The worst thing you've ever read.

[peterbound]

So I tried a series a new series. It was bad. I really fucking tried.

My buddy I only see about every 6 months (military stuff) ranted and raved about this Monster Hunter book. Listen, I should have known based on what little I know of the guy and the books we've spoken of him liking in the past. But hot shit, he was really into them, and his enthusiasm sold me on them.

So I picked up the omnibus. It was on sale from Amazon. Goddam me for not researching the author, and not following my 'voting with my wallet' creed that I've had for years.

After about 20% into the book, I closed my kindle, and said aloud, "This is the worst thing I've ever read". This is a big statement for me. I've read some stinkers. The Dragonlance books in my teens, a Stanek story, Star Wars tie ins during the early 90's, Piers Anthony shit, bad shit.. seriously. But this one took the cake. Writing, dialog, story, world building. Everything was bad, bad, bad. I can't think of anything in recent memory to top how shitty it was.

So tell me, what's yours? Can you think of something you've tried to get through that was just so fucking bad you couldn't make it?

[Darth Richard II]

Isn't that the series that was nominated for the Hugo because the author cried about liberals being mean to him?

Also, how much of the book do we have to have read for it to count. Cause I read a couple pages of 50 shades once.

[peterbound]

Isn't that the series that was nominated for the Hugo because the author cried about liberals being mean to him? Also, how much of the book do we have to have read for it to count. Cause I read a couple pages of 50 shades once.

Yup, and I know at least that shit going in, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I'm firmly in the middle politically, and didn't research the fucking guy like I should have.

Also, the Hugo process is fucked, so I didn't take that into account. That shit is a goddam mess, and I'm glad someone pointed it out.

ETA: I gave it 20%.

[Darth Richard II]

Hey, I read Gene Wolfe, and he's a lot more conservative then people like to think.

Well, the worst and quickest I ever gave up a novel was oh, Shadow Prowler I think, some super big series from Russia. Read maybe 3 pages before I chucked it in the trash. Good God. It defies words. And I read the first 11 Sword of Truth books. And Kender books. Hell I've read recent Orson Scott Card. And Twilight! It makes Twilight look like A Storm of Swords! The fact that its some big deal best seller of all time in Russia makes me wonder if it isn't some sort of left over cold war era culture warfar, or something. Shit lemme see if amazon has a sample.

[Darth Richard II]

THIS....thing: http://www.amazon.com/Shadow-Prowler-Chronicles-Siala-Book/dp/0765363674/ref=tmm_mmp_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=8-1-spell&qid=1418706056

[The King in Black]

Ever heard of Chetan Bhagat ?

[EruditeFool]

I'm not sure how "bad" one can call this, seeing as it was written by a great author when he was only seven. I find it brilliant and hilarious.

The Curse Of The Horse Race, by Evelyn Waugh

Chap I

Betting

I bet you 500 pounds I’ll win. The speaker was Rupert a man of about 25 he had a dark bushy mistarsh and flashing eyes.

I shouldn’t trust to much on your horse said Tom for ineed he had not the sum to spear.

The race was to take place at ten the following moring

Chap II

The next moring Tom took his seat in the grant stand while Rupert mounted Sally (which was his horse) with the others to wate for the pistol shot which would anounse the start.

The race was soon over and Rupet had lost. What was he to do could he do the deed? Yes I’ll kill him in the night, he thought.

Chap III

The Fire

Rupert crept stedfustly along with out a sound but as he drew his sword it squeeked a little this awoke Tom seasing a candle he lit it just at that moment Rupert struch and sent the candle flying

The candle lit the cuntain Rupert trying to get away tumbled over the bed Tom maid a dash for the dorr and cleided with a perlisman who had come to see what was the matter and a panic took place.

Chap IIII

Explaind

While Tom and the peliesman were escapeing through the door Rupert was adaping quite a diffrat methand of escape he puld the matris of the bed and hurld the it out of the window then jumped out he landed safe and sound on the matris then began to run for all he was worth now let us leave Rupert and turn to Tom and the peliesman as soon as they got out Tom told the peliesman what had hapend.

Chap V

Hot on the Trail

“See there he is” said Tom “We must folow him and take him to prizen” said the peliesman.

There’s no time to spere said Tom letts get horses said the peliesman so they bort horses and and galerpin in the direcion they had seen him go.

On they went aintil they were face to face with each other. the peliesman lept from his horse only to be stabed to the hart by Rupert then Tom jumped down and got Rupert a smart blow on the cheak.

Chap VI

A Deadly Fight

This enraged Rupert thake that he shouted and made a plung but tom was too quick for him artfully dogeing the sword he brout his sword round on Rupert’s other cheak.

