[Book Spoilers] Rant and Rave without Repercussion

[MordredDayne]

Perhaps but after the episode where Jon says "I need him more than I need you", you'd think he'd take him beyond the Wall like he did last time. I would have liked for Sam to fight himself. Honestly, I would have liked for the scene to have never happened at all. Just have Aemon die and cut to Gilly comforting Sam like it happens in the books.

Or something.

Maybe this isn't the best thread to discuss it... but I think this is all leading to Bronn choosing to abandon Jaime and join the Sand Snakes.

Same here. I thought that's where the scene was leading when he stood up like a complete badass after having his face pounded in and was all like, "I'm Sam the Slayer. Bring it, chumps." It could have been something akin to how he goes crazy and beats up Dareon in Braavos. It could have totally worked, too, if they had filmed it with one other black brother instead of two. Don't get me wrong, I think it was a crappy scene to have at all, but they could have at least really built up Sam in it instead of having him saved by Ghost (who shouldn't even be there) at the last minute.

Honestly, now I'm thinking that they left Ghost at Castle Black not only as a deus ex machina, but also because it gives them an excuse not to use him at Hardhome next episode. Granted, that would have been logistically tough (after having read about how those wolves can be hard to train) and expensive as far as CGI goes. But it would have been so awesome to see Ghost fighting alongside Jon again.

[Takyon]

Not only that, but they even brought back his creepy Norman Bates peeping hole! It's such a sad moment, Baelish almost wiping away a tear thinking about all of those creepy perv times he had looking through that hole. Stupid religion, this is why we can't have nice things!

That's not exactly how I interpreted it. Littlefinger was just upset over the fact that his business was attacked and that a new player (the High Septon) may be complicating his goals.

[Varys Imilitude]

Damn. This series started out with the potential for best television show ever, and now it's not even a good show. It's Fox level writing with a big budget.

[MordredDayne]

Once you get started, you'd be surprised how many they use. With explanations and examples I got about seven pages. I'm refining them now to give to some Shownly friends who are convinced this gold plated turd of a show is somehow quality television.

I am 100% legitimately interested in reading this seven page breakdown. Are you planning to post it anywhere online? I'm definitely interested in reading it.

[Lady Olenna]

I poisoned you here's my boobs.

I like them.

Here's the antidote lolz.

Top notch story. Top notch.

Lolz. Such a waste of time. Bronn does have a lovely voice though.

Damn. This series started out with the potential for best television show ever, and now it's not even a good show. It's Fox level writing with a big budget.

QFT.

I hope D&D are paying attention to their feedback. This season has been retched.

[Troy Reynolds]

I am 100% legitimately interested in reading this seven page breakdown. Are you planning to post it anywhere online? I'm definitely interested in reading it.

Well not all are done, but here are a sample. Never intended to post them anywhere, just trying to save some friends from this awful crap.

Douche Ex Machina – A plot trick used by the screenwriters to introduce a convenient rule to the world that is forced, unbelievable and often times contradictory to what the audience would know if they weren’t easily distracted (See Shiny Things). This trick is usually employed when it would be super hard to be creative enough to come up with a solid reason why the character is doing what the writer wants the character to do, which sucks because that thing would be super awesome. Examples – A marriage not being consummated changing from being legally binding to not binding from S4 to S5. Valyria being traversable in a single day via dingy and swimming. Greyscale being detectable within hours of infection, spreading to be the size of silver dollar in that time and not covering the entire body with a few days to a week, if not being fatal in that time, not leaving enough time for maesters to be called or the infected to be shipped to the leper greyscale colony. Littlefinger knowing that Stannis has enough men to take Winterfell before Stannis knows he has enough, prompting Stannis to unsuccessfully recruit the Wildlings and the Lords of the North, before finally, magically, having enough men.

The Tanselle-Too-Tall Effect - A trick used by the screenwriters to take away all organic character motivation, usually resulting in the character doing not only something completely against character but also the dumbest possible thing they could do in that situation. Examples – Littlefinger’s entire S5 plan. Jorah going through Valyria because of a fear of pirates, despite being in a little ass fishing boat, when he should have been more fearful of the Stonemen. Sansa not toasting to her own wedding when surrounded by flaying psychos.

