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Bastard Walder

Hitting your kid...

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Do you think it is okay to hit your kid?

Yes, I support it, as long as its your kid and not someone else's kid. No I'm not a fan of beating your kids, but I find it hard to believe spanking or swatting upside the head could cause emotional trauma. No fucking way. Let's say your 6 year old son throws a temper tantrum and pulls a banister from the staircase. It'll cost hundreds of dollars to fix. Do you really think a timeout is a suitable punishment? And don't give me that 6 year olds don't know what they're doing, yes they fucking do, I was 6 once.

This is kind of a rant but this topic just really infuriates me.

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A spanking is not the same thing as a swat upside the head. You don't hit kids in the head.

And sometimes timeout is suitable for everyone. Even Dad needs a timeout to get his emotions in check and his head right before dealing with a six year old.

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Lets see. Can a adult spank an employee for misbehaving?

Can a judge swat a thief?

A husband hit his wife, or a wife hit her husband?

Is there one other single place in society where violence is the allowed method of correction? Yet you want to know if it is ok to use it on the most helpless?

I dunno, have to think on the question.

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Kairparavel is absolutely right. You don't hit kids in the head. As a matter of fact, you shouldn't hit ANYONE of any age in the head unless it's a definite matter of self-defense or defending the helpless from immediate attack. Brain injury is a serious thing, and you never know when you might slip and a "swat upside the head" becomes something that causes real damage. We're not talking "emotional trauma" here but problems with basic brain functions.

A "swat on the bottom" right after doing something dangerous isn't going to cause a six year old any important harm. But I hesitate to really endorse it because there's too many people out there who take anything said positively about "spanking" as an indication that beating the kid's bottom black and blue is OK.

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I am truly at a loss how one is supposed to teach children that violence is not OK when you then turn around and hit them.

In case there is any ambiguity I believe that smacking children is wrong. As has been said up thread there is no other social interaction where you are allowed to hit the other person if you think they're out of line.

N

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As a matter of fact, you shouldn't hit ANYONE of any age in the head

It has been my life's experience that there are some people that greatly benefit by a swift boot to the head. People who hit their kids in the head are among those better served.

I do not see a problem with a swat on the legs or behind though, especially in younger children that you are trying to protect from greater danger. Sometimes a controlled conditioned pain response for behavior can be a good thing. An example of this is if you see a toddler trying to stick something in a light socket. The memory of a swat could be just enough discouragement to save the childs life in the future.

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BW,

No way, it's not OK. It's the opposite of OK.

Kids also learn from their parents actions, and you just told him/her it's fine to hit people that angers you. You are an adult so your kid will look to you for guidance, you should try to teach your child patience instead - by showing it yourself.

Everyone has a right to feel safe in their own home, especially children, especially from their parents.

Is it OK if someone else hits your kid because of something he/she did?

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It has been my life's experience that there are some people that greatly benefit by a swift boot to the head. People who hit their kids in the head are among those better served.

I figured I'd covered that with "defending the helpless from immediate attack." :)

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BW,

No way, it's not OK. It's the opposite of OK.

Kids also learn from their parents actions, and you just told him/her it's fine to hit people that angers you. You are an adult so your kid will look to you for guidance, you should try to teach your child patience instead - by showing it yourself.

Everyone has a right to feel safe in their own home, especially children, especially from their parents.

Is it OK if someone else hits your kid because of something he/she did?

If parents choose alternatives to spanking for discipline, all the power to them. But honestly, this whole feeling safe thing? Really? I fear people go too far the other way sometimes. Spanking is not hitting is not abuse. Really.

And as a child who was spanked, I can tell you I didn't then turn around and spank my younger sisters when they were bad. Nor did I hit my friends or strangers when they were bad or made me angry. And I certainly didn't live in fear in my home. And I'm betting many of the people on this very board who were spanked can tell you the same thing.

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Man, I'm in my twenties now, and my mom still hits me.

You don't want your kid to turn out like me, do you?

Spending all his free time trying to figure out what drove Nil'Giccas to live on the sufferance of his cousins in Cil Aujus, or what the No-God is.

On a more serious note:

The point raised about how you can't hit anyone else, so why should you be allowed to hit your kid interests me.

I counter with:

Because you can beat your slaves, and children remain the only legal slaves in the Western-world.

Or something.

