I've swung all the way back to hate. Hate.
The Colts paid actual dollars to Marlon Mack, who tore his achilles tendon in week 1 last year. A RB. With an achilles. I could end this rant now, but I'm just getting started.
They drafted a kid in the 2nd round who tore his achilles in JANUARY. Fine, whatever. He's a project for next year but two is a line.
And then Eric Fisher gets -and this is the one that has me apoplectic- a significant salary for nothing. For nothing. Are the Colts marginally exceptional? Dudes, this is gonna be fucking hilarious when he doesn't play until week 15 next year and makes almost ten million dollars. Straight up, yo. Fischer should give his agent a blowjob for every zero in that salary. Not because he might not be worth it, but because now he doesn't have to be. It would be downright irresponsible of Fisher or his medical advisors to allow him onto the football field before he's well past repaired. Greg Robinson still gets paid for the privilege of being a turnstile. Eric can hang out in the training room for the entire season, get some good reps in at the end of the year, and take a big payday next season when the cap goes back up.
Good job, Chris Ballard.
There's a built-in excuse for the Colts to suck this year. They have that 2nd round pick, a pass rusher folks say coulda gone in the first if his career wasn't over, and now Fischer on rehab. Next year the Colts don't get a 1st rounder, because they won't bench Wentz even if he blows, so they can re-sign Fischer for an outrageous sum and claim that "between Eric getting a full offseason and 2nd round pick, we feel like we're in a great place. Because Carson was like a rookie this year (ignore all that business about his familiarity with Frank Reich, it won't fit the narrative), so he's our 1st round pick really. All three guys. Yeah, we feel great about where our team is this year."
There was a story on PFT (I know, I'm sick. I need help. I have a problem, man. Listen, man, it's like May and stuff man. Like, I'll do stuff man. For some football. You got some football, man? Lemme get that football. I need it, man. You, like, don't understand man... I'm tryin' to save up for football rehab, man, but I need some just right now man...) about how Jim Irsay is mad that the Colts have only had 15 primetime games in the last six years (and only three of those at home). When you consider that every team is guaranteed a thursday night game once a year that average of just over 2 primetime games a year shrinks to one-and-a-half primetime games a season for the last six years. Jim Irsay thinks this is unfair and has complained to the league.
I would like to speak to this. My statement follows:
Burger King is possibly the most inspiring capitalist venture in the modern American market. I haven't walked into, or ordered from, the franchise in at least two decades. At a conservative count. I don't know anyone who recalls having done so in relevant memory. And if I did I would be sure not to know them long.
The Burger King is in every city. It burrows. It culls. It lives. The CEO of Burger King must be a shrewd and wise man, to guide such a wretched purveyor of bagged barf to a sustainable model.
I don't eat there. Ain't a lot of sizzle on that Burger, King. Ain't no way no how that I'm spending $7.50 for a quarter-pounder with cheese and a watered-down sodapop when there's a butcher within a hundred miles. Just won't have it. Can't. It's not about the Burger King, it's about me. And where I am in my life right now. Y'know. Yeah. The Burger King is always there. Lightin' itself on the side of the road like some real cheap meat, if y' take my meanin'. But you don't want that inside of you. Know what I mean? Sure, there's gonna be salt and sauce enough to make it seem exciting in the moment, but then that sense of shame. That's gonna do a number on your soul long before your flesh responds to the insult you've dealt it. And that's setting aside the possibility that someone will recall at a later point in life having seen you at the Burger King, and will remind you your sin. A spiral of misery and depreciation is the fruit of such folly.
So what I'm saying is that being cheap on buns and meat and advertising and labor and overhead and veg and whatever-the-fuck-else goes into running a Burger King may not make an appetizing product, but probably allows it to keep operating. And is therefore the correct way to operate that venture when the victory condition is to create profit.
But you don't put it in primetime, Burger King. And you sure as shit don't do it in their farm-fuck lookin' building.