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Rant & Rave Without Repercussion s 5 continued [book spoilers]


kissdbyfire

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Oh god, that's true, they DID erase the Rhoynar part of the title. Why? I mean, is there an objective reason, or did they just forget the first time and rolled with it for the sake of consistency?

 

Just so as not to confuse people as the Rhoynar would not have been explained until at least S4 (and ultimately weren't explained at all). One of those overthinking it moments I think. People would wonder for a second who the Rhoynar are and then move on. Intelligent viewers might even surmise that it refers to the Dornish by process of elimination. 

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Oh god, that's true, they DID erase the Rhoynar part of the title. Why? I mean, is there an objective reason, or did they just forget the first time and rolled with it for the sake of consistency?

Because D&D hoped that the show would at least last until the Red Wedding; if the show got cancelled by that event or even before that, viewers would be asking "What the fuck's a Rhoynar?"
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Because D&D hoped that the show would at least last until the Red Wedding; if the show got cancelled by that event or even before that, viewers would be asking "What the fuck's a Rhoynar?"

Well, it's not like people are honestly wondering how it is called the Seven Kingdoms if we have 8 regions altogether. I my self haven't even figured out that Rhoynar bit about much later, until then I just assumed it's one of the many smaller titles the Iron Throne title ate or they added because it sounded badass like Protector of the Realm. That it came through Nymeria was something I took very long to realize.

 

Makes me wonder though. Does that mean the Iron Throne has a valid Casus Belli to reclaim the Rhoyne and its ruined cities from whoever owns them at the moment? I smell conquest and expansion to Essos in the air...

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Well, it's not like people are honestly wondering how it is called the Seven Kingdoms if we have 8 regions altogether. I my self haven't even figured out that Rhoynar bit about much later, until then I just assumed it's one of the many smaller titles the Iron Throne title ate or they added because it sounded badass like Protector of the Realm. That it came through Nymeria was something I took very long to realize.

 

Makes me wonder though. Does that mean the Iron Throne has a valid Casus Belli to reclaim the Rhoyne and its ruined cities from whoever owns them at the moment? I smell conquest and expansion to Essos in the air...

Someone's played too much Crusader Kings II methinks.

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Someone's played too much Crusader Kings II methinks.

:D

 

"Greetings to the Triarchs Malaquo, Nyessos and Doniphos of the Free City of Volantis,

when you read this message, you might be already wondering about the fleet of golden sails and crowned stags swarming your harbor. I am Robert Baratheon, the first of his name, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, King of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Protector of the yadda yadda yadda. As it happens, my cunning Lord Hand, the Lord Jon Arryn, recently pointed out that 'Rhoynar' part of this fancy title of mine to me. Seems this oversized stream of pisswater your city is located at belongs to me. Who'd have expected this? Well, now here I am to see this property of mine and I brought some of my boys to shove everyone face first into the dirt who refuses to bow to his king. I'd appreciate your cooperation, but to be completely honest, I wouldn't mind having to bash in a few silverhaired heads to prove my point.

 

Most sincerest wishes,

Robert of the House Baratheon, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and you know the rest."

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Tanselle will make a sensual dance, obviously. With knives. And she will manipulate Dunk into punching Aerion because whatever.

 

But, talking seriously (kinda), I doubt they will make a Dunk and Egg adaptation. Dunk was a virgin. They don't really like neither virgins or men who aren't having sex all the time at all. Because all men are whores.

 

It's more likely they will make

 

1. Robert Rebellion because Robert was always fucking boars and drinking whores, which is something they believe every other men should do and be all the time because shits and farts. Or...

 

2. Aegon's conquest because she had two wives, and they won't miss the chance to have them compete each other for his love, or being involved in a trio in which he will barely move a muscle or show any part of his body while R and V will slap each other to determine which one humps him first, and they Orys watches because he will secretly wish one of them, but he will never be so close to Aegon because Aegon can't be gay because heroes aren't gay at all.

 

So.... God, help us, please.

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Oh, no. This is so going to happen. Because they never cross "what they think the line is"!
 
Tanselle will be play naked slapsie with the puppets. And be raped, maybe Fansa can time travel, because we wouldn't be able to care if a minor character is raped unless she plays her.
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1. Robert Rebellion because Robert was always fucking boars and drinking whores, which is something they believe every other men should do and be all the time because shits and farts. Or...

 

Oh, no, imagine with they will do with sad Rhaegar strumming on his harp. He'll join Robert. They'll have threesomes with Lyanna.

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Seriously (ok, "seriously", because I cannot be serious about anything plot-related in GoT), it's more likely that, if they adapt D&E (please, God... no...), they will have the changes they like about what they believe the characters should be.

 

No virgin Dunk. That's definite. And even if he is, he will likely lose his virginity very soon. Which takes me to...

 

Tanselle won't be a puppeteer but a prostitute. They love their "man rescuing maidens" tropes, which aren't per se bad but they end up making them sexist instead of romantic or erotic. So... prostitute.

 

No tourney. Aerion will visit a brothel and meet Tanselle there, who will not be called Tanselle but named after another character from ASOIAF that is not Tanselle. Maybe someone's sister. Dunk will also visit such brothel and rescue her.

 

noTanselle will reward him with sex.

 

Egg is going to be all for democracy, despite he was raised by Kings and Princes all of his life. He will live with a "commoner" because he believes in separation of powers and stuff, and all of his comments will be about how Kings and monarchy suck.

 

Also, he won't be a child, but cast as a sexually exploitable teen who every other lady will want to bed because he's so hawt, omg. He might or might not have chest hair.

 

Maester Aemon won't be yet a Maester and he will be having sex here and there because that's what the show canon said. He will have an "original" romantic interest until something happens to her and he then decides to join the Citadel.

 

As Maekar is pretty much proto-Stannis, he will be a terrible awful asshole. He's quite likely to physically abuse Egg and support Aerion's shenanigans and people will call him "RAPE APOLOGIST!!!". Also, he will hate common people. And will repeat "FIRAH AND BLAAAAHD" all the time. LOUDLY.

 

...and him killing Baelor WON'T BE AMBIGUOUS at all.

 

Baelor will be black and lusty because he looks Dornish.

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And that's just book 1!!!

 

 

Lady Rohanne will have a scene in which she seduces Dunk in a classic D&D striping sceneTM: letting her dress fall on the floor. They, of course, will have sex.

 

Daemon... HE IS GAY AND WE WILL KNOW IT. WE WILL KNOW IT IN EVERY SCENE HE WILL BE IN. And he will be quite offensively predatory towards Dunk, in a way that is almost sexual harassment that will be played by the laughs instead of be called what it probably will be.

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