Shiny Things – A trick used by the screenwriters to distract the audience from a situation of which they might otherwise question the logic. Used commonly in situations where the writer knows he has no plot advancement, character growth or just a really dumb situation and needs a way for the audience to not think too hard about it. Typically involves CGI or nipples. Examples – Almost all of Oberyn’s brothel scenes. Dany’s execution of an untried, probably innocent man as a response to the death of a man who warned her about executing untried, probably innocent men, where said execution was performed via dragon. Wooooooo, dragons. Ugh, where was I again….yeah, I guess that scene made sense.

Dragon Ex Machina – A variation of Shiny Things and the Tanselle-Too-Tall Effect used to varying degrees but always in correlation. An element used by the screenwriter to distract both the audience and the characters about the abnormally dumb situation. Used in a situation where both the audience and the characters should know better than to be distracted and this element usually involves an extremely improbable event being used in a time and a place whose coincidence makes it almost infinitely improbably. Examples – Jorah and Tyrion see a dragon at the precise moment they are about to be attacked by Stonemen, causing them to not notice the impending attack. Dany finding a fully qualified dragon tamer, off screen and unknown to the audience, between her visit to her crazy-want-to-eat-momma dragons and her fully-control/obedient-to-voice-commands dragons at the untried, probably innocent man’s execution.

[CornCornSnow]

Thank you to those who posted the Tyrene/Bronn audition convo. Before this episode, I was beginning to tell my wife about it, but I actually became embarassed. "There's no way that scene is going to be in the show, surely, it was just some troll post or a joke," I thought to myself. I didn't even finish telling her about it, but of course we rushed right over to this forum after the show to double check!! Can't believe 1.) someone wrote that scene 2.) someone acted that scene 3.) someone edited that scene 4.) someone decided to put that scene on television. SO BAD!

[MordredDayne]

Well not all are done, but here are a sample. Never intended to post them anywhere, just trying to save some friends from this awful crap.

Douche Ex Machina – A plot trick used by the screenwriters to introduce a convenient rule to the world that is forced, unbelievable and often times contradictory to what the audience would know if they weren’t easily distracted (See Shiny Things). This trick is usually employed when it would be super hard to be creative enough to come up with a solid reason why the character is doing what the writer wants the character to do, which sucks because that thing would be super awesome. Examples – A marriage not being consummated changing from being legally binding to not binding from S4 to S5. Valyria being traversable in a single day via dingy and swimming. Greyscale being detectable within hours of infection, spreading to be the size of silver dollar in that time and not covering the entire body with a few days to a week, if not being fatal in that time, not leaving enough time for maesters to be called or the infected to be shipped to the leper greyscale colony. Littlefinger knowing that Stannis has enough men to take Winterfell before Stannis knows he has enough, prompting Stannis to unsuccessfully recruit the Wildlings and the Lords of the North, before finally, magically, having enough men.

The Tanselle-Too-Tall Effect - A trick used by the screenwriters to take away all organic character motivation, usually resulting in the character doing not only something completely against character but also the dumbest possible thing they could do in that situation. Examples – Littlefinger’s entire S5 plan. Jorah going through Valyria because of a fear of pirates, despite being in a little ass fishing boat, when he should have been more fearful of the Stonemen. Sansa not toasting to her own wedding when surrounded by flaying psychos.

Shiny Things – A trick used by the screenwriters to distract the audience from a situation of which they might otherwise question the logic. Used commonly in situations where the writer knows he has no plot advancement, character growth or just a really dumb situation and needs a way for the audience to not think too hard about it. Typically involves CGI or nipples. Examples – Almost all of Oberyn’s brothel scenes. Dany’s execution of an untried, probably innocent man as a response to the death of a man who warned her about executing untried, probably innocent men, where said execution was performed via dragon. Wooooooo, dragons. Ugh, where was I again….yeah, I guess that scene made sense.

Dragon Ex Machina – A variation of Shiny Things and the Tanselle-Too-Tall Effect used to varying degrees but always in correlation. An element used by the screenwriter to distract both the audience and the characters about the abnormally dumb situation. Used in a situation where both the audience and the characters should know better than to be distracted and this element usually involves an extremely improbable event being used in a time and a place whose coincidence makes it almost infinitely improbably. Examples – Jorah and Tyrion see a dragon at the precise moment they are about to be attacked by Stonemen, causing them to not notice the impending attack. Dany finding a fully qualified dragon tamer, off screen and unknown to the audience, between her visit to her crazy-want-to-eat-momma dragons and her fully-control/obedient-to-voice-commands dragons at the untried, probably innocent man’s execution.

:cheers:

[Edd Tollett's One Vote]

Well not all are done, but here are a sample. Never intended to post them anywhere, just trying to save some friends from this awful crap.

Douche Ex Machina – A plot trick used by the screenwriters to introduce a convenient rule to the world that is forced, unbelievable and often times contradictory to what the audience would know if they weren’t easily distracted (See Shiny Things). This trick is usually employed when it would be super hard to be creative enough to come up with a solid reason why the character is doing what the writer wants the character to do, which sucks because that thing would be super awesome. Examples – A marriage not being consummated changing from being legally binding to not binding from S4 to S5. Valyria being traversable in a single day via dingy and swimming. Greyscale being detectable within hours of infection, spreading to be the size of silver dollar in that time and not covering the entire body with a few days to a week, if not being fatal in that time, not leaving enough time for maesters to be called or the infected to be shipped to the leper greyscale colony. Littlefinger knowing that Stannis has enough men to take Winterfell before Stannis knows he has enough, prompting Stannis to unsuccessfully recruit the Wildlings and the Lords of the North, before finally, magically, having enough men.

The Tanselle-Too-Tall Effect - A trick used by the screenwriters to take away all organic character motivation, usually resulting in the character doing not only something completely against character but also the dumbest possible thing they could do in that situation. Examples – Littlefinger’s entire S5 plan. Jorah going through Valyria because of a fear of pirates, despite being in a little ass fishing boat, when he should have been more fearful of the Stonemen. Sansa not toasting to her own wedding when surrounded by flaying psychos.

Shiny Things – A trick used by the screenwriters to distract the audience from a situation of which they might otherwise question the logic. Used commonly in situations where the writer knows he has no plot advancement, character growth or just a really dumb situation and needs a way for the audience to not think too hard about it. Typically involves CGI or nipples. Examples – Almost all of Oberyn’s brothel scenes. Dany’s execution of an untried, probably innocent man as a response to the death of a man who warned her about executing untried, probably innocent men, where said execution was performed via dragon. Wooooooo, dragons. Ugh, where was I again….yeah, I guess that scene made sense.

Dragon Ex Machina – A variation of Shiny Things and the Tanselle-Too-Tall Effect used to varying degrees but always in correlation. An element used by the screenwriter to distract both the audience and the characters about the abnormally dumb situation. Used in a situation where both the audience and the characters should know better than to be distracted and this element usually involves an extremely improbable event being used in a time and a place whose coincidence makes it almost infinitely improbably. Examples – Jorah and Tyrion see a dragon at the precise moment they are about to be attacked by Stonemen, causing them to not notice the impending attack. Dany finding a fully qualified dragon tamer, off screen and unknown to the audience, between her visit to her crazy-want-to-eat-momma dragons and her fully-control/obedient-to-voice-commands dragons at the untried, probably innocent man’s execution.

:D

Thank you so much for posting this. It is fantastic. Hope you finish it.

[Bobby b's bobby]

Well not all are done, but here are a sample. Never intended to post them anywhere, just trying to save some friends from this awful crap.

