TerraPrime Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Re: AMP Sorry that this hasn't worked out romantically for you. Better luck next time. Re: Kat Yeah, I hate abrupt 180-degrees turn in attitudes, too. Makes for confusing time and makes you sort of doubt your own social-cues-reading skills. Bleargh. Hope for a better outcome next time around. Re: Lily If she's not able to take a polite no, then give her the upgraded version of an honest no. If she still doesn't get it, give her the delux edition "hell to the no and stay away." And block. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Re: AMP Sorry that this hasn't worked out romantically for you. Better luck next time. I think there is a chance things could change in the future. I wish her and her significant other nothing but the best but he is almost twice her age. At the end of the day though I'm thankful we can be friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Let us pray that the first one works. There's, um, a professional complication I was not aware of. :shuffles toe: Snort, "deluxe edition". The new youngster showed up at work Tuesday when I forgot both lunch and wallet because of midterm grading. He was holding.....(wait for it) ....A SANDWICH AND COFFEE! I know, right???? I'm totally impressed too. I ate the whole footlong in 15 minutes. See, now you're even more impressed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datepalm Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 So the Maybe-Not-Gay Economist is still rather on my mind, (like an illegal settlement on a hill, wandering around blocking the roads and chopping down the olive trees of my brain. (That might be a very local metaphor.)) and every time I just about hit the point of finding myself so ridiculous for still pining over him that it feels like this is something to just let go, for real, i'll finally get a response to an email or a text from the guy (he seems to have a gift for timing things just right,) and there goes that. Anyyyyway, since his idea of a fairly personal communication is a travel itinerary, which apparently is supposed to include India at some point in the next couple of months, and also yesterday I got the employment details of the new job i'm starting. They were a. very nice and confidence building and it turns out will pay me, well, not a lot, as such, but rather more than I was expecting and b. not starting until the middle of April. Which leaves me with absolutely nothing to do for a month but go crazy, since I don't have classes (passover break,) don't have to find a job, don't have to find an apartment (done!) and don't really have anything to do on a volunteer basis because I haven't really settled in to anything interesting since getting back from Africa and everyone has been busy running around like idiots with the elections (and no one in the Israeli left has the energy to do anything but sleep, mope on facebook and maybe eat chocolate for a couple weeks now anyway.) So...long and short of it is, in a fit of good mood, I threw him a "hey, i'm actually thinking of going to India at the moment" email yesterday. And now I feel ridiculous waiting for a response, given that it's unlikely that the dates would even match, and i'm not even sure where in India he thinks of as home and so on. But, on the other hand, I kind of decided that i'm just going to go with the flow of this, and if I feel like i'm making a food of myself or being clingy or something (I mean, I cringe to think how many texts i've sent him, but I do have to conffess its about seven in the course of two months, which I think is still within the bounds of sanity by most measures,) well, that's that. I'll get over it. (Also, what, I'll not go to India now ever? It's as good an option as any for a trip anyway. I keep telling myself.) The conclusion to this tortured train of emotional logic being that I finally friended him on facebook. And now I will be sad if he doesn't friend me back. Good grief. (My friends think it's very amusing that I've finally arrived at being emotionally sixteen or so. I have to a admit it probably made me a much better guide for a teenage girl I was working with last week, actually.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 7 texts is not clingy. Exchanging so many facebook messages that facebooks search feature died over a year ago is clingy. Lucky for me Brook she is equally clingy when it comes to staying in communication. Wow I just checked what our count is up to and that was more than expected. I might withhold that for shame lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glaurung Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Shes the one that suggested a group thing last time we talked about meeting (and she brought it up in the first place). Oh well, Im not much for chasing You're being catfished.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkhangel Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 I thought that was directed at karaddin for a minute. Most sophisticated catfish ever! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brook Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 I'm playing a long game :cool4: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry of the Lawn Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 So it's been over six weeks since my ex broke up with me. She asked for no contact, but has kind of been breaking that on and off the entire time. Usually it's just mundane stuff like commenting "whoa" on a fb post I make, but the other night she sent me a text basically breaking down about how she has all these problems and doesn't see a way out. I didn't see it till about an hour later, and just sent back "Fuck, I am so sorry. You can call me if you want to talk about it". I was kind of worried because she's not usually that vulnerable, so I also sent her a very brief email just saying "hang in there, you'll get through it, blah blah blah, doggone it people like you". She responded thanking me for the support but saying talking won't help anything, she was just stressed and depressed about her financial situation. I'm wondering, I guess, if I should take her reaching out to me as any kind of indication she's having second thoughts about the break up. Neither of us are in a position right now where we could really reconcile, but it made me think maybe she's ready to be done with this 'no contact' stuff and at least go back to being friends again. Or whatever kind of friends you can be with your ex. I know I'm not providing enough information here for anyone to buy a vowel and solve the puzzle, but I am genuinely confused about why she'd reach out to me like that