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Dating - I love the way you swipe

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16 minutes ago, Ferrum Aeternum said:

Good for you! Adults who refuse to firm up plans drive me crazy. They don't seem to realize that the world doesn't revolve around their whims. 

Thanks - I have a couple friends who can just happily turn up somewhere and just wait around for other people to turn up and I’m like??? No??? Tell me where and tell me when :lol: especially because public transport is a big factor where I live - if I could just jump into a car it might be different but I have to work around public transport times that aren’t great 

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1 hour ago, Theda Baratheon said:

OK guys I need second opinions...to see if I’m right to be annoyed lol. 

So this guy asks me out, doesn’t specify a time or place other than [insert city name and day] and doesn’t really check up on it to specify. So the day (today) comes around and no message so at half 12 I send a “what’s the plan today then?” Message and get a nonchalant “oh I don’t know something in the late afternoon” so I say “okay we can meet [insert pub name]” and he saw the message and never replied to confirm or anything...fast forward Almost 3 hours (its quarter to 4) and no reply or message or anything? 

Am I just being a psycho bitch for expecting him to specify a time and place and annoyed when he doesn’t reply? 

I don’t even want to go now - it’s raining outside and it’s an hour bus ride or a half hour walk in the rain and a 15 min train journey But if I cancel now I’m going to be seen as the flaky one?? Am I being unfair or weird? 

 

Nope, you are absolutely in your right to cancel. Its unbelievable that someone could be so lax with timings when it comes to a date. I would take it as a given that time and place is agreed at least a day before. I know people are busy but if you agree to meet someone then its common curtesy to be slightly organised about it. 

I get that people are a bit crap at replying to texts but this is about manners. 

Edited by Heartofice

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13 minutes ago, Heartofice said:

Nope, you are absolutely in your right to cancel. Its unbelievable that someone could be so lax with timings when it comes to a date. I would take it as a given that time and place is agreed at least a day before. I know people are busy but if you agree to meet someone then its common curtesy to be slightly organised about it. 

I get that people are a bit crap at replying to texts but this is about manners. 

He just messaged to say “oh I’m sorry I feel terrible now :( my phone died and I had to work!!” 

And im like...why lie. He saw the message straight away, was online for like an hour afterwards and also it’s 2018 whose phone dies :lol: STRAIGHT AFTER getting a phone call from work??? Because you kinda need your phone...to receive a call...:lol: 

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2 minutes ago, Theda Baratheon said:

He just messaged to say “oh I’m sorry I feel terrible now :( my phone died and I had to work!!” 

And im like...why lie. He saw the message straight away, was online for like an hour afterwards and also it’s 2018 whose phone dies :lol: STRAIGHT AFTER getting a phone call from work??? Because you kinda need your phone...to receive a call...:lol: 

To be fair, today has seen a lot of phone network problems.

But yeah, if I were you I'd write this guy off.

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2 minutes ago, Theda Baratheon said:

He just messaged to say “oh I’m sorry I feel terrible now :( my phone died and I had to work!!” 

And im like...why lie. He saw the message straight away, was online for like an hour afterwards and also it’s 2018 whose phone dies :lol: STRAIGHT AFTER getting a phone call from work??? Because you kinda need your phone...to receive a call...:lol: 

Meh! I'd say he'd have some work to do to try and get you out again.. next time with enthusiasm.

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2 minutes ago, Derfel Cadarn said:

To be fair, today has seen a lot of phone network problems.

But yeah, if I were you I'd write this guy off.

He said this phone died of no charge and I’m thinking how did work call him then and if it’s home phone then who lets their mobile phone run out of charge at home?? ANd then just rolls into work...with no phone? :lol: 

3 minutes ago, Heartofice said:

Meh! I'd say he'd have some work to do to try and get you out again.. next time with enthusiasm.

Right? :lol: I’m very suspicious of the whole thing LOL. Just gonna ignore the message because I can’t be bothered with weak excuses - if he didn’t want to meet up today I’d have been way less insulted with “sorry I’m not feeling it today” than this :lol: 

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1 hour ago, Theda Baratheon said:

I’ve just messaged to say we can do it another time “when we are more organised” and that I had been waiting around a bit and assumed he might have changed his mind so I’ve taken my dog for a walk and settled in for the evening to do university work LOL. I don’t care if I come across boring - I can’t be bothered to wait around for some dude who can’t even make the minimal effort to specify a time and a place - maybe I’m a bitch but I’d just prefer to binge watch Vikings with my mum this evening instead. 

