MinDonner Posted February 11, 2011 Author Share Posted February 11, 2011 It's gotta be some kind of cumulative effect, like building up arsenic in the bloodstream. Eventually the Doomsday Warrior will do for us all. :uhoh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darzin Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Hmm I wonder how they end my guess is Rock as president (A better one than Lincon and George Washington combined of course) with his own harem of women and a dungeon full of commies to toture.I also wonder who decided it was a good idea to publish these books in the first place and not just one all twenty or whatever there are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted February 12, 2011 Author Share Posted February 12, 2011 Chapter Nineteen brings us a brand new character POV, and this time it's - gasp! - the President of the USA himself! OK, so he's the lamest president ever, having garnered a mere 300 "votes" from people who got blown up immediately afterwards, which is probably why he now has time to do a spot of moonlighting to narrate a stupid chapter.He and Kim had managed to reach the summit and "literally" jump down the other side, but this was clearly not protection enough, and the bomb hit them mid-jump and knocked them right down the slope.The deadly neutron rays singed them, burning their clothes, blistering their flesh. Once they had fallen even a few feet the thick iron ore mountain protected them from more radiation - but the damage had been done.Now they are both all blistered from the radiation, he knows they only have a few days left to live, and right now he wants to EXTERMINATE EVERY RUSSIAN ON THE PLANET AND SALT THE ENTIRE USSR. And Kim is now barely breathing and not even pure spring water will revive her. What we need now is....Good God - it couldn't be. Three immense vehicles in the shape of the sailing ships of centuries earlier, crackling with a throbbing blue electricity, came rushing from the brown and pink radioactive dust storm. Each craft was nearly a hundred feet long. And riding atop these incredible ships were mutations of a kind Langford had never before seen - their organs all throbbing on the outsides of their bodies and their flesh glowing with the same almost blinding blue energy that surrounded the ships. Glowers - they had to be!Langford is at first too "awestruct" to be scared (even of their throbbing organs), but then he grabs Kim and flees... but to no avail! Mechanical arms grab them. Oh noes?"DO NOT BE AFRAID!" a voice said, though they were not speaking. "WE WILL NOT HARM YOU." It was as though the voice was appearing in the center of his brain, instead of through his ears. They had - telepathy. What the hell was going on?It's those sharp wits that make him so highly qualified to be President. *nods*Up close, the Glowers' anatomy makes no more sense than it did earlier - their brains are on the outside! AND their muscles are! AND their eyes! AND their veins! And yet their optical nerves lead back inside the skull (ON THE OUTSIDE)... which is presumably just a big hollow?Anyway, there's a few pages of CAPS LOCK DIALOGUE where the Glowers go (basically) WE ARE FRIENDS AND WE HAVE TELEPATHY AND WE WILL HEAL YOU BY MAGIC, as they zoom along on their radioactive sailing ships at 90mph (?!?!) for a day and a night.Bit more new-agey claptrap about these utterly nonsensical creatures:The Glowers joined together at the bow of each craft and gazed skyward, melding with the energy, becoming part of it, as their own bodies became streaked with the rippling colours of the aurora. They merged - in harmony with the earth, with the sky, with one another. They took in the pure, undiluted forces of the universe, took them into their physicality and their hearts and drew their sustenance from them.Oooo-kaaaay.Eventually they get to Glower HQ, which is a bunch of geodesic domes (of course!) on a barren plain. Even though "liquidy blood" is filling Langford's mouth now, he manages to carry Kim into a special dome, where he meets a new Glower called THE TURQUOISE SPECTRUM. This one rippled with turquoise waves, while beneath the crackling surface every one of its organs was a different colour - it was like looking into the guts of a living rainbow - a rainbow with tendons and veins and kidneys and a heart - all moving, all shifting in a constantly changing harmony.Both Kim and President Langford have to lie down in a glowing purple octagon for some kind of psychic decontamination. And then they are thrust into the Glowers' collective consciousness!No, I have no idea what just happened either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erik of Hazelfield Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 I think so far we've been blessed with the simplistic nature of Rock's adventures. Travel through dangerous lands, blow up bad guys, shag the girl. Trying to insert some esoteric out-of-body experience was apparently too much for these guys to pull off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eurytus Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 These books really come across like the Ayn Rand version of "The Iron Dream". Although unlike that book its not supposed to be satirical. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted February 19, 2011 Author Share Posted February 19, 2011 Chapter Twenty is a welcome return to Rock's POV; it's taken him a further two days to recover from the atomic bomb blast, though now he's back on his feet, it seems he has some Boots of Regeneration that are helping the process along (not to mention his overblown sense of self importance):He felt lucky to be able to walk, although each step seemed to give him strength, as if he was drawing up energy from the earth itself. He was the Rock, the Doomsday Warrior - more than a man. His destiny lay with the destiny of the planet itself. Maybe later death would catch up with him - but not today. His will was greater than that of the Taker, the Great Darkness.Mt Ed loads up with four moosekiller rifles, minicannons, 200 loads of shot, fur coats, spare knives, meat, bread, bacon, coffee... meat AND bacon? Wow. And where the hell does a mountain man get coffee? Tsk, he probably has his very own hydroponics lab beneath the mountain, what am I thinking? ...and off they go.It's not long before they encounter a load of blackened corpses, who didn't have the good fortune to hide behind a big rock - but Rock knows none of them are from his squad, cos he would feel it. Luckily none of their guns (or ammunition) seem to have been damaged in any way, so Rock loads up - he'd use their guns to avenge them!A couple of miles further on, they come to a local shop (for local people) which does not seem to have been affected in the slightest by the nearby nuclear blast which has probably wiped out most of their customers. To the weaselly little storekeeper, in fact, a near-miss from a neutron bomb is far less exciting than the presence of his latest visitor..."Don't be spittin' all over your chin now, Jehoseph," Mt. Ed said with a snort. "I come for some whiskey and to find out some information.""What in blazes would a coonhead like yourself be wantin' to know?" the high voice cracked back."Not me, you danged fool - for my friend here - Mr. Rockson. Ted Rockson. Maybe you heard of him?"The storekeeper seemed suddenly struck by lightning. His eyes lit up and grew wide as saucers as he looked up and down the rough-hewn face and body of the Doomsday Warrior."Ted Rockson, I-I-I've heard of you. I-I-mean everyone has. You're really h-h-him?""Yeah," Rockson smirked, "I guess I am."The ability to stutter on an "h" sound is not Jehoseph's only talent, as he then smiles so wide that he flashes his "cavity-ridden molars" at Rock, before hollering to his missus to bring out some food and moonshine, which she clearly manages to do without setting foot on the page. And now down to business. Has Jehoseph seen any sign of Kim or Langford? Why yes, yes he has. But first things first:"Glenda, stay in the kitchen," he screamed in a high, nasal voice. "There's man-talk out here."By an amazing stroke of luck, Jehoseph spotted our two missing persons getting picked up by the Glowers! Mt Ed doesn't believe him, but of course Rockson has speshul liar-detection mutant genes or something, and leaps to his feet. Dead west, you say? We haven't a moment to lose! And they both dash out through the door! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon AS Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 I can't believe it. You really missed the opportunity to put up a link? Shame on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 Chapter Twenty-One, then, brings us back to Moscow. A young KGB colonel and her British diplomat-spy lover watch TV with growing concern, as the ailing Russian President announces his resignation, handing over power to the former head of the KGB, and his... nipple lasers? Ah, no, that's the other book I'm reading. *sigh*It's just Colonel Killov, in Denver. He's thin, he takes some pills. You'd think by this point, Ryder Stacy would have contemplated giving the guy at least a couple more personality traits, so as not to have to repeat those two in his every chapter, but that's not the way he rolls, oh no.He's happy about the bombing of Langford and Rockson, and in celebration gets his dolls out for a bit of gloating.He put his batlike eyes, tiny black dots set back in sunken sockets, an inch from the Rock doll's face, sending out thoughts of purest hate."You see, you lose, Rockson, I win. My will to power is stronger than yours. It is always that way - read Nietzche - oh no, you can't now, can you?" The colonel laughed a terrifying soundless laugh, letting his head fall back and his mouth open in a twisted smile. He commanded his throat, his lips to laugh - but they couldn't. The darkness of his soul had destroyed his ability to perform such lighthearted gestures long ago.Yeah, "Nietzche", that famous commie. With all those ideas about some kind of superior human being, what kind of subversive nonsense is that? <_<Anyway, Killov sets fire to the Rock doll and cackles as it burns. But then he has a thought! What if Rockson were actually still alive?!?! He grabs his phone and demands to speak to General Mishkin at once!In Soviet Russia, Generals obey you!"Oh, sir," the voice at the other end said, instantly awake and fully alert. "I-I-I'm sorry sir, I thought it-""Never mind, fool," Killov cut him off.Killov wants the remains of Rockson extracted somehow from the blast site, just so they can prove he is dead. How they plan to do this when they didn't even get a photo of the guy, much less DNA samples, is unclear, but that problem is now General Mishkin's - "Yes, your Eminence," he says, before hanging up.Of course he's dead, thinks Killov - but who was that other guy, from the "myth of the ancients", who came back to life and caused all sorts of trouble? Oh, that's right - JESUS. Yes. And on this note, Killov goes back to sleep and has a dream about being tortured by his dolls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon AS Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 He's happy about the bombing of Langford and Rockson, and in celebration gets his dolls out for a bit of gloating.That scene would have been so much better if one of his subordinates had . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seventh Pup Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Min you are . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted March 2, 2011 Author Share Posted March 2, 2011 Rockson can't be gone...he just cant be! I will never read Ryder Stacy again if he kills off Rock!Luckily for you, Killov's paranoia follows three post-bomb chapters in which Rock is very much alive, thus removing much of the suspense from the proceedings. And makes the reader feel smart, cuz he knoze moar than a comie! Stoopid Killov, thinking Rocks ded.Min you are .This video contains content from EMI, who has blocked it in your country on copyright grounds. :crying: Though I suspect it may have been a certain Depeche Mode song?ANYWAY. What you've been waiting for is Chapter Twenty-two, right? Right.They headed into the unknown lands where the Glowers dwelled. Two men - one a giant of a mountain man, the other molded from granite rock, from the squeezing forces of life in America 2089 AD.All Rock can think about is Kim. Unlike the Rock Squad, who (even though he loves em!) would all die, Kim just didn't deserve to die! She was... too beautiful!They pass through a field of flowers, rippling with a hallucinogenic spectrum of purest beauty, and a load of bugs which seem intent on killing other bugs and drinking "honeydew" from the flowers (like the past tense of "dwell", it seems Stacy's vocabulary is in need of some polishing). However, Rock is oddly reassured by this insect-on-insect massacre:Sometimes Rock wondered if the entire universe wasn't like that - a world within a world within a world - and all of them violent and murderous, all of them filled with creatures killing one another blindly with speed and madness, never ceasing, never resting. The stars ate the stars and the bugs ate the little bugs and man killed man and all's right with the universe.Deep, man.Dawn arrives, and the sun blazes down like the Laser eye of the gods, burning everything beneath it. Including the pretty flowers and the violent bugs? No, I guess we've forgotten about those already. Luckily both Rock and Mt Ed have some sort of aluminium umbrella-helmets to wear, which magically keeps the heat off as they pick their way through the bleached bones of all the animals that have been grilled to death.But then! A robot spyplane spots them and comes in for a closer look! Clearly the commies have nothing better to do than keep an eye on random pedestrians crossing barren radioactive wastelands. Anyway, Mt Ed shoots it down with a blunderbuss, but it's too late - the thing has already summoned a cargo plane full of Russian paratroopers!Blazing sun forgotten, forty commies jump through the sky on parakites, like a swarm of bloodthirsty bats! They swoop back and forth, sending a slicing hail of death towards the two fleeing rebels! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theMountainGoat Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 I'm trying to imagine how exactly someone shoots down a plane using a blunderbuss :idea: Nope, can't do it :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maithanet Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 I'm trying to imagine how exactly someone shoots down a plane using a blunderbuss :idea: I would assume it was an unmanned drone of some sort, perhaps very small and vulnerable, like the Commies like to build things.To be honest, this rapid-response parakite team is the most effective the Soviet military has seemed...ever. I mean, that sort of quick action would be the envy of any modern military. Too bad a dozen of them are about to be killed by Rock, after which the rest will be slaughtered by Glowers. Sometimes its fun to root for the villains in bad stories. In this case, it is just depressing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seventh Pup Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 This video contains content from EMI, who has blocked it in your country on copyright grounds. :crying: Though I suspect it may have been a certain Depeche Mode song?I guess the video only works for those who love freedom; like Americans. :smoking: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 Rockson has been overwhelmed by Russian troops before, but this time he HAS to live, because something something Kim! So now we get a couple of pages of peculiarly anthropomorphised shootouts, in which bullets do the craziest things...The half pound of shot spread out as it tore up, searching for flesh, for blood, to bathe in......their guns burping death in three straight lines......the three plowing lines of murder ate into the dirt all around them and then passed on. But the Americans' greetings became a little more intimate with Russian flesh....the kites, wrapped in an embrace of death, spun slowly from the sky like a leaf gliding delicately down. Like a leaf spewing blood and guts - and screams.In addition, we also see a Russian vomiting through his leather mask as he realises his guts have been torn out, someone else having his brains exit from the back of his skull, and yet another guy's chest turned into a jigsaw puzzle of splintered bone painted red. Oh, and someone else gets himself and his kite mushed together in a "pudding of blood and fabric". Mmm!By this point, Rock and Mt Ed have hidden in a nearby creekbed for some cover, and they continue to pick off the paratroopers one by one, but it's