Pink Shirt Day (formerly Don't put yourself down)

[Errant Bard]

I was told a few times recently that I am too self-critical. Notably the comments were from the people who have only just met me two or three days before. It must be a prominent feature of me. :dunno:

Maybe there are too many positivity radiations around, and the ones of us who are honest, realist, and judging themselves fairly are thus seen as putting themselves down?

Thinking about it, is it positivity to think that while you yourself suck, most of everyone else sucks more, and there is only rare occurrences where someone deserves awe and some? Hmmm.

[litechick]

The topic of not putting yourself down has come up several times in the last few weeks among Westerosi folk, both here and on facebook. One person made a comment about hearing too many people saying things like, I'm not very good at that, or I'm not very pretty but..., or Maybe my opinion isn't worth much...

And threads where people have said they know they look horrible, or where someone is worried they will saying bad things about themselves by taking a certain job.

Yesterday was pink shirt day and I didn't do a thread or a big thing about it this year, but while it's bad enough when people bully you, it's also bad when you knock your own self down.

Based on my life experience, if you ever feel good about yourself, there will always be someone there to knock you down. It is inherently unsafe to feel good about yourself.

Now, you could make an argument like "fuck safety" but ultimately one will tend to keep to oneself any thoughts which would make one the target of attacks. There you go. As long as we dislike those who think highly of themselves, people will degrade themselves.

[Errant Bard]

If you can actually be knocked down, isn't it more a case of misplaced confidence?

[Fragile Bird]

I don't think people put themselves down because they don't like confident people, or because it's unsafe to be confident, I thing they put themselves down because they lack confidence. Some are hoping that if they express that view out loud, a friend will deny their statement and try to give them encouragement.

I enjoyed Matthew McConaughey's Oscar acceptance speech tonight, in which he thanked his mother for instilling confidence in himself and his brothers. :)

[north of the wall]

I'm so self critical about a lot of stuff but then other things I'm really up myself about stuff too. Its funny actually. I had a teacher at TAFE last yr who said I need to stop putting myself down and he thought I'd be pretty much ready to walk into any community services job. I on the other hand disagreed. However I think I'm a pretty awesome mum most of the time and pretty damn good at cooking too. I must admit on body hating issues though and feeling not competent enough to stick my nose into vulnerable peoples lives yet. lol

However I think its important have reminders to check ourselves and as to whether we are being realistic and or harsh on ourselves.

[Grand Moff Mithrandir]

I was told a few times recently that I am too self-critical. Notably the comments were from the people who have only just met me two or three days before. It must be a prominent feature of me. :dunno:

Ehhhh ... you do not. You read insult in everything they say to you and expect them to think the worst of you. :dunno:

All of this!

I picked up this habit when I was young, and I nurtured it all through my adolescent years. Its a nasty habit and extremely difficult to shake off.

[Lord Voldemort's Toes]

Some of these examples are more rhetorical in nature than genuine hating on one's self. Sort of like "I'm just a young girl who knows little in the ways of war..."

You say it either as a trick (humblebrag) or as a way of deflecting aggression in conversation.

[maarsen]

I'm with Pony Queen Jace (who I have thought might be Jacen's Wife.... but after reading several posts think it can't be...)

I'm pretty damn awesome just the way I am and it's really about time you people took notice.

I am just noticing it now.

[SkaggCannibal]

To be able to love, you must first love yourself. Or something like that. I used to knock myself down too a lot, but really there is no point in it. There will always be people more awesome than you, better compare yourself to the losers out there. Whatever you do, if it's a victory for yourself, be proud of it. When you go for a run while you never actually actually run, don't think "it's nothing, people do that all the time", no it's a victory for yourself and you should relish yourself in your own success. Made it to class? Congrats! Be proud of that the whole day! Woke up on time and not hit snooze? Good on ya! Wallow yourself in your small victory on the world. You actually did that horrible presentation? You are awesome!

I used to think everytime I did something like that "it's normal, you're weak for not doing it everyday, or to set your alarm not half an hour earlier". No you're not, if it feels good, be proud. Just don't tell anyone.

[Fragile Bird]

I edited this thread in honor of Pink Shirt Day in Canada. See this article, or the OP. :) http://www.erasebullying.ca/resources/resources-pink-shirt.php

[Raja]

I think the answer is more complex than stated in some of the replies in this thread. Not having confidence in yourself can be one reason, but it's certainly not the only reason. Like Buckwheat, I've gotten similar reactions from people who've only known me for a couple of days. Self deprecation is a natural reaction I have, and is easily a part of me, but it's more played for humour, as opposed to anything else.

As an aside, I've got two pink shirts, going to go with the shocking combination of a pink shirt and a pink tie tomorrow!

[Iskaral Pust]

A fair amount of self-deprecation on the internet looks like humblebrag, insincere preamble (similar to "no offense, but ...") or fishing for sympathy and/or compliments. If we could cut that out I'd be much more solicitous of the remaining instances.

I also would not conflate low-self esteem with aggressive bullying. If anything America has a problem with excessive self-esteem (lowest score on international math exams but highest self-reported expected score on same). Bullying seems like a more objectively bad thing to eradicate. Then people can determine their own self-esteem by themselves.

Regardless, I regularly wear pink/purplish/lavendar shirts to work. I can carry it off.

[TerraPrime]

I wear pink because I fucking rock that color.

Wait, what about self-deprecation ? :p

That said, I don't have a psych degree, but I am pretty sure we gain confidence in a large part based on the feedback we get from others. Which is where some of the problems come in, obviously, such as when we have parents that constantly put us down, etc. It's a balance between one's internal view of oneself against the sort of feedback from others we receive. We need both.

As for bullying, yes, I never bought the whole mantra of "sticks and stones" etc. Absolutely words can wound and hurt, and bullying is far more than just words, too. Bullying is actions as well as words.

[Raja]

A fair amount of self-deprecation on the internet looks like humblebrag, insincere preamble (similar to "no offense, but ...") or fishing for sympathy

That's odd. I've never really felt that way about any form of self-deprecation that I've come across, especially when you make the comparison to the 'no offence' bit.

[Fragile Bird]

Today is International Pink Day.

Wear Pink to show you are against bullying. :)

[Theda Baratheon]

[looks down at self. In *all* black]

:leaving: