Theda Baratheon Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I thought ghosting was leaving a party without going to the trouble of saying goodbye to everyone. I do that all the time; saying goodbye just drags out leaving for like fifteen minutes. hahhaa I do that too. Say goodbye to the host or w/e but no point with all my other friends they'll see me soon anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Fossoway Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Can you be "friendzoned" while getting laid with the person of interest? I had a some kinda weird relationship with a girl some months earlier. To set the facts: I knew her in 2012, had a mutual crush, left her, we got together again in 2013, 2014 and 2015. Every single time we ended in bed. Thing is: we got again together in 2014 and had drunk sex. I liked this girl, we have a lot of talk themes in common and is very nice to be with her. It´s not all about sex. But I do like her and I think I fucked it up when I told her that. I had no intentions whatsoever but to just state that I liked her. Her attitude towards me didn´t changed at all: texting me all day, yadda yadda. But then she starting having these weird passsive agressive behaviour: concerting dates and calling them off in the last minute. Going silent for days. Trying too get my attention if I went silent. A bore. I finally told her that I do liked her (even tho she is a weird woman) and for that reason I would stop talking to her for a while. Waiting for the shit to cool down. She blocked me from Facebook, whatsapp, phone and shit. I never tried to reach her again. Initial question. Was I friendzoned? Can a weird woman explain this behaviour? Friends assure me she will come back like nothing happened. She actually do that. Every single year. But in the moment I was going out of my head trying to explain her behaviour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Fossoway Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Yeah, I did. It was a mind busting situation. I also forgot to mention the fun stuff. We started seeing each other in october last year. I learned in december, via a friend, that she was also seeing her ex in the same span of time, from october to december, where they broke up. Her ex. Who is a woman. She clearly didn´t know what she wanted. Curiously her attitude got better after she broke up. We spend the new years night together and went out biking the next day. I mean, come on. I am out of that shit storm now. But ,y obsessive mind truly want to understand her logic. Lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkhangel Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Er, head's up, the fact that her ex is a woman doesn't count as evidence that she 'clearly didn't know what she wanted'. Maybe she's just not that into you for a real relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Fossoway Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Me neither. I was coming out of a 5 year relationship full of macabre stuff. Just wanted to have a good time. She wasn´t official with the ex. They were together 10 years ago, got to be friends last year but things got mixed up I think. The X lives with a friend´s friend, and I learned she was also having real problems with my ladyfriend mood swings. So yeah. I would stick with the "she didn´t knew what she wanted". But oh well, I always get the "walk away dude" line when I tell this one. I guess there isn´t much on it other than that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Yeah, but it's not the fact that her ex was a woman that means she ''doesn't know what she wanted'' ...ever heard of bisexuality? Yep. It's a thing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bronn Stone Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Persistence is not attractive, after a "no" has been communicated. Block him.I got very candid with the Houston guy and told him tgat I didn't think it was value-added for us to communicate anymore, since we wanted different things. He stopped. This is how it should be.<trimmed> This is NOT how it should be. The phrase 'value-added' should never be used in any context for any reason. Otherwise, the advice is spot on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Fossoway Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Yeah, but it's not the fact that her ex was a woman that means she ''doesn't know what she wanted'' ...ever heard of bisexuality? Yep. It's a thing! Not the point at all. I was bisexual in the past aswell so I can understand a little of it. I was taken a little by surprise by that, because one of the first things she told me months ago is that she liked men. Yeah, she told she was befriending an old ex at the time. Either way, thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli Fury Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Maybe it's not mysterious, maybe she's just not that into you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sperry Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 It actually sounds exactly like she doesn't know what she wants (or she knows what she wants, and it's just to play games.) Either way, you're doing the right thing by staying away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brook Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 It actually sounds exactly like she doesn't know what she wants.Yes, but what people are saying is simply that her bisexuality is not evidence of this fact. Make the ex a man and nothing at all changes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Yeah who she parties with on any given day doesn't really matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I'm getting increasingly more and more worried that i'm gonna spend my whole 20s alone and single lol i'm getting more and more nervous about dating like i haven't kissed anyone in almost 2 YEARS im gonna be so bad at it :( :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I'm getting increasingly more and more worried that i'm gonna spend my whole 20s alone and single lol i'm getting more and more nervous about dating like i haven't kissed anyone in almost 2 YEARS im gonna be so bad at it :( :(It's been longer for me nearly five years. I'm embarrased to tell people when they ask. Bur it's like riding a bicycle. And I wouldn't worry about any of that. You'll find someone worthy of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I would just say "fuck it" and find some hot, single guy to...show me a good time ;) Same advice to AMP too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 that's kinda hard to do with cripplingly low self esteem lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 My bestfriend's gf once asked him what was wrong with me. Apparently I was able to go out and hook up with a different girl every night if I wanted to. She couldn't understand I had low self esteem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I get it, I was there for a very long time as well. Its hard to nourish your sense of self worth when it's being undermined by loneliness or rejection or whatever, but ultimately that's the fix. You need to believe in yourself and your worth, when you do then the idea of other people seeing your worth isn't such an alien idea and you have more capacity to make a move.How to get there is hard, my journey to it is rather unhelpful as an example to the average person. I'd say things that can help are not being so critical of yourself and trusting compliments as being honest when they are given. It's all too easy to dismiss them as people just being nice, but most of the time that's not actually the case.You haven't been with people for a while? Doesn't matter, don't hate on yourselves for that. You might be a little rusty but if you care about being a good partner you'll get through that.Sorry AMP I don't know you as well so this bit is specifically at Theda.Theda look how far you have come in the last two years. When I first got to know you, you were deep in depression and convinced you were going to fail first year and essentially flunk out. You didn't, you made up the assessments in those subjects and have continued to succeed in your studies and are a few months off finishing. You have some good ideas about what to do in the short term and a great idea about what to chase for your career. You met a bunch of us last year and I don't know anyone who disliked you, and brook and I at least loved meeting you and wish there wasn't such a huge distance. None of this is be being nice, it's just the truth. Trust it and see that you're an intelligent and beautiful young woman who is very much her own person with her own passion. The right person would be very lucky to have you.AMP I'm sure you can find things that are positive about yourself as well, you just need to stop dismissing them as minor or inconsequential and trust that they make you a worthy and interesting person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Nobody starts off with great self esteem when it comes to romance and dating. Everyone is a bit insecure and a bit uncertain. How can it be otherwise, when dating is about trying to see if someone else likes us? The ones who are truly 100% impervious to self doubts and uncertainties are sociopathic and narcissistic (in the pathological sense), imo. At the same time, I think if your low self-esteem is genuinely hindering your social interactions in a way that prevents you from getting what you want out of these interactions, be it friendship or romance, then that's something to work on and to counter-act. Good friends are tremendous help, and seeing yourself reflected in their eyes can be very empowering and helpful in starting to overcome that self-esteem issue. Not all the praises from every friend are the same, of course. Friends who know us for a long time, in whom we have confided, etc., are better judges of our strengths and our strong points. I think if you respect that person, and you already do because you're good, long-time friends with them, then I think it's a really good idea to start taking their views to heart about your own strengths. We don't have to be perfect to be date-worthy, or to be love-worthy, or even fuck-worthy. Most of us are damaged in one way or another. Most of us have baggages and issues. It's the human condition. Try not to let that derail your own assessment of yourself. In fact, you should be able to see that the people whom you have a crush on are not perfect, either, and yet, you find them highly desirable and highly attractive. So why can't someone else see you in a similar light? I know everyone's life story is different, and we all have our own demons to slay. It's easy for me to stand on the sideline and pontificate about the how's and why's of things because I am not living through it. Still, while there are people who are truly un-date-able, you know, people with substance abuse issues or un-managed psychiatric issues or certain personality disorders, most of us have potential targets for romance somewhere out there in the world and we are worth their time in a way that they are worth ours. *hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Thanks everyone, I feel much better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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