Douche Ex Machina A plot trick used by the screenwriters to introduce a convenient rule to the world that is forced, unbelievable and often times contradictory to what the audience would know if they werent easily distracted (See Shiny Things). This trick is usually employed when it would be super hard to be creative enough to come up with a solid reason why the character is doing what the writer wants the character to do, which sucks because that thing would be super awesome. Examples A marriage not being consummated changing from being legally binding to not binding from S4 to S5. Valyria being traversable in a single day via dingy and swimming. Greyscale being detectable within hours of infection, spreading to be the size of silver dollar in that time and not covering the entire body with a few days to a week, if not being fatal in that time, not leaving enough time for maesters to be called or the infected to be shipped to the leper greyscale colony. Littlefinger knowing that Stannis has enough men to take Winterfell before Stannis knows he has enough, prompting Stannis to unsuccessfully recruit the Wildlings and the Lords of the North, before finally, magically, having enough men.

The Tanselle-Too-Tall Effect - A trick used by the screenwriters to take away all organic character motivation, usually resulting in the character doing not only something completely against character but also the dumbest possible thing they could do in that situation. Examples Littlefingers entire S5 plan. Jorah going through Valyria because of a fear of pirates, despite being in a little ass fishing boat, when he should have been more fearful of the Stonemen. Sansa not toasting to her own wedding when surrounded by flaying psychos.

Shiny Things A trick used by the screenwriters to distract the audience from a situation of which they might otherwise question the logic. Used commonly in situations where the writer knows he has no plot advancement, character growth or just a really dumb situation and needs a way for the audience to not think too hard about it. Typically involves CGI or nipples. Examples Almost all of Oberyns brothel scenes. Danys execution of an untried, probably innocent man as a response to the death of a man who warned her about executing untried, probably innocent men, where said execution was performed via dragon. Wooooooo, dragons. Ugh, where was I again.yeah, I guess that scene made sense.

Dragon Ex Machina A variation of Shiny Things and the Tanselle-Too-Tall Effect used to varying degrees but always in correlation. An element used by the screenwriter to distract both the audience and the characters about the abnormally dumb situation. Used in a situation where both the audience and the characters should know better than to be distracted and this element usually involves an extremely improbable event being used in a time and a place whose coincidence makes it almost infinitely improbably. Examples Jorah and Tyrion see a dragon at the precise moment they are about to be attacked by Stonemen, causing them to not notice the impending attack. Dany finding a fully qualified dragon tamer, off screen and unknown to the audience, between her visit to her crazy-want-to-eat-momma dragons and her fully-control/obedient-to-voice-commands dragons at the untried, probably innocent mans execution.

When you're done could you post it or a link I'd like this on hand for arguments with friends about how got is meh.

[_LongClaw_]

My fear is that the show has not built up the relationship between Ghost and Jon enough, and it will cheapen the "For the Watch" moment, generally confusing Unsullied. Tonights episode did little to ease that fear. Don't get me wrong it was great to see Ghost but if money and resources are the reason we don't see him more, why spend Ghost on a scene with Sam and not Jon? I just don't get it.

[Troy Reynolds]

:cheers:

:D

Thank you so much for posting this. It is fantastic. Hope you finish it.

You're welcome. I hope to finish as well. Though it does get me through the dark days of hate watching when the Rant and Rave thread gets shut done.

[Florina Laufeyson]

Damn. This series started out with the potential for best television show ever, and now it's not even a good show. It's Fox level writing with a big budget.

You know, its when they really started to veer, did the quality drop. Makes me think D&D really cant write anything worth a damn on their own. Its pretty sad when their more original dialogue and plotting is worse than a Joss Whedon series.

[The Scabbard Of the Morning]

I'm starting to think Jon warging is out completely.

[MordredDayne]

Oh, what was that tool that Sansa grabbed when Ramsay was expositioning all over her during their walk? Some kind of medieval keg tapper? Are they not going to use her awesome mini-needle necklace as a weapon? It seems like she could fashion something more deadly out of pretty much anything on hand in her room.

