Littlefingers In The Air Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 Implied but not explicitly stated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 ETA: Nvm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkhangel Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 So is it not a truth universally acknowledged that when, after a successful date, the first party asks the second party "hey, would you like to come back to my place and have a couple of drinks?", what the first party actually means is "hey, would you like to come back to my place and engage in unclean congress?"? Assume that the second party is neither Amish nor a clueless 14 year-old. No, it's not, in the sense that agreeing to one does not imply agreeing to the other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prince Alexander Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 So is it not a truth universally acknowledged that when, after a successful date, the first party asks the second party "hey, would you like to come back to my place and have a couple of drinks?", what the first party actually means is "hey, would you like to come back to my place and engage in unclean congress?"? Assume that the second party is neither Amish nor a clueless 14 year-old. Small but important difference: "hey would you like to come to my place and potentially have sex" So when the other party agrees, the potential outcomes:-They understand, and agree and then you have sex (common)-They understand, and agree but you don't have sex cause one of you decided that it wasn't meant to be during the process (common, typically woman agrees thinking she would like to have sex, but then for example you screw up and she changes her mind while at your place)-They understand, and agree but you don't have sex cause the other party pre-decided that it wasn't meant to be and were just leading you on (somewhat common, typically women do this to play hard to get or to check if you're a potential rapist)-They don't understand (very rare*) *There are times the other party would say: "ok, but on the condition we don't have sex". which is a whole other can of worms. Chats is right. I'm getting 24 or 62. So weird. Most of the men my age are complaining about not getting dates. Thanks to fb, I get to read about it. I'm right here fellas.Thanks to OKC and the fact that my best friend is ten years younger than I am, I am seeing all the men my age cut off their preference at 35. Thanks for rendering me and all of the other beautiful single women my age just fucking invisible.Honestly, I am The Wrong Woman for a man who likes to date younger women. I have gone on several dates with the 50-60 crowd. They patronize me. So the 40 year old dating the 25 year old is a bad fit for me anyway. I am just sick of listening to them whinge because the field is tough for them. Then just change your age. Noone is forcing you to tell your true age.If a person can't accept you at your true age, you wouldn't want to be with them anyways.If you firmly believe age is just a number and doesn't matter, then play the system. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deleted01 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I'm glad KiB's post was thoroughly addressed by the usual suspects*. Agree with all of you, and am also curious as to how he got all her personal information if it wasn't from a friend. Lily, you're awesome. Theda, being unusual definitely isn't a bad thing. My SO says that I look relatively normal on the outside, but that I'm actually the weirdest person he's ever met. You need to find someone who's on the same weirdness level as yourself. :P *said with fondness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glaurung Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Thats pretty common these days. The last girl I was with did exactly that, even to the point of knowing what my first ex looked like despite there being a single photo from 2007 being there (cant delete it, someone else uploaded it as a family group photo). She even showed pics of me with my niece and nephew to her mum and sister. I thought it was a bit weird for her to do all that but it didn't actually have any effect on our time together. I cant say I didnt look at her FB a bit before we really hooked up but not to the extent she did mine I think most people do a little internet stalking, but it is definitely taboo to admit to it or bring it up. Most of my relationships, they would admit later on that they looked into me online. I did date somebody once who worked for the alumni association at the University I graduated from and had access to a lot of information. She knew more about me than I did. It was a little off putting. Thanks for the input. I appreciate the input on the new normal. I've had very little experience with internet dating stuff and sometimes it is extremely overwhelming. Especially when someone does that much prep work for COFFEE. The dating game is tough. People feel like they need an advantage!! Seriously though....that is a bit much. You keep saying this, but I haven't ever believed it from anything you've ever said on the board. I've never seen anyone here say you're weird or unusual either. I think your self-image is way off, and maybe your impression of which guys would date you is way off too. I think so too. There are probably plenty of guys interested, but either she doesn't see it or they are too intimidated to make a move. