Littlefingers In The Air Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Colombian Bookstore Gal is back in town for college and inviting me out for drinks and pizza. I'm so disillusioned with dating that I can't even muster up the energy to care, though. I think I'll politely decline. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted September 4, 2015 Author Share Posted September 4, 2015 There have been times where I thought that there were no suitable men out there, and despaired that the only men who found me attractive were 60, or ones that I wasn't attracted to. Yep. This was so much easier in my 20s. Maybe i should get back onto OKC. I just don't have TIME for this shit though. IDK. It's not that often that I feel the lack of a partner. Just occasional things like, if I'm spending a weekend hacking down rose briars, it occurs to me that this would be more fun to do if I had some dude helping out. But then, I was fucking married and my husband never helped with stuff like that anyway, so meh. And realistically, I only have about 3 spare evenings a week anyway, and I need those for shit like doing groceries and laundry and washing my hair and reading books and whatnot. Seriously dunno if it's worth expending the time on meeting some random assholes who will probably be boring anyway. /Friday night melancholy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elder Sister Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Min, I can ask Hal if he knows somebody if you're interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted September 4, 2015 Author Share Posted September 4, 2015 Ha, imaginary boyfriends I got covered, but thanks! For a fact, they are much more convenient than real ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Colombian Bookstore Gal is back in town for college and inviting me out for drinks and pizza. I'm so disillusioned with dating that I can even muster up the energy to care, though. I think I'll politely decline. Unless you think she is going to be wanting more than you will want to give, I think when you are feeling that way is a good time to spend some time with someone whose company is comfortable and fun. And I'm not talking sex, although that can help too - I just had the impression she wasn't stressful company. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Unless you think she is going to be wanting more than you will want to give, I think when you are feeling that way is a good time to spend some time with someone whose company is comfortable and fun. And I'm not talking sex, although that can help too - I just had the impression she wasn't stressful company. You're right about her: she's very pleasant company, and she's never been pushy about sex. I just don't want to bring her down with any negative energy I might bring around. I'm gonna try to improve my vibes and then hang out with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 You're right about her: she's very pleasant company, and she's never been pushy about sex. I just don't want to bring her down with any negative energy I might bring around. I'm gonna try to improve my vibes and then hang out with her. Ah I misunderstood, I thought you were saying no to seeing her again ever rather than not tonight. Hope you get back to a better place soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 You're right about her: she's very pleasant company, and she's never been pushy about sex. I just don't want to bring her down with any negative energy I might bring around. I'm gonna try to improve my vibes and then hang out with her. This is basically how I feel about dating anyone now. I just feel like I wouldn't have anything to give but negative depressive energy and I don't want anyone else to have to deal with that :( Even if I had the guts to ask out someone I genuinely liked, I wouldn't at this point, because of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deleted01 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Well my negative energy levels are like a tidal wave at the moment, and I'm worried that it's affecting my relationship. But, for better or worse and all that jazz. That's what I'm telling myself anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The guy from the Vale Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 While negative emotions are of course an issue, one way of dealing with them can be hanging out with people you like hanging out with. It's a bit of a vicious circle to not try to get into contact with people. Or, as they say around here: Shared pain is halved pain. Shared bliss is doubled bliss ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Tiger Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 While negative emotions are of course an issue, one way of dealing with them can be hanging out with people you like hanging out with. It's a bit of a vicious circle to not try to get into contact with people. Or, as they say around here: Shared pain is halved pain. Shared bliss is doubled bliss ;) Agreed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 You're right about her: she's very pleasant company, and she's never been pushy about sex. I just don't want to bring her down with any negative energy I might bring around. I'm gonna try to improve my vibes and then hang out with her. I know what that's like. I carry around too much negative energy to possibly date anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Felguy Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 On that topic. Used to have a LDR (Long Distance Relationship) She lived in Denmark, me in the Netherlands. She was a very sweet girl but slowly she began to unload the negative energy and complaints on me. Every. Single. Day. For 10 months. And I was there to cheer her up every morning via text and voice chat, every day in and out, trying to study and being upbeat. Eventually I broke it off, it wasn't good for my mood at all. You think something like that won't affect you but..... eventually it gets to you. Also didn't help when I visited her in Denmark for 4 days and she only went to see me once. Now that was a warning sign. But she had issues for sure... Also don't get me wrong, at the time I loved her and really wanted to be there for her but it became too much, not to mention it was always about her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Some people are not there to date. They are there to look for a lifesaver to keep themselves afloat. If a person has the fortitude to be someone else's lifesaver, then by all means, go for it and congratulations. Yes, we all need emotional support from our friends and lover, but there's a line where it becomes too much, but that line is of course, different for everyone. Also, the