[Florina Laufeyson]

Oh, what was that tool that Sansa grabbed when Ramsay was expositioning all over her during their walk? Some kind of medieval keg tapper? Are they not going to use her awesome mini-needle necklace as a weapon? It seems like she could fashion something more deadly out of pretty much anything on hand in her room.

I thought it was a knife...it isnt?

[Troy Reynolds]

When you're done could you post it or a link I'd like this on hand for arguments with friends about how got is meh.

I'll try, though I come from a slightly older generation and this new fangled internet thingy is a bit confusing, i.e. I've never actually set up a website in any form before. Also, some of the parts need to be read with an appreciation for satire. Like the Archetypal Bitch series. Those are done but I won't put them here because, if not read in the right light, a lot of people would be fairly upset.

[Edd Tollett's One Vote]

I thought it was a knife...it isnt?

I thought somebody (this thread.. another?) said they zoomed in and it was some sort of ... thing for a keg..? lol... I don't know, but I got the foreshadowing that it was probably going to be 'a weapon'

[Good Guy Garlan]

Oh, what was that tool that Sansa grabbed when Ramsay was expositioning all over her during their walk? Some kind of medieval keg tapper? Are they not going to use her awesome mini-needle necklace as a weapon? It seems like she could fashion something more deadly out of pretty much anything on hand in her room.

Here's hoping she gets to

Amazing Amy

that fucker.

[Anarchosaurus Rex]

Thank the gods, we have group therapy. Just ignore the trolls, folks. Far too many good discussions have been locked because of a few trolls.

Ding & Dong cut to Olly four times in one scene. Good lord, it's staggering how little self-awareness they have. CGI Aemon on the funeral pyre was ghastly - so sloppy and lazy. One Unsullied in the room with me cracked up while another thought they cut off his head.

Welcome to Winterhell, where Sansa's storyline has come full circle in stupidity! Now that she's being raped and beaten nightly, she's finally realized that maybe marrying the family who murdered her family and all their followers wasn't such a grand idea, after all - REVENGE notwithstanding! Seriously, when she begs Theon for help, one of the things she says is that "they betrayed my family!" Yes...yes they did...so why did you leave the safety of the Vale and offer yourself up to them, then? As if it all weren't dumb enough, instead of reaching out to the Northern Popular Front - or is it the People's Front of the North? - directly, she needlessly jeopardizes her escape by having the unstable, unreliable Reek place the candle in the tower. As a result, Reek rats her out and Granny Remembers gets flayed. Whatever, she was a stupid substitute for the North Lords, anyway. Seriously, this candle in the tower is more trouble than it's worth. Meanwhile, Brienne stands conspicuously in plain sight of Winterhell, waiting for the signal to BRIENNE SMASH.

Instead of Sam and Gilly having sex as part of their relationship's natural progression, it's after he gets thoroughly trounced in attempting to rescue her from rape - because getting punched/kicked in the face and nearly raped is so arousing. Also, apparently Jon didn't take Ghost on a dangerous mission beyond the wall...why would he do that? It's not like he might need protection or anything. Much better for this fierce beast to stay at Castle Black and do the laundry with Gilly.

Finally, Tyene consummates the Dornish fiasco with some good 'ol gratuitous nudity! When I described this scene to my girlfriend, she honestly thought I was being sarcastic and didn't believe me.

Tommen shouting at Cersei about being powerless...it's almost like he's breaking the fourth wall and shouting at Ding & Dong. "They aged up my penis but left me with the disposition of an eight year-old...a fanatical cult has staged a coup d'état and yet no one is doing anything about it...for some reason everyone keeps calling you the Queen...what...why?"

The motivstional speech in the fighting pit was practically exactly what Proximo told his gladiatiors in Gladiator.

So Saint Tyrion and Dany have met. Let the tutelage of the Mother of Dragons at the foot of the all-knowing, all-righteous Tyrion begin.

Littlefinger looking wistfully through his peephole - what, no sad cello? I felt for him. Much like us, he's looking back to better days. Sigh.

All in all, this episode was boring, as most of the season has been. I can't believe there are just three more episodes left.