Derfel Cadarn Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 The date I mentioned in the previous thread looks extremely unlikely :(Our emails on Tuesday agreed to meet on Sunday. On Thursday I suggested a wine bar. No reply. On Friday, nothing either. On Saturday morning, knowing the date was only one day away, I sent another email suggesting a time and asking if she was still up for going out. No reply.She's been online a lot so it's not as if she's not getting my messages. I'm not sure what was so offensive about suggesting meeting in a wine bar. I can only assume it's something else. I have to admit to being pretty pissed. Messages being ignored is par for the course in online dating, but surely when a date's been agreed it's only common courtesy to email back at some point even if only to say that person is no longer interested?Even more annoying, I went to considerable effort arranging a shift swap tomorrow to get me out my nightshift. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seventh Pup Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 This happened to me twice. Once after I'd gone on a good first date with a guy, we'd agreed on a second date, a few days after the fact. Email, text and phone calls where all exchanged. Then total silence kicked in. I emailed him and called him, a few times as I truly did not understand he was blowing me off. We'd agreed on the day and time but not the place or activity. I emailed him some suggestions. Then never heard from him again. But yeah, just silence, never an explanation as to what went wrong in between first date, and second agreed upon date. The second time I got actually stood up, it was a miscommunication, and we ended up meeting at a later time. But yeah that sucked too. Dating sometimes sucks. It is true. But just dust yourself off and get back out there. She obviously wasn't the right one. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seventh Pup Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 That is one possiblity. Or she may have met someone in the mean time. Or she may have converted to the religion of the Great Spaghetti Monster and now only want to date strictly within the religion.I personally don't think the suggestion of a wine bar is a very risque place to meet for a first date. Though I personally didn't drink on first dates and so tended suggest things not alcohol related. If she didn't drink but was genuinely interested I think she would have sent a message suggesting something else. No for some reason she probably lost interest. You will never know why and it's best to not take it personally and move on. Honestly the fact that she knew your name, and never gave you hers is a bit of a red flag.Dating is hard sometimes, and can be tough on the ego. But stuff like this just happens. Try to keep positive. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 The only thing I have to insert about dating is that I'm terrible at it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lany Freelove Cassandra Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 I know it shouldn't, but the thread title keeps making me giggle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IheartTesla Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 I had a date with a lady but she had to bail, and when I tried setting something up the next weekend, much the same way you did, she wouldn't respond to my messages (we'd been on one date and we agreed to meet again later). Consequently, someone else contacted me because she found my profile interesting. Nothing ever came of that too...no wait, we got married three months ago.That's just the way online dating is, sometimes when one door closes the other one leads to the wedding-industrial complex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 Never go to meet up with a girl you've never met before if you don't drive. Especially not by bus. I learned this the hard way a whole ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derfel Cadarn Posted September 8, 2013 Author Share Posted September 8, 2013 It's possible she doesn't drink.She mentioned liking wine in her profile, and before suggesting the wine bar I did ask if she preferred a coffee place or a bar, and got a noncommittal answer. But in future I'll err on caution and go for a coffee place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Every Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 She mentioned liking wine in her profile, and before suggesting the wine bar I did ask if she preferred a coffee place or a bar, and got a noncommittal answer. But in future I'll err on caution and go for a coffee place.A wine bar sounds perfectly fine to me, particularly if you knew she liked wine. Like Mandy said, a guy talking excessively about drinking, and especially making any sort of 'drinking = sex!' comments is hugely offputting, but unless you did that then I would assume it wasn't anything to do with you and move on.So I have a question: I may have given a guy the impression that I was interested, when I'm not really (or at least not right now, it's not a great time). I enjoy his company and I want to be friends with him, though. How do I gently disabuse him of the notion that I want more right at this minute?Um, so basically what I'm asking is a) would I be a terrible person to friendzone someone with the possibility of unfriendzoning them later, and B) how? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 I have to agree with Every, that doesn't sound like a dealbreaker even if it's a problem. Don't know why she isn't answering you, and it sucks, but it happens and you should just ignore it.Every: Did you go on date(s) with this guy or do you know him from elsewhere? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Walker Texas Ranger Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 If you're getting frustrated with online dating, my advice is to be patient and pkay the numbers game. When I was using okcupid, ine fourth to one third of my messages got a response (which I understand is higher than average). Of those ine fourth I ended up meeting in person (lower than average.) Of those half I saw for a second date and only one turned into something serious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Every Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 Every: Did you go on date(s) with this guy or do you know him from elsewhere?I've just started at a new grad school in a new country, and we're all doing a lot of group events and pub nights to get to know each other. I got on with this guy really well the first time we met, spent most of the night talking to him, but I thought about it a bit when I got home and decided that starting anything right now is a bad idea. We're all going to have to spend the next few years together, none of us really know each other yet, it's just not great timing. Since then he's been sending me some flirty faceook messages, which I've tried to turn more towards the 'friendly' track but haven't quite succeeded, and at the last couple of group meet ups (25+ people) he's been around me almost the entire time. When I got up and moved to another part of the group, he followed me. It was a little annoying actually, I wanted to meet more people and he was monopolising my time a bit.I like him, I don't want to hurt his feelings, and y'know, maybe a few months down the track... ? But not now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isis Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 Obvious answer is: tell the guy that you like him but you want to focus on your work and don't plan on dating ANYONE at the moment, sorry for any confusion. No hard feelings? Can we be friends? DON'T mention changing your mind sometime in the future as that's not fair and will just confuse the situation. Pretty sure that if you do change your mind later you'll be able to sort that out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derfel Cadarn Posted September 8, 2013 Author Share Posted September 8, 2013 *beats chest* Oh, woe is me... *okcupid app message notification buzzes*. Ah, girl 2 has replied.A surprise given she's 9 years younger than me and I'm 4 years older than her max age criteria. Her profile shows her as only replying very selectively. I only sent the message because I decided what the hell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ser Rodrigo Belmonte Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 I don't get it man, what's really the difference between 30 and 34?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry of the Lawn Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 I don't get it man, what's really the difference between 30 and 34??Not much or a whole lot, it depends. It's more a maturity thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zelticgar Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 This online dating stuff seems pretty interesting. I've been married for many years so it is tough to even remember how we met girls. I recall my standard operating procedure was usually to wait around long enough into the evening until the girls got drunk and lowered their standards :)I hear all the people at work talking about their eharmony, Jdate, and Christian Mingle adventures. Seems like the internet has made dating so much easier. The pool of available partners is so much larger.Regarding the sudden change in interest. I would just chalk it up to timing. She probably met someone that she clicked with and wants to focus on that person for now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli Fury Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 I had someone add me on Facebook and start messaging me (he saw a picture of me on a mutual friend's wall). He flirted pretty hard and we went on a couple dates. He is attractive (to me anyway, which means be looks like a tattooed dirty punk), and he's a chef which I like because I am radioactive in the kitchen. My bff Lars, after a couple dates, notices this guy liking stuff on my Facebook and recognizes him as his babymomma's ex. Who was cheating on this dude with Lars. They broke up when he found out. Lars is my best friend.This won't be awkward at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Persicaria Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 I'm doing the online dating thing now, but I have yet to meet anyone in person. How do you actually overcome the nerves to meet people online? I mean I'm not exactly friends with a lot guys, or a lot of people for that matter(I'm a classical wallflower). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seventh Pup Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 Think of an activity that you enjoy doing that is in a public place. Like a walk around a park, or walk through a market, or visiting a book store, going to dim sum, visiting the zoo, etc. Personally I always chose something either free or very inexpensive for the meet up date. I would always walk around Green Lake in Seattle and grab a cup of coffee. If the date was a bust, at least I still got a walk around Green Lake and good cup of coffee. It cost almost nothing, had a start and end point, and if was very public so I felt safe. Everyone is different, but this worked well me. In the end you just ask someone to meet. But try to stack the deck in your favor by having suggestions of things you like to do. Good luck!ETA:My reading comprehension is not great this morning Kay. Was Lars the other man? Or was New Guy the other man?It's a small world, sometimes. Sorry that sounds like a sucky situation to be in. Good luck either way. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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