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glaurung Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Seriously though; I sometimes worry that what I see in the mirror and how I view myself is just so far removed and completely different to what everyone else sees. It makes it really difficult to accept compliments, no matter how appreciated they are. I don't really know what to do about that though, I'm sorry if it's annoying that I repeat these types of things I don't want to annoy anyone I definitely understand how you feel. Women have told me I'm attractive and I've had no shortage of compliments, but I've always had problems accepting compliments even if I like them. I've always had a problem seeing that somebody is flirting with me or admitting it to myself. I've always had success whenever I stuck my neck out and made a move(usually backed by a lot of liquid courage), but it was always hard to make a move because I lacked confidence and/or self esteem. So, have been in a dating lull since Miss Teacher, but hit interesting territory here. Have been hanging out with a couple of gals who are roommates, along with my roommate who is the one that introduced me to them. (My roommate has a girlfriend, for reference). They are both fun and attractive, and I've really hit it off with both of them. I'd potentially be interested in dating either of them. I'm hoping that one of them will make my life easier and make a move if they're interested, but also don't want to miss an opportunity waiting for someone else to act first. The longer you wait the less likely it will be that it will work out with either. I think you have to just pick one and make a move. BTW I ran into this situation once where I liked two girls and couldn't decide. I ended up going after the one that didn't like me and the one that did like me was upset that I went after her friend first and wouldn't have anything to do with me after that!! I didn't say it wasn't a gamble :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maithanet Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 The longer you wait the less likely it will be that it will work out with either. I think you have to just pick one and make a move. BTW I ran into this situation once where I liked two girls and couldn't decide. I ended up going after the one that didn't like me and the one that did like me was upset that I went after her friend first and wouldn't have anything to do with me after that!! I didn't say it wasn't a gamble :)I agree that just playing "wait and see" is a bad strategy. I don't know how good a friend you are with your buddy's girlfriend, but if you could get her to do any reconnaissance, that would be ideal. However, in general it is hard to believe that you genuinely find the two women equally appealing. Couldn't you just bring up some conversation topics about things you're into and see which one you have more in common with? For example, if you like some sport or activity, you could bring it up and see if either of them would be interested in trying it out with you. Then you have a no pressure first meeting with the two of you. I personally find that inviting a woman to go rock climbing or to play frisbee is a lot easier than a "date" date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 Yeah, I agree with Maithanet. You ought to do something of a weeding out process. And if that fails, flip a coin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I definitely understand how you feel. Women have told me I'm attractive and I've had no shortage of compliments, but I've always had problems accepting compliments even if I like them. I've always had a problem seeing that somebody is flirting with me or admitting it to myself. I've always had success whenever I stuck my neck out and made a move(usually backed by a lot of liquid courage), but it was always hard to make a move because I lacked confidence and/or self esteem.I can certainly relate to all of this. I'm generally oblivious to flirting. I went to London last April and I was sitting next to a young woman who I thought was extremely attractive. She was returning to London from New York and we spent most of the flight talking about her trip and my plans for mine. Every time I mentioned a place she would casually mention that she had never been there. I'm pretty sure she was subtlety hinting that she'd like to join me. Of course it went over my head until it was too late. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I can certainly relate to all of this. I'm generally oblivious to flirting. I went to London last April and I was sitting next to a young woman who I thought was extremely attractive. She was returning to London from New York and we spent most of the flight talking about her trip and my plans for mine. Every time I mentioned a place she would casually mention that she had never been there. I'm pretty sure she was subtlety hinting that she'd like to join me. Of course it went over my head until it was too late. Yeah; I only notice later on if someone was flirting unless they're making it REALLY obvious and it's usually when I don't like someone very much I notice they're flirting with me lol. With people I genuinely like I hardly ever notice. It's definitely because I just do not have a very high opinion of myself whatsoever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polishgenius Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I often notice flirting but then convince myself it's not happening because why would anyone be flirting with me. And then later on it's like 'well, duh'.Even though rationally, these days, I'm perfectly aware that I'm eminently flirtable for, apparently, a fair amount of people, I still have that reflexive fallback to when I was cripplingly shy when I'm in the conversation. Even when I'm not actually being shy in the conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smegma Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 So is it not a truth universally acknowledged that when, after a successful date, the first party asks the second party "hey, would you like to come back to my place and have a couple of drinks?", what the first party actually means is "hey, would you like to come back to my place and engage in unclean congress?"? Assume that the second party is neither Amish nor a clueless 14 year-old. Is this a case of the woman not understanding it at all, or not expecting your level of unclean congress? I have had many successful dates in which I hung out with the guy afterwards because I was having a good time and wanted to continue to do so - but it almost never leads to sex that night. Making out, things of that nature - sure. But sex? Newp, not after the first date (if that's what you are implying). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yagathai Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Is this a case of the woman not understanding it at all, or not expecting your level of unclean congress? I have had many successful dates in which I hung out with the guy afterwards because I was having a good time and wanted to continue to do so - but it almost never leads to sex that night. Making out, things of that nature - sure. But sex? Newp, not after the first date (if that's what you are implying). Yeah, OK, I don't mean you necessarily expect the kiddie pool of lime-flavored jello, the leather trapeze and the goat on the first date, but certainly it's a tacit understanding that some sort of something is going to go on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Yeah; I only notice later on if someone was flirting unless they're making it REALLY obvious and it's usually when I don't like someone very much I notice they're flirting with me lol. With people I genuinely like I hardly ever notice. It's definitely because I just do not have a very high opinion of myself whatsoever. That pretty much how it goes with me. I usually notice when I'm not really into the woman doing the flirting. Yeah due to my self esteem I have a hard time believing any woman could possibly find me handsome or charming. Or if I'm making an attempt at flirting I assume they find it off putting only to find out much later that they didn't. I often notice flirting but then convince myself it's not happening because why would anyone be flirting with me. And then later on it's like 'well, duh'.Even though rationally, these days, I'm perfectly aware that I'm eminently flirtable for, apparently, a fair amount of people, I still have that reflexive fallback to when I was cripplingly shy when I'm in the conversation. Even when I'm not actually being shy in the conversation. Or if I do notice a woman I like flirting with me I do my damnedest to convince myself it is wishful thinking because of said self esteem issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalbear Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 it's a tacit understanding that some sort of something is going to go on.No, it's an understanding that it's on the table. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mexal Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Yeah, OK, I don't mean you necessarily expect the kiddie pool of lime-flavored jello, the leather trapeze and the goat on the first date, but certainly it's a tacit understanding that some sort of something is going to go on. I would think so. I always make a move at that point and haven't been rejected. It might not lead to sex, but it leads to something. Now, if I messed it up on the way or when I arrived, that's a different story, but something is normally on the table. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smegma Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 No, it's an understanding that it's on the table. That's a really good way of putting it. In my younger days I went on a few dates that I just felt absolutely zero chemistry but somehow ended up at their house because of logistics or the plans were to watch a movie or something there. On a couple of occasions they were with guys that were friends and in order to avoid a confrontation, I actually feigned falling asleep on the couch to prevent the guy from making a move - it worked every time. That being said, as I got older I realized what a douchetastic move that was and how it almost always left the door open to a guy that I had no intention of pursuing anything with, ever. I became more direct - tactful, but clear. I would never do anything like that again - and this choice is affirmed by all of the guys in the dating thread that just want to know where they stand. Also to Yags - maybe she was on her period or didn't shave or something - there's a small chance that she may have just been self-conscious about the condition of her body at said moment. Without knowing the details of what happened though, that's only a guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Yeah, OK, I don't mean you necessarily expect the kiddie pool of lime-flavored jello, the leather trapeze and the goat on the first date, but certainly it's a tacit understanding that some sort of something is going to go on. Yags, accepting an invite after a date for "drinks" implies sexytime. The only times I've gotten my coat instead of taking off my pants, the guy really, REALLY screwed up. My $0.02. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Yeah; I only notice later on if someone was flirting unless they're making it REALLY obvious and it's usually when I don't like someone very much I notice they're flirting with me lol. With people I genuinely like I hardly ever notice. It's definitely because I just do not have a very high opinion of myself whatsoever. I *think* you notice when I flirt with you now, but I do my best to make it really obvious! I often notice flirting but then convince myself it's not happening because why would anyone be flirting with me. And then later on it's like 'well, duh'.Even though rationally, these days, I'm perfectly aware that I'm eminently flirtable for, apparently, a fair amount of people, I still have that reflexive fallback to when I was cripplingly shy when I'm in the conversation. Even when I'm not actually being shy in the conversation.Brook gave me a serious shock and made me sit down and do some self examination last year on exactly this topic. I had it as such a core part of who I thought I was that I was shy and socially awkward, when she pointed out I'm actually really sociable and not shy at all anymore it really threw me. It took a couple of weeks for me to start to come to terms with losing that part of my self identity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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