Dating - I love the way you swipe

[HexMachina]

10 hours ago, Buckwheat said:

Facing my fears worked out well for me in this particular case, yes. You taught me well the math of love triangles, professors. Now unfortunately my Hello, nice to meet you is still a long way away.

As for hungry cats ... isn't this whole thread about that? However, @HelenaExMachina, I must point out that you stating that weirdly ironically clashes with your "funky" profile picture ...

 

You can be hungry and funky at the same time! Yeast infections don’t kill libido...

[Lizard Queen]

Why are most of the guys on my okC beefcakes who like hiking, rock climbing, camping, and other really physical stuff?

I never got into outdoorsy stuff, and I can't weightlift anymore because of an illness. I generally avoid much aerobic because of the illness too.

[Theda Baratheon]

I have the biggest gooiest love heart eyes type crush and I don’t know what to DO about it I’ve been telling myself I’m the most ugly hideous goblin creature for YEARS, I’m 25 and haven’t dated or had sex or anything throughout my whole 20s, I feel so inexperienced and weird and awkward and feel like if I were to flirt with a guy he’d be absolutely repulsed by me but I’m also so into this person and they’re in work and I hardly get a chance to say anything to them and I know I’m going to have to make the first move because I really like him but I’m terrified lol 

[Theda Baratheon]

Also I’ve lost quite a bit of weight the last few months, feel physically and mentally healthier than ever, working hard in many ways so I’m kinda liking myself lately and I’m STILL terrified 

[Buckwheat]

8 hours ago, Theda Baratheon said:

I have the biggest gooiest love heart eyes type crush and I don’t know what to DO about it I’ve been telling myself I’m the most ugly hideous goblin creature for YEARS, I’m 25 and haven’t dated or had sex or anything throughout my whole 20s, I feel so inexperienced and weird and awkward and feel like if I were to flirt with a guy he’d be absolutely repulsed by me but I’m also so into this person and they’re in work and I hardly get a chance to say anything to them and I know I’m going to have to make the first move because I really like him but I’m terrified lol 

To paraphrase Forrest Gump's mum: Terrified is as terrified does! I had to tell myself that obviously the experience shows that guys are just not going to throw themselves at me, so if I want something in that direction, I just have to put in effort and take care of it myself!

Also, you are not alone ... I was 23 by the time I even kissed anybody and feared I would die an old maid ... and even older when that other thing happened. So you are probably not the exception and there are more inexperienced people around.

[maarsen]

22 hours ago, Theda Baratheon said:

Also I’ve lost quite a bit of weight the last few months, feel physically and mentally healthier than ever, working hard in many ways so I’m kinda liking myself lately and I’m STILL terrified 

Theda, I went through the same stuff as you when I was your age and yes, it is really hard. Just keep thinking that the worst thing that can happen is he says no, and then you are still no farther behind but if he says yes you are ahead. As always, I think that any guy that doesn't see your fine qualities is not worth pursuing.

[Datepalm]

Can someone explain why I awkward-work-but-flirty-drunk-text (one glass of wine, ffs) literary references? My sample size of two now features TS Elliott and Alexander McCall Smith.

[maarsen]

18 hours ago, Datepalm said:

Can someone explain why I awkward-work-but-flirty-drunk-text (one glass of wine, ffs) literary references? My sample size of two now features TS Elliott and Alexander McCall Smith.

It shows intellect and class?

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

Not exactly a dating question, but what is the etiquette with regards to asking a waitress out? I’m probably not going to bother with it, but there’s this super cute girl who works at a place I go to once in a while, and she has been a bit flirty with me. I know that’s a general thing because it helps with tips, but you never know….

[Liffguard]

3 minutes ago, Tywin et al. said:

Not exactly a dating question, but what is the etiquette with regards to asking a waitress out? I’m probably not going to bother with it, but there’s this super cute girl who works at a place I go to once in a while, and she has been a bit flirty with me. I know that’s a general thing because it helps with tips, but you never know….

