Crackpot (or not) theories you think are so nuts, they actually piss you off.

[Hound's She-wolf]

That doesn't piss me off. It scares the living daylights out of me. :eek:

Yeah, since this goes way beyond twincest all the way to a creepy Greek tragedy.

[Noir Dove]

That Dany herself is the Mummer's Dragon.

[ZacharyB]

That doesn't piss me off. It scares the living daylights out of me. :eek:

It confuses me more than scares me. o.O

[Candor]

Oh lord looks like I've been modded.

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--------------> A crackpot theory I dislike is that Bronn will be King in the end.

There, this post is legitimate.

[Queen Cersei I]

That doesn't piss me off. It scares the living daylights out of me. :eek:

Yeah.... even scarier, i.m.o., is the Varys= Taena Merryweather theory.

Speculating on this one, what all seems like innocent fun quickly becomes creeptastic when considering the "Myrish swamp" scene. The grossness multiplies about ten fold when one remembers how little detail varys has given about the mutilation that left him a eunuch... and begins to wonder where, exactly, Cersei was touching when she described "Taena's" moist netherparts.... :stillsick:

[Queen Cersei I]

Edit. sorry double post.

[Faint]

Crackpot theories I hate:

(1) Jon Snow is permanently dead.

(2) Syrio Forel is not only alive but still relevant to the plot four books later, somehow, someway.

(3) Any theory grounded more so in wish fulfillment than any kind of textual evidence but still presented as a legitimate theory.

(4) Any theory that doesn't take the timeline into account or the structure of the story which is told through individual POVs.

(5) Any theory that ignores and/or contravenes the prophecies presented in the book.

[the savage]

That someone besides Ramsay wrote the letter to Jon. Because, ya know, everyone is so well acquainted with Ramsay's personality and mannerisms to perfectly capture his persona within it. I do think Ramsay was lying, but come on. Bowen wrote the letter. Mance wrote the letter. Roose wrote the letter. Rickon learned to read, and wrote the letter.

[ARYa_Nym]

I think some take the idea that the Others aren't completely "evil" or whatever it was that GRRM said too far. If they have a sympathetic back-story that doesn't mean that they don't still need to go. I don't want my favorite characters to become wights.

Jon/sibling shipping. Particularly with Jon/Sansa I don't see why people are saying that since he's not close to her he can be with her. Why is indifference grounds for a relationship? To me all that would indicate is that he would never passionately love her because she isn't his type. It isn't even true that he doesn't see her as his sister. If he didn't he would have took Stannis' offer to claim Winterfell. He never called her Lady Lannister like Stannis did. Plus, she looks like Cat. That should work as a boner kill.

Jon/Arya doesn't work because even if he were to pull a Theon and be attracted to his "sister" that he hasn't seen for years she's too young for him since there's no time gap anymore. He can find someone age appropriate for him.

Another thing, I don't see why people say Jon likes girls who are kissed by fire so this will lead him to be attracted to Sansa. He doesn't like Mel. He only liked Ygritte so I wouldn't say that it's what he likes. & don't the Tullys have auburn hair? Auburn hair isn't the same as red hair imo.

EDIT: I should say that pisses me off is too strong. I find them annoying.

[Son of Jon Snarkgaryen]

I don't understand how the fuck can a dwarf's head be as big as Gregor's . I know that one had a deformed head but even so how can it be as big as a giant , it just doesn't make sense .

Thank you. Couldn't have said it better myself. There's loads of posters on the "The Quest for Ser Robert Strong" thread who think that the head they sent to Dorne is a dwarf's head. Clearly ridiculous! Dwarves heads are no larger than normal human's heads, whereas an eight foot tall 400 pound man might well have a larger head. The head they sent to Dorne may have been Mag the Mighty's.

[Faint]

With respect to Jon being paired with Sansa, can somebody enlighten me about how the whole thing got started? I've become aware of the movement after the fact but am still trying to figure out where it came out of. There doesn't seem to be any textual evidence for it, it doesn't flow naturally from their general characters, and it would be doubly strange given their previous relationship to one another, so what's the deal?

[FanTasy]

With respect to Jon being paired with Sansa, can somebody enlighten me about how the whole thing got started? I've become aware of the movement after the fact but am still trying to figure out where it came out of. There doesn't seem to be any textual evidence for it, it doesn't flow naturally from their general characters, and it would be doubly strange given their previous relationship to one another, so what's the deal?

I was totally flabbergasted by it :wacko:, not pissed off though. There is also a theory about Jon and Arya, based mainly on ruffing of hair, for so far as I understood. I guess it all comes from that Targaryen lot and the Lannister twincest ...

[Alexia]

With respect to Jon being paired with Sansa, can somebody enlighten me about how the whole thing got started? I've become aware of the movement after the fact but am still trying to figure out where it came out of. There doesn't seem to be any textual evidence for it, it doesn't flow naturally from their general characters, and it would be doubly strange given their previous relationship to one another, so what's the deal?

