never be arrogantly certain about how to behave or what someone is thinking. Confidence men are there to con you. I've decided what people really mean is to have courage and honesty. Seems like both of those are a lot preferable and they're easily understandable to anybody.