Hitting your kid...

[Angalin]

I will say the number one reason for kids acting badly when in stores is they are over tired. You kid throws a temper tanturm because they are over tired, that is your fault, not theirs and they should not be spanked/hit/or whatever because of that. Take them home put them down for a nap.

The other side of that equation is that adults also act badly when they're overtired; the times when I've been most stressed by the Things' behaviour have invariably been when I was exhausted too. :worried:

[Zoë Sumra]

As a non-parent I'm completely nonplussed by the time-out thing. By the time I was two I was already capable of shifting into a daydream whenever I wanted to: being told to sit still and think? *rubs hands* Eeeeeeexcellent.

[S John]

I got the cane twice at school, it hurt, an was pretty humilating. Although I never commited the same offenses again.

Was never hit by my parents though, going to bed without any dinner was plenty enough to keep me in line. That an being told I'd have to sleep in the attic.

I got paddled at school once or twice as well. Public school, too, which I think would be absolutely unheard of today. And it wasn't that long ago, late 80's, early 90's.

[Balefont]

As a non-parent I'm completely nonplussed by the time-out thing. By the time I was two I was already capable of shifting into a daydream whenever I wanted to: being told to sit still and think? *rubs hands* Eeeeeeexcellent.

But what was the result at the end of the punishment? :)

[Zoë Sumra]

But what was the result at the end of the punishment? :)

I don't ever remember being punished by my parents except being yelled at (by both parents, him much more than her, but he had a bad temper) and occasionally being spanked by my father: same for my brother and sister. I should point out that all three of us had a good relationship with our mother and a bad one with our father.

(The last time my father tried to slap me as a punishment I was seventeen. Unfortunately for him I was standing next to the drawer that held the carving knives. He never tried again. No, I didn't hurt him, but the "point" was made.)

[Mlle. Zabzie]

So, funny time out story. I got time out fairly often as a kid - I think I was pretty obnoxious and tended to sass a lot. So anyhow, we were on a family vacation at a beach house. I had done something (who knows what) and was sent over to a corner of the (large) living room to look at a fern for a while (same room as everyone else was in). Well, my mom and her sister and her cousin got to talking (and enjoying a glass of wine or three) and forgot about me. I was too afraid to move because to go anywhere I would have to pass by her and I didn't want to make it worse (whatever I had done was pretty terrible, I guess). Anyhow, they left me there for 2.5 hours. She finally had to use the bathroom (so passed by me) and let me loose. She's still guilty about that one.

[Call me Odie]

Those of you who have been spanked as kids more or less say the same thing "Yes it was humiliating" Do you want to be the one who humiliate your kid into submission?

[Happy Ent]

Oh for a copy of the old board! I’m sure we had a debate about screaming children in supermarkets ten years ago where a boarder whose name was not Lyanna Stark voiced strong opinions.

[Tears of Lys]

I still remember the kids who lived across the street from us, whose parents kept a selection of straps on a special wooden rack on the kitchen wall. I wish I would have taken a picture of it, it was **that** awesome/spine tingling. My imagination sometimes wandered to their basement where I was sure they had an Iron Maiden.

[Nichole]

As a non-parent I'm completely nonplussed by the time-out thing. By the time I was two I was already capable of shifting into a daydream whenever I wanted to: being told to sit still and think? *rubs hands* Eeeeeeexcellent.

I was this kind of child as well. Time out? Oh no, now I just get to daydream.

Don't have kids, but I think if I did I would have leave the spanking as something very low on the list for discipline. I know many people of my generation and older were raised with spanking, and are probably fine, but I think that there are better methods.

[Nukelavee]

For a thread like this everyone should re-read this post by Balefront before offering their opinion. Regardless of your life experiences or experiences, passing judgment on another person's parenting without knowing the situation is a fucked up thing to do.

You realize that goes both ways, right? So, you really can't judge people who do resort to a spanking, by that logic.

Let me repeat - I'm not saying children SHOULD be spanked, if you can control them and teach them without it, whoot! I'm saying, your experiences with spanking, or being spanked, are yours, and not universal.

Balefont - Actually, with dogs, i use "brute force". Sorta. My two basic methods involve either picking up and carrying the dog around for a while (not just the 15 pound Squiggle-pig, I did the same with my Standard Schnauzer, and my roomate's Chow), to remind them who's bigger, or I flip them on their backs, and growl with my face at their throat. It works.