I think I can be helpful here (I can try). As I understand it, Ygritte proves that Jon has a thing for redheads, probably brought about by mommy issues with Catelyn. Sansa is a redhead (or close enough, anyway) and looks like Catelyn. Thus, Jon will work out his mommy issues by getting to have sex with his sister.

I'm not exactly sure what Sansa gets out of this frightening scenario, but this is the rationale I've seen suggested on the Internet. Feel free to feel disturbed. I sure do!

[1234567]

I think I can be helpful here (I can try). As I understand it, Ygritte proves that Jon has a thing for redheads, probably brought about by mommy issues with Catelyn. Sansa is a redhead (or close enough, anyway) and looks like Catelyn. Thus, Jon will work out his mommy issues by getting to have sex with his sister.

I'm not exactly sure what Sansa gets out of this frightening scenario, but this is the rationale I've seen suggested on the Internet. Feel free to feel disturbed. I sure do!

The only small bits of text I can see that would even vagueeeeeeeely support it, are that Jon and Sansa were never close (reducing the ick factor for some people) and Sansa wanting to have some Hero cut of Janos Slynt's head, which Jon does.

Still it is one of the most outlandish things I've heard. Jaime and Selyse would be more likely IMHO.

[Greywolf2375]

1) Syrio is alive

2) Renly was not killed my Mel/Shadowbaby, but by a razor thin noose planted onto his gorget that was pulled by someone outside the tent.

3) The "is alives", "is a targ", etc

[Hound's She-wolf]

With respect to Jon being paired with Sansa, can somebody enlighten me about how the whole thing got started? I've become aware of the movement after the fact but am still trying to figure out where it came out of. There doesn't seem to be any textual evidence for it, it doesn't flow naturally from their general characters, and it would be doubly strange given their previous relationship to one another, so what's the deal?

I have also heard that if he becomes king, he would need to unite the kingdom with the North-through marriage with Sansa.

[headtrip_honey]

I have also heard that if he becomes king, he would need to unite the kingdom with the North-through marriage with Sansa.

::shudder:: pairing of Jon with ANY of his siblings (and whether or not Ned is his father, they were raised as siblings and will think of each other as siblings) just squicks me the hell out.

[Nausicaä]

I think I can be helpful here (I can try). As I understand it, Ygritte proves that Jon has a thing for redheads, probably brought about by mommy issues with Catelyn. Sansa is a redhead (or close enough, anyway) and looks like Catelyn. Thus, Jon will work out his mommy issues by getting to have sex with his sister.

I'm not exactly sure what Sansa gets out of this frightening scenario, but this is the rationale I've seen suggested on the Internet. Feel free to feel disturbed. I sure do!

Not really. It started because people think Sansa deserves someone like the knights she used to dream about and a kind of man Ned and Cat wanted her to marry: a good, age-appropriate, non-messed-up, non-child-murderer kind of person that she could fall in love with and who could love her for herself. Jon is that kind of ultimately decent character as well as possibly a secret prince and Sansa's cousin, so...

The redhead thing has nothing to do with Jon working out his mommy issues, it's usually said when people make a point that Sansa is not Jon's type because she's like a ~southern~ lady or whatever, when she wouldn't stand out that much among the women he was ever attracted to (all of whom are northern girls) or found beautiful. Ygritte is a redhead (blue-eyed in GOT), Melisandre has copper-colored hair and Jon thinks her very beautiful even though he's not attracted to her, Val has hair the color of dark honey and grey/blue eyes and high cheekbones. Of course, that doesn't prove anything, but it can hardly be said that there could be no possible attraction on his part whatsoever.

If Val is Jon's penultimate love interest (I'm perfectly okay with her being his final love interest and am rooting for that pairing, but the odds of that happening are lower), she is going to share some traits both with Ygritte and whoever Jon ends up with, whether that's Sansa or Dany or any other girl. And going from a wildling to a wildling princess/lady (and Val is de-facto one, even though the justification for her title is lousy -- so much is made of how well-spoken, graceful, proud and smart she is and that she would make a good lady of any house, despite being a wildling) to an actual lady/princess (again, whether it's Sansa or Dany or someone else) would be a natural progression.

That Sansa looks like Catelyn is an obstacle for the ship, not a part of the reason people think Jon could be attracted to Sansa.

[David Selig]

Not really. It started because people think Sansa deserves someone like the knights she used to dream about and a kind of man Ned and Cat wanted her to marry: a good, age-appropriate, non-messed-up, non-child-murderer kind of person that she could fall in love with and who could love her for herself.

I am pretty sure they wanted her to marry whoever is most convenient politically, just as any other noble parents in the series. Anything else was a distant second.

[MyDogIsNamedDanerys]

I thought of a couple more:

Daenerys goes completely insane, burns Westeros to the ground, then Male Hero X steals her dragons in order to stop her mad reign and restore peace and prosperity.

Euron (or Victarion) kidnaps, tortures, and rapes Daenerys, and she falls madly in love with her rapist.