[Spoilers] Rant and Rave Without Reprecussions - Season 6, Tally-Ho

[Mister Stoneheart]

My two big fears with Rickon and Osha being handed over to Ramsay in the context of this show are...

a.) that it's a huge deviation from the books, as both are safe and probably having excellent adventures

b.) (my biggest concern) this is a set up for torture porn.  I am so tired of it.  We know Ramsay is evil to the max.  Now we have a busty great looking woman who is BOUND to get violated, and a cute little kid.  I really really really don't want to see what the showrunners have in store.  I am so tired of torture porn.  It is disgusting and off-putting.

[Sir Loin Steak]

A few nit-picks concerning episode 3 (good lord we're only on 3). I wrote these while the board was in meltdown, so apologies if they've already been mentioned a lot.

Olly continued to be treated as the most important thing in Jon's (un)life right to the end.

Davos saying that it's mad that Jon's back from the dead – then why did you think to try!?

The wildlings upended their entire lives, went through night after night of horror, lost countless friends and companions and so on, all to flee from genocidal undead. Tormund being cool with trying some necromancy with Jon, you could maybe excuse on account of his apparently close relationship with Jon (I don't). But to have ALL the wildlings immediately (and silently) conclude he's a god is insane.

I'm not at all sold on Jon's new mindset and I've previously expressed my objections to the ill-thought out take on existentialism they seem to be pushing and the omission of warging, so I won't go into it again.

Dual-wielding Arthur Dayne was stupid. It's incredibly cheesy bullshit to put into a show that somehow continues to be lauded for being “gritty and realistic”. The choreography was almost Sandfakes-level naff at points to boot.

Varys Marx aghast at the suggestion he would hurt children was white-washing enough. To then follow it up with Kooky Qyburn establishing it as unequivocally true and giving the children sweets no less was kind of astounding. Why do only total monsters like Ramsay-sue get shades of grey?

Saint Tyrion in Meereen is almost self-parody, they've cut out all the politics, cultural clash, characters, plot – everything. They've left the black hole Sue with nothing to talk about and no one worth talking to.

Small council. Fart joke. Carol's posse of a brain dead zombie and Gregor. THIS IS BAD COMEDY.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4iwY2LXhz0

[There was more subtle political manoeuvring in that clip than in this show]

Confirmation that Faularia has taken over the city of Dorne. I seem to remember there was once this plot about the anarchy that results from a disputed or unclear line of succession, some sort of war involving a few kings? Anyone remember what show that was from?

Why is the devoutly religious High (as a kite) Sparrow so against Carol being given the chance to mourn her daughter? Are funerals now not part of religious observance? Why is he praising her as the living embodiment of the Mother, and then not allowing her to attend her daughter?

The madness of Sparrow Justice and utterly ineffectual high lords continues, but we do seem to be edging towards some telegraphed resolution.

Weirnet without weirwoods continues to be staggeringly lazy, and almost comical in light of certain views expressed about flashbacks.

Young Ned was neither the book character nor even a remotely good Sean Bean. Ned boasting about killing Ser Dual-Wield countless times is incredibly out of character even by the show's standards. The idea that the events at the ToJ are widely known flies in the face of all reason. Any heart was cut out of the scene and it was reduced to a boring (and dumb) fight. The sequence only being show now continues the lazy exposition and complete lacks of imagination that dominate the show – this would've made a lot more sense to include in the first season.

Well groomed tree-guy not being Bloodraven makes sense, given that he doesn't resemble the character at all.

I don't understand why we're being repeatedly told Bran's going to leave the cave. He's had two scenes after an entire season off, and they're ostensibly giving backstory and clearing up “mysteries” (well if they had ever been established on the show in the first place). Do they think this part is unspeakably boring for the audience? The same audience that just the other week was taunted with Dany's fleet being burnt to cinders, seeming to further delay any involvement in Weisseroff.

Children of the Forest design is terrible, as was the previous version.

The show finally took the easy way out and gave Arya a training-montage. At least they might be moving her plotline forward after going around in circles for... oh who am I kidding, I await Mercy part infinitum.

The drawn out music cue when Arya drank the euthanasia water was ridiculous. Exactly 0 people watching thought that she might actually die.

Timelines continue to be some bizarre spaghetti, baby plot-device stubbornly refuses to age. The mutiny at Craster's keep happened in S4E4. Best!Walda managed to get through a 9 month pregnancy in less than a season. Tommen skipped right over his tweens. This is going to get exponentially worse as the characters start to enter others plot-lines.