Just at that moment Ruper slashed killed the peliesmans horse then lept on Toms horse and galapt off.

Chap VII

The Mysterious Man

Of cause then was no chance of catching him on foot so Tom walked to the nearest inn to stay the night but it was ful up he had to share with a nother man.

Thou Tom was yerry tired he could not sleep, their was something about the man he was he did not like he reminded him of some one he didnot know who. Sudnly he felt something moveing on the bed looking up he saw the man fully dressed just getting off the bed.

Chap VIII

Run to Erth

Now Tom could see that the mysteraous man was Rupert. Has he come to do a merder? Or has he only come to stay the night? thees were the thoughts that rushed throu Toms head he lay still to what Rupert would do first he opened a cubord and took out a small letter bag from this he took some thing wich made Toms blod turn cold it was a bistol Tom lept forward and seesed Rubert by the throught and flung him to the ground then snaching a bit of robe from the ground he bound Rupert hand and foot.

Chap IX

Hung

Then Tom drest himself then Tom took Rupert to the puliese cort Rupert was hung for killing the pulies man. I hope this story will be aleson to you never to bet.

[peterbound]

THIS....thing: http://www.amazon.com/Shadow-Prowler-Chronicles-Siala-Book/dp/0765363674/ref=tmm_mmp_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=8-1-spell&qid=1418706056

It makes you wonder what kind of dirt they have on guys like Knight and Clairmont to get them to write blurbs for shit like that.

[Darth Richard II]

You know, I stll have no idea what that E.E. Knight guy even writes, other than it has DRAgONS DRAGONS DRAGONS!

[peterbound]

You know, I stll have no idea what that E.E. Knight guy even writes, other than it has DRAgONS DRAGONS DRAGONS!

His valentine books are actually pretty fucking good. Vampire Earth I think is the over all series name. I read about 7 of them when I was in Iraq last time.

[Spring Bass]

Years ago I read an ultra-conservative Mormon version of the Apocalypse called House Upon The Sand. In the story, the US government becomes a dictatorship through the use of powers granted to it by (I'm not joking) the No Child Left Behind Act. The Mormons and other good people set up a "secret" counter-government in the Rocky Mountains, with God revealing how to generate energy from neutrinos and magically making gold and silver appear in the mountains for currency (did I mention the author was a gold-bug?). It ended up with Russia, China, and some generic mix of Arab countries murdering the Evil Illuminati controlling the world as well as the "Dictator President", invading the US and killing almost everyone until they got to the secret Rocky Mountain republic*, and then being wiped out with Mormon spiritual power destroying missiles in mid-air among other things. There's some off-hand reference to the traditional Apocalypse stuff happening over in Israel at the same time.

Oh, it was so bad. My god, it was terrible. And holy shit, I just went and looked for it on Amazon and it was actually republished in e-book form in 2011. Seriously.

[Darth Richard II]

Sounds like the shit Dan Simmons spews out these days. Just need to throw in some gay nazis.

[RedEyedGhost]

Speaking of Claremont, his Shadow Moon was the worst thing I ever attempted to read.

[Darth Richard II]

Speaking of Claremont, his Shadow Moon was the worst thing I ever attempted to read.

I read all three of those. And Shadow Prowler was worse. Like, my God.

I'm trying to think of the worst book I ever finished. I read some video game tie ins, of all things, in high school/college. Those were...not so good.

[Night's_King]

Richard Dawkins - The God Delusion.

[Spockydog]

I know it's probably not, but after reading the thread title, the first thing that popped into my head was the second book in Peter Brett's Demon Cycle. Can't remember what it was called, and can't even be bothered to look it up.

[DJDonegal]

That whole "Wi'tch" series by James Clemens. I struggled through it but it was absolute horror for my eyes, and my brain, and my eyes.

Richard Dawkins - The God Delusion.

I couldn't finish it. I felt like reading the same point 20 times in 50 pages was enough commitment, thanks very much.

[Malik Ambar]

Anything under ' YA ' genre.

[MinDonner]

I couldn't make it past the first page of a Terry Brooks book called Witch's Brew (or some variant with apostrophes or pluralisations). I'd read at least one other book in that series but this time the writing gave me an almost allergic reaction and I cast it aside with great prejudice.

[The Marquis de Leech]

Not counting fanfiction, the worst book I have ever completed is The Sword of Shannara by Terry Brooks.

I'll also confess to reading some Sara Douglass books, but I was trying to impress a girl who was really, really into them. So I have an excuse. Sort of.