I've asked a similar question before (re: a library worker) and the general consensus I received - which I agree with - is that it's not a great idea. A good rule of thumb would be don't ask people out in situations where they can't leave and are economically compelled to be nice to you. Not necessarily a hard-and-fast rule, but I've found it to be a helpful way of thinking about the situation.

[Mexal]

1 hour ago, Tywin et al. said:

Not exactly a dating question, but what is the etiquette with regards to asking a waitress out? I’m probably not going to bother with it, but there’s this super cute girl who works at a place I go to once in a while, and she has been a bit flirty with me. I know that’s a general thing because it helps with tips, but you never know….

Write your number down on a napkin.

[Datepalm]

20 hours ago, maarsen said:

It shows intellect and class? 

I reckon its more of a questionable tendency to externalize the affectation of narrative I apply to a random hormonal mishap I really should have been over a long time ago.

Sigh. Things are lining up such that it looks like I'll be in the town with the guy again in a few months for an odd week. Dragging this episode of this thing out that much longer.

 

Re, Asking out Waitress: Personally - given that I have like no boundaries anyway - I think its ok, IF you are willing to more or less give up on the place if she turns you down, or its somewhere you're in quite rarely anyway. If this is your daily work spot or the like, probably less OK.

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

On 7/10/2019 at 9:27 AM, Liffguard said:

I've asked a similar question before (re: a library worker) and the general consensus I received - which I agree with - is that it's not a great idea. A good rule of thumb would be don't ask people out in situations where they can't leave and are economically compelled to be nice to you. Not necessarily a hard-and-fast rule, but I've found it to be a helpful way of thinking about the situation.

Yeah that was generally what I was thinking as well. I'm perfectly fine being turned down, but I wouldn't want to make it uncomfortable for her at her job, though I suspect loads of dudes have done it before. It's in a college area and she has a unique look. The first example that came to me was internet dating. When I did it, I thought I was doing well getting a message or reply at least on a daily basis. A friend of mine laughed at this and showed me her profile. Her inbox was full, she deleted a bunch of messages, and within like 15 minutes it was full again. Granted, she's pretty hot, but still....

On 7/10/2019 at 11:05 AM, Mexal said:

Write your number down on a napkin.

I thought that was seen as tacky? Anyways, I've never tried it. 

On 7/11/2019 at 3:24 AM, Datepalm said:

Re, Asking out Waitress: Personally - given that I have like no boundaries anyway - I think its ok, IF you are willing to more or less give up on the place if she turns you down, or its somewhere you're in quite rarely anyway. If this is your daily work spot or the like, probably less OK.

My dad I rarely get together, but when we do, he wants to go there. He's eaten there since he was a kid. Second best pizza in the Twin Cities IMO. So that's probably a hard no then unless she really lays the flirting on.

[HexMachina]

On 7/10/2019 at 3:21 PM, Tywin et al. said:

Not exactly a dating question, but what is the etiquette with regards to asking a waitress out? I’m probably not going to bother with it, but there’s this super cute girl who works at a place I go to once in a while, and she has been a bit flirty with me. I know that’s a general thing because it helps with tips, but you never know….

No

[all swedes are racist]

just want to say real quick that all y’all in this thread (and folks everywhere trying to make things happen out there) are braver than the troops... i’ve had two weird, uh dating adjacent (?) situations in the past couple weeks that drove home the fact this can be a wild and bizarre world i am completely unprepared for. keep rocking it and godspeed

[SpaceChampion]

I *think* i had a date last night?  I don't know.  We did shrooms.  It was confusing.  I am confused.  I am confusion.