and then just kind of shut the conversation down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maithanet Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 I'm wondering, I guess, if I should take her reaching out to me as any kind of indication she's having second thoughts about the break up. Neither of us are in a position right now where we could really reconcile, but it made me think maybe she's ready to be done with this 'no contact' stuff and at least go back to being friends again. Or whatever kind of friends you can be with your ex. I know I'm not providing enough information here for anyone to buy a vowel and solve the puzzle, but I am genuinely confused about why she'd reach out to me like that and then just kind of shut the conversation down.It sounds like she's going through a rough time, and she is used to leaning on you in rough times, so she reached out. It's what people do. But I feel like she is being very inconsiderate of your feelings with this "no contact, expect when I want it" plan. Do you seriously want to be friends with her? Don't you think that would be really hard for you? I get the impression from your posts (and this could be wrong), that she hasn't done a good job of expressing why she wanted to break up, and now that she is considering reestablishing contact, she is again not expressing why things have changed or what she is going through. I think maintaining a non relationship friendship in this case is going to be exposing yourself to an emotional roller coaster, and in the end might be pretty horrible. But maybe I'm just drawing conclusions from not enough information and am way off here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mance Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 But I feel like she is being very inconsiderate of your feelings with this "no contact, expect when I want it" plan. Do you seriously want to be friends with her?.........I think maintaining a non relationship friendship in this case is going to be exposing yourself to an emotional roller coaster, and in the end might be pretty horrible. I agree with this. It also sounds sort of manipulative for her to be hitting you with her financial troubles. You used to be pretty supportive of her business endeavors, no? Not necessarily with actual cash, but helpful with business related projects and chores and things? Could be the real cost of all that free help is starting to wear on her. Not a great basis for rekindling a relationship. Of course, this But maybe I'm just drawing conclusions from not enough information and am way off here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elder Sister Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 So it's been over six weeks since my ex broke up with me. She asked for no contact, but has kind of been breaking that on and off the entire time. Usually it's just mundane stuff like commenting "whoa" on a fb post I make, but the other night she sent me a text basically breaking down about how she has all these problems and doesn't see a way out. I didn't see it till about an hour later, and just sent back "Fuck, I am so sorry. You can call me if you want to talk about it". I was kind of worried because she's not usually that vulnerable, so I also sent her a very brief email just saying "hang in there, you'll get through it, blah blah blah, doggone it people like you". She responded thanking me for the support but saying talking won't help anything, she was just stressed and depressed about her financial situation. I'm wondering, I guess, if I should take her reaching out to me as any kind of indication she's having second thoughts about the break up. Neither of us are in a position right now where we could really reconcile, but it made me think maybe she's ready to be done with this 'no contact' stuff and at least go back to being friends again. Or whatever kind of friends you can be with your ex. I know I'm not providing enough information here for anyone to buy a vowel and solve the puzzle, but I am genuinely confused about why she'd reach out to me like that and then just kind of shut the conversation down. Here's my .02: Your ex is in a very low place, and I get that. But it's sort of unfair for her to dump this stuff on you. You're not in a position to do much for her without it causing you additional pain, and her reaching out to you is a little selfish, in my opinion. I get that she's having a tough time, but it's not fair to you for her to do this. She needs to get her support/commiseration from somewhere else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The King in Black Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 So it's been over six weeks since my ex broke up with me. She asked for no contact, but has kind of been breaking that on and off the entire time. Usually it's just mundane stuff like commenting "whoa" on a fb post I make, but the other night she sent me a text basically breaking down about how she has all these problems and doesn't see a way out. I didn't see it till about an hour later, and just sent back "Fuck, I am so sorry. You can call me if you want to talk about it". I was kind of worried because she's not usually that vulnerable, so I also sent her a very brief email just saying "hang in there, you'll get through it, blah blah blah, doggone it people like you". She responded thanking me for the support but saying talking won't help anything, she was just stressed and depressed about her financial situation. I'm wondering, I guess, if I should take her reaching out to me as any kind of indication she's having second thoughts about the break up. Neither of us are in a position right now where we could really reconcile, but it made me think maybe she's ready to be done with this 'no contact' stuff and at least go back to being friends again. Or whatever kind of friends you can be with your ex. I know I'm not providing enough information here for anyone to buy a vowel and solve the puzzle, but I am genuinely confused about why she'd reach out to me like that and then just kind of shut the conversation down. I may be wrong , but from your posts it seems you were earlier supportive of her too and did more than your share for the relationship's sake. So, don't get sucked back into a whirlpool were all you'll end up doing is get emotionally involved in her affairs, support her and be byher side unconditionally while secretly hoping for something to be rekindled, and then possibly end up hurt again when she , with your help and support gets back to her feet but doesn't offer you what you might have been hoping for Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 I like being chased, most girls do if they