karaddin Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I think that's a situation where there is no way out without people getting hurt, all you can do is be honest and try and be as ethical as possible - its one of the challenges of non-monogamy I think. Avoiding talking about it may spare feelings in the short term, but ultimately the conversations need to happen and delaying it will probably just make it hurt more in the long run. That therapist visit is definitely a good idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonSnow4President Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Well, now that the crippling work hours are over, I thought I would ask the girl I've been talking to for awhile out with the whole April Fools fall back option. Somehow, I managed to mess that up, and got the dreaded "I'm not ready for a relationship" response. Good news is, based on the rest of the day, I don't think I've ruined one of my better friendships. So.... back to single with nothing promising in the immediate future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I think I'm dying. Too many women I find attractive are smiling at me lately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 On a totally different topic...someone has created a dick-pic blocker app. In case yo,u are interested.http://metro.co.uk/2015/04/01/cock-blocker-app-can-put-a-stop-to-unwanted-dick-pics-5122669/#mv-aI guess I should also confess it's an April Fools' Day prank, one that would probably be welcome.......or you could just forward them to, um, one of your friends? (pick me) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The guy from the Vale Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I think I'm dying. Too many women I find attractive are smiling at me lately. Why would they be smiling at you if you were dying? Go ahead, they like you :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Chats, I will message you my telephone number. Or you can send them through fb. Thank you! OK, y'all! The cute guy who owns the bike shop near me has been flirting for years. Due to other entanglements and family drama, the last time he asked me out I turned him down because I really wasn't in a headspace for anything serious. Yes. I actually turned him down because he's nice. Before you stone me, he's also my neighbor, friend and a member of my community. A screwup on my part is a PERMANENT screwup with someone in my neighborhood. Anyway, I ran into him at a party that his brass band was playing and chatted him up. It was really hot inside so we went out where it was quieter. We spent a few minutes getting caught up and then I told him why I hadn't called him back. There was a bit of in vino veritas involved, so I basically dumped all my cards on the table. He said we should go have a drink sometime. I said I'd be delighted. Nothing. I figured that my frankness had dumped me into the lunatic category. I was totally OK with that. Anyone who is seriously interested in me needs to know some VERY important things up front. If they don't want to get involved, fine. Much better than scaring them off and having my feelings hurt later. There are some things in my life I have absolutely no control over and they would impact anyone I got involved with. This is a VERY nice man who has his shit together. He's smart, funny, musical, handsome and independent. He's a great person. He didn't have my number. He just got it from my pal who does his book-keeping. Oh, at the party I was wearing this onsie. I look NOTHING like this beautiful model, but you gotta admit it's a freeking great outfit. Yes I was wearing sensible shoes. No, no coat. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Now I am hovering over my telephone. Must stop checking it! His shop is open til 7 and they're really busy, it's high bike season around here. The weather is beautiful. (Deep Breaths, Lily!!!) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 Emotional maturity is awesome. Being able to accept that a person you really like only wants friendship while also being able to enjoy the fact that the people they "have fun with" means nothing to them...that's it's own kind of pleasure. It's good to be growing up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StannisForKing299AL Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Emotional maturity is awesome. Being able to accept that a person you really like only wants friendship while also being able to enjoy the fact that the people they "have fun with" means nothing to them...that's it's own kind of pleasure. It's good to be growing up.Pffft...Maturity is overrated. Immaturity, thats where the good stuff is!I wanna Peter Pan my way through life. I plan on been the only guy in the nursing home who can still hit the clubs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Why would they be smiling at you if you were dying? Go ahead, they like you :)One or two of them might be. One is somebody new at work and the other trains at the same boxing gym as me. I think she is getting ready for a fight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Lily: If he went to the trouble of getting your number from his book-keeper, he's going to call. :) Good luck! LFITA: Emotional maturity is awesome. Being able to accept that a person you really like only wants friendship while also being able to enjoy the fact that the people they "have fun with" means nothing to them...that's it's own kind of pleasure. It's good to be growing up. Yes. I know it's not for everyone, but for me, I have an open-door policy on romance - you're welcome to leave when you want to, so stay only because staying makes you happier than leaving. And if you do find something better out there, then I am happy for you and you have all my blessings to be happier in your life without me as your romantic partner. That said, I also have a no-re-admission policy - you leave for good if you leave. There's no coming back to Casa TerraPrime. :-p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I was having a nice text-chat with Hot Work Dude while we watched the Leaders' Debate* and then I belatedly realised he'd stopped replying, but only after I'd spammed him with my opinions for about half an hour. Feel a bit stupid now. Think I'm just grumpy and tired cos the debate started right as I got home and I didn't have time to eat any dinner and now it's bedtime. *grumble**I know I know, comments about Nick Clegg's hair and wanting to punch Farage are not exactly the stuff of great romance. I'm working on it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StannisForKing299AL Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I was having a nice text-chat with Hot Work Dude while we watched the Leaders' Debate* and then I belatedly realised he'd stopped replying, but only after I'd spammed him with my opinions for about half an hour. Feel a bit stupid now. Think I'm just grumpy and tired cos the debate started right as I got home and I didn't have time to eat any dinner and now it's bedtime.