Xray the Enforcer Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 Well, in my country men are still really old fashion if a woman does the first move they tend to think her as a desperate one. Then your country sucks. Move elsewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon's Queen Consort Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 Then your country sucks. Move elsewhere.That is the plan. If everything are go by the plan I will move sometime around January. :) We are retrogressive in so many things her. You don't even want to know how many people here are talking about single mothers or children out of wedlock. I don't even mention about how they are talking about homosexual people. Okay. Your options if you want to see him this time around are: 1. Call him2. Have your friend tell him to call you So pretty much what Aoife said.I like 2. Thank you!A few options off the top of my head:1) Don't go out with him.2) Ask your friend for his number, call him up, and ask him when he is going to ask you out.3) Have your friend be direct with him and say that you're interested and would like a call. No need for her to take him to coffee for that, just call him.4) Everybody keep wishy-washying.I really like 3. I will tell her to do that but :dunno:Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xray the Enforcer Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 That is the plan. If everything are go by the plan I will move sometime around January. :) Then why are you bothering with this potentially** uptight, retrograde asshole? Hold off for three months and then find someone in your new country of residence. Someone who is actually worthy of your attention and whose dick won't wilt at the thought of a woman with agency. **since you haven't actually tried to ask him out, we can only surmise he subscribes to the moronic idea that women who make first moves are desperate. I think you should make the first move and see if he's even worth talking to. If he gets offended, then he's not worth a second thought or glance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted September 28, 2014 Author Share Posted September 28, 2014 Word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpaceChampion Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 I really have no idea how I get with all of these former military types who currently work for the government. PRISM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon's Queen Consort Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 FINALLY! My friend called me and told me that we will meet at 22:00. I run out of time! Then why are you bothering with this potentially** uptight, retrograde asshole? Hold off for three months and then find someone in your new country of residence. Someone who is actually worthy of your attention and whose dick won't wilt at the thought of a woman with agency. **since you haven't actually tried to ask him out, we can only surmise he subscribes to the moronic idea that women who make first moves are desperate. I think you should make the first move and see if he's even worth talking to. If he gets offended, then he's not worth a second thought or glance.Well, according to everything I know for him so far he is really a great guy but shy and serious. I just want to have someone :dunno: how I can explain that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Er Rn Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 I think a lot of us in the dating threads want to have someone, or several someones ;). However, if it's the wrong type of person whose personality, ideals, and beliefs don't mesh with yours, it usually ends up causing more aggravation than it's worth. Even if they seem great in other ways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 If you know in advance that he's looking for something permanent and you're not, I don't think you're behaving very well by going after him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 Date went ok. No disaster or anything just ZERO chemistry even as friends. I just feel really bad he travelled so far and paid for petrol and when i tried to pay for my meal he kept insisting he pay for it and he was in front of me in the queue and holding it up; i know he meant well but ahhh, i don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sperry Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 Very strange weekend for me and my interest(for lack of a better term?). Friday night we were both texting each other early in the evening, and both ended up going out with different groups to differnet places. Didn't hear from her after about 8 or so just kind of forgot about it. At about 11:30 I texted her something amusing related to the first time we met ( that night a creepy 50 year old man with a handle bar mustache was hitting on her hardcore, and I saw the same guy at the bar again so I texted her). She responded with essentially "I'm at this bar, come her now". It's pretty late, so I'm thinking she may want to hook up (but I would have gone anyway), so I go to the other bar which is about a ten minute cab ride. She is there with her roommate (who I've met once before), and a guy her roommate is with (not sure if he is a boyfriend, friend, booty call or what?). We are at a table having drinks, and I'm conversing with my girl, but her roommate is being hostile initially and the guy she is with is being a buzzkill (says I'm tired about 5 times in a 30 minute span). Still ends up being a decent time, and we go our separate ways. Saturday, which was the day she planned on going to the open air food truck thing, I'm not hearing anything from her. I end up rallying a good group to go with me to the open air thing without telling them I want to meet a girl there, so we end up going that evening. At about 9 I finally hear from her (I hadn't contacted her that day), she texts me a random non-sequitir and I tell her we are at the open air thing, where she responds that she just went to dinner with her mom and stayed in. Haven't heard from her so far today. So basically, I have no idea what's going on here. Was hoping this weekend would give me some idea of which way the wind was blowing, but I'm kind of more confused than anything at