Dating: a thing people are forced to do that no ethics committee would allow

[Datepalm]

I hate text messages. Let's not do those anymore.

No, that's not true. I love text messages, they're efficient and fun and made of words. But the etiquette of the thing...in short, Chemistry Guy seems to prefer communicating by text, really long back-and-forths of jokes and the like (we racked up about 150 texts before ever meeting, according to my phone). Which I find...not terrible, but a little bit tedious and unproductive, or at least the obligation of replying, because if I don't reply at some point it's...something (?) when its not. Just ask me out. I'll agree. (I'll be nervous about it, but I'll agree.) Enough with the weeks (WEEKS) of texting. So I quit this week when he texted - I replied the next day. He replied the day after that. I replied the next day. Haven't heard from him since. Is he not interested or is he perceiving me as not interested? Followed by, am I actually interested? Curiouser and curiouser.

(On the other, um, incommunicative Indian student, I've unfortunately realized that it would be absurdly difficult for him to drop by me in DRC and the dates probably won't work out - that's not the unfortunate part - but a lot more slightly less difficult for me to drop by him in Malawi, and the dates could work out. That is unfortunate, because that's the kind of thing I will totally not do, (in the circumstances - I love long, weird trips with the excuse/bonus of seeing someone at the end in general) except he brought it up so maaaaybe it doesn't count? Of course it counts. I am not hitchhiking across Zambia to say hi to some guy who won't answer my texts....except I totally would hitchhike across Zambia to say hi to someone I was happy being casual internet friends with. (Thanks again all board people who have let me crash on their couches...) So maybe I should hitchhike across Zambia. You know. For me.)

 

[HexMachina]

4 hours ago, Arch-MaesterPhilip said:

I spent the money on myself.  I think it's creepy and sad to go to sporting events alone. I don't know why everyone is confused by that. 

Well...yes, you bought the ticket for yourself, but unless you asked her for the money then you had also paid for her ticket too, and it is quite a lot of money.

[Arch-MaesterPhilip]

1 hour ago, HelenaExMachina said:

Well...yes, you bought the ticket for yourself, but unless you asked her for the money then you had also paid for her ticket too, and it is quite a lot of money.

But I didn't tell anyone how much they cost.  That isn't something I would share, after the original person flaked out I asked any number of other people first. And I wouldn't have taken a dime from them either. 

[Red Tiger]

9 minutes ago, Arch-MaesterPhilip said:

But I didn't tell anyone how much they cost.  That isn't something I would share, after the original person flaked out I asked any number of other people first. And I wouldn't have taken a dime from them either. 

Sports tickets tend to be pricey, she probably already knew they were expensive. With the next woman just take her someplace cheaper, though not too cheap. I chose to ask her to dinner for 2 reasons, 1 it's a pretty common type of first-time date for adults 2. The price completely depends on what happens during the dinner itself, so it can expensive, but just as easily cheap, so there's nothing intimidating there.

[Arch-MaesterPhilip]

5 minutes ago, Red Tiger said:

Sports tickets tend to be pricey, she probably already knew they were expensive. With the next woman just take her someplace cheaper, though not too cheap. I chose to ask her to dinner for 2 reasons, 1 it's a pretty common type of first-time date for adults 2. The price completely depends on what happens during the dinner itself, so it can expensive, but just as easily cheap, so there's nothing intimidating there.

It wasn't a date though. I never implied to her that it was.  I usually do dinner or drinks. 

[Red Tiger]

1 minute ago, Arch-MaesterPhilip said:

It wasn't a date though. I never implied to her that it was.  I usually do dinner or drinks. 

What did you actually want out of this?

[Arch-MaesterPhilip]

2 minutes ago, Red Tiger said:

What did you actually want out of this?

For the ticket not to get wasted. I asked eight or nine people before I asked her. In the end they didn't get wasted so I'm happy with the outcome.  

[Starkess]

Well AMP originally got the tickets for a potential date, that didn't pan out so he found a friend to go instead, and that friend stood him up (no dating involved). And then the tickets got given away. So I'm not sure why everyone is harping on him about the date.

Got in a fight with my bf yesterday. Maybe not a fight. Maybe me just yelling at him. Sometimes I am just so sick of his shit though. He has this schtick that, to me, is basically literally acting like a child. I guess it's my fault for letting him get away with it for so long, but at some point you have to say--dude, you're an adult. Anyway the rest of the day after that was very frosty but I expect that today we will eventually go back to normal and never mention it again.

[Arch-MaesterPhilip]

38 minutes ago, Starkess said:

Well AMP originally got the tickets for a potential date, that didn't pan out so he found a friend to go instead, and that friend stood him up (no dating involved). And then the tickets got given away. So I'm not sure why everyone is harping on him about the date.

Got in a fight with my bf yesterday. Maybe not a fight. Maybe me just yelling at him. Sometimes I am just so sick of his shit though. He has this schtick that, to me, is basically literally acting like a child. I guess it's my fault for letting him get away with it for so long, but at some point you have to say--dude, you're an adult. Anyway the rest of the day after that was very frosty but I expect that today we will eventually go back to normal and never mention it again.

Thank you. 

 

What started the fight? Or was it just his general attitude?

