Frances Bean Corbray Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 Well; he did ask for a second date and i just told him " I really appreciated you coming all the way to see me and i had a nice time but i just don't see anything romantic happening between us and i wouldn't want to waste your time"does that sound really mean ive never had to say anything like that to anyone before ahh im really anxious. Being rejected is never fun but no one could reasonably complain about a rejection like this. It's upfront, it's honest, it's unambiguous, and its respectful. Honestly I wish more of the rejections I've gotten were phrased that way. Whatever else you take away from this, it's good to get some practice at Saying No to people (and this was a good way to phrase it), defining your boundaries and what not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpaceChampion Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 Nice girl ambiguity, save that for other women. Certainly dishonesty isn't the right move with a guy you're not interested in but want to remain friends with. Why would a guy want to remain friends with someone who comes across as untrustworthy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sperry Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 That's the problem. If she mentioned something about going out Saturday, then you need to lock down plans with her. If you leave it up in the air, then she's going to think you're not interested. She obviously wants to hang out with you, as evidenced by her text Friday night. You're probably playing things way too lukewarm and she's thinking you're not interested. Plan out a date for this weekend or next and make firms plans with her (where you're going, when you'll pick her up/meet, etc.) And make it a solo date...this getting together with groups of friends stuff leaves each of your intentions too muddled. How was Bleugarten? Bleugarten was awesome. Great seating areas, tons of televisions, and really just a great outdoor patio area. Much more of a bar feel than a food truck court, so I was pleasantly surprised. As long as it doesn't turn into a bad crowd, I see my friends and I spending a lot of time there. And on the plus side, I don't think I'll have to twist any arms to get people to go with me if I need to round up a group going forward. It was very much our scene. I do agree that this meeting up in groups thing is muddled, but I also think we need to meet up a few times in person and a group setting before I ask her on a full on date. Coming on too strong can be a kiss of death as well. Obviously leave it out there too long and I'll just get friend zoned, but we really don't know each other too well, so I'm not ready to flat out ask her on a legitimate solo date. Still getting weird signals. She's not a very engaged texter, which is usually a sign a girl's not interested, but she also initiates the conversations most of the time. Can't tell if she just doesn't check her phone often enough to have a good text conversation, or there's just not interested. Similarly, I've extended invitations a few different times to meet up in a group setting. She hasn't come yet, which again usually indicates a lack of interest, but she's also had legitimate reasons for not doing so. So I'm going to continue on this tract, and if I still can't set it up where we meet up on the weekends over the next couple of weeks, I'll probably just force the issue and ask her out. My go to first date is a Thunder game, so I'm a month or so too early on that front :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 A "first date" with a group of friends says you're not romantically interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sperry Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 A "first date" with a group of friends says you're not romantically interested. I wouldn't consider it a "date" at all. But I don't think "hey, meet my friends and I at the bars" is a friend-zone move either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brook Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 It sounds perfectly polite and considerate. If he takes that badly he is the one with the problem not you. ETA apparently the thread didn't update properly for me. That was in response to an older post of Theda's, now to catch up on the thread... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted September 29, 2014 Author Share Posted September 29, 2014 Someone smack the shit out of me and tell me to stop overbooking dates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted September 30, 2014 Author Share Posted September 30, 2014 I'm doing the best I can. But beautiful women are everywhere, yo. I'm the victim, really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpaceChampion Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Okcupid: "Do you generally smile at little kids who cross your path?" I answered yes, because I thought it said smite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insomnium Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Okcupid: "Do you generally smile at little kids who cross your path?" I answered yes, because I thought it said smite. I'm sure there's a smite question somewhere in there. I've heard of stranger ones! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starkess Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Got home from work today to find 2 packages on my doorstep--a lovely bouquet of a dozen pink roses and an adorable squishy teddy bear. Somehow with barely any internet access and only about 2 days in port, my boy managed to order them for me. Made me cry like a baby, but they were happy tears (and omg almost 4 more months tears). :love: Also I went to a wedding last weekend and now I've been thinking halfway seriously about getting married again. Someone douse me with gasoline! Okcupid: "Do you generally smile at little kids who cross your path?" I answered yes, because I thought it said smite. :rofl: I like yours better! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Nora, please go read the Abusive Relationships thread and take notes. You have 4 months to dump this dick before he comes home and starts treating you like crap again. Don't marry him! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted October 1, 2014 Author Share Posted October 1, 2014 I spent time with an old friend yesterday for her birthday. Things escalated very organically and I ended up spending the night there. That went off without a hitch. Until I wake up this morning to posts from my sister on Instagram asking God to bring her brother home and so called friends texting me all worried about me all of a sudden. Of course, the people who knew where I was (as in the people I actually hear from constantly) haven't worried one bit.I'm inclined to give them nothing more than an "I'm fine" with no explanation for what I was up to. Thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deleted01 Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 You are a grown ass man. While I think it's polite to let the people you live with know where you are, their reaction seems a bit much, and you're old enough to live your own life without having to justify yourself. A simple "I'm fine, I was out" would be sufficient, imho. I always let my mum know if I'm staying out, but that's out of courtesy. There's no point her worrying, and I'd rather people know where I was, should anything happen (comes from looking after my brother and sister for years). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted October 1, 2014 Author Share Posted October 1, 2014 Your response is what I'm pretty much feeling right now. And since there were plenty of people who knew where I was, I don't feel all that guilty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon's Queen Consort Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Re: Doctor's ConsortHere's the deal - if he's of the personality who will see a woman in poor light on account of the woman taking initiative in dating, then you have to decide if you are happy with that type of personality. If you are not going to be happy with that type of man, then ask him out later, and see how he reacts. If you accept that part of the culture, then you will be stuck with the rules and be restricted by those rules, and that includes frustrations like the one you described.Thank you for your advice! I only wish I had this knowledge back then. From what he told he isn't just old fashion with the dates, I could really accept just the date or some old fashioned gestures now and then. After that I can’t even remember why I was sad. It was the worst date I have ever had. He told me that a woman shouldn't work but she should stay at home, even if there are no kids, I mean stay at home mom is way different than what he told. He said that a woman must stay at home and take care of the house and of her husband, because if she works she is dangerous! A man should provide everything his significant other needs and so on. If a man like that had told something like those things to my father, who is twice his age, he would had freaked out. It was awful! I don’t even remember how many glasses of wine I had just to be relaxed enough to not pay attention to what he was saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Wow! Well ateast you weren't pining for him long? Sorry he was an asshole but good you saw the 'real' him fairly soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Er Rn Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 What an ass :ack: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted October 1, 2014 Author Share Posted October 1, 2014 Yup, fuck that shit. It'd be different if he said that's just what he wants for his life; I'd be fine with him saying that because plenty of women want that as well. But to say that's how it should be for everyone? Excuse me, while I get my gut under control after the laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
N/A Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Thank you for your advice! I only wish I had this knowledge back then. From what he told he isn't just old fashion with the dates, I could really accept just the date or some old fashioned gestures now and then. After that I cant even remember why I was sad. It was the worst date I have ever had. He told me that a woman shouldn't work but she should stay at home, even if there are no kids, I mean stay at home mom is way different than what he told. He said that a woman must stay at home and take care of the house and of her husband, because if she works she is dangerous! A man should provide everything his significant other needs and so on. If a man like that had told something like those things to my father, who is twice his age, he would had freaked out. It was awful! I dont even remember how many glasses of wine I had just to be relaxed enough to not pay attention to what he was saying. That's great ! Now all I have to do is forget that you're blonde somehow and we can go out , Jackie ! :leer: sorry he was an ass . Now I'll go back to lurking you people ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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