Honestly, "quiet time" or groundings never worked on me or my siblings...hence, the next, and final level.

edit -

Odensina - well, yeah. Because it WORKED! I never, ever again helped myself to spare/loose change after that, because that memory always reminded me that, yeah, it was stealing, and a serious offense.

I imagine getting busted for shoplifting might be a tad more humilating, and have worse repercussions.

[Balefont]

Balefont - Actually, with dogs, i use "brute force". Sorta. My two basic methods involve either picking up and carrying the dog around for a while (not just the 15 pound Squiggle-pig, I did the same with my Standard Schnauzer, and my roomate's Chow), to remind them who's bigger, or I flip them on their backs, and growl with my face at their throat. It works.

Ceaser Milan would have a field day with you, boy.

Honestly, "quiet time" or groundings never worked on me or my siblings...hence, the next, and final level.

Actually, it sounds like there was a lot going on in your home and it wasn't so simple as some spankings. :dunno:

[Balefont]

Oh for a copy of the old board! I’m sure we had a debate about screaming children in supermarkets ten years ago where a boarder whose name was not Lyanna Stark voiced strong opinions.

That's because her name wasn't Lyanna Stark at the old board. :P

(wasn't it 'ceres'?)

[Greywolf2375]

Those of you who have been spanked as kids more or less say the same thing "Yes it was humiliating" Do you want to be the one who humiliate your kid into submission?

Instead of some random stranger doing it? yes.

[Galactus]

How about a less inflammatory thread title, eh? Hitting a child raises my hackles since I now associate spanking with hitting, and parents who spank probably don't want their disciplinary methods to be equated with hitting as well.

Spankin is hitting.

[Insomnium]

So, nobody got whacked by a giant wooden spoon on the forehead for their awful eating/chewing habits?

[Balefont]

I wonder how many morals I missed out on learning because I definitely wasn't spanked enough to have covered all of them.

[Ormond]

A few more quick random observations:

Blanket statements about what "kids" do and do not understand in regards to punishment are often unhelpful. First, you can't forget that what the average two year old is able to understand is very different from what the average six year old is able to understand.

There are also really big differences between individuals in just how words like "spanking" and "beating" are defined. As I said in one of my first posts, I am reluctant to make a statement like "spanking isn't usually harmful" because I know there are people out there who include much more severe actions in "spanking" than the average person does. On the other hand, I think that even most Americans who are not in favor of any sort of hitting as child discipline find Galactus's easy equivalence of "spanking" with "beating" to be mind-boggling.

There are also huge individual differences between children in how they react to any sort of punishment. One of the reasons that a little bit of physical correction when one is very young usually doesn't have negative consequences is because many kids do learn really quickly to avoid doing things like touching the electrical outlets from a very minor swat and so the parent doesn't need to do it more than a few times. Unfortunately, not all kids are like that.

Someone facetiously posted earlier that "all kids are sociopaths." That's very wrong, but ironically kids who have the capacity to become sociopaths are just the ones with whom physical punishment is LEAST effective. There's a lot of research out there showing that sociopaths do not learn to avoid physical pain in the way that the majority of people do. They are precisely the kids who instead of avoiding getting into trouble after being spanked will instead become even more aggressive as a result.

I also wonder if some of the cultural difference between Sweden and the USA also involves the amount of grief parents think they will get from others around them when a child is disruptive in public. I think Americans tend to believe strongly that the should never be inconvenienced by other people's children. In some other places on the Web I have seen comments where it seems a lot of Americans think it's a major imposition upon them to have a crying baby on an airplane. In the USA, a parent whose child is being really loud in public can expect to get a lot of dirty looks from other adults, and in most cases would be expected to remove the child from the store or other public space if crying or screaming goes on for more than a few seconds. Perhaps part of Swedish culture is that other adults are more likely to put up with being around screaming children whose parents are dealing with it in the way Lyanna describes.

[Greywolf2375]

Spankin is hitting.

Yes it is, but there is a significant difference between a smack on the bottom and a punch in the head.

[Nukelavee]

Not concerned with Cesar, actually, he has his idea's, I have mine. The thing is, it's how dogs make a point to each other, thru demonstrations of strength. They understand it.

It's the same principle I use dealing with children - on a level that makes sense to them. And dogs and children love me.

Problems in my family? No, not at all. Although thanks for a totally groundless concept of my childhood. Punishment didn't happen that often, but grounding never worked. Couldn't make me be on time for dinner, or do my homework, or any of the myriad small things children should do, but don't.