Dating 5: Insert something interesting

[Derfel Cadarn]

I'm doing the online dating thing now, but I have yet to meet anyone in person. How do you actually overcome the nerves to meet people online? I mean I'm not exactly friends with a lot guys, or a lot of people for that matter(I'm a classical wallflower).

I'm pretty shy, but after 4 days just asked. As detailed in the previoust thread I had to postpone. The date was re-arranged for today but as detailed above didn't happen. Just ask, and if concerned pick something casual.

[Kelli Fury]

7th pup- Lars was the other man. The current harem roster is chock full of awkward mutual acquaintance.

Such as-

-dude my bestie stole a girl from. Also dated the ex of a recent alumnus of the harem. Knows my boss.

-apprentice to the guy who is widely regarded as my boss' nemesis (which is not exactly the case). I was unaware he was industry for some time. Models for one of my photographers.

-best friend to my high school ex boyfriend

And I expelled one this week because he set a car on fire. You may be thinking, "Fury, is that the guy who stabbed some people?" And no, no it isn't. So I have dated in the recent past a stabber and an arsonist.

[Seventh Pup]

Awkard, does New Dude know you are best friends with the guy that broke up his relationship? If he's cool with it I guess just let it ride, but trust your instincts. Good luck with that it sounds sticky. :)

[Seventh Pup]

Second guy didn't work out?

[Littlefingers In The Air]

I'm doing the online dating thing now, but I have yet to meet anyone in person. How do you actually overcome the nerves to meet people online? I mean I'm not exactly friends with a lot guys, or a lot of people for that matter(I'm a classical wallflower).

I met my girlfriend through the online dating scene. The important thing to do is to make sure you're comfortable with meeting them. If you're are, find something you can do with them that a third wheel can tag along to, so you at least have someone there you are familiar with. Don't ever agree to meet privately with someone you have never met. Other than that, use your best judgment.

[Persicaria]

Thank you guys! I will definitely keep in mind the advice about public places. Not sure who I could ask to be a third wheel though; I've got one friend that is single, but she's a bit of a chatterbox (she'd probably end up talking more to my date than me).

[Seventh Pup]

I've been the third wheel for people, but never had a third wheel myself. I didn't usually let the guy know where I live, we would meet somewhere very popular and public it didn't really give out any information about me. I always did the meet ups during the day on either Saturday or Sunday to make sure a lot of people would be about. Never had any kind of problem.

[Arch-MaesterPhilip]

I'm really reluctant to do the internet dating thing. I've had a couple friends of friends on Facebook express interest and have gone on a couple but their always one offs. The last good date I went on was a few years ago with a former classmate. I got scared and never called her again.

[TerraPrime]

So I have a question: I may have given a guy the impression that I was interested, when I'm not really (or at least not right now, it's not a great time). I enjoy his company and I want to be friends with him, though. How do I gently disabuse him of the notion that I want more right at this minute?

Um, so basically what I'm asking is a) would I be a terrible person to friendzone someone with the possibility of unfriendzoning them later, and B) how?

Honesty and tact seem to be the best combo.

"Hey, I enjoyed our time spent together, but I just want to clarify something here: I am not really looking for a boyfriend. I'd hate to have accidentally misled you to think otherwise, and I know I sometimes manage to do that without intending to. So I hope this sets the boundaries clear and we can continue to socialize."

As others suggest, I wouldn't add the "I might change my mind later on." Tha's just sending mixed signals. If you do want to date him later, just tell him "well, after getting to know you better, I feel like I'd want to start a real dating relationship with you. How do you feel about it?"

[all swedes are racist]

Well Kay, you got me beat there. I haven't been focusing on the dating thing so much lately, myself. Kind of burnt out to be honest.

Hey yo! *rimshot*

[Lightning Lord]

Maybe if he were to fend off an attaching sabre-tooth tiger instead of ranting at an unattentive server he would get a more favorable reaction from his sister's hot friend? :dunno:

Silly Daikon and your non-English-speaking ways... I think you meant "attached" here. You're lucky that you're so cute! I don't see what the sabre-tooth tiger's relationship status has to do with anything. Or do you mean it is affixed to something, like a wall, or table? That would make it easier to fend off.

