killacali Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 My friend and I got arrested while on vacation. I was in possession of a small amount ofmarijuana and she (who doesnt smoke) was sitting on the curb with me when wegot busted. When the officer told us wewere going to be taken into custody, I asked the officer if I took responsibilitywould you let my friend go and he said no we are taking you both. I felt horrible and absolutely guilty becauseI could have possibly destroyed both our lives over a stupid bowl of weed. I did all the leg work checking in on thecase over the next few months. When wefinally got court dates, I was the one calling around to lawyers and findingout what the next step was. I was ableto find a pair of lawyers for $2,000 each, totaling $4,000. I felt very guilty and agreed to pay for myfriends lawyer in addition to my own. Ihad prepared for the worse and refinanced my house to get cash out to be ableto float anything that came at us. Whenwe got a copy of the police report, the officer quoted me saying I would takeresponsibility. My friends lawyer wasalmost immediately able to get her case dismissed. I just got news tonight that the court hasoffered me a diversion, requiring one year of probation and then a dismissal aswell if I dont get into any more trouble during that period. Now that I know that we will both be ok, Ifeel that my friend should help me pay for half ($1,000) of her lawyer. (Not even 100%, just half because I do stillfeel responsible.) She is not strugglingand I truly feel that she took advantage of my offer and my friendship and anyreal friend would have at least offered to help pay some of the expense if theycould. Out of our group of friends, I amby far the most well off and everyone knows that the money is still a lot forme, but is not a burden. My friend hasalways been kind of a cheap skate and I feel that if I say to her, if you gotarrested with anyone else you would have been on your own, but because you gotarrested with me you lucked out and I can afford to take care of us both, shewill go into b****mode and tell me that this was all my fault and she doesnt oweme a dime. I just feel like I thoughtthis was going to be way worse and I didnt want her to worry about it, but nowthat we now it isnt that serious, she should pony up some of the dough to makethings right. I know if I dont sayanything I will resent her and myself forever and that I will never be thefriend I want to be knowing that she didnt try to be as good a friend to me asI was to her in our time of need. Is it wrong of me to ask her to pay what I feel like is her fair share? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 Lolwut. It WAS all your fault. Pay the damn money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sologdin Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and advise not to ask her for money to defend your marihuana. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Notorious Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 I think your friend need new friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry of the Lawn Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 I have been ina very similar situation before and it never even occurred to me to not pay for the fine my friend suffered for my stupidity. BTW, where did this happen? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aceluby Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 You can't back out now because she got EXACTLY what you offered... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry of the Lawn Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 Yeah, this sounds like it worked out much better for you than it could have. Don't go getting greedy now. If she did pay for half of her lawyer you'd probably be grumbling that she didnt pay for yours too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balefont Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 Lolwut. It WAS all your fault. Pay the damn money. yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and advise not to ask her for money to defend your marihuana. I think your friend need new friends. I have been ina very similar situation before and it never even occurred to me to not pay for the fine my friend suffered for my stupidity. You can't back out now because she got EXACTLY what you offered... All of the above. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pebble thats Stubby Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 Well you are correct that if someone else in your position may have stitched your friend up and not paid the legal fees, but then I guess that would have made that person a wanker and not a friend. If you did not pay for all the legal fees then I guess your friend may have been able to sue you for the costs. It was your responsibility. Man up and accept the costs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 Why does she need to make things right? Asking her to cough up anything is a low down, shit ass thing to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nymeria10k Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 'I paid for my friend's lawyer because I felt shit about what I did, but now we're gonna be ok so she should pay for her own lawyer and anyway she's a cheapskate and will go into bitchmode if I complain' basically this? That is one of the lamest justifications I have ever heard, if you offered something STICK TO IT. How would you feel if someone gave you $2k then demanded it back? I'd feel like crap and that the other person doesn't value my friendship in the least. And she has every right to complain because you gave her something which was clearly not a loan or with any intention for her to pay it back and now you're demanding it from her. 'Friendship and money' as the title? You are clearly putting money over friendship. I would advise her to get better friends. She deserves better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry of the Lawn Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 Wait is this some kind of antimarijuana psa? #notallstonersbailontheirfriends Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 Wait is this some kind of antimarijuana psa? #notallstonersbailontheirfriendsI see it more as an anti-reneging on a friend/pro-personal responsibility psa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddard Stark is online Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 This reminds me of a guy I used to know who paid off the remainder of his then girlfriend's tuition fees, around £1000, (US$600?). When they broke up 3 years later he demanded the money back, insisting it had been a loan (it hadn't). Changing your mind on a gift of money after you've made the offer, particularly when the whole thing was your fault to start off with, is a really self-centred attitude to have. You've even said yourself that you are by far the most well off in your circle of friends, which means that however hard the extra $2000 may be for you to pay, it's going to be a lot harder for her, when as you already explained, none of this was her fault. Sorry, but I think this looks like a case of over-entitlement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddard Stark is online Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 Framing it as you offered to pay her legal fees "because you felt really bad" frames this as if you did her some special favour. As you've already said: It was all your fault. You OWED it to her. And, wow, the 'b****mode' means 'bitchmode'?! Just. Wow. Agreed, she definitely deserves better friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 Yeah, I wanted to find a reason to side with you because I do empathize, but nothing about this is her fault. You created this, you deal with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killacali Posted November 12, 2014 Author Share Posted November 12, 2014 I posted this for my friend and told her all the same stuff you all said, she is a really nice person and would do anything for her friends, she has helped me before and wanted nothing in return. Theres more back story to Why she feels like this but she just wanted a general opinion on what she should do. Ty for your input. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fragile Bird Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 I have to agree with everything said above. Lawyers see versions of this all the time. You offer to pay the legal bills, things go worse than expected, you want your friend to share the burden. You offer to pay the legal bills, things go better than expected, you want your friend to share the burden. Doesn't work, either way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli Fury Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 You are a terrible, passive aggressive friend. Merely associating with you got her arrested- for most people, in and of itself that is a huge deal even if it comes to nothing. You get her arrested in a place she isn't even at home, ruin whatever is left of the vacation- because you are too dumb and or selfish not to smoke openly in public- and you think she'd be a bitch not to pay money you (rightly) shelled out?!? Are you trolling us? Because if you are, well played. If you're not, dude, fuck you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sologdin Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 the lesson of course is don't offer; don't admit; just say: 'screw you, it must have been some other kids.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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