*grumble**I know I know, comments about Nick Clegg's hair and wanting to punch Farage are not exactly the stuff of great romance. I'm working on it!I'm sure he's fine, maybe he ran out of texts? It's happened to me before. Also, a nation wants to punch Farage. The closest most of us will get is that election fight night game, tons of fun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smegma Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 My boyfriend and I started dating and things were absolutely not clicking. There were a lot of issues and distractions, and when we broke up it was mutual, amicable - and for me, very final. Then we hung out as friends a month later, and things were very different between us and suddenly all of those other distractions and problems weren't there. Some of it was that we had both worked out a few things that needed to be done, some of it was just a sudden appreciation and trust between us that wasn't there before. That was three years ago and I'm really glad our break-up wasn't nearly as final as I had thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli Fury Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 I got back together with my ex, married him, and it was all the biggest mistake of my entire life. That is coming from someone who also set her high school art room on fire by accident Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Each person's path is different and for many/most, getting back together with the ex is not bad thing. No argument there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nox Irradiata Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 How long is a "long time" to go without having sex in a relationship that is otherwise fine (lots of physical affection, time spent doing activities together, talking/texting throughout the work day, etc)? She's been stressed with work lately, so I figure everything is fine and we're just going through a dry spell. About 2 months now. Thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brook Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 While I'd say two months is 'a long time' if everything else in the relationship is fine than I don't think it is indicative of any big problem. If it's bothering you I'd try and find a way to talk about it in a non-pressuring way but it sounds like you're still pretty happy with how things are so I wouldn't stress just because it's been x amount of time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nox Irradiata Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Thanks. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Don't let anyone else's idea of how things should be in a relationship make you question things if you are happy with how they are. The feelings of you and her are the only things that matter there, so if you are happy about it all then the only concern is if she is not. Given how easy it is to talk yourself into seeing problems that aren't there it's possible she is also worrying about things, and a non pressuring conversation about it might help break through those things.She might want sex but be thinking you have lost that attraction for example, and if you both do that it can lead to a nasty spiral that is self reinforcing. Just getting things out there can ensure you are on the same page. Obviously it can also reveal that there is actually a problem which is why people so frequently want to avoid it - if you don't know the problem, it doesn't exist! But the no sex certainly doesn't have to mean an issue, intimacy is a bigger issue imo and you say you still have that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Thanks all. Obviously he is not calling today. It is 9:30. I'm going to put the info out of my mind and enjoy the break from work. I was off work today and will be off through Sunday. Part of my trouble dating is trying to understand that just because it is convenient for ME....(etc, other people have stupid schedules n stuff). I was having a nice text-chat with Hot Work Dude while we watched the Leaders' Debate* and then I belatedly realised he'd stopped replying, but only after I'd spammed him with my opinions for about half an hour. Feel a bit stupid now. Think I'm just grumpy and tired cos the debate started right as I got home and I didn't have time to eat any dinner and now it's bedtime.*grumble**I know I know, comments about Nick Clegg's hair and wanting to punch Farage are not exactly the stuff of great romance. I'm working on it!Don't worry about it. I do that to a number of boarders all the time. I'd like to think they look at my ramblings later when they have time. He'll probably pick right up and play again next time. You're a rockstar Min. How long is a "long time" to go without having sex in a relationship that is otherwise fine (lots of physical affection, time spent doing activities together, talking/texting throughout the work day, etc)? She's been stressed with work lately, so I figure everything is fine and we're just going through a dry spell. About 2 months now. Thoughts?It's worth talking about. Everyone has a different threshold. I broke up with an ex who refused to discuss it when we were having problems. We got down to 9 times in three years (yes, I was counting). Otherwise we were the Luke and Laura of New Orleans. Talk about it. Otherwise, y'all sound awesome. :grouphug: Best of luck, that stuff is hard, hard work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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