Personally, I swoon when a manly man of angry powerful manliness bests a sabre-tooth tiger in hand-to-paw combat, but ONLY if he does so whilst cheering loudly for a manly sports team and demanding that the womens wash the dishes and make him a sandwich. Then, despite my hetero status, I get all aquiver.

[Inigima]

Thank you guys! I will definitely keep in mind the advice about public places. Not sure who I could ask to be a third wheel though; I've got one friend that is single, but she's a bit of a chatterbox (she'd probably end up talking more to my date than me).

I don't recommend the third wheel thing. Just make it somewhere public, and if you're concerned you can make it something super casual like coffee. If it isn't good, you can exit stage left, and if things are good and you want to keep talking you can suggest moving to a restaurant or whatever.

[deleted01]

My aunt used to meet a lot of guys from online dating sites, and she always chose a particular pub that had 3 exits, and the bar staff knew her well. She said she'd just "nip to the loo", signal to one of the staff and dash out of one of the exits :laugh:

I think pubs are a great place for dates over here, especially as not drinking is a non-issue the majority of the time.

[Inigima]

Yeah for real. If you are sneaking out of the date then it had better be the most horrific experience you've ever had and then some. I wouldn't even leave a bad date early unless it was really bad. If you aren't into them, act like a functioning adult and make conversation until it's time to go.

[TerraPrime]

I know we all laugh about this sort of thing, but I really do think that is horribly rude. If someone is scary, or just terribly rude, then yeah, leave. But unless you feel like you're potentially in harm's way, i think the normal human, non-asshole response to ending a date early is to actually speak to the other person and tell them you're ending the date early.

Yup.

ETA :

Re: Ini

Yes, if the date is just boring, then soldier through and sit through the dinner, drink, or coffee.

Or if the date is offensive and rude, then tell them right away that the date is ending.

If the date is threatening, or makes you feel unsafe, then sure, sneak out the back.

My gods, is it really this hard? Shouldn't this be, like, basic minimal level of human decency?

[deleted01]

I think it was just when she got the creeps from someone. And there are a lot of creepy guys in Ponders End.

Anyway I see your point.

[Isis]

I don't recommend the third wheel thing. Just make it somewhere public, and if you're concerned you can make it something super casual like coffee. If it isn't good, you can exit stage left, and if things are good and you want to keep talking you can suggest moving to a restaurant or whatever.

Couldn't agree more. It says a lot of things about the person who brings a third wheel. Bad things.

I know we all laugh about this sort of thing, but I really do think that is horribly rude. If someone is scary, or just terribly rude, then yeah, leave. But unless you feel like you're potentially in harm's way, i think the normal human, non-asshole response to ending a date early is to actually speak to the other person and tell them you're ending the date early. No offense, but I hope that your aunt and anyone else who has ever done this has this done to them at least once in their lives. it can't be the greatest feeling.

It's pretty rude, yes. And much like other passive forms of 'communication' it provides zero feedback to the person who is 'in the wrong'. Possibly they might be interested to know if there is something they are doing that is so very offensive to potential partners.

I have a friend who did a runner from a date because the guy had lied to her about multiple things (age, height, etc) and she was really angry about the deception and she had nothing in common with him. I'm not saying she's right (I wouldn't have done it) but she felt he deserved that treatment. But this same girl did a runner from a one night stand when she discovered the guy she'd gone home with was naturally ginger - he'd bleached his hair (on his head!) blond. I don't condone that one in any way. Obviously.

[Maithanet]

But this same girl did a runner from a one night stand when she discovered the guy she'd gone home with was naturally ginger - he'd bleached his hair (on his head!) blond.

Oh I totally support that move. One time, I found out a woman's hair wasn't naturally green and black. I snuck out her window afterwards, she was a lying liar who lies.

[Seventh Pup]

Doing a runner on a one night stand seems less terrible to me. Perhaps because I've never had a one night stand...

[Seventh Pup]

I guess I was just picturing a scenario where both knew it was a one night stand, and she crept out while he was sleeping. Assuming both where aware that it was a casual one time thing, it didn't seem as bad, as leaving someone who you are on a proper date with. Both seem kind of selfish, and inconsiderate, but in the one night stand situation at least The Ginger probably didn't have an expectation that it would might lead to something else.