I think this was the best and a very adult solution.

If he contacts you again, I advise you to insist on setting a place and exact time a few days in advance, have him confirm it even if you are the one who suggests it. I hope for a better timing the next time. :)

Edited by Buckwheat

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34 minutes ago, Buckwheat said:

I think this was the best and a very adult solution.

If he contacts you again, I advise you to insist on setting a place and exact time a few days in advance, have him confirm it even if you are the one who suggests it. I hope for a better timing the next time. :)

Thanks :) I think I’ll try again but for now I can’t be bothered to reply. I have better things to do like uni work and not waiting around all day! 

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7 hours ago, Theda Baratheon said:

He just messaged to say “oh I’m sorry I feel terrible now :( my phone died and I had to work!!” 

And im like...why lie. He saw the message straight away, was online for like an hour afterwards and also it’s 2018 whose phone dies :lol: STRAIGHT AFTER getting a phone call from work??? Because you kinda need your phone...to receive a call...:lol: 

Hmmm, such things have happened to me, so I'd like to point out that it is actually possible.

You get a text from someone you like (friend, girl, family) while you're busy with something and don't answer right away because you want to take some time to think about it (especially if it's a potential date).
Then you get a professional call that lasts forever, draining the remaining power from your phone until it eventually dies on you.
And you don't have your charger with you (and/or everyone around you uses a different type of phone, because Murphy's law).

It's an unlikely chain of events but it *does* happen. And while this guy obviously should have been better at planning in the first place, I would advise not to be too hasty in your conclusions... Just in case. And because that's what this thread is for (exchanging ideas and discussing possibilities).

It's definitely on him to make up for it though, but if he does make the effort to ask you out again you should give him the benefit of the doubt imho.

Edit: as a matter of fact, the story about how I got my first date with my SO does involve such an unlikely story with me and a dead phone at a festival in the middle of fucking nowhere. It's a fun story since it ended well, but I got very very close to standing her up because of logistics.

Edited by Rippounet

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Tonight after work I went out with some co-workers and one of them is this woman I've been interested in for a bit and have been meaning to ask out, just hadn't worked up the courage. Since our schedules are changing and we aren't going to be working together so much, I decided it was time to give it a go since at this point awkwardness at work is no longer a factor. To my surprise, she seemed pretty interested in something in the vein of a date. I admit I had kind of built up a little bit of emotional armor expecting rejection, but it didn't come.

Pretty excited at the prospect of something happening between us, though it is for sure possible she see it as platonic, so I'm going to proceed with caution, but it seems promising.

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@Theda Baratheon Yeah, I would be annoyed, too. I sometimes suck at answering calls promptly, but precisely because of that, I tend to fix the time and place asap before any problems occur.

 

Anyway, back to my basket case. So my friend wants me to meet her and her new boyfriend tomorrow after work. I am not sure I am ready for that, but actively avoiding her would effectively mean isolation from half my social circle, which is not something to look forward to either. So, I guess I just have to eat that shit sandwich and smile while doing so.

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4 hours ago, The guy from the Vale said:

Anyway, back to my basket case. So my friend wants me to meet her and her new boyfriend tomorrow after work. I am not sure I am ready for that, but actively avoiding her would effectively mean isolation from half my social circle, which is not something to look forward to either. So, I guess I just have to eat that shit sandwich and smile while doing so.

I feel for you, but maybe it helps if you consider that a new boyfriend doesn't necessarily mean she will now get married to him and your one and only opportunity has passed forever? For all you know this thing might only last a few months before she's back on the market. At the very least, keeping that possibility in mind will maybe help you get through tomorrow's meet-up...? Wish you all the best!

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Thank you. And I'm not assuming this will inevitably turn into anything longer-term, just that I don't think I'll particularly enjoy the experience tomorrow, and that I don't want to call off the New Year's party I'll be hosting (which she has agreed to come to months ago, but now that's with boyfriend-shaped strings attached...) just because of this. And just excluding her from the party now seems unfair, too.