Are we meant to be bored and exasperated by Deadpan? Her scenes and the outside the episode seem to indicate that's what they're going for.

Not!Karstark is apparently a paedophile because of course he's not bad enough already.

At first I did think they were pulling something like the You a Cop? trope with Not!Smalljon not swearing fealty but handing over Rickon immediately nuked that notion. The Umbers being turned into moronic traitors is insulting, even if we only considered the show canon, let alone the books.

Attacking the Watch continues to be idiotic. You could at least threaten them first given that they are SWORN TO TAKE NO PART. But I guess the extremely well-behaved wildlings settling in the Gift, who didn't even kill any of the Night's Watch after their betrayal of Jon, are just out of control. And somehow justify by-passing them to attack the Watch first?

Shaggydog's fate continues the shows utter disrespect for the Starks and their direwolves.

Ramsay-sue continues to win the lottery of life. They even threw in a bonus Osha despite her being completely without political value.

Direlogue continues. Unimaginative direction continues. Anachronisms continue. Lazy exposition continues. Idiot Plots continue. Character derailment continues. It's almost impressive they can fit all this into each episode, and now they're finding space for lame and jarring comedy too! I actually don't have a problem with darker material including comedy, people in real life use humour to get through horrible situations and sometimes life takes absurd turns – but the tone of this show has been relentlessly grim, and trying to jam in fratboy humour into that is frankly bizarre (let alone that fratboy humour is awful in and of itself).

Finally, Emo-Jon, I appreciate that you want to make a dramatic exit, but you're going to look superlame when you have turn around to get a cloak, a horse, some provisions and GHOST BECAUSE WHO EVEN REMEMBERS THEIR DIREWOLVES?

Ahem, anyway here are some words of wisdom from Kevin Feige (basically the boss of the Marvel Cinematic Universe) on how to successfully adapt things:

“We’ve always said if there’s any “secret” it’s respect the source material, understand the source material and then, any adaptation you make from the source material should be done only to enhance whatever the original pure spirit of the source material was.” http://www.comicbookmovie.com/deadpool/kevin-feige-weighs-in-on-deadpool-chances-of-an-r-rated-marvel-studios-a141380

[TepidHands]

Stop that!

[TepidHands]

And to think, all this time I have imagined the little Crannogman used some kind of Northern swamp-fu to save Ned from the Kingsguard, and turns out he just stabbed ol' Art Two Swords in the back like a coward (or Threekon last week). Through mail and armor, yet. 

Dick jokes, backstabbing, kinslaying, all trending on GoT! 

 

[Toth]

@Sir Loinsteak: Wonderful recap! Everything spot-on. It really is bizarre how annoyingly boring and nonsensical this show has become. And it's grimness 'contrasted' with cringeworthy 'humor'. And utter disrespect for the source material.

I cannot help but again link to the Behind the Scenes video of the Cyanide RPG. That's how you show enthusiasm for what you're doing with GRRM's world!

 

[CrastorsLivingSon]

Made it to the end.  Woo.  

My unsullied wife watches to watch my reactions mainly.  After last night I couldn't sum it up.  Was just; bleh.  

The motivations for the characters are simply not present.  Real disdain started with "I have sat here a thousand years." 

And ended when Larry "They took over Dorne"  Just so idiotic all over.  

<sigh>

[Philokles]

That fight scene at the Tower of Joy was brilliant. I'm not sure if my favourite bit was where Dayne and Ned swung at each other despite being so far apart that their swords were still about a metre away from meeting, let alone hitting the other person, or the last Stark supporter to be killed - who swung his sword about 120 degrees in the wrong direction, away from the defenceless Dayne, got it stuck on the ground, and, for good measure, dropped his shield that he was holding behind his back for no apparent reason. Probably the latter, as they didn't even try and hide it away at the back of shot, but instead made it the most prominent thing.

[Philokles]

Sigh

[Prince of the North]

33 minutes ago, TepidHands said:

And to think, all this time I have imagined the little Crannogman used some kind of Northern swamp-fu to save Ned from the Kingsguard, and turns out he just stabbed ol' Art Two Swords in the back like a coward (or Threekon last week). Through mail and armor, yet. 

Dick jokes, backstabbing, kinslaying, all trending on GoT! 

 

Yep, not only was I struggling to figure out what shownlies must be thinking of Howland Reed (they'd be saying "Who?!!" because he has barely been established previously in the show)?  I was also struggling to square Show!Howland with the little crannogman that was so non-martial that he was bullied by three squires at the uber-important Tourney of Harrenhall?  Oh yeah, that's right, apparently none of that pesky back-story matters at all in GoT!