On the other hand, it's always a bad idea to hit young children on account of their failure to understand the Logos. But older children apprehend the Logos, though intuitively. Action and reaction, cause and effect. That hitting (older) kids causes any sort of psychological damage, I'm skeptical, since my, my father at least, not my mother, was beaten by his strict parents when he was young, but he turned out fine, as did most of his generation (this was in Pakistan, not America, kids get hit at home, at school, at the masjid!)

But the argument of whether it's right on the other hand, is more persuasive to me. Until I remind myself right and wrong do not exist. In which case, do whatever, you could eat your children if you wish, and it would have no moral quality to me. That others might punish you for it, is always something to keep in mind when judging the results of actions. Therefore, I suggest that attempting to do the least harm, to prevent harm to yourself (entirely selfish basis the Golden Rule minus any moral dimensions) is a way to go about things (unless you do not care about being harmed, in which case do as you wish). No one wants a resentful or angry child to murder them in their sleep.

My can of green tea is empty, I must open another. I'm thinking of napping.

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Lets see. Can a adult spank an employee for misbehaving?

Can a judge swat a thief?

A husband hit his wife, or a wife hit her husband?

Is there one other single place in society where violence is the allowed method of correction? Yet you want to know if it is ok to use it on the most helpless?

I dunno, have to think on the question.

I don't necessarily disagree with your point, but I don't buy your argument. Most any method of correction that is applied to a child is socially unacceptable and often illegal to enforce upon an adult unless you are in law enforcement. The only thing left is a stern talking to and intellectual argument.

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As you can see from the pic I have a toddler. A toddler I love and adore but drives me crazy from time to time. Im not a professional and I don't like to pass judgement on others. Spanking is one method of discipline but I have found a technique called holding works pretty good.

You take the child on your lap and cross your legs over theirs and hold both arms with yours (kinda like a straight jacket) and let them scream and yell and whatever until they get it out of their system. Let them know it's ok to scream but also let them know you are the boss.

My kid hates the process but when he's done with his fit he is a happy little guy. It also gives me time to cool my temper as well.

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If parents choose alternatives to spanking for discipline, all the power to them. But honestly, this whole feeling safe thing? Really? I fear people go too far the other way sometimes. Spanking is not hitting is not abuse. Really.

And as a child who was spanked, I can tell you I didn't then turn around and spank my younger sisters when they were bad. Nor did I hit my friends or strangers when they were bad or made me angry. And I certainly didn't live in fear in my home. And I'm betting many of the people on this very board who were spanked can tell you the same thing.

I have to agree to a point. I was spanked a lot as a child and although the spanking didn't scare me the uncontrolled anger of my mother did. But I turned out ok. And I don't go around hitting other people.

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I don't necessarily disagree with your point, but I don't buy your argument. Most any method of correction that is applied to a child is socially unacceptable and often illegal to enforce upon an adult unless you are in law enforcement. The only thing left is a stern talking to and intellectual argument.

I disagree. Lets take the work place as one example. Some options for correction.

1. explain the consiquences of the action- works for child and adult.

2. Threaten to take something away if correction isnt made- Toy/hours or bonus possibility

3. Time out- Time out/suspension from work.

The range of the corrections changes, but the thought stays the same. Violence needed for any- None.

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If you hit kids you are scum. Simple as.

That's a noble sentiment, but that's laying a pretty broad brush on, say, the parents of a non-trivial number of boarders. Like my own. They didn't lash out and hit me in sudden anger. They spanked me. Which meant they'd tell me that I had done something that warranted a spanking, and then they carried it out when it was possible. So it was treated like a punishment and not as a simple act of anger. And no, I don't hit other people now.

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2 year old reaches for the hot stove top top/fire place/outlet. A quick slap on the back of their hand and they pull away without seriously hurting themselves. You then try to explain to the kid that it would hurt to do that. (not that kids understand a lot) Not abuse.

Kid runs to the road, a quick smack on the bottom to get their attention. Then talk to them. Not abuse.

Kid breaks something and you are pissed and you hit them---even spanking at this point---is wrong.

Children should never be hit because YOU are angry or embarassed.

eta: or embarassed.

in 10 years of babysitting and 25 years of parenting (with widely spread out ages, so I now have a 25 yr old and a 9 yr old) I will say the number one reason for kids acting badly when in stores is they are over tired. You kid throws a temper tanturm because they are over tired, that is your fault, not theirs and they should not be spanked/hit/or whatever because of that. Take them home put them down for a nap.

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