Mexal Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Got it. That's a big killer for me, actually. I have no issues asking for #'s, getting a date, or even going out.... but making that first move still terrifies me and has cost me multiple times. The way I see it is if you go through the effort of getting the number, asking for a date and going out, then if you're feeling it and she's seems to be, then it's worth making a move, whether that be a hug/kiss on cheek then asking her out on a second date or giving her a good night kiss and seeing what happens. If you're friends first, that's when things get complicated and I have definitely been victim of not making a move when I probably should have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I have had people dump me with either the reason or the excuse that I deserve better, and it infuriates me. It's not for anyone but me to make that decision for myself. The same applies to you cf. dating prospects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quorra Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I went camping and on some other dates with a young archaeology nice guy who revealed to me - not directly but I inferred - that he sometimes "hooks up" with his ex - his old high school girlfriend - just for sex when he's not dating someone. I got jealous but I didn't hold it against him. Then I got curious, and I met her when I stalked her at her workplace to see what she looked like. So, she seems nice but she's nothing like me, physically, or style-wise. I didn't tell him that I met her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 That's weird. Stop being weird. You should not be stalking the exes of your dating prospects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mexal Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 That's weird. Stop being weird. You should not be stalking the exes of your dating prospects. :Agree: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 What the fuck? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli Fury Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Quorra, that is really unacceptably creepy behavior. If him sleeping with an ex is a deal breaker that is entirely understandable but finding her workplace to spy on her is fucking crazy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quorra Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 That's weird. Stop being weird. You should not be stalking the exes of your dating prospects. Says who? Who makes up these rules? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quorra Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I'm thinking about trying to make friends with her. He's going out of town, leaving Thursday afternoon for a week to visit his family in Alaska. She already sent me a friend request on Facebook because I "liked" her band and said I'd go to see them perform Friday night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lessthanluke Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Says who? Who makes up these rules? Society. Behave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guy Kilmore Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I went camping and on some other dates with a young archaeology nice guy who revealed to me - not directly but I inferred - that he sometimes "hooks up" with his ex - his old high school girlfriend - just for sex when he's not dating someone. I got jealous but I didn't hold it against him. Then I got curious, and I met her when I stalked her at her workplace to see what she looked like. So, she seems nice but she's nothing like me, physically, or style-wise. I didn't tell him that I met her. I'm thinking about trying to make friends with her. He's going out of town, leaving Thursday afternoon for a week to visit his family in Alaska. She already sent me a friend request on Facebook because I "liked" her band and said I'd go to see them perform Friday night. This is weird and unhealthy behavior. I mean the first sign for myself when I have a desire to engage in this stuff is if I have to be secretive. If I do have to be secretive, then I how will the person(s) involve react if they find out. If the answer to that is in a negative way, then I know this is a behavior to not engage in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All-for-Joffrey Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Woah, are you trolling Quorra? Because that's some restraining-order type shit. Also, should your archeology date find out about this, I'm assuming he'd end things with you and possibly look into a restraining order. I know that's what I would do. ETA: Ok, maybe not the restraining order because that sounds like a lot of effort and I'm lazy. But still, I'd for sure tell you to back the fuck off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quorra Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 If he's still friends with her then I don't see why I can't be friends with his friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mexal Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 If he's still friends with her then I don't see why I can't be friends with his friends. You can...after he introduces you to him and you're actually an item. It's so weird to befriend his fuck buddy just so you can compare yourself to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guy Kilmore Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 If he's still friends with her then I don't see why I can't be friends with his friends. That isn't what happened though. He mentioned someone that existed and you didn't go, "Hey, I would like to go meet that person." You used subterfuge and spied on this person. The only reason you knew of her existence was because of the previous relationship with the boyfriend. He divulged that information from a position of trust (unless he is the type to go around discussing his sexual partners with strangers) and you took advantage of it. You then met and formulated a relationship with the ex under false pretenses. None of this is particularly healthy, nor a good foundation for a relationship of any kind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quorra Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 You can...after he introduces you to him and you're actually an item. It's so weird to befriend his fuck buddy just so you can compare yourself to her. No I looked at her to compare myself. I'm befriending her because she seems cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mexal Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 No I looked at her to compare myself. I'm befriending her because she seems cool. Well, good luck with that one. I look forward to the story when he finds out how and when you guys became friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 No doesn't bother me really. Yes though gives me a bad feeling because I have trouble understanding why anyone would find me attractive, charming or anything else like that. I need a few drinks to loosen up myself. Do you respect that person? If so, should you not respect his/her assessment of you? If s/he finds you handsome and charming, then why would you disrespect him/her by denying them that assessment? We each are attractive to some people. Sometimes, we get lucky, and the people who are attracted to us are also the people we are attracted to. Those are the people we should date. Just because a lot of people might not find us attractive or funny or date-able, it should not rob us of the motivation or initiative to date the ones who do. What kind of disservice is it to those who do find us attractive and charming if the payment for their sensibility is to be told they are wrong? Early on, I've dated a guy who does feel that he's unloveable, unattractive, and etc. He was actually very hot, to me. I did my best to convince him that I do find him attractive and loveable, but (1) I was too young to know how to do it well and (2) I eventually got tired after a few months of being shut down. Then I guess it became a fulfilled prophecy, because at the end I did find not not love-able. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
l2 0 5 5 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I went camping and on some other dates with a young archaeology nice guy who revealed to me - not directly but I inferred - that he sometimes "hooks up" with his ex - his old high school girlfriend - just for sex when he's not dating someone. I got jealous but I didn't hold it against him. Then I got curious, and I met her when I stalked her at her workplace to see what she looked like. So, she seems nice but she's nothing like me, physically, or style-wise. I didn't tell him that I met her. Lmao! Whoa! How much recon was applied to this endeavor? Did you consider how this archaeology fella may react when he finds out that you stalked his ex? This sounds like the plot of a Wes Anderson film. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 You are a huge creeper. Red alert. Abort. Mayday. Mayday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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