I'm perfectly fine just hanging out with a new friend and letting it be that, but one of my closest friends tell me it really sounds like this girl is interested in me.  I agree the surface details makes it sound like that, but the interaction doesn't seem flirty or sexually charged at all.  I thought she was just being nice.  A saw her Sunday when she offered to drive us both to a Meetup, and then last night when she said she was feeling emotional and wanted to do shrooms to chill out.   And she mentioned going for a hike this week.  It's not really that much time spent together, but usually for me with other women and most friends there's some time in between.  But she's not a hugger, she's against hugging, and keeps her physical distance.  She said maybe in the future she'd hug.  When I've accidentally brushed against her arm she doesn't recoil and doesn't even seem to notice.  But otherwise full of anxiety and nervousness and apologies.  She brought me to her bedroom and listened to music, drew pictures and babbled incoherently at times.  Two introverts: bad idea?

Later this week I'm driving with the previous confusing girl (that one of you said to stay far away from haha) to scout out a camp site for our meteor watching weekend at the end of the month.  Maybe for once while up there we will have a deep conversation that we've been meaning to have for nearly two years now.

[Maithanet]

55 minutes ago, SpaceChampion said:

I *think* i had a date last night?  I don't know.  We did shrooms.  It was confusing.  I am confused.  I am confusion.

I'm perfectly fine just hanging out with a new friend and letting it be that, but one of my closest friends tell me it really sounds like this girl is interested in me.  I agree the surface details makes it sound like that, but the interaction doesn't seem flirty or sexually charged at all.  I thought she was just being nice.  A saw her Sunday when she offered to drive us both to a Meetup, and then last night when she said she was feeling emotional and wanted to do shrooms to chill out.   And she mentioned going for a hike this week.  It's not really that much time spent together, but usually for me with other women and most friends there's some time in between.  But she's not a hugger, she's against hugging, and keeps her physical distance.  She said maybe in the future she'd hug.  When I've accidentally brushed against her arm she doesn't recoil and doesn't even seem to notice.  But otherwise full of anxiety and nervousness and apologies.  She brought me to her bedroom and listened to music, drew pictures and babbled incoherently at times.  Two introverts: bad idea?

Two introverts isn't a bad idea at all.  I honestly think it is easier that way. 

But what you're describing sounds like more than introversion.  It's possible that she is socially awkward and is into you and is trying to tell you in her own way.  It's also possible that she's socially awkward and is just trying to make friends and her comments about physical space are her trying to signal to you that this is not romantic. 

When she brought you to her bedroom, were there other rooms that were avialable for hanging out?  Because usually (not always obviously) that means something. 

[SpaceChampion]

43 minutes ago, Maithanet said:

Two introverts isn't a bad idea at all.  I honestly think it is easier that way. 

But what you're describing sounds like more than introversion.  It's possible that she is socially awkward and is into you and is trying to tell you in her own way.  It's also possible that she's socially awkward and is just trying to make friends and her comments about physical space are her trying to signal to you that this is not romantic. 

When she brought you to her bedroom, were there other rooms that were avialable for hanging out?  Because usually (not always obviously) that means something. 

No, her place was small and her brother was in the living room playing video games.  We were outside in a park nearby but mosquitoes was getting intolerable.  So no other place.  But she says she doesn't have a lot of friends and doesn't know how to hang out with people, and does keep everyone at a physical distance it seems.

 

[sologdin]

 who like hiking, rock climbing, camping, and other really physical stuff?

they may not be; plenty of bad articles about internet associations advise that one should emphasize this sort of thing.

 

etiquette with regards to asking a waitress out?

absolutely don't ask.

 

I don't know.  We did shrooms. 

it's a date, just not a particularly good one. the focus needs to be the interpersonal interaction, which is cocked up ab initio by the narcotic drugs and/or psychotropic substances.

[Larry of the Lawn]

4 hours ago, SpaceChampion said:

No, her place was small and her brother was in the living room playing video games.  We were outside in a park nearby but mosquitoes was getting intolerable.  So no other place.  But she says she doesn't have a lot of friends and doesn't know how to hang out with people, and does keep everyone at a physical distance it seems.

 

If you go for a hike try for a kiss at a scenic spot.  Easy way to find out if she's looking for more than friendship.