problem with being someone else's lifesaver is that if you're not careful, if you can't stay afloat enough for 2, both of you go down. Then there are the nurses, who look for others to nurse and surround and protect and uplift. They're not really happy unless the other person in the relationship needs them that way. This usually makes for a co-dependent type relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deleted01 Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 It's definitely hard to get the balance right. He's my partner, so I want to tell him everything, the good and the bad, and vice versa. But it can get too much when one of us is having a particularly bad time, and constantly unloading on the other. We're not perfect by all means, we still end up taking things out on each other sometimes, but we try to unload, discuss, breathe, try to advise and resolve, and move on. Our current situation makes it hard to do those last few steps, and it does get to us at times, but we're *trying* to not let it consume us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aceluby Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Some people are not there to date. They are there to look for a lifesaver to keep themselves afloat. If a person has the fortitude to be someone else's lifesaver, then by all means, go for it and congratulations. Yes, we all need emotional support from our friends and lover, but there's a line where it becomes too much, but that line is of course, different for everyone. Also, the problem with being someone else's lifesaver is that if you're not careful, if you can't stay afloat enough for 2, both of you go down. Then there are the nurses, who look for others to nurse and surround and protect and uplift. They're not really happy unless the other person in the relationship needs them that way. This usually makes for a co-dependent type relationship. That sounds a lot like my last relationship. It was definitely not healthy and I didn't even recognize it until it was over. Chalk it up to learning experiences and where that line needs to be for future relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Part of the joy of being in a good relationship, imo, is that the other person pushes you to know yourself better, and you do the same for them. So there'll always be re-negotiations of boundaries and new agreements on limits, but that's as things should be, imo, for a relationship to sustain and maintain itself. Very few people are static, in their personalities, especially before their 50s. Your wants, needs, strengths, and deficiencies are all going to fluctuate at times. Seeing it through the difficult times of new negotiations and new limits is where love comes in, imo, because it makes it worthwhile to take the effort to find those livable compromises. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resonant Frequency Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 This weekend was a disaster. I met this cute girl a couple of months ago. We talked a bit then, but nothing substantive, then we didn't say anything to each other for a while until about two weeks ago. We got to know each other a little better, and we seemed to develop a good rapport. We made plans to go on a date this past saturday, however by her own admission she is very indecisive and apprehensive, so she was feeling a bit nervous about the whole thing. Friday night she contacted me, letting me know she was at a bar with her friend, then invited me to meet her there. I made my way over there, and we spent a couple of hours having drinks and conversing. Towards the end of the evening, she grabbed my face and started kissing me very passionately. I was not opposed to it and I reciprocated in kind. This lasted for about ten minutes as she continued to up the ante, so to speak. Eventually she wanted to leave, however her friend didn't want to go. A few minutes later, her friend relented, and I assisted her in getting her outside and into her friend's vehicle. The friend ended up going back inside whilst I stayed out there keeping an eye on the girl, making sure she was ok. Not surprisingly, the girl started showing signs that she was going to vomit, so I helped her to not vomit on herself or in the car. After she was done, she reclined in the seat and fell asleep. All in all, I waited for about half an hour for her friend to come back, then they left. I tried contacting her to make sure she was OK and didn't hear back from her until the next afternoon, when she told me she was hungover. That's the last time I heard from her and I'm pretty upset because I feel like they did not appreciate anything I did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boiled leather Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 after hearing about all the fun I was missing in GC (over the weekend) I decided to pop in. I am so glad I'm not hip deep in the dating scene from some of these posts, though I have spied some similar shenanigans from my trusty seat in too many bars. Don't spread it too far, but I'm very lucky that theRedWoman is so perfect. Although if you all keep calling her 'a living goddess" I'm sure I'll be in trouble. And yes, I lived through a disaster similar to the one Resonant Frequency described. But with more vomit. and much less making out. But not with my Valkyrie. Ok, I'm done making my presence known. :cheers: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 That's the last time I heard from her and I'm pretty upset because I feel like they did not appreciate anything I did. That was really poor form of her. Whether she was apprehensive of the date or not, she invited you out, made the first move, and then had to have you take care of her due to her drunkedness. After all that, she should have at least thanked you for the night's assistance, even if she doesn't want to date you. It's possible that she's busy for work Monday and Tuesday. I will give her a couple more days to contact your. If you don't hear from her by week's end, I'd say you're better off not dating someone so immature and so disrespectful. Unless, of course, you're into immaturity and disrespectfulness; in which case, you hit the motherlode, and you should pursue with great eagerness! In the end, you have the satisfaction that you did the right and honorable thing of taking care of someone when they're drunk at a bar, regardless of what else happens from this, and independent of whether she acknolwedges your effort or not. A deed is good and worth doing regardless of whether someone gives you credit for it, no? So give yourself a pat on your shoulder and buy yourself a drink. ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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