What do you want to bet that, while Howland Reed certainly did save Ned's Bacon at Book!ToJ, he didn't do it by stabbing Arthur Dayne in the back?  That's simply not Book!Howland's style 

[Prince of the North]

Double the pleasure, double the fun!

[apovsic]

Also no one gives a shit about Trent being killed in Braavos?

[Sir Loin Steak]

Why do people keep bringing their ONLY bargaining chip to the Boltons? Known traitors, back-stabbers and all around psychopaths.

MiddleFinger gave them Fansa for reasons that made no sense.
Not!Karstark allied with Ramsay for no logical reason.
Now Not!Smalljon Umber hands over Rickon immediately.

He could already prove that he had the boy thanks to Shaggydog's head, the sane* thing to do would be to leave him behind at least until Ramsay gives you what you want. Do none of these people understand leverage?

 

*The decision to ally with Ramsay at all is insane in the first place.

[SuperMario]

So I am torturing myself over on the Gizmodo site and the zombies there who are praising everything about the show. If you want to suffer:

http://io9.gizmodo.com/jon-snow-is-different-now-and-so-is-game-of-thrones-1775499902?utm_source=recirculation&utm_medium=recirculation&utm_campaign=mondayAM

A lot of people are thinking the Umbers are actually going to betray the Boltons and be the Manderlys in a show version of the GNC. And Unsullied will praise it and say it was similar to the book. But there are some major problems with this.

First, the entire role of Rickon. Manderly is presumably going to get Rickon to put him in charge of the North as either king or lord. The show Umbers are using him as a hostage bargaining chip to ally with the Boltons. Unless GRRM pulls a fast one on us and somehow Rickon was being held hostage this entire time, there is not any current danger to Rickon.

Second, even if the Umbers do betray the Boltons, they gave up too much in the process and look like fools. GRRM does a great job of having Manderly explain that he is ok traveling to Winterfell and "allying" with the Boltons and Freys. Manderly has a huge navy he is building and a large force back home. Not to mention, his son is home to carry on his lineage. So Manderly almost knows that he is going to die, but he is ok with that, since he has put the important parts of his plan in place. Apparently Great Jon is dead since the actor had the audacity to argue with The D bags. So, whoever this Umber is, I guess has no one else in his family? He bumble fucks into Winterfell and brings Rickon with him. So if it's true, and Rickon becomes a porcupine later on, and the Umbers betray the Boltons, what was the incentive? Especially since BatFinger seems to be the one who is going to save the north.

So essentially The D bags present you with two bad options. Option 1, the Umbers go about betraying the Boltons in the dumbest way possible. Or Option 2, The Umbers don't betray them and allied with the Boltons for a really dumb reason since apparently know Jon Snow is marching with Wildings to destroy everyone.

[SuperMario]

Double

[BlueNightzx]

17 minutes ago, SuperMario said:

So I am torturing myself over on the Gizmodo site and the zombies there who are praising everything about the show. If you want to suffer:

http://io9.gizmodo.com/jon-snow-is-different-now-and-so-is-game-of-thrones-1775499902?utm_source=recirculation&utm_medium=recirculation&utm_campaign=mondayAM

A lot of people are thinking the Umbers are actually going to betray the Boltons and be the Manderlys in a show version of the GNC. And Unsullied will praise it and say it was similar to the book. But there are some major problems with this.

First, the entire role of Rickon. Manderly is presumably going to get Rickon to put him in charge of the North as either king or lord. The show Umbers are using him as a hostage bargaining chip to ally with the Boltons. Unless GRRM pulls a fast one on us and somehow Rickon was being held hostage this entire time, there is not any current danger to Rickon.

Second, even if the Umbers do betray the Boltons, they gave up too much in the process and look like fools. GRRM does a great job of having Manderly explain that he is ok traveling to Winterfell and "allying" with the Boltons and Freys. Manderly has a huge navy he is building and a large force back home. Not to mention, his son is home to carry on his lineage. So Manderly almost knows that he is going to die, but he is ok with that, since he has put the important parts of his plan in place. Apparently Great Jon is dead since the actor had the audacity to argue with The D bags. So, whoever this Umber is, I guess has no one else in his family? He bumble fucks into Winterfell and brings Rickon with him. So if it's true, and Rickon becomes a porcupine later on, and the Umbers betray the Boltons, what was the incentive? Especially since BatFinger seems to be the one who is going to save the north.

