Inigima Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Have you considered that maybe making condescending blanket statements might not be offensive just to one single person? You don't know other peoples circumstances, so don't be judgmental. I'm one person in the thread that has posted a specific issue, it doesn't mean I'm the only person. That post was only the worst, I thought the pot shots at British dental health (which as it turns out is incorrect anyway) wasn't great either, and guess what? I'm not a Brit so that wasn't about me! It was a bit of advice to people for whom it might be helpful. Generally helpful advice doesn't become inappropriate because there are people to whom it might not be applicable and getting mad at it makes no sense at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 It was a bit of advice to people for whom it might be helpful. Generally helpful advice doesn't become inappropriate because there are people to whom it might not be applicable and getting mad at it makes no sense at all. I wouldn't have objected to the same post without "now you have no excuse" on the end, but this is pretty OT so I'll drop it. LITA - Brook and I started off just enjoying one night together at a time and look how that ended :p be careful! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Besides, she offered cake. At this stage. Imagine how up her game will be when things get more serious. Can a scoop of ice cream to go with the cake be far off? I. Think. Not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polishgenius Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 A woman ranted on me because I told her that, while I am single, I'm also respect a lady friends desire to be exclusive and not sleep with every woman I find attractive. She says I'm being selfish by denying her if I don't have to and that "whoever the girl is obviously has you wrapped around her thumb." Yes. Because I (of all people people, am totally not capable of respecting the feelings of someone I like. Whatever. While her rant was obviously OTT, I can see how someone would be a bit irritated by you explaining the details of your not-a-relationship rather than just being like 'no, sorry, not free to just now'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IamMe90 Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 While her rant was obviously OTT, I can see how someone would be a bit irritated by you explaining the details of your not-a-relationship rather than just being like 'no, sorry, not free to just now'. Yeah, I mean I don't think there's a problem with candor, but I do think that it would be in LITA's advantage to just say "I'm taken" without getting any more into it, if he's actually not into it. Granted, that doesn't make the person in case any less of a kinda crazy girl but it just seems like it would make it easier for everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 I will have to disagree. While it may seem like it's just a white lie to say "I am in a relationship", it really isn't something that he should have to lie about. It's like women saying that they're lesbians to deter attempts to hit on them by men at a bar. I think it shows very poor character for that woman to get upset over that explanation. I think it's a sign of respect, misplaced in this case, form LFiTA to this woman to explain the truth to her because it assumes hat she has the emotional maturity to understand the dynamics. She didn't/doesn't. Oh well. Lesson learned. But one person's unreasonableness is not a good enough reason to start lying out of convenience. I am in an open relationship. I've encountered plenty of judgmental pricks who feel compelled to share their opinion about that with me I wouldn't start to lie about it because of their immature reactions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polishgenius Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 I will have to disagree. While it may seem like it's just a white lie to say "I am in a relationship", it really isn't something that he should have to lie about. It's like women saying that they're lesbians to deter attempts to hit on them by men at a bar. I think it shows very poor character for that woman to get upset over that explanation. I think it's a sign of respect, misplaced in this case, form LFiTA to this woman to explain the truth to her because it assumes hat she has the emotional maturity to understand the dynamics. She didn't/doesn't. Oh well. Lesson learned. But one person's unreasonableness is not a good enough reason to start lying out of convenience. I am in an open relationship. I've encountered plenty of judgmental pricks who feel compelled to share their opinion about that with me I wouldn't start to lie about it because of their immature reactions. Even if he's not calling it a relationship, he's, so to speak, 'taken' right now, it's not lying to say so. All the rest just seems like information I wouldn't really feel I need to know if it was me. I mean, I wouldn't kick off over it, but I'd find it quite odd. This is of course assuming that LITA didn't start off by just saying 'sorry no' and she carried on. If that's the case, yeah, my point is invalid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted August 9, 2015 Author Share Posted August 9, 2015 I wouldn't have objected to the same post without "now you have no excuse" on the end, but this is pretty OT so I'll drop it. LITA - Brook and I started off just enjoying one night together at a time and look how that ended :p be careful! Lol, it wouldn't be such a bad thing for us to have with each other what you two have. :) TP, there's already been ice cream :D And to address polishgenius and Iam, I explained to her with the level of detail I did because I think that, while I'm under no obligation to sleep with someone just like a woman isn't, the right thing to do is to make sure she doesn't get any idea from me that there something wrong with her, and that that something would be why said no. I wanted her to leave the situation with the full understanding that me not wanting to sleep with her wasn't about her (up to that point). Now, if she ever