like the guy. A little unabashed interest is nice, shows he cares. But if youre not into it, OK.I hate chasing women. It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pendergraft Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 So it's been over six weeks since my ex broke up with me. She asked for no contact, but has kind of been breaking that on and off the entire time. Usually it's just mundane stuff like commenting "whoa" on a fb post I make, but the other night she sent me a text basically breaking down about how she has all these problems and doesn't see a way out. I didn't see it till about an hour later, and just sent back "Fuck, I am so sorry. You can call me if you want to talk about it". I was kind of worried because she's not usually that vulnerable, so I also sent her a very brief email just saying "hang in there, you'll get through it, blah blah blah, doggone it people like you". She responded thanking me for the support but saying talking won't help anything, she was just stressed and depressed about her financial situation. I'm wondering, I guess, if I should take her reaching out to me as any kind of indication she's having second thoughts about the break up. Neither of us are in a position right now where we could really reconcile, but it made me think maybe she's ready to be done with this 'no contact' stuff and at least go back to being friends again. Or whatever kind of friends you can be with your ex. I know I'm not providing enough information here for anyone to buy a vowel and solve the puzzle, but I am genuinely confused about why she'd reach out to me like that and then just kind of shut the conversation down.So it's been over six weeks since my ex broke up with me. She asked for no contact, but has kind of been breaking that on and off the entire time. Usually it's just mundane stuff like commenting "whoa" on a fb post I make, but the other night she sent me a text basically breaking down about how she has all these problems and doesn't see a way out. I didn't see it till about an hour later, and just sent back "Fuck, I am so sorry. You can call me if you want to talk about it". I was kind of worried because she's not usually that vulnerable, so I also sent her a very brief email just saying "hang in there, you'll get through it, blah blah blah, doggone it people like you". She responded thanking me for the support but saying talking won't help anything, she was just stressed and depressed about her financial situation. I'm wondering, I guess, if I should take her reaching out to me as any kind of indication she's having second thoughts about the break up. Neither of us are in a position right now where we could really reconcile, but it made me think maybe she's ready to be done with this 'no contact' stuff and at least go back to being friends again. Or whatever kind of friends you can be with your ex. I know I'm not providing enough information here for anyone to buy a vowel and solve the puzzle, but I am genuinely confused about why she'd reach out to me like that and then just kind of shut the conversation down. People's first instinct is to always cut off or severed the relationship when they're getting hurt. Clearly you still love this person and care about her well being, otherwise you won't be asking questions here. Now I don't know the history if this is a cycle she's put you through in the past, then by all means disconnect entirely. But if it isn't, then you missed the point of just being a decent human being. Of course if she's going through a rough time her communication process is shitty. That's quite understandable, even coherent people can't communicate half as well. Extend a hand if you really want to help, but be CLEAR and CONCISE of what you are willing to offer. Don't expect that this is a sign of getting back together, or the start of open communication. As you said you want to be her FRIEND, if that IS really your agenda. It is a murky situation being a friend to someone you still love, unavoidably your feelings will be hurt. Hope for the best outcome but also be prepared for the turmoils and adjust when necessary. You're an adult, you should be able to make decisions on what you can and cannot handle. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Don't chase the ones who have boyfriends or who aren't giving you flirty, positive feedback and you probably won't feel that way. You're a catch. Remember that :-)I just don't chase at all. I have a sister who is really, really, really protective. My whole life has been "she's not flirting, she's being nice." or things of that nature. So I've been conditioned not to bother at all. I would never dream of chasing a woman who is in a relationship. I felt uneasy about going for drinks Saturday night after finding out she is still seeing someone.Thanks Mandy, I need to reminding every now and then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry of the Lawn Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Thanks for the input, everybody. This is a good place to bounce stuff off the wall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkhangel Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 I just chase at all. I have a sister who is really, really, really protective. My whole life has been "she's not flirting, she's being nice." or things of that nature. So I've been conditioned not to bother at all. I would never dream of chasing a woman who is in a relationship. I felt uneasy about going for drinks Saturday night after finding out she is still seeing someone. I for one do not like being 'chased'. It comes a little too close to the 'she's only playing hard to get', 'I know she wants it', 'no means maybe' line of thinking, in my opinion. We're grown ups, we can meet in the middle as equals, and if a woman is not willing to meet a guy there, he should leave her the hell alone. So good on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brook Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 I for one do not like being 'chased'. It comes a little too close to the 'she's only playing hard to get', 'I know she wants it', 'no means maybe' line of thinking, in my opinion. We're grown ups, we can meet in the middle as equals, and if a woman is not willing to meet a guy there, he should leave her the hell alone. So good on you. I'm the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 I'm the same.Me too.If I like someone and I'm lucky enough that they'd take the initiative and let their interest be known then I don't know why on earth I'd run from that lolif i don't like them and they keep persisting then it's only ever going to tick me off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.