[Theda Baratheon]

Now my sister has accused me of flirting with guys that I'm just being friendly to. For fucks sake is it really THAT bizarre being a girl who is open and friendly and comfortable around guys? Must there fucking be a romantic or sexual element clouding everything I hate it. This is just a rant not looking for any like...advice or anything. It just feels like recently I am being told by various people in a judgemental way about my behaviour which I have always felt to just be fckn friendly. I like fucking chatting about fallout and tarantino gosh is it so weird for girls to be into that stuff? NOPE. Not really im not some special snowflake or Unique Girl just an average geeky sort but it feels I cant have a normal conversation with guys anymore for fear of it seeming like im coming on to them. "Oooh shes after you mate" mentality. Pisses me off. 

[The guy from the Vale]

Theda,

there's absolutely nothing wrong with being friendly. Quite the opposite, really. Don't let them drag you down. And I'm saying that as some kind of natural grump. I wish I could be friendly all the time, it makes things so much easier for everybody involved. 

[HexMachina]

1 hour ago, Theda Baratheon said:

Now my sister has accused me of flirting with guys that I'm just being friendly to. For fucks sake is it really THAT bizarre being a girl who is open and friendly and comfortable around guys? Must there fucking be a romantic or sexual element clouding everything I hate it. This is just a rant not looking for any like...advice or anything. It just feels like recently I am being told by various people in a judgemental way about my behaviour which I have always felt to just be fckn friendly. I like fucking chatting about fallout and tarantino gosh is it so weird for girls to be into that stuff? NOPE. Not really im not some special snowflake or Unique Girl just an average geeky sort but it feels I cant have a normal conversation with guys anymore for fear of it seeming like im coming on to them. "Oooh shes after you mate" mentality. Pisses me off. 

Quite honestly I would rather be friendly and be accused of being flirty than being antisocial/distant and accused of being aloof/snotty. You can just never win with some people, just be yourself and fuck them.

Starkess, I only mentioned the tickets in response to others comments, and I think they in turn were spawned from someone mentioning a hockey game might be a bit too pressuring for a first date. I think it was a fairly useful discussion though, shows people have certain worries over a first date. That was all, wasn't trying to have a go at AMP.

And I hope you and your BF sort it out. Flatmate is currently having her own man troubles, which lead to tears, tantrums and the consumption of a tub of Ben & Jerrys last night. Made me realise I really suck at the whole romance advice thing...

[Theda Baratheon]

 i'm still awkward a little weird and quite a lot goofy but I am just naturally friendly and it bums me out people have to make things weird or judge me for freakin smiling and having conversations with people. I never get accused of flirting with girls only the guys /grump grump

[Arkhangel]

True I don't know your sister, but is it possible that you're over-thinking this? That sounds to me like a bit of normal good-natured sisterly ribbing, not like she's accusing you of being a sex pest. I wonder if she realised how seriously you'd interpret it?

[Theda Baratheon]

Well that comment alone would have been fine and I could have laughed it off but I'm still feeling a bit uncomfortable with the comments one of my male friends made in work about how I'm always flirting with all the guys in work...I dunno…I know I'm probably over thinking it and I wasn't looking for any advice or anything I just needed to sort of vent. It's been making me uncomfortable. I guess it doesn't help that I just don't meet people that I actually WANT to flirt with and even if I did I then can't flirt whatsoever and end up being weird and sometimes even cold. 

[polishgenius]

You wouldn't be the first person who's flirtier with people you're not really interested in than you are with people you actually are. If you're actually flirting which I can't really say seeing as I've never met you.


I had that for a while. Friends and family would rib me (especially since I wasn't known for being especially good with girls ever so it came as a bit of a shock to them) and I'd be like 'me? Flirting? Huh?'. But then I realised well yeah, that is I was doing but, well... really nothing wrong with a bit of casual flirting with nothing more behind it. The majority of people the majority of the time aren't going to read much more into it than exactly that - being friendly.

It's that next bit that I'm truly dreadful at and fall apart into an awkward mess. Ah well.

Also, for a bit of a laugh, have a read of Wikipedia's entry on flirting, almost certainly written by someone who's never flirted in their life.

[Melphis Amekia]

The reason why it seems like you're flirting is because there is a very fine line between being friendly and being flirty, and it can easily seem to people that you crossed it while you never meant to. Also, you shouldn't be bothered even if it so happened that it was actually casual flirting, that isn't a bad thing at all.

[Theda Baratheon]

Yeah sorry to go on about it here...it just made me very uncomfortable. I have a lot of personal issues tied with my feelings on my appearance which are very negative lmao so I feel like flirting is a bit of a monstrously scary thing and that I am accidentally repulsing people so there is all this embarrassment and shame in the mix as well lol. I need to sort myself really. Can't go on with all this self deprecation all the time..most unbecoming...

 

2 hours ago, polishgenius said:

 

Also, for a bit of a laugh, have a read of Wikipedia's entry on flirting, almost certainly written by someone who's never flirted in their life.

Hahahaah that's funny. The behaviour just seems to include like ..everything. Ha. What if some people are just naturally a little bit awkward so touch their hair a lot or whatever. 

[lessthanluke]

I'm fairly sure I flirt with just about everyone.... Don't see it as a bad thing Sian!

[karaddin]

1 hour ago, lessthanluke said:

I'm fairly sure I flirt with just about everyone.... Don't see it as a bad thing Sian!

I'm fairly sure you do too!

Hmm, my take on this conversation is that if we've met Theda and didn't think she was flirting with us, then she actually wanted to?

I've got a drinks date this afternoon immediately after work, I'll be freaking out big time in a few hours but I had to get up early and I'm too tired ATM!