The Wolf Maid Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 That was absolutely fantastic, Zap. Moral celery indeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaxom 1974 Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 Zap FTW! That was spectacular! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of the Wineskin Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 Preparer of food *giggles in a masculine way, full of truthiness* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill Foote Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 Tough QotD to follow. Does Jagang control his minions directly (whether all the time or when needed to taunt his enemies)? Are the heroes aware of how this control works before the scene, they seem surprised by the turn of events? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lightsnake Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 They've seen Jag Jag do it before Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zap Rowsdower Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 Thank you for the compliments. My self esteem took a steep dive after I relized I had been spending hours writing what is essentially Goodkind fanfic. I really needed the morale boost. Switching topics, does anyone else picture Richard dressed like Hans Conried, as he appeared in the 5000 Fingers of Dr. T, whever the books describe Richard in his war wizard "outfit"? I just can't get the image of Richard being dressed by Kahlan and some Mord-Sith while he sings Doe-Me-Doe Duds. Come on and dress me, dress me, dress me, in my finest array! Cause just in case you haven't heard Today is doe-me-doe day! Dress me in my silver garters, dress me in my diamond studs Cause I'm going doe-me-doe-ing in my doe-me-doe duds! I want my undulating undies with the maribou frills! I want my beautiful bolero with the porcupine quills! I want my purple nylon girdle with the orange blossom buds Cause I'm going doe-me-doe-ing in my doe-me-doe duds! Come on and dress me! dress me! dress me! In my peek-a-boo blouse With the lovely inner lining made of Chesapeake mouse! I want my polka-dotted dickie with the crinolin fringe For I'm going doe-me-doe-ing on a doe-me-doe binge! I want my lavender spats and in addition to them I want my honey-colored gosset with the herring bone hem I want my softest little jacket made of watermelon suede And my long persimmon placket with the platinum braid I want my leg of mutton sleeves and in addition to those I want my cutie chamois booties with the leopard skin bows I want my pink brocaded bodice with the floofy fuzzy ruffs And my gorgeous bright blue bloomers With the monkey feather cuffs I want my organdy snood and in addition to that I want my chiffon Mother Hubbard lined with Hudson Bay rat Dress me up from top to bottom, dress me up from tip to toe Dress me up in silk and spinach for today is doe-me-doe day! DOE-ME-DOE DAY! So come and dress me in the blossoms of a million pink trees! Come on and dress me up in liverwurst! and camembert cheese! Come on and dress me up in pretzels, dress me up in bock beer suds! Cause I'm gooooo-ing --doe-me-dooooooooo-ing-- in my doe-me-doe duds! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xray the Enforcer Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 ZOMG. Zap you are my fucking hero. Battle: ConDar Ball Crunch!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stego Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 I once masturbated thinking about Mord Sith. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faceless Dude Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: All Hail Zap! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill Foote Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 They've seen Jag Jag do it before Oh, then it makes even less sense Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xray the Enforcer Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 I once masturbated thinking about Mord Sith. (although that is far preferable to Kahlan in her naked battle array.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeanMrMustard Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 Ayn Rand QOTD (Atlas Shrugged): "Dagny," he was saying, standing at the window, as if looking out at the peaks, not of mountains, but of time, "the rebirth of d'Anconia Copper--and of the world--has to start here, in the United States. This country was the only country in history born, not of chance and blind tribal warfare, but as a rational product of man's mind. This country was built on the supremacy of reason--and, for one magnificent century, it redeemed the world. It will have to do so again. The first step of d'Anconia Copper, as of any other human value, has to come from here--because the rest of of the earth has reached the consummation of the beliefs it has held through the ages: mystic faith, the supremacy of the irrational, which has but two monuments at the end of its course: the lunatic asylum and the graveyard. . . . Sebastian d'Anconia commited one error: he accepted a system which declared that the property he had earned by right, was to be his, not by right, but by permission. His descendants paid for that error. I have made the last payment. . . . I think that I will see the day when, growing out from the root of this soil, the mines, the smelters, the ore docks of d'Anconia Copper will spread again through the world and down to my native country, and I will be the first to start my country's rebuilding. I may see it, but I cannot be certain. No man can predict the time when others will choose to return to reason. It may be at the end of my life, I shall have established nothing but this single mine--d'Anconia Copper No. 1, Galt's Gulch, Colorado, U.S.A. But, Dagny, do you remember that my ambition was to double my father's