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On 12/6/2018 at 12:14 PM, Theda Baratheon said:

He said this phone died of no charge and I’m thinking how did work call him then and if it’s home phone then who lets their mobile phone run out of charge at home?? ANd then just rolls into work...with no phone? :lol: 

Right? :lol: I’m very suspicious of the whole thing LOL. Just gonna ignore the message because I can’t be bothered with weak excuses - if he didn’t want to meet up today I’d have been way less insulted with “sorry I’m not feeling it today” than this :lol: 

My phone dies all the time at home. Shrug. I forget to put it on charge. 

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14 hours ago, Ser Reptitious said:

I feel for you, but maybe it helps if you consider that a new boyfriend doesn't necessarily mean she will now get married to him and your one and only opportunity has passed forever? For all you know this thing might only last a few months before she's back on the market. At the very least, keeping that possibility in mind will maybe help you get through tomorrow's meet-up...? Wish you all the best!

I would suggest holding out hope that one day she will turn around and declare her love is probably a very unproductive course of action. Having been in the friend zone a few times myself in the past I know how crappy it can feel, but its also an incredibly common event for most guys. The truth is, we just have to deal with the situation. Its a very rare event where a girl will suddenly realise her love for you after putting you 'in the zone', thats not to say it never happens as there are plenty of people who will testify, but I'd say in most cases we are there for a reason.

 What I will say is that its easy enough to move on and eventually you forget what made you so into someone in the first place. Having other options always does that. 

So I would not do anything rash like exclude this girl from any parties or from your life, but at the same time you don't have to be at her beck and call, if you want to cancel on drinks with her and her new fella, then do it. You are a busy guy, social stuff to do, work to get on with.. can't always be available.

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2 hours ago, Heartofice said:

I would suggest holding out hope that one day she will turn around and declare her love is probably a very unproductive course of action. Having been in the friend zone a few times myself in the past I know how crappy it can feel, but its also an incredibly common event for most guys.

But it happens to girls as well. I've been "friendzoned" (or think so) many times. Then again, I tend to get along better with guys than the average girl, and girls like me instinctively learnt from childhood how to behave a little bit like a "buddy" and it feels so natural doing so, even if we are still girly as well... Maybe that plays a part.

Quote

The truth is, we just have to deal with the situation. Its a very rare event where a girl will suddenly realise her love for you after putting you 'in the zone', thats not to say it never happens as there are plenty of people who will testify, but I'd say in most cases we are there for a reason.

 What I will say is that its easy enough to move on and eventually you forget what made you so into someone in the first place. Having other options always does that. 

So I would not do anything rash like exclude this girl from any parties or from your life, but at the same time you don't have to be at her beck and call, if you want to cancel on drinks with her and her new fella, then do it. You are a busy guy, social stuff to do, work to get on with.. can't always be available.

I think it's a good advice. But sometimes it happens. At least, I can confirm that. Coming to the realization that I liked someone who had been only a friend for years or months.

Edited by Meera of Tarth

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11 minutes ago, Meera of Tarth said:

I think it's a good advice. But sometimes it happens. At least, I can confirm that. Coming to the realization that I liked someone who had been only a friend for years or months.

Yeah it does happen, but I think its pretty rare. Either way if you are already in the Friend-zone then the least productive use of your time is fantasising about being outside of it and living in hope that that one person will ultimately come to see you for the amazing person you want them to see. I can say from experience that being friend-zoned is a bittersweet experience, the pain is almost addictive and obsessive, but also a total waste of time. These romantic fantasises don't do anyone any good and are harmful for everyone. The only solution is just to go out and find some one else who will find you attractive in the right way.

 

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15 hours ago, lessthanluke said:

My phone dies all the time at home. Shrug. I forget to put it on charge. 

But when you’re planning something? I dunno. 

I forget not everyone is glued to the internet like me (because life in a rural county with no car is sooooo boring) 

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1 hour ago, Theda Baratheon said:

But when you’re planning something? I dunno. 

I forget not everyone is glued to the internet like me (because life in a rural county with no car is sooooo boring) 

Not charging your phone regularly is like forgetting to put your pants on regularly.

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3 minutes ago, maarsen said:

Not charging your phone regularly is like forgetting to put your pants on regularly.

Only happens in my nightmares?

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