So essentially The D bags present you with two bad options. Option 1, the Umbers go about betraying the Boltons in the dumbest way possible. Or Option 2, The Umbers don't betray them and allied with the Boltons for a really dumb reason since apparently know Jon Snow is marching with Wildings to destroy everyone.

About the gizmodo review and the zombies who praise it.
 
"Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you."

[Tijgy]

Why was I last year hoping for some Northern Lords during season 5?

Okay, at the end of season 5 I didnt want them to turn up because IMO they were already ruined as they did not decided to ally themselves with Stannis or they did not care about Sansa. And then I was completely angry they would suddenly use them this season. 

And now they are just making it worse each episode. 

ASOIAF: The North remembers vs GOT: The North forgets

We probably need to root for Littlefinger, the hero of the North. He is a real hero because he betrayed Ned, that Northern Lord who doesn't have any honour and who brags about killing Arthur Dayne; 

 

[Cas Stark]

It's possible the Umbers are going to double cross Ramsay, despite the fact that it doesn't make any sense to trash talk Ramsay and put yourself at risk or give him control of a Stark heir he had NO IDEA you had or was still alive, thus putting that Stark heir and yourself at great risk, if you are "really" on Team Stark, but because the show likes shocking twists and has done many stupider things, it's possible.

But, I sort of doubt it, especially w/the spoilers about Rickon and Osha.

As SuperMario said, all options related to the Umbers actions are quite stupid.  If you are really a Bolton ally, why are you ranting to Ramsay Bolton who just killed his remaining family? If you're a Stark ally, er, um, why have you done any of this?  LOL.

So, next week we are treated to Euron, "Yara" going lesbian with the dusky woman and Theon has made it bac to Pyke...too bad he ddn't give Gendry rowing lessons.

Hopefully they will stop beating Arya with a stick.

Is it possible Tom's costume this year is even worse than last year? 

[OldGimletEye]

8 minutes ago, Tijgy said:

He is a real hero because he betrayed Ned, that Northern Lord who doesn't have any honour and who brags about killing Arthur Dayne; 

Ned the trash talking bullshitter is just terrible.

Good job D & D.

[Tijgy]

5 minutes ago, OldGimletEye said:

Ned the trash talking bullshitter is just terrible.

Good job D & D.

I think they do not like the Starks very much and have their own favorites who they make into Saints, Marxs, Tiger Moms and poor Petyers who got attacked by the big bad wolf. 

[Suzanna Stormborn]

OK so it is insanely infuriating how much the D's get wrong and make stupid.

Like why does every conversation have to be meaningless and a giant waste of my time?

Every fucking thing that has been said by Tyrion since he killed Tywin has been pointless, flat, tasteless non-humor...the absence of humor..........

Why does Arya (or anyone) want to join a cult where they torture you and only torture you? Good thing she had the antidote to the poison pool water though, phew.

I cant wait for Drogon to show up a 2nd time and totally bail Dany out of her situation. Gods know once wasn't enough.

AND they fucking killed Shaggy and got Rickon back. WHat the actual fuck? Guess that's just cheaper right.  the D's are butchering the Wolves all around, kind of like the dragons slinking back into the cave they used telepathy with Saint Tyrion to get out of.

What is Davos doing? I mean like how can they justify anything his character has done this year.  It literally makes zero sense no matter how you slice it.

Pretty Dumb Tommen is super dumb, the entire conversation with High Grandfather was pointless, who gives a shit about love??  Is he a religious fanatic or is he a sweet old grandfather? And, Why is the High Grandfather given free reign of the capital? He can go around and do anything and arrest anyone because he has 20 guys (without armor) guarding him???  I mean I know we havent seen a gold cloak in months, but aren't there a few that could help out the royal family?

 

OH Snap!!!! And how bout the Mean Girls Small Council of Carol's Landing.  "Oh you're sitting at this table?  Bitch, we'll leave then, just try and  make us stay. Oh and you can only wear your hair in a ponytail 1 day this week.".................(meanwhile Larry is totes fine with a zombie bodyguard)

 

And the last scene, well shit, how many GD hours have we all spent on this forum discussing how Jon Snow would get out of his night's watch vows??? I mean it was a lot......I would say the majority of us spent more time thinking about it than the D's did...."Like, he just says something cheesy and totes leaves? No one will say anything and fuck it he just gets to walk away, yay!"

 

It's just the way they totally flout everything that's meaningful from the books and turn Westeros into Weisseroff.