this point. I feel like I can get things on track if I can get together with her in a decent environment, but to no avail thus far. I also feel like the flirting is starting to taper off some, so I'd like to get a chance to make a move soon. I also feel like she's not ready to commit to any type of solo date, so gotta get a good group setting going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 Re: Doctor's Consort Here's the deal - if he's of the personality who will see a woman in poor light on account of the woman taking initiative in dating, then you have to decide if you are happy with that type of personality. If you are not going to be happy with that type of man, then ask him out later, and see how he reacts. If you accept that part of the culture, then you will be stuck with the rules and be restricted by those rules, and that includes frustrations like the one you described. Re: Theda Then tell him. But be kind (I know you will). It's one of the skills I had to learn, too, how to say no to people but do so with kindness, and how to take no's in return, whether they said it with kindness or not. And it's not being kind to leave them doubts that you will eventually, someday, maybe, perhaps, date them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sperry Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 Re: ThedaThen tell him. But be kind (I know you will). It's one of the skills I had to learn, too, how to say no to people but do so with kindness, and how to take no's in return, whether they said it with kindness or not. And it's not being kind to leave them doubts that you will eventually, someday, maybe, perhaps, date them. This. Getting rejected sucks, and rejecting someone who isn't an asshole sucks as well, but the longer you put it off the worse it gets for both parties. The nice thing about this for Theda is at least this guy is far away, you don't have to worry about bumping into each other out and about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 Theda - don't feel bad for the investment he made in having a date with you, we are all responsible for our own decisions. He decided to ask you out, he decided to travel that distance on the hope things would work. All that says about you is that someone thinks you were worth some inconvenience to see and it's an opinion I'd share :pYou are responsible for making it clear that there's nothing there if he didn't realise it himself, and that can suck but it's the kindest thing you can do. There was absolutely nothing wrong with giving it a chance though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Er Rn Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 Saturday, which was the day she planned on going to the open air food truck thing, I'm not hearing anything from her. I end up rallying a good group to go with me to the open air thing without telling them I want to meet a girl there, so we end up going that evening. At about 9 I finally hear from her (I hadn't contacted her that day), she texts me a random non-sequitir and I tell her we are at the open air thing, where she responds that she just went to dinner with her mom and stayed in. Haven't heard from her so far today.Had you definitely finalized plans for Saturday night (where to meet, what time, etc)? Did you discuss it while you were with her Friday night? If not is it possible this is just a communication issue? Maybe she was waiting to hear from you earlier Saturday, and when you guys didn't talk, she made other plans. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stannisaurus2 Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 **since you haven't actually tried to ask him out, we can only surmise he subscribes to the moronic idea that women who make first moves are desperate. Or we could just assume that he prefers to lead a bit during dates... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 He is driving home now - will wait and see if he says anything tonight and if not will say something tomorrow; im really nervous because i've never had to send such a message before; i don't know what to say. If he asks about a second date it will be easier to reply but just sending a message first seems...i don't know; i won't leave it long but i think i will leave it for tonight... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 I don't know that I'd feel the need to say it unless he continues talking to you in a way that suggests he thinks another is a good idea - it's entirely possible he felt the complete lack of chemistry too and will just let it slip away quietly. It's just if he does ask a second one that I think you need to be clear, not preemptively so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 Ok - i think i misunderstood people then; yeah - i don't think messaging him that would be a good idea unless he is talking about second dates and stuff otherwise it comes off as...i don't know, presumptuous of me. But of course if he wants a second date i will have to say no because it would be horrible for him to travel up again when i know i don't like him in a romantic way and i wouldn't let him to that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 What Chat described was perfectly fine. At the same time, it doesn't have to come across as presumptuous even if you make the first message. "Hey I hope you got home safely. I want to thank you for going to the movie and dinner with me- it certainly was a long trek to make. I also want to clear the air so I can avoid unintentionally misleading you since we got in touch through a dating site, but I don't see anything romantic developing between us. I wish you the best in your search for a person who is more compatible with you and who can make you happy. " I wouldn't take that as presumptuous, but people's mileage will vary. But yes wait till the next day to send it. Unless he asked for a second date tonight. :-p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted September 28, 2014 Author Share Posted September 28, 2014 Just remix the black science man meme a little, for the sake of humor: "People don't think no chemistry be like it is, but it do." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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