approached me again about it, I'd have to turn her down based on actions alone (she is physically attractive to me), regardless of how things go with Dental Assistant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 I lent Hot Work Dude my towel today when he went to the gym. I now find myself contemplating whether to take said (unwashed) towel to bed with me. :rofl: This has to be a new low point in my dating career. :bang: lolsob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 lol @ Min Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 That's a high point, where I'm concerned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elegia Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Alright I feel bad kind of just jumping in to this thread but I need some impartial advice not from friends or people who know me personally, would any of you mind? If It's against the rules or anything its fine Im new I'm not too sure! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elegia Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Alright so I've been with this girl for a year now, her names Sinead. We've known each other for years due to multiple factors so we've always been around each other but now we're together everything has changed. When I was around 18 I had my first son, Adam and then another the next year Gerry. Now to be honest, I did have a problem in my early days with drug use and drinking so I ended up with 6 kids by the time I hit 25. Now Sinead knew this all my life, I'm clean now 5 years and I try my best to lead my two boys while they head into adulthood. But Sinead wants her own children, but I'm afraid of bringing more kids into the world. It's starting to strain the relationship and she's getting more upset by the day that I don't want more kids. What should I do? Stay with her and try convince her or just leave? The stress of all this is making me slip up in my work, and has me considering to just pack up and move abroad to visit my other young lads. (To explain where the other kids are there with their mothers) Forgot to mention why my first sons are relevant! The boys were basically raised by her a fair bit growing up so they think of her as a motherly figure, but she wants kids of her own blood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 Go ahead and break it to her that this decision isn't worth burning bridges over, and that in order to avoid burning bridges, you should see other people. This isn't something you should push on, and you should emphasize that you're doing this because you're respecting her right to choose what she does with her life, and your own right not to be a part of that aspect. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 I don't believe in making people's choices for them in dating, so I don't think you should leave per se. I do think however that if you are never going to budge on this (and at 6 kids that seems pretty reasonable, and I say this coming from a family of 6 kids) I think you need to try get it through to her that you aren't going to change your mind and if she needs kids of her own to feel fulfilled then she will need to pursue them with someone else, and have a mutual break up that you try to keep amicable. I really think you need to give her the choice though, staying with you knowing she won't have kids or leaving you to find someone to have them with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 Karaddin's advice is sound. It's just that, in my experience, a man holding on to this stance usually ends up with the woman reluctantly giving up and choosing to stay in the relationship, only for there to be problems later due to resentment. I'd like both parties to avoid this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aceluby Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 No reason to lie, just have the tough conversation. People you respect deserve to be talked to like an adult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angalin Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 my advice let him have his cake and eat it too and how dare you insult the house of fart Enough. Elegia, if you don't want more kids, tell her so. Six kids is already plenty of people to be responsible for. Also consider that if those are the real names of people in this situation, you might want to edit your post to use initials instead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkhangel Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 But also be prepared that when you do tell her (which you certainly should) that you don't want kids with her, she may decide to end the relationship. From her perspective, you can see how tough it would be for a partner with six kids to tell her she can't have any if she stays with you. So yeah, be honest but also be aware that there may be consequences to that decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elder Sister Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 I lent Hot Work Dude my towel today when he went to the gym. I now find myself contemplating whether to take said (unwashed) towel to bed with me. :rofl: This has to be a new low point in my dating career. :bang: lolsob Min, I think I may love you. Every time you post I giggle and snort. Regarding the kid situation, I think that's one of those things that you have to be up front about. Lady Chataya's experience is pretty much what I've seen with regards to people who play with issues like this. When I married, I got an instant daughter, and she is one of the highlights of my life. I raised her, and she considers me her mom, and she's my baby. I never really wanted kids of my own, and I had her. She and her husband are expecting their first baby now and I cannot wait! Looking back on my failed marriage, I can't regret a minute of it, because I got her as a result of it. Being upfront with people is not just admirable; it's what builds relationships. If the kid thing is dealbreaker, then you move on and she moves on. If you can work it out; that's great too. My situation isn't for everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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