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Datepalm

Dating: to play the part of the one who doesn't wait

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That's a hard one, Liff.

I think you need to be straight with her - otherwise, yeah you are (unintentionally) leading her on a bit. She probably has no idea where she stands with you right now. I think you need to tell her "hey... I really think you're great and really like being your friend. But I think I owe it to you to let you know that I'm just not looking for a relationship right now because... XYZ. Not to mention the fact that we're work colleagues."

She may take it ok and be fine with just being friends/friendly. Or she may get annoyed/upset/embarrassed. But I think it would be worse for her in the long run to just be kept in the dark as to where she stands with you.

So maybe there's no really good outcome here - just the least worst one.

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Nope, I say don't bring it up unless she does or makes moves. At least not directly, if you have a mutual closer work friend it's cool to have know, tell that person and let them blab to her if she brings it up to them. But if she doesn't do anything further you're fine.

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Yeah, you don't need to bring it up. If you aren't texting her, or inviting her out outside of work, she doesn't have any reason to think you're leading her on. Seems like she may be in to you, but if she is, she can make a move and you can let her know the situation.

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You are NOT responsible for other people's feelings.  Only your own actions.  Professionalism, courtesy and respect are all that you need maintain. 

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Thanks all, that's confirming what I wanted to do anyway i.e. stay friendly and courteous at work and otherwise just let it be. There's a reason I'm normally opposed to workplace hijinks. But then I suppose drunken office party hook-ups are a time-honoured British tradition so I guess I got to play my part in keeping the tradition alive?

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7 hours ago, Liffguard said:

Thanks all, that's confirming what I wanted to do anyway i.e. stay friendly and courteous at work and otherwise just let it be. There's a reason I'm normally opposed to workplace hijinks. But then I suppose drunken office party hook-ups are a time-honoured British tradition so I guess I got to play my part in keeping the tradition alive?

In my field, I am THE GIRL and this kind of thing happens "ON VACATION!" for my colleagues and once, for me.  I was at Cape Canaveral as a guest instead of a worker bee.   For me it was, "FIRST TIME A GIRL EVER GOT TO GO ON THIS TRIP FOR THIS ORGANIZATION!"  

I made out with a colleague after the Hubble rescue launch.  Someone saw and it turned AWFUL.  DO NOT DATE AT WORK.

 

 

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4 hours ago, Lily Valley said:

I made out with a colleague after the Hubble rescue launch.  Someone saw and it turned AWFUL.  DO NOT DATE AT WORK.

 

 

I don't know, Hubble rescue launch and "make out" in the same sentence. I am thinking MAGIC SPARKLES!!! :P

Should I put my Tinder adventures on here? Suffice to say I am still lacking a moped collection. Woe. :P

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7 hours ago, Lyanna Stark said:

I don't know, Hubble rescue launch and "make out" in the same sentence. I am thinking MAGIC SPARKLES!!! :P

Should I put my Tinder adventures on here? Suffice to say I am still lacking a moped collection. Woe. :P

I really want to read the tinder adventures 

im in a hilarious facebook group at the moment called ''swipe the FUCK right'' and i know theres another called ''swipe left to avoid a terrible fate'' where people post the hilarious profiles theyve seen on tinder and i love it 

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9 hours ago, Lyanna Stark said:

Suffice to say I am still lacking a moped collection. Woe. :P

Is that a euphemism?:huh:

Kids these days with their newfangled intertubes dating.

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I had a few weeks of tepid, slightly mopey, but ok, texting with one tinder guy - who is conveniently in Jordan - but i've let even that drop. For one thing, I can't be bothered to keep my phone charged. I have no idea how anyone has the energy for this!

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How do you know if you have somebody in the Friend Zone?  We hear so much about the FZ from the Disappointed's POV but how do you know if you are that person who is causing the dismay?

I have a particular friend (a work friend) who has been an amiable companion for 20 odd years.  I enjoy him as a friend and (mostly) as a coworker.  I don't cry on his shoulder.  I don't ask him to help me move.  Sometimes he shows generosity to me, connecting me with equipment I need, and I appreciate him for it.  He is a bachelor and I am a spinster and these circumstances do not enter into our discussions.