production of copper? Dagny, if at the end of my life, I produce but one pound of copper a year, I will be richer than my father, richer than all my ancestors with all their thousands of tons--because that one pound will be mine by right and will be used to maintain a world that knows it! (Rand's ellipses and italics) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Werthead Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 This parody was inspired by this previous quote of the day. I dedicate this parody to the Mad Moose for all of his valient efforts to warn unwary readers about the dangers of Goodkindism. Sorry if it is a little rough around the edges, but I didn't realize it was going be so darn long and I was too lazy to give it anything more than a brief onceover to check it for mistakes. For those of you who have not tried it, writing about Goodkind's characters is just as painful as reading about them. Without further delay, I give you Moral Celery Battle! Next year's Hugo Award for Best Short Story? Or do they just need to introduce Best Pisstake Award? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcelo Rebelo Firqoralas Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 Ayn Rand QOTD (Atlas Shrugged): (Rand's ellipses) Wow. Just wow. The mind reels at the thought of there actually being people who takes this stuff seriously. Moral celery indeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wolf Maid Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 Tough QotD to follow. Does Jagang control his minions directly (whether all the time or when needed to taunt his enemies)? Are the heroes aware of how this control works before the scene, they seem surprised by the turn of events? I think Jagang has done it before, but I can't recall exactly when... I just can't get the image of Richard being dressed by Kahlan and some Mord-Sith while he sings Doe-Me-Doe Duds. Zap, if there were Nobel Prizes awarded for TG (BBNC) parodies, you and MinDonner would win. Richard in dress...*dies at the mental image* I once masturbated thinking about Mord Sith. ....I'm sorry...that's just....disturbing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dothwacky Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 OMG I come back from two weeks of lounging about on a beach and the goodkind thread is fading.... :cry: Zap, classic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tagot Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 OMG I come back from two weeks of lounging about on a beach and the goodkind thread is fading.... :cry: It always fades on weekends because of the lack of a QOTD. It should be back up to full steam tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
koudoulis Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 some of you in here deserve their very own "...... is a god'' board. Seriously guys have you considered it? if ever you need money you have an audience waiting.... this thread is relentless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VigoTheCarpathian Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 I'm hoping someone other than myself has a passing familiarity with "War", by Edwin Starr War! Wizards! yeah What are they good for? Deus Ex Machina Magic Uh-huh War! Wizards! yeah What are they good for? Sexy wizard outfits Say it again y'all War Wizard, Dick Rahl, ya'll What is he good for? Kickin face of children Listen to me! Ohhh? War! He enjoys Because it means destruction Of innocent lives War wizards mean tears to thousands of mothers eyes When their sons go to fight and Richard ends their lives I said - War Wizard Rahl, ya'll! What he good for? Making long speeches Say it again War Wizard, Lord Rahl... What is he good for Justifyin' torture Listen to me! War! Who wants to meet the Bringer of Death War! Friend only to lovers of Truth Communism! It's an enemy to all mankind Emperor Jagang will dreamwalk your mind Richard has caused unrest in the younger generation Induction then destruction- Who wants to die next? Ohhh? War Wizard Rahl, y'all! What is he good for? Killin people-centipedes Say it, Say it, Say it War Wizard Rahl, huh! What is he good for? Always getting captured Listen to me! War! Your freedom is at stake War! You either join us, or get gang-raped Pacifism has shattered many nation's back Made it weak, lazy, and easy to attack Life is too precious to be protesting wars these days Protest for peace, Richard'll take your life away War Wizard Rahl y'all What is he good for? Always losin his powers Say it again War! Wizard, Lord Rahl... What he it good for Showin moral clarity Listen to me! War! Who wants to meet the Bringer of Death War! Friend only to lovers of Truth Peace Love and Understanding; are for hippies, commies, and gays Richard wants you to fight to keep your freedom He'll kill your ass if you suggest a different way War! Huh Dick Rahl, y'all What is he good for? You tell me Say it, Say it, Say it War Wizard Rahl y'all What he good for? Stand up and shout it. 12 books of Nothing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Be'lal Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 Zap, f*iing hilarious. I think that people missed the point about Lyle. Cara had control of his magic. Even though Jagang was in him, he couldn't use magic at his own behest anymore. So he charged Khalan to...what? Pummel her with his tiny fists? That's threatening. Violet is the same. He doesn't kick her when she is torturing him, he kicks her when she sticks her tounge out at him. And Denimin Nass was dead. He died the instant Khalan touched him. Making the nameless one who replaced him eat his own testicles was not in any way justified. He had not comitted any crime, and if he ever did, it would be at her command. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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