just not good enough. Then Rock has an idea! Belatedly he remembers their shiny umbrella-helmets, and both he and Mt Ed smooth out the material to make mirrors. Let's see this makeshift weapon in action:They let the lead kite soar down like an eagle that had spotted its prey until it was about two hundred feet away - then both men aimed their squares of mirror fabric at the oncoming death-dealer. The blinding beams of light converged at the same second on the Red's snarling face. What was happening? He couldn't see. Everything burning, his eyes on fire. Where was he? Where was the ground? The commando threw his hand over his face, trying to find protection from the blinding light, but there was none to be found. Where was he - where was -. The parakite slammed into the ground with the force of a spear, burying the would-be Russian killer headfirst up to his shoulders, smashing his skull into so many brain-splattered fragments."It works!" Mt Ed yelled in delight."'Course it works," Rock grinned back, thanking the watchful American deities above that it did.These cunning tactics let them take out half the remaining paratroopers, leaving Lieutenant Karnovski livid with rage. He lines all his troops up for one final assault - but then Rock and Mt Ed blind him with their mirrors! All the other Russians panic and run away. Our two heroes continue with their journey, leaving the bodies for the vultures. Of course, it's not enough to just say that, cos what we really need is a description of the vultures actually eating the corpses, right?The vultures slowly descended on the warm corpses, first tentatively then furiously ripping away at the still warm flesh. Soon it became a maddened flood of the ugly gray and black carrion-eaters, their long, sharp, hooked beaks just right for slicing up meat. The birds of the dead feasted away on the Russian birds whose feathers had been shorn by the two solitary figures, now just dots on the shimmering horizon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord O' Bones Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 Soooo much stupid, so little time. I'l have to be selective and say that no matter how drunk I've ever been, I still don't think I could vomit with my guts ripped out. Much like I couldn't piss myself with my bladder ripped out. Fuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted March 6, 2011 Author Share Posted March 6, 2011 Chapter Twenty Three sees the author obviously getting impatient with this long trek to Glower country, as the magic flying sailing ship now turns up suddenly to give our heroes a lift. Rock stops Mt Ed from shooting them with his blunderbuss, because he's never heard of them killing an American (only Reds, who are by definition Furriners), so he knows he has to trust them.Unlike Langford and Kim, who got grabbed by mechanical arms, Rock and Mt Ed have to do some manly climbing to get aboard - Mt Ed has some trouble, and Rock has to use every ounce of his mutant strength to stop him from falling off. And then WHOA. PAGES AND PAGES OF CAPS LOCK DIALOGUE. IN WHICH WE LEARN THE ORIGIN OF THE GLOWERS. WHICH IS NOT AT ALL RIDICULOUS."OUR ANCESTORS WERE ASTRONAUTS - AMERICAN ASTRONAUTS MANNING A SPACE STATION WHEN THE BOMBS WENT OFF. THE RADIATION THAT SHOT UP INTO SPACE MIXED WITH THE INCOMING COSMIC ENERGY OF THE COLLECTIVE GALAXIES - AND WENT THROUGH THEM - TWELVE WOMEN AND TWELVE MEN. IT ALTERED THEIR PHYSICALITY INSTANTLY, MAKING THEM GLOW AND NOT NEED FOOD ANY LONGER. THEY RETURNED TO EARTH AND CRASH LANDED OUT HERE."The journey takes a few more hours, during which Rock is able to observe the sailing ship magically capturing cosmic rays from Space ("the very pulsations of the universe"). Also, they fly through the aurora, which makes Rock's hair stand on end with its static charge (??).Eventually they get to Glower HQ, and Rock is taken to see Kim, who is still lying unconscious (and naked, of course) in the middle of TURQUOISE SPECTRUM's house, and not looking particularly healed, either. She feels cold, so cold, though as Rock is not allowed to actually touch her I'm not sure how he knows this. Possibly his mutant senses (that allow him to detect the pulsations of the universe) also include infrared vision. But anyway, there is no time to waste if Kim is to be healed!"YOU CAN HELP HER ROCKSON. THERE ARE WAYS. BUT FIRST YOU MUST CLEANSE YOURSELF. BECOME AS PURE AS YOU ARE CAPABLE OF BEING. WE KNOW YOU ARE A MAN OF GOOD HEART, A MAN OF MEDITATION AND INNER PURITY. GO TO THE SUN-SOURCE NOW, ROCKSON. CLEANSE YOURSELF - THEN WE MAY BEGIN. COME BACK IN TWO OF YOUR HOURS."And Rockson knows that soon he will have to do battle for Kim's soul!*confused* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maltaran Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Two of your hours? So even though the Glowers are descended from Earthmen, they no longer use our Earth measurements? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bronn Stone Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Ahem, there's only fifty stars on that flag.:PFifty on the front, fifty on the back. Get with the program!!!Two of your hours? So even though the Glowers are descended from Earthmen, they no longer use our Earth measurements?They keep time with their own internal clocks. Which for them are on the exterior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RWHamel Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 So he needs to prepare himself by taking a bowel movement, a high colonic enema, and some time in a sweat lodge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.