Inigima Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 3 a week? I've been actively looking for 3 weeks with zilch. And this isn't to be a bragging jerk, but I'm a Harvard graduate so it isn't like I come across as worthless. You're also a dude, according to your profile. Shit ain't the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ankou Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 There were times when I had 3 dates in one week, but it was ONCE and I wouldn't expect that to be the norm. I generally have gone on dates with everyone who messaged me who I thought MIGHT have some potential, which means I went on dates with ABOUT 20 guys off of OkCupid over the past year. Give it some time, no worries. Also, As a Harvard grad, you might not get the same level of guy as you are - I've definitely had a lack of professionals to date. I don't think it's just me - I think they might be on other websites, if they are on dating sites. Definitely not a lot of POF or OKCupid, IMO. (Chataya is also very much society's ideal of beauty - skinny, boobs, etc.) No offense Chats - though, who would take offense to me saying they're pretty :P ETA: Also, unlike me, she is looking for fun, no-strings kind of relationships whereas I would like to ultimately find a relationship. I have the feeling there are a lot more guys out there looking for "just fun". I'm not looking for professionals really. I'm only 26, I haven't hit a point in my life where I've restratified to another social class and suddenly can't relate to people. I also specifically don't list my job so that people don't get that impression and/or gold dig me. Particularly because I make a way under market salary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ankou Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Oh yeah.... you're a dude. Completely different story. Being a dude, man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smegma Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Yeah a female on a dating site really does have to fight them off; it's just not the same for a guy. You have to work on somehow standing out from the crowd as opposed to weeding through the garbage. Perhaps some of the ladies in the thread can offer advice on how to make it past the initial stages. Edit: You don't list your profession, but honestly even women that aren't gold-diggers often define what is an attractive profession and what isn't. Right now you might be coming across as unemployed or drastically under-employed. Sure you may have to ascertain which ones are interested in you and which are just interested in a free ride, but that should be easy to do once you've made it to the conversation and initial dating stages. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ankou Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 I don't know if being a lawyer will do me any favors. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry of the Lawn Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 I don't know if being a lawyer will do me any favors. Probably will on that linkedup app Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smegma Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Yikes, a lawyer? You should definitely keep your profession private then. ;) Kidding - but if you don't want to list attorney, perhaps at least you can list what field you work in? Patents, tax, non-profit, government, M & A, etc. It sucks, but women often define men on their careers, whereas men define women on their looks (just in general). Look at Chataya's listing of men and how she differentiates them - Doc, Med School, Commercial Real Estate, etc. It's not that she's shallow or defines all of them just on their career, but in the initial stages of meeting men it's something many women want to know and it's just how we are (not picking on you, Chataya, just illustrating a point - I hope that's clear). It's the kind of thing that's not a must that a guy has to be successful, but it IS a dealbreaker if he's very unsuccessful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 I think what smegma is saying is . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sperry Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 I would definitely list that you're an attorney. Knowing that you support yourself is a big deal to many women. It indicates that you are intelligent (you completed a graduate degree) and at least moderately ambitious (again, you took the time and effort to complete a graduate degree). It's also an easy check that you don't have a bad criminal record or debilitating substance abuse problems. That you aren't some couch potato loser, along with your looks from a picture, are the two things you can show to a potential partner that could make the most impact to a wide swath of people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kungtotte Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Hmm, this is new. Someone sent *me* a message on a dating site, she seems pretty cool and interesting (and interested). This is so unfamiliar I barely know what to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brook Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 I suggest answering the message :p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 That's definitely one approach. Another would be to ignore it and play it cool so she wants you more. I don't recommend this second approach :p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kungtotte Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Fuck! That's the one thing I didn't think to do ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Hmm, this is new. Someone sent *me* a message on a dating site, she seems pretty cool and interesting (and interested). This is so unfamiliar I barely know what to do. I like to answer these if I think I even might be interested. I really appreciate it when other people take the initiative since, as a guy, I usually have to, and I think that kind of thing should be rewarded. One of my most successful relationships ever started that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kungtotte Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 I answer the ones I'm not interested in too. It sucks putting thought and effort into a message and not even get a "thanks but no thanks" back.This is the first time I've been messaged by someone that looks interesting though, so we'll see how it goes. We're trading messages back and forth, and I'm going to ask her if she wants to meet up and not have such a turn-based conversation :)The big problem for me right now is I'm still kind of hung up on Lady J... Worst problems ever, amirite? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 J!!! 😠:P but seriously, good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 It's true. I'd probably define my last three serious relationship gals as "The Runner", "The Baby Lover" and "Lady Naps A Lot"Or "Light Bright", "Sexual Chocolate" and "Twix Caramel" ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Whatever is distinguishing for me. Might be work, might be a hobby, might be something else. In my head, of course, it's just their name. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ded As Ned Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Hmm, this is new. Someone sent *me* a message on a dating site, she seems pretty cool and interesting (and interested). This is so unfamiliar I barely know what to do. I'm in the same boat. My J Ms. Nuclear Medicine contacted me first, and is very interested. I'm usually the chaser, not the chasee, so I'm treading in very unfamiliar waters here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deleted01 Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 "Lady Naps A Lot"Excellent. That'd definitely be me :laugh:I have no other term for my boyfriend. I hate the words "girlfriend" and "boyfriend", they seem so childish. But I don't quite feel comfortable enough to use "SO" or anything like that :dunno: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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