Many years ago, I heard it speculated that he had a thing for me.  Who can say?  He has never indicated in any way, shape, or form that he wants our relationship to be more than friendly colleagues. 

A few years ago he committed three acts of generosity in close succession and I started to get uncomfortable.  'Is he trying to gift his way into my heart? Would he do this if I was a man?'  The answer was 'yes, he would do this if I was a man.'  He does it for lots of people.  He does it because he likes to do it and he is good at it.

I understand that no one here can analyze the situation better than me.  That's not the point.  I am not asking for advice so much as exploring the question of how do you know if you are FZ'ing someone and what should you do about it?

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On 2017-3-14 at 9:19 PM, sologdin said:

before her, i had never experienced an irreplaceable and exquisite intimacy. As in the x-files, i wanted to believe.  to say that i will love her always is frivolously understated, for she became my irreducible horizon--and even though i have now stepped into the space beyond it, i still cannot see what lies therein.  that this affection was not unrequited, and remains mutual even now, only renders the abjection total.

delillo wrote in his first novel that it's easier to bury reality than to dispose of dreams.  but what happens if one's dream and the real, in the language of agamben, coincide without remainder? when one wakes into one's dream every morning, what happens when the real transforms but the dream as yet remains? does one accommodate to the real despite the persistence of the dream, or does one rather suppress the real in order to consign the dream to perdition? 

i don't know the answer, except that i can no longer bear the real; it is quite simply no longer to be borne. because this place is saturated with the memory of her as she walked out of my dream, i can accordingly no longer abide this place. 

thank you all very kindly for your forbearance all these years.  you have been constant, a home, for a long time.  i wish you the best of luck, and hope you all get what you desire.

Much love to you, my friend. You are in my thoughts. <3 <3 <3

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13 hours ago, ljkeane said:

Is that a euphemism?:huh:

Kids these days with their newfangled intertubes dating.

What? No, no euphemism. It's just a goddamn moped collection. Or in this case: the absence of. :bawl:

Just think about how useful it could be!

4 hours ago, litechick said:

How do you know if you have somebody in the Friend Zone?  We hear so much about the FZ from the Disappointed's POV but how do you know if you are that person who is causing the dismay?

I have a particular friend (a work friend) who has been an amiable companion for 20 odd years.  I enjoy him as a friend and (mostly) as a coworker.  I don't cry on his shoulder.  I don't ask him to help me move.  Sometimes he shows generosity to me, connecting me with equipment I need, and I appreciate him for it.  He is a bachelor and I am a spinster and these circumstances do not enter into our discussions.

 

I dunno, get hammered and see what happens?

(Sidenote, is shoulder crying some sort of corner stone for relationships? I feel I've been doing it wrong, for like always.)

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1 hour ago, Lyanna Stark said:

 

I dunno, get hammered and see what happens?

 

And for musical selection maybe Bonnie Raitt's "something to talk about".

Or ask to see his 'moped collection'?

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1 hour ago, larrytheimp said:

And for musical selection maybe Bonnie Raitt's "something to talk about".

Or ask to see his 'moped collection'?

Good call.

I wonder if the said 'moped collection' would be energised by an addition of tractoerotica before it parked in the downstairs garage.

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I have been thinking of you and all I am just hopping back in to wish you all well.  I've been doing pretty good.  Perpetually single and honestly quite alright with it. I guess I'd call what I've been doing ethical non-monogamy; I've been relatively happy with it, and I think that until and if I were to find someone who met my needs in one package, and made me not want or need anyone else, this will work just fine for me <3  It can happen; it just hasn't happened to me for a long time now.  But you know me.  As much as the world kicks me in the face and reels back for a gut punch, I somehow find a way to get up and try to make friends :P  

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I can't get the quote function to work, but I keep reading "moped collection" as "moping collection.  In my head there is a glass cabinet with Lyanna's, Kay Fury's and my ex-boyfriends.  They are all frowning and muttering to themselves.

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18 hours ago, Lily Valley said:

I can't get the quote function to work, but I keep reading "moped collection" as "moping collection.  In my head there is a glass cabinet with Lyanna's, Kay Fury's and my ex-boyfriends.  They are all frowning and muttering to themselves.

Hahahahahah lol

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