Zap Rowsdower Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 Mad Moose, I must thank you for your latest QOTD. It was beautifully apalling. I haven't read that particular book yet, so it was nice to see that Kahlan was as psychotic and amoral as ever. If it isn't too much trouble I would like to submit my own request for a QOTD. Your Kahlan is a Whore line of quotes were simply fabulous but I think you can perhaps top those with some Kahlan is Crazier than a Shithouse Rat quotes. In particular, I am thinking of a scene in the second book, Stone of Tears, where Kahlan manages to take control of a ragtag army in order to fight an army composed of rogue D'Harans working for the Imperial Order. To further elaborate, some of the soldier's in Kahlan's new army are upset that they are being led by a woman, who obviously lacks a "thing." I would like to see you post the confrontation scene and how Kahlan reacts to their insubordination. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moosicus Posted August 16, 2006 Author Share Posted August 16, 2006 I recall the scene, its not bad. Kahlan shows her true colors IIRC. This is right before she leads the attack of naked people painted white like scary spirits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nerdanel Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 I think it was particularly mind-bending when Zedd said that Kahlan was being emotional, and - unlike the reader might think - the problem wasn't that Kahlan had gone batshit evil and promised to have the queen gang raped, but that Kahlan was prepared to let a good person who disagreed with her go free. Apparently according to Zedd, gang rapes are fine and dandy (as long as his people are doing it), but a touch of mercy is emotionalism that must be rooted out. It sounds like Zedd wouldn't have minded if Kahlan had ordered everyone gang rape Harold right there and then. Am I selling Zedd short? Unfortunately, Goodkind heroes have a bad habit of surpassing the limits of evil behavior you supposed they were capable of... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lightsnake Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 Maybe Goodkind will shock us all and General Meiffert will launch a coup once Jagang is deposed, revealing Richard to be the true evil of the world Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zap Rowsdower Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 An Objectivist Carol Yes! and the bedpost was his own. The bed was his own, the room was his own. Best and happiest of all, the Time before him was his own, to make amends in! "I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future!" Scrooge repeated, as he scrambled out of bed. "The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. Oh Jacob Marley! Heaven, and the Christmas Time be praised for this. I say it on my knees, old Jacob, on my knees!" He was so fluttered and so glowing with his good intentions, that his broken voice would scarcely answer to his call. He had been sobbing violently in his conflict with the Spirit, and his face was wet with tears. "They are not torn down!" cried Scrooge, folding one of his bed-curtains in his arms, "they are not torn down, rings and all. They are here -- I am here -- the shadows of the things that would have been, may be dispelled. They will be! I know they will." Scrooge’s joyous effusions were interrupted by an unusual sound. Unpleasantly skin crawling, it sounded like teeth grinding against teeth. Suppressing a shudder, Scrooge’s eyes flew around the room until they located the source of the sound. Scrooge gasped. Standing in the middle of his bedroom was a man wielding a sword. While grinding his teeth together, the man’s unibrowed forehead sloped downward in a frown of disapproval. His outfit was black. And leather. Before Scrooge could demand an explanation for the intrusion the man grabbed the front of Scooge’s nightshirt and lifted him from the ground. “I am Richard Rahl, the Spirit of Objectivism Now. You are my prisoner.†“Another spirit?!†gasped Scrooge. “But Marley said there would only be three!†“Jacob Marley is an altruistic scumbag. I killed him. Just as I killed the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future.†And indeed, Scrooge could see that Richard’s sword was still stained with blood. “B-but how? They’re ghosts! I don’t see how you could have killed them!†Richard’s face turned beet red and he screamed through his clenched teeth. In a fury, Richard dropped the sword and proceeded to bitchslap Scrooge. “A contradiction can exist neither in whole nor in part!†Richard bellowed through his clenched teeth, while his raptor eyes threw daggers through Scrooge’s. Scrooge had a feeling that this was all the answer he was going to get out of Richard. “Um, why exactly are you here?’ Screaming in rage (through his clenched teeth) Richard scooped his sword from the floor and hacked off Scrooge’s left hand. “Speak only when spoken to!†Richard hissed through his teeth. For a long time, Scrooge could only howl in agony as he tried to staunch the flow of blood from his bleeding stump. The sight of so much blood and human suffering seemed to ease Richard’s anger. He let go of Scrooge’s nightshirt and let the old man topple to the floor. A look of almost sexual ecstasy enslaved Richard’s face as he watched Scrooge writhe on the floor. Richard’s teeth were still clenched. “I’m here to undo the damage those collectivist swine wrought last night,†spat Richard in deadly earnest through his narrowed eyes. “Come!†Richard hauled Scrooge across his back like a sack of potatoes and jumped through the window. Unlike the other ghosts, the Spirit of Objectivism Now did phase through the glass, but rather shattered it and he and Scrooge fell to the street below. Grinding his teeth and dusting off snow, Richard loped down the street, pushing unwary pedestrians out of his way. Soon enough, Richard and Scrooge arrived at the Cratchit residence. Instead of knocking, Richard hacked the door to pieces with his ever present sword and strode into the humbling dwelling with a masculine swagger. Dumping the old man onto the floor, Richard proceeded to make himself at home. Scrooge could only watch in horror as Richard kneed Bob Crachit in the groin and took his place at the breakfast table and started to inhale the meager repast Mrs. Crachit had prepared for her family. The inhaling process was somewhat complicated by the fact that Richard was still firmly clenching his teeth. Most of the food ended up smeared across his face. Sated, Richard belched and undid the drawstring on his masculine, leather traveling pants in order to let his gut more freely hang out after gorging himself. “Down to business!†Richard clapped his hand together. Before Scrooge or the Crachit family knew what was happening, Richard launched into an exhaustive 12 hour speech on the evils of altruism, charity, goodwill, and compassion. Scrooge could slowly began to feel his old self again and by the time the speech ended, Scrooge had fully recanted his recent conversion. “Only one way to make sure you’re really genuine about this,†Richard declared as he advanced on Tiny Tim. “Do exactly as I do, and you can consider yourself a True Objectivist! Boot, be true this day!†before anyone could react, Richard drew back his leg and unleashed a mighty and manly kick that shatter Tiny Tim’s jaw and severed his tongue. Scrooge crowed and picked out a Cratchit child of his own to kill. Soon Richard and Scrooge had kicked ever underage jaw in the Cratchit hosehold. Panting between his now clenched teeth, Scrooged vowed to never again to let the Christmas spirit corrupt his individuality. And Scrooge was better than his word. He did it all and infinitely more. Scrooge compounded Bob Cratchit’s grief by foreclosing on his mortgage, thus driving his own loyal clerk to commit suicide. A widow, and now childless, Mrs. Cratchit was driven to prostitution in order to earn a living. He became as good an Objectivist, as good a Capitalist, as good an Individualist as the good old city knew, or any other good old city, town, or borough, in the good old world had ever been blighted with. Some people laughed to see that nothing had changed in him, but he let them laugh, and then drove them into poverty and hired goons to harass their family. For many years to come, Scrooge would grind the faces of the poor. He had further intercourse with the Spirit of Objectivism Now, who would constantly show up at his home to order him around and demand further obedience in the name of individualism and it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Objectivism well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us! And so, as Richard Rahl observed, Ayn Rand Bless Us, Every One! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elrostar Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 I am feeling like my lack of understanding of all the stuff going on in the books is becoming more and more of a hindrance. I can't keep track of which country is which or anything like that. Can someone please explain that last QotD to me? Kahlan killed that guy because... why? I don't really get it. I know she didn't actually kill him, of course, but, you know what I mean. Maybe it's just my lack of moral celery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken/Not a Chicken Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 Regarding the sword breaking - there is a perfectly good explanation for how Kahlan could have quite easily snapped a sword in half like that. Obviously Moral Celery is to Kahlan as Spinach is to Popeye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agulla Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 It's interesting to notice that every important action that Richard and Kahlan undergo is preceded by a fit of rage. Every time that they treat with someone who does not follow them they feel this rage and then bloody things happen. In one thing Terry is absolutely original and unique, in the way his heroes act when faced with people who, not being the enemy, doesn't seem to agree with them. Example 1: the Classic hero. General Scared: I'm sorry my lady, our queen changed her mind. She is so scared of the evil empire that she has ordered my forces to return to our homeland. Hero's Girl: Why? I thought we were allies. General Scared: Yes, but she didn't like that you annexed her kingdom to your empire when you were regent. Hero's Girl: I know, I'm not proud of it either. I know that your people cheriss their independence and freedom. What I did was to protect them against the evil empire. General Scared: It's to late now, my lady. We have to return to our country. Hero's Girl: There is nothing I say that will change your mind I suppose. You are bound to follow your orders. General Scared: No, I'm sorry. I know that we stand a better chance fighting together against the evil empire. I fear that the Emperor will not spare us because we are not fighting at your side. There are no neutrals in his mind. Hero's Girl: But there are neutrals in our minds and hearts, this is what makes us what we are; free people. Listen, if the empire attacks you send messengers, we will come to your assistance. Example 2: the Objectivist hero. General Scared: I'm sorry my lady, our queen changed her mind. She is so scared of the evil empire that she has ordered my forces to return to our homeland. Hero's Girl: You think so. Well in this case we are at war. If the empire does not massacre you and rapes yuor queen, I'll come with my army and I'll do it for them. Now go! Wise and Gentle Wizard: On a second thought, let's kill this general. He is evil and a traitor. I have a doubt. I suppose that after having the queen's brother murdered by Kahlan and the queen and her people threatened in such dire way, the queen will sign an alliance with the Imperial Order. Any sane ruler would have done this. And the logical thing would be that the emperor accepted the alliance and had a good laugh at the D'Haran style of diplomacy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fanatic-Templar Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 About the sword thing, I recall that Eddard threatens to snap Needle on his knee in A Game of Thrones. And isn't needle Castle-forged steel? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
niamh Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 I am feeling like my lack of understanding of all the stuff going on in the books is becoming more and more of a hindrance. I can't keep track of which country is which or anything like that. Can someone please explain that last QotD to me? Kahlan killed that guy because... why? I don't really get it. I know she didn't actually kill him, of course, but, you know what I mean. Maybe it's just my lack of moral celery. Galea is part of the Midlands, which Kahlan and Richard are "uniting" under one rule. Cyrilla and Harold have the same father as Kahlan, so she's their younger sister. While Kahlan was entrusted the rule of Galea (because Cyrilla was raped and unwell mentally, IIRC), she signed (or rather Richard signed for her) unconditional surrender. This is what is being contested now. I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of the Wineskin Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 Negotiation is, to Terry, one of those dirty foreign ideas (possibly French). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mme Erzulie Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 I think we can assume that all snakes are evil. They are limbless like a quadruple amputee that lies lazily around doing nothing but wickedly devouring other people's resources without lifting a finger for capitalism. A snake will never build a skyscraper or invent a lightbulb. Good stuff. The room seemed gripped by the grave consequence of what was happening Another sentence from the QOTD I just can't believe. Does he pull the descriptions out of a hat or what? "Gripped by the grave consequence"? WTF? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agulla Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 The room seemed gripped by the grave consequence of what was happening The more I read of him the more convinced I am that Terry Goodkind is the Jim Hacker of Fantasy writers. Sadly there are no sir Humphrey Appleby, and even more sadly, no Bernard Wooley to point out at his nonsensical style. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaxom 1974 Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 "Tell me of their training!" he said. "Are they noble individuals, fighting as if..."<snip> <6 pages later> "...and in their pursuit of life, they refuse to bow to..." <oh no, he's still going, another snip> <another 2 pages later> "...with their ears?" He paused, waiting for the answer. Truly, an inspired and classic rendition of any and all GK parodies. This bit alone shall live forever in our collected minds as one of the funniest bits ever. EVER. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ecchi-Oni Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Well here's an overlooked addition to the animals of the EVIL © list-- penguins. Why? Well, because they're social birds that care for their young together, catch fish together and escape the danger together. Also because of their commie ways they don't even have an alfa penguin to tell them what to do. So i nominate them and lions which have the nerve to not only be the only social cats but also have a gall to let a female lead the pride. Pure evil. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elrostar Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 The more I read of him the more convinced I am that Terry Goodkind is the Jim Hacker of Fantasy writers. Sadly there are no sir Humphrey Appleby, and even more sadly, no Bernard Wooley to point out at his nonsensical style. Aah, the inimitable Sir Humphrey Appleby. Well, not so inimitable, in fact. For a while I attempted to model my style of post-writing on his approach to conveyance of information when forced to dispense such to the minister for Administrative Affairs but found that, while it is extremely entertaining when read aloud, it tends to lose much of its comedic value without the proper delivery and indeed that the paragraphs had a tendency to become of a rather lengthy nature which was somewhat contrary to the style otherwise found to be useful if one actually wished to pass information from the writer to the reader. Therefore I decided that it was best to ditch said practice. But it is fun to try to see just how long you can make a sentence. The example above is really quite moderate, but I did want people to actually read it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whelp Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 QotD: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: Nice to know that Zedd is an always reasonable, wise fellow. I cannot imagine, what he would do when in a rage... It is even nicer to know that condemning a woman to be gangraped for the rest of her life is fine - as long as the good guys do it. Btw, this obsession with Richard being the only sensible enough (must...not...snicker...) man to lead, reminds me on the Ankh-Morporkian democracy: "One man, one vote. The Patrician was the Man, he had the Vote"... As an aside, for rpg-geeks (and the fatally curious): check out this review and compare it to TG's (BBHN) work... Warning: contains language. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAH Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 whelp; That review was posted on the old board some years ago, IIRC...it's pretty good. Tho one must wonder at the people who actually took the time to make such a game in the first place - I'm visualizing accidents ending with horrible brain damage and resulting personality disorders... I'm wondering what would happen if you put Hall and Goodkind together in a locked room with two old typewriters and see what they could produce together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whelp Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 I'm wondering what would happen if you put Hall and Goodkind together in a locked room with two old typewriters and see what they could produce together. The End of the Universe, probably - any alternative would be too disturbing to contemplate, imho :sick: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alytha Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 About the sword thing, I recall that Eddard threatens to snap Needle on his knee in A Game of Thrones. And isn't needle Castle-forged steel? Remember that Needle is a thin sword designed to be handled by an 11-year old girl, and Ned is a warrior. I have no clue about Goodkind, but I'd guess that a royal sword would be quite a bit bigger and tougher. By the way, does Richard ever get his hand chopped off? I mean, every self